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Boredom is No Excuse To Seek Divorce
Boredom is NO EXCUSE for Divorce
By Frank Kermit
Couples coaching can be some of the most intense sessions possible.
Partly because it is about trying to understand two different points of view, but also partly due to each partner reacting to triggers from what the other partner is trying to communicate.
It can be very draining for all parties involved.
Emotions are high.
An established couple has the pressure of maintaining the relationship and trying to get to the next level, without losing what they were initially drawn too by the coupling.
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The fear of unsolvable issues tearing apart what they have can bring couples to a breaking point.
Although it can be an unpleasant experience, it often is a necessary component if couples are to survive into a future together.
Sometimes, it takes a trusted trained, outside objective perspective, to bring clarity to a private situation.
In my coaching practice, I get to see the multiple sides of humanity.
I see the undying love of the human heart, the devotion to honor commitment, and the desire of parents who make it a goal to be better parents to their own children, than their own parents were to them.
I also experience stories of the violence that exists in relationships, the malicious manipulations of former lovers, how drugs destroy trust, and how resentment of unresolved issues of the past poison the passion of pair bonded couples.
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Honestly, I consider my profession to be a rare gift.
I see the best and worst that is out there.
It reminds me to be grateful for everything I have ever earned and worked for, including my own relationships.
This is why one of the concepts I practice is to make sure that a couple has legitimate reasons for filing for divorce.
Sometimes, individuals create fantasies in their imaginations about how wonderful life will be like if they get divorced.
- They focus on all the fun they feel they are missing out on.
- They focus on their anger in the moment.
- They focus on the past apologies they never got from their partners earlier in the marriage. (Ironically, apologies they never actually asked for directly it often turns out).
- They ignore the realities of what a divorce will actually bring to their lives.
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The absolute WORST reason I have ever encounter from individuals seeking a divorce is that they are BORED.
Let me fill you in on a little secret.
Boredom simply is not a good enough excuse to end an otherwise functioning serious relationship.
Think of boredom as a symptom of a larger problem.
Chances are very high that your boredom has little to do with the partner you are with. In fact, your boredom could even be a sign of your own depression.
I always advise anyone contemplating divorce due to boredom to be assessed for depression.
Some of the best ways to combat your own boredom is to develop habits of being proactive and resilience to apathy.
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Anyone who divorces because they want more fun in life, will likely have that fun once separated but it will last only a short time.
Fun is not the same thing as fulfillment.
Once the fun is over, you still have to get back to your regular life.
Divorce does not solve the problems most people think it does, when boredom was your biggest motivation.
In those cases, divorce simply trades in one set of problems for a new set of problems.
With all due respect to the people out there that are bored out of their minds, a little boredom might be the best thing that could happen to you.
In the pillars of boredom that are part of the foundation of your current serious relationship are often the elements of:
With all due respect to the people out there that are bored out of their minds, a little boredom might be the best thing that could happen to you.
In the pillars of boredom that are part of the foundation of your current serious relationship are often the elements of:
- stability,
- reliability,
- predictability, and
- invulnerability to even the greatest temptation.
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What one person interprets as BORING may actually be a collection of ABILITIES that produce successful serious long-term relationships.
If you are aiming for a divorce, make sure you are doing it for the right reasons.
Boredom, without any other contributing factor, is not one of them.
It can be very easy to take for granted all the things that we actually value about our current relationships for the pillar reasons
mentioned above.
Do not make the mistake of having to lose what you have, and needing the experience of being without them to make you appreciate whom you got right now.
Frank Kermit
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