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Oh the Guilt! - Sex and the City by Pillow Talk Girl
Oh The Guilt...Sex and the City Season 6
Written by: Pillow Talk Gal
It’s one of the most challenging things any mother (single or not) has to learn to cope with:
How to balance motherhood/family life and a career.
For nine months we go through pregnancy, coping with our ever changing bodies, preparing for the day when baby will arrive. We setup the room; making sure we have every detail taken care of (baby clothes, toys, strollers, car seats, etc...).
Before you know it the day has arrived and you are happier than you ever thought possible. You bring your new bundle of joy home and you learn what being a mom entails (little to no sleep, what seems like endless diaper changes and cleaning clothes, bottles and other baby related paraphernalia).
Eventually you get the hang of the whole baby thing (schedule and otherwise) and you’ve hit your stride. You have it all together. You feel like you have this baby thing under control and you are the super hero of moms (at the very least a side kick).
Then the day you’ve been dreading more than the labour pains, hits.
You have to go back to your job.
Suddenly, you have to trade in your mom card and go back to being ‘’professional’’ you.
You hand in your diaper genie and get an upgrade to a briefcase.
It feels weird, unnatural and somehow all wrong!
In season 6 of Sex and the City (episode 6- Hop, Skip and a Jump) Miranda is facing just such a challenge. She has been back to work for a little while now and has acquired help from her trusted house keeper, Magda, to look after her infant son Brady.
One morning, Miranda is running late for work when Magda arrives at the apartment to start her day.
As all working mothers must do, Miranda relinquishes care of Brady to the help and sets off on her day to work.
As she is leaving, Brady begins to howl at seeing his mama leave his sight. Although she knows she loves her job, Miranda is riddled with guilt at leaving her baby boy.
None the less, she sets of on her long day of work.
Later that day, Miranda is summoned to a meeting (for which she believes involves a case she has been working tirelessly on for her law firm). She arrives in a bit of a rush and immediately begins to give the partners of the firm her assessment of how her case is going.
They quickly interrupt her, informing her that the meeting is with regards to her work performance and not her cases.
They mention that they have noticed her missing time, being late for meetings and leaving early on certain occasions. Miranda, being the ultimate professional she is, makes no excuses for herself and states that those issues will no longer be a problem. She also takes the time to mention (you know, casually in passing) that as a lawyer, her performance has been unflawed but as a mother she felt like a failure.
She gracefully leaves the room, and takes the time to remind the partners that when her mother passed, she happened to be at work the following Monday (only having missed 1 day).
That evening, Miranda rushes home in the hopes of being able to spend some quality time with Brady. As she arrives home, she proclaims ‘’I’m here, I’m here!’’ to Magda, but to her disappointment Miranda discovers that Brady has been in bed for the past hour.
She is so disappointed not only to find out that she missed spending time with her son, but also at herself.
She feels like a failure as a parent!
Why is it so difficult being a working mother?
It’s such a struggle to be successful at both. The more time we spend being good at one, the more time we end up feeling like a failure at the other.
Is there a happy medium?
The business world places so much emphasis on being successful at our careers and there is so much pressure to perform.
On the other hand, choosing to spend time and invest in our children is seen as slacking off.
When a working mom needs to leave work because their child is sick, it is often met with scorn and disapproval (from colleagues and superiors a like).
If there happens to be an occasion where a mother needs a day off to attend an event for their child, they are often either denied this opportunity, or are forced to lie about the reasons they need the day off (for example ‘’my car broke down’’, ‘’I was robbed’’, you get the idea).
The business world invests millions of dollars everyday into a multitude of business ventures, so how is it they don’t put the same value on investing into children, who essentially are our future leaders.
Why does society shun stay at home moms instead of praising them for raising well rounded kids?
It would be nice to have an equal balance of both worlds (family and career) so that working women could avoid the feeling of failure all together and just feel fulfilled, all the while enjoying success both in and outside of the family unit.
Written by: Pillow Talk Gal
It’s one of the most challenging things any mother (single or not) has to learn to cope with:
How to balance motherhood/family life and a career.
For nine months we go through pregnancy, coping with our ever changing bodies, preparing for the day when baby will arrive. We setup the room; making sure we have every detail taken care of (baby clothes, toys, strollers, car seats, etc...).
Before you know it the day has arrived and you are happier than you ever thought possible. You bring your new bundle of joy home and you learn what being a mom entails (little to no sleep, what seems like endless diaper changes and cleaning clothes, bottles and other baby related paraphernalia).
Eventually you get the hang of the whole baby thing (schedule and otherwise) and you’ve hit your stride. You have it all together. You feel like you have this baby thing under control and you are the super hero of moms (at the very least a side kick).
Then the day you’ve been dreading more than the labour pains, hits.
You have to go back to your job.
Suddenly, you have to trade in your mom card and go back to being ‘’professional’’ you.
You hand in your diaper genie and get an upgrade to a briefcase.
It feels weird, unnatural and somehow all wrong!
In season 6 of Sex and the City (episode 6- Hop, Skip and a Jump) Miranda is facing just such a challenge. She has been back to work for a little while now and has acquired help from her trusted house keeper, Magda, to look after her infant son Brady.
One morning, Miranda is running late for work when Magda arrives at the apartment to start her day.
As all working mothers must do, Miranda relinquishes care of Brady to the help and sets off on her day to work.
As she is leaving, Brady begins to howl at seeing his mama leave his sight. Although she knows she loves her job, Miranda is riddled with guilt at leaving her baby boy.
None the less, she sets of on her long day of work.
Later that day, Miranda is summoned to a meeting (for which she believes involves a case she has been working tirelessly on for her law firm). She arrives in a bit of a rush and immediately begins to give the partners of the firm her assessment of how her case is going.
They quickly interrupt her, informing her that the meeting is with regards to her work performance and not her cases.
They mention that they have noticed her missing time, being late for meetings and leaving early on certain occasions. Miranda, being the ultimate professional she is, makes no excuses for herself and states that those issues will no longer be a problem. She also takes the time to mention (you know, casually in passing) that as a lawyer, her performance has been unflawed but as a mother she felt like a failure.
She gracefully leaves the room, and takes the time to remind the partners that when her mother passed, she happened to be at work the following Monday (only having missed 1 day).
That evening, Miranda rushes home in the hopes of being able to spend some quality time with Brady. As she arrives home, she proclaims ‘’I’m here, I’m here!’’ to Magda, but to her disappointment Miranda discovers that Brady has been in bed for the past hour.
She is so disappointed not only to find out that she missed spending time with her son, but also at herself.
She feels like a failure as a parent!
Why is it so difficult being a working mother?
It’s such a struggle to be successful at both. The more time we spend being good at one, the more time we end up feeling like a failure at the other.
Is there a happy medium?
The business world places so much emphasis on being successful at our careers and there is so much pressure to perform.
On the other hand, choosing to spend time and invest in our children is seen as slacking off.
When a working mom needs to leave work because their child is sick, it is often met with scorn and disapproval (from colleagues and superiors a like).
If there happens to be an occasion where a mother needs a day off to attend an event for their child, they are often either denied this opportunity, or are forced to lie about the reasons they need the day off (for example ‘’my car broke down’’, ‘’I was robbed’’, you get the idea).
The business world invests millions of dollars everyday into a multitude of business ventures, so how is it they don’t put the same value on investing into children, who essentially are our future leaders.
Why does society shun stay at home moms instead of praising them for raising well rounded kids?
It would be nice to have an equal balance of both worlds (family and career) so that working women could avoid the feeling of failure all together and just feel fulfilled, all the while enjoying success both in and outside of the family unit.
About Pillow Talk Gal
Born and raised in British Columbia, she is a professional woman managing a career, marriage, and a teenager. Life can be challenging at times but she's a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason, and more often than not, she tries to understand those reasons.
"Join me in my journey throughout life’s issues and I guarantee you’ll be left pondering an issue or two." - Pillow Talk Gal
To read Pillow Talk Gal's last post, click HERE
Born and raised in British Columbia, she is a professional woman managing a career, marriage, and a teenager. Life can be challenging at times but she's a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason, and more often than not, she tries to understand those reasons.
"Join me in my journey throughout life’s issues and I guarantee you’ll be left pondering an issue or two." - Pillow Talk Gal
To read Pillow Talk Gal's last post, click HERE
*Disclaimer: Sex and the City was produced by HBO and all rights, titles and interests in any images or clips, used herein under Fair Use and Fair Copying, remain the property of the author.
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Sign Up For Frank Coaching Now
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Read one mans true unpaid testimonial of how 10 hours of coaching with Frank Kermit, combined with a few product purchases changed his life for the better.
To summarize my experience in working with Frank on his ten hours coaching program; Most pickup coaches give you a game-plan for the night; Frank is not a pickup coach, so he gives you a game plan for life.
A big thanks to Frank for the work that we did - I found the program to be an absolutely fantastic investment of time, money and effort. It'll be with me for life. Looking back it also made me think of all of the work Frank must have put in over many years to acquire this much understanding and course material. It's incredible. I'll certainly be emailing Frank in the future to let him know how things are going, and whether or not I need to do any more coaching.
I’ve studied pick up and relationship material for a few years and applied it, but very quickly I reached a plateau. Sure I learned how to pick up girls better than before but that brings in as many problems as it solves.
How do you manage women? How do you break up with women? How do you keep them as friends with benefits? How do you turn them into your girlfriend?
Frank has better answers than any coach I’ve seen.
I was particularly interested to hear his perspectives on non-monogamous relationships and their management, as I’ve always believed there was another way for me than the traditional roles of being either ‘single’ and commitment free, or in a totally monogamous relationship. Even pick-up teachers with very solid material don’t seem to go into non-monogamous relationship advice – typically they advocate being single and having experiences forever – but this gets lonely.
Frank’s material is on a much higher level altogether than anything else I’ve seen out there
– And honestly I’ve read enormous amounts of other people’s material.
That's not to say that there isn't other good stuff out there but Frank has a profound, detailed knowledge of dating and relationships. He goes into areas often neglected by others such as the best locations for dates and the best locations to actually meet single women who are looking to meet guys.
These sound like obvious points, but they once you have the skills, these are the kind of questions that need addressing.
More importantly though is Frank’s ‘Hierarchy of Relationships’ and ‘Emotional Needs Analysis of Men and Women. ’ They are immediately usable tools to manage, screen and maintain your relationships in a way that is healthy for both men and women.
The coaching and product purchases were a reasonable investment for me, but those modules alone were worth the cost! I’ve quite literally never encountered anything that gives you the perspective of these two tools. The ‘Hierarchy of Relationships’ in particular gives you the framework to manage all relationships.
Frank’s material is on a much higher level altogether than anything else I’ve seen out there
– And honestly I’ve read enormous amounts of other people’s material.
That's not to say that there isn't other good stuff out there but Frank has a profound, detailed knowledge of dating and relationships. He goes into areas often neglected by others such as the best locations for dates and the best locations to actually meet single women who are looking to meet guys.
These sound like obvious points, but they once you have the skills, these are the kind of questions that need addressing.
More importantly though is Frank’s ‘Hierarchy of Relationships’ and ‘Emotional Needs Analysis of Men and Women. ’ They are immediately usable tools to manage, screen and maintain your relationships in a way that is healthy for both men and women.
The coaching and product purchases were a reasonable investment for me, but those modules alone were worth the cost! I’ve quite literally never encountered anything that gives you the perspective of these two tools. The ‘Hierarchy of Relationships’ in particular gives you the framework to manage all relationships.
Review of Frank Coaching for Life, Love, Dating and Relationships
If I’d had this preparation ten years ago I would have had so many better relationships, and I most certainly would have caused far less emotional upset through mismanaging relationships.
When I began to learn the depths of Frank’s material, I began to realize that most upsets and real traumas in relationships and breakups are cause by ignorance of Emotional Needs, and/or poor management of relationships. Nobody wants things to get messed up – it’s just that society leaves us largely ignorant in these matters. That’s why Frank’s work is so amazing and so valuable.
When I began to learn the depths of Frank’s material, I began to realize that most upsets and real traumas in relationships and breakups are cause by ignorance of Emotional Needs, and/or poor management of relationships. Nobody wants things to get messed up – it’s just that society leaves us largely ignorant in these matters. That’s why Frank’s work is so amazing and so valuable.
I worked hard and really committed to the assignments. I’m glad I did, as it really allowed me to make the most of the sessions and I got a huge amount out of them. Frank doesn’t mince his words in the sessions – he gives you direct and often challenging perspectives. I can’t count the number of times I came away from the sessions feeling like I just understood something about relationships, women, or myself in a new, deeper light.
Frank’s not a flashy teacher with a luxury office space. He coaches by telephone or Skype. He doesn’t seem to have any outward features that would make this stuff come easily to him. In fact if anything, outwardly you’d probably never guess at the depth of wisdom and experience he has in dating, and all types of relationships, including non-monogamous ones.
The program exercises were unorthodox to say the least but they make sense if you do them properly. Frank’s depth of knowledge is staggering, even to someone who has read a lot before discovering Frank’s material.
Frank’s original theories are innovative and incredibly helpful –they are a true masterpiece of insight for relationships. I really hope this knowledge spreads to as much of the world as possible as people can only benefit from it.
Frank’s not a flashy teacher with a luxury office space. He coaches by telephone or Skype. He doesn’t seem to have any outward features that would make this stuff come easily to him. In fact if anything, outwardly you’d probably never guess at the depth of wisdom and experience he has in dating, and all types of relationships, including non-monogamous ones.
The program exercises were unorthodox to say the least but they make sense if you do them properly. Frank’s depth of knowledge is staggering, even to someone who has read a lot before discovering Frank’s material.
Frank’s original theories are innovative and incredibly helpful –they are a true masterpiece of insight for relationships. I really hope this knowledge spreads to as much of the world as possible as people can only benefit from it.
After 10 hours of coaching, I now have a ton of material to go over. Before I began coaching with Frank I was going around in circles despite putting effort in. Now the course is set! I have my compass, and map in hand, and all I have to do is to keep going forward on my journey.
I have no hesitation in recommending Frank to anyone who is looking to get greater fulfillment in relationships. In fact, I would say that if you are not working with Frank or reading his material, you're missing out.
Even guys who already know how to meet women could really learn a ton from him - in fact I think that for more advanced guys - Frank is the only coach out there who can actually help you to progress further in whatever direction you want to go in.
-Joseph, United Kingdom
Even guys who already know how to meet women could really learn a ton from him - in fact I think that for more advanced guys - Frank is the only coach out there who can actually help you to progress further in whatever direction you want to go in.
-Joseph, United Kingdom
The Benefits of Coaching with Frank Kermit
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Sign Up For Pre Marriage Coaching to Divorce Proof Your Relationship
The Wedding Toast Speech
By Frank Kermit
Remember this day, your wedding day.
Not for the parties,
not for the extravagance,
nor the dinner and dancing,
but remember this day, your wedding day
because of the reasons you chose to marry your spouse.
Remember who is it that you picked to marry on this day,
and why you picked this person
over all other choices available.
Remember the reasons why you chose to get married
and how it fits in with your plans,
life goals
and why you decided
that the person that you wanted
as your spouse
was a reflection of everything you felt
is important to you enough
that you wanted to make him or her
part of your family.
Remember this day, your wedding day
That the ritual of the wedding
is more than just a celebration
of your new union.
It is to mark the change in your lives
as individual "I"'s
to a unified sign of a "we".
As a "we",
you call on all those people closest to you both
to witness and be a part of your togetherness,
in the hopes
that not only will they be celebrating your endeavor;
they will also be employed
in the ongoing support
of your new and future family.
Remember this day, their Wedding Day
To you: the wedding guests,
please know and remember
that your role in being present,
is more than the gifts you offer,
your toasting their happiness,
and your boost to start the new couple
in their new life together.
Your role as participants
in a wedding audience
is that you have also accepted a role
in the ongoing support
of the new couple
to help keep this new family together
through the hardships and triumphs
that life can
and will force upon us.
For better or for worse,
isn't just a saying.
It is a reminder.
Life gets very real
when you have someone else
to care for and think about.
If and when you are blessed with children,
the realness
of every decision you both make
is even more intense;
Remember this day, your wedding day,
as you both pledge
to do your best
to suffer them together,
and support each other,
even when either of you
happen be at your worst.
Remember this day, your wedding day
Because you BOTH
Will Make Mistakes
There will be times
you both will make mistakes,
when you both will etch
an emotional scar,
when you will have to deal
with financial worries,
mental health concerns,
new limits on your physical abilities,
accidents,
the challenges of well meaning people who love you,
who interfere more than help you,
having to move and change with the times,
and in the death
and passing of people close to you.
Remember This Day, Your Wedding Day,
As you both pass
into the next stage of your lifespan,
up to and even past the point
of being present for
the possible weddings of your own children
and grand children.
Remember this day, your wedding day,
Remember every reason you had
to make the commitment
to start this journey together,
knowing that life together
would NOT be easy
but that you still wanted
to go through with it.
Remember this day, your wedding day
because it was the event
you chose to create.
Remember the love
that brought you together,
the willingness to stand together,
and the drive behind
making your intent
to build a future together a public decree.
When either of you
are overwhelmed by life,
and it is likely to happen
more often than not
over the course of your lives together,
remember this day, your wedding day
to remind you
why you chose to make it happen.
Remember this day, your wedding day,
to help you build
and create a better future for the two of you,
through each and every new day
you decide to stay together
and honor the promise
as best you can
everyday.
So, Remember this day, your wedding day,
when some days are better,
when some days are worse,
and take it one day at a time.
-Frank Kermit
Sign Up for Frank Coaching NOW and Divorce Proof Your Marriage
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Learn how to pick a wedding theme in this contributed post.
There are blue skies above, which means that wedding season is about to hit the ground running. If you’re planning a wedding in the coming months, you may be thinking about whether to have a themed celebration or not. Wedding themes appeal to some couples, but you don’t have to have a theme for your big day. If you do like the idea, here are some tips to help you choose the perfect theme for your wedding.
Seasonal themes
The seasons play an important role when it comes to choosing a theme, and many couples take inspiration from the weather, the surroundings, and the time of year. If you’re getting married in the holidays, for example, winter wonderland and Christmas themes are always a big hit. If it’s summer, and you’re having a beach wedding, something more tropical and exotic may appeal. If it’s fall, you may choose to use the colors of the leaves for your table decorations, or you may go for golds, rich reds or burgundy shades for your bridesmaid dresses, for example.
Seasonal themes
The seasons play an important role when it comes to choosing a theme, and many couples take inspiration from the weather, the surroundings, and the time of year. If you’re getting married in the holidays, for example, winter wonderland and Christmas themes are always a big hit. If it’s summer, and you’re having a beach wedding, something more tropical and exotic may appeal. If it’s fall, you may choose to use the colors of the leaves for your table decorations, or you may go for golds, rich reds or burgundy shades for your bridesmaid dresses, for example.
wedding planner https://tinyurl.com/lwpxdxk
Heritage and culture
Many people like to celebrate their heritage when it comes to planning a wedding. This could be reflected in the addition of dragons to the table centerpieces or choosing the color red for an invitation for a Chinese wedding or in the outfits you choose to wear for a Scottish celebration. If you’re marrying somebody from a different culture, using your heritage is a theme is a great way to bring everyone together and create a day that involves both sides of the family.
On-trend themes
If you’re getting married soon, you’re probably aware of what’s hot and what’s not in the world of wedding themes. Like fashion catwalks, trends change every year, and there is always a collection of ideas, which seems to reflect what everyone wants. A couple of years ago, vintage fayres and shabby chic were all the rage, and this year, al fresco gatherings are stealing the show. Informal ceremonies are becoming increasingly popular, and more and more people are shunning the traditional wedding breakfast in favor of more sociable and less formal options like barbecues, buffets, and grazing platters.
Many people like to celebrate their heritage when it comes to planning a wedding. This could be reflected in the addition of dragons to the table centerpieces or choosing the color red for an invitation for a Chinese wedding or in the outfits you choose to wear for a Scottish celebration. If you’re marrying somebody from a different culture, using your heritage is a theme is a great way to bring everyone together and create a day that involves both sides of the family.
On-trend themes
If you’re getting married soon, you’re probably aware of what’s hot and what’s not in the world of wedding themes. Like fashion catwalks, trends change every year, and there is always a collection of ideas, which seems to reflect what everyone wants. A couple of years ago, vintage fayres and shabby chic were all the rage, and this year, al fresco gatherings are stealing the show. Informal ceremonies are becoming increasingly popular, and more and more people are shunning the traditional wedding breakfast in favor of more sociable and less formal options like barbecues, buffets, and grazing platters.
romantic wedding vows https://tinyurl.com/mstbbwa
Passions
It’s common for couples to use their passions and interests as a source of inspiration when it comes to planning a wedding. Perhaps you’ve traveled the world together, and your table names are named after your favorite places. Maybe you love jazz, and you’ve gone for a retro Hollywood theme with live music. Or maybe you’re massive fans of Star Wars, Harry Potter or Game of Thrones and you’ve asked everyone to dress up for your big day. If you do have a shared passion, this is an excellent way of personalizing your ceremony and making it memorable.
If you’re in the middle of planning a wedding and you’re considering potential themes, think about what interests you, and what kind of event you want to create. Celebrate what makes you special, be creative, and plan a day that’s unique and personal.
It’s common for couples to use their passions and interests as a source of inspiration when it comes to planning a wedding. Perhaps you’ve traveled the world together, and your table names are named after your favorite places. Maybe you love jazz, and you’ve gone for a retro Hollywood theme with live music. Or maybe you’re massive fans of Star Wars, Harry Potter or Game of Thrones and you’ve asked everyone to dress up for your big day. If you do have a shared passion, this is an excellent way of personalizing your ceremony and making it memorable.
If you’re in the middle of planning a wedding and you’re considering potential themes, think about what interests you, and what kind of event you want to create. Celebrate what makes you special, be creative, and plan a day that’s unique and personal.
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A Frank Guide To Speed Dating
Frank Guide to Speed Dating
By Frank Kermit
Every way to meet someone new is a good way.
Though friends, through the Internet, blind dates, approaching someone you want to meet, at a workshop, matchmaking services, business conventions...if you want to meet new people, there is no bad way to do it.
One of my personal favorite ways is Speed Dating.
Speed Dating is when they take a group of people, try to evenly have the same number of men and women, and while the women sit in the same seat all night, every 5-7 minutes a new man sits down and they have a quick date.
Fritz-Gerald of Elite Speed Dating wrote the introduction of this book
The idea is to meet as many people as you can in one evening, and based on an up to 7 minute interaction decide if you want to date the person you just got to know. You submit your survey of whom you would and would not like to date to the organizers and they attempt to match up the people that have both indicated a positive response to seeing each other again.
Only those people matched up get a call or an email with the other person's contact information that matched up with them as saying they would like to date.
Then it is up to the individuals to take action to actually set up a real date.
Only those people matched up get a call or an email with the other person's contact information that matched up with them as saying they would like to date.
Then it is up to the individuals to take action to actually set up a real date.
I love Speed Dating, and even met one of the best girlfriends of my life through a speed-dating event.
Here are some tips if you are eager to try it out for yourself.
1. Speed Dating events usually have some form of entertainment at the beginning of the night.
Often it will be a guest speaker related to the field of dating, or a stand up comedian.
Often it will be a guest speaker related to the field of dating, or a stand up comedian.
One thing to be prepare for is that sometimes the entertainment can be very un-calibrated and make their entire shtick about how horrible relationships are, or joke about worst dating experiences.
If you are going to organize a Speed Dating event yourself, make sure to get someone that can be entertaining, inspiring and someone who loves dating and relationships and who will encourage all the participants to have fun. If you are attending a speed dating event, keep in mind that the entertainment simply may not be up to par, and do not let it affect your mood that night.
(One of the worst speed dating events I ever went too was my very first one. Hosting the evening was a single author of relationship books, and all she did was remind everyone about their own personal relationship horror stories by being negative about her past dating life the entire routine. All that did was put many of the participants in an uneasy spirit. That speed dating company no longer exists by the way.)
2.Everyone starts with a "Yes". Speed Dating is not a time to be too picky.
You are all there for the same reason: to meet someone new. Do not be so quick to disqualify someone for superficial reasons.
You are all there for the same reason: to meet someone new. Do not be so quick to disqualify someone for superficial reasons.
Go in with the mindset that everyone you meet is date-able, and that you will only mark someone as a -No thank you- if they do something that is a blatant sign you would not want to date them.
I have often seen the same people attend multiple Speed Dating events, and decide on the third or fourth meeting to say Yes to dating and end up enjoying their time together.
If they had been more open-minded they could have dated right after the first meeting at the first speed-dating event.
3.Beware of plants.
When a Speed Dating company holds an event and ends up being short in the number of a particular gender, they will call in plants.
When a Speed Dating company holds an event and ends up being short in the number of a particular gender, they will call in plants.
Plants are people that are not actually interested in meeting anyone new; the plants are just there to fill up a seat and even out the numbers.
They could be already involved in a serious relationship (usually with someone organizing the Speed Dating event) or a friend of a friend that was called in on a favor, to help out the organizers to fill seats.
Since these people having nothing invested in the evening (including not having paid to participate), they have less pressure and end up having more fun in the speed date conversations.
This has led many actual participants interested in dating the plants, and mistakenly holding out from saying, Yes to other participants who were actually emotionally available.
This is why you say Yes to as many people as possible, so that you do not get sidetracked by an attractive plant that never had any interest in being a potential partner for you.
4. Keep your questions about compatible values, not statistical information.
What a person does for work, how many siblings a person has, and what their favorite color might be nice small talk,
What a person does for work, how many siblings a person has, and what their favorite color might be nice small talk,
but it does not tell you how this person is going to treat you in a relationships nor does it reveal if you would be able to get along long term.
I often suggest questions that explore a person's soul such as: What would you do if you won one million dollars? The answer to a question like this will reveal what a person's priorities, values, and interests are, and you will be able to better judge whether or not this is a person you can potentially find love with.
I often suggest questions that explore a person's soul such as: What would you do if you won one million dollars? The answer to a question like this will reveal what a person's priorities, values, and interests are, and you will be able to better judge whether or not this is a person you can potentially find love with.
5. Make sure to contact each one right away and have a quick coffee date with each person as soon as possible.
There is no point in waiting. You both know you are both interested to date one another.
There is no point in waiting. You both know you are both interested to date one another.
This is no time for head games.
Part of the reason it is important to reach out and connect with someone, is that some people immediate start to seriously date the first person they meet up with from a Speed Dating event regardless of how many matches they get, and when a second match contacts them, the second match gets turned away for no other reason than they were too slow to act.
Always be the first.
If you ever happen to attend a Speed Dating event that I am hosting, please do say hello.
-Frank Kermit
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5 Tips To Make Your Home More Seductive - Pimp Your Pad
Your Home is Your Seduction
By Frank Kermit
Your date is coming over to your place! You have seen each other a couple of times already, but this is different. This is YOUR PLACE, not some coffee shop or movie theatre or restaurant. This is home field advantage.
And why not?
After all, there is no cover charge, you do not have to share a public washroom with strangers, you can put your feet up, a meal is way cheaper, and you can even prepare the meal together as part of the fun!
What could possibly go wrong?
Well, depending on how you live at home...plenty could go wrong, and even though you might be able to keep your date intrigued enough, your place could be a turn off in ways you might not know.
First Dates, Places Where To Go
Generally speaking, your place is one of the best locations to have a date.
It meets all of the Frank 5-Star Criteria that I discuss in my audio program 101 Great First Dates: Where To Go, when you are trying to decide if a location is suitable for a date, including the ever-challenging Sex-Ability Factor (the ability in a location to provide for a sexual act to happen at).
As long as you feel safe with someone coming over, your place is likely one of the best places (if not THE BEST place) for you to host a date.
It meets all of the Frank 5-Star Criteria that I discuss in my audio program 101 Great First Dates: Where To Go, when you are trying to decide if a location is suitable for a date, including the ever-challenging Sex-Ability Factor (the ability in a location to provide for a sexual act to happen at).
As long as you feel safe with someone coming over, your place is likely one of the best places (if not THE BEST place) for you to host a date.
However, there are pitfalls. If your home is not a warm and receptive environment that makes visitors feel invited to overstay their welcome,
you could inadvertently be pushing away your hearts desire.
If your home is un-kept, smelly or a trigger for guests with allergies, that great new person in your life might have reason not to see you again.
For example, having pets and being an animal lover is no excuse for an overflowing litter box, or inappropriate cage crust dangling off the unchanged newspaper lining.
The Story of a Personal Journey
On occasion, I make coaching house calls for people that seek out to create an alluring seductive homestead to help them attract sexual partners and/or relationship candidates. Some people may require an objective eye to help them spot those idiosyncrasies that the proprietor may be oblivious too.
The single 20+ woman who can not understand why her lover would not want to spend the night with her after sex, may have to re-consider replacing that single twin bed with something bigger like a queen-size mattress so both of you can get a decent night's sleep.
The Rules of Sex for Guys that Barely Know How
That single 30+ male gamer might have to re-think how unsexy his Star-Wars bed-sheets are to a woman that may already have young children and does not want her mommy instincts triggered. If does not matter that the single twin bed is uber comfortable, or that the bed-sheets are an expensive vintage commodity. If those things are killing your chances to get you the love life you want, put them in storage.
New parents must adapt their home environment to suit the new addition to the family, and make their spaces child-friendly, complete with electrical outlet covers, foam paddled floors, and exchanging the glass coffee table top for something toddler resistant and less jagged.
If you have a new addition in your life (such as a new goal of finding someone to share that life in some capacity) you also have to adapt your living space to reflect what is important to you.
The Ethics of Seduction To Keep You From Crossing the Line
Here are some general guidelines
Sex Furniture To Say It For You
1-Your sexuality must be displayed.
This is usually best done through your choice of artwork. If you are single and living alone, let your artwork reveal what you like. Nude sculptors, sexually themed ornaments, even provocative paintings displaying your sense of playfulness will communicate what secrets someone can share with you, and what you are open to experiencing. If you feel too stifled to share yourself in your own safe space, those that visit you in that space may feel too stifled to share themselves with you as well.
This is usually best done through your choice of artwork. If you are single and living alone, let your artwork reveal what you like. Nude sculptors, sexually themed ornaments, even provocative paintings displaying your sense of playfulness will communicate what secrets someone can share with you, and what you are open to experiencing. If you feel too stifled to share yourself in your own safe space, those that visit you in that space may feel too stifled to share themselves with you as well.
2-Forget "nice" decorations.
Every item for decoration, whether paintings for the wall, or an artifact like a candle-holding knick-knack, MUST be there for a reason. That reason is to further the art of conversation. If the only reason you have it is because "you like it", that is not good enough. It must be linked to a story you can tell such as a souvenir from one of your travels, or linked too a special memory that you would want to share. Once it is established for your guest that each item in your home reveals a story to share, your guests will be more intrigued to discover what mysterious motivations inhabit your home.
How to Tell Stories and TALK on dates that lead somewhere
3-Maintain it as if you always have a date coming over.
If you are the type of person that must scramble around the house for hours to get it just right for a date to come over, you are working too hard. First, that much work is an emotional investment you are making that can be interpreted as neediness on a date.
Second, getting your place ready each time sucks up your energy that is best spent getting to know your date and being your best self. Whatever the set up you have when a date comes over, is the way your place should look at all times.
If you only bring out certain candles when a date arrives, or put a particular bottle in the fridge, or move your furniture around to create an ideal setting, it is best to always have those candles out, your bottles in the fridge and your furniture in the ideal settings at all times.
The energy levels you will take on your date that you saved from a massive cleaning will be well reserved to help create an outstanding evening.
4-Your Bathroom represents your Genitals.
I know, I know. Sound utterly ridiculous. However, that is the analogy I use to explain the importance of a clean washroom.
If there was one area of your home that needs extra care, it is the washroom just as if there was one area of your body that needs extra care it is the genital area. If you want to really turn off a potential lover, a dirty toilet and moldy shower curtain can do it.
The bathroom is usually the very last place a person visits before sex.
A bathroom that creeps out a person will have a very different effect than one with appropriate artwork (see above), scented candles already lit, a fresh shower curtain and a sparkling toilet.
If you want to have a spectacular love life at your home, and you do not have the time or the inclination to clean the bathroom, hire a cleaner to come over for a couple of hours each week to scrub it down.
It is worth the investment.
5-Have extra toiletries.
Here we are in the bathroom again. Always have extra toiletries for guests staying over night. Extra bars of soap still in the package, extra toothbrushes, extra mini-tubes of toothpaste, contact lens cleaner just in case, for the guys make sure to have some tampons and pads handy, for the girls keep men's saving cream and disposal razors handy, and always keep a big clean warm towel reserved. .
Here we are in the bathroom again. Always have extra toiletries for guests staying over night. Extra bars of soap still in the package, extra toothbrushes, extra mini-tubes of toothpaste, contact lens cleaner just in case, for the guys make sure to have some tampons and pads handy, for the girls keep men's saving cream and disposal razors handy, and always keep a big clean warm towel reserved. .
The key factor is that those toiletries stay at your place after your lover leaves in the morning, and it encourages your over night guests to want to come over again, especially when they know they already have their own toiletries there
Making the effort of pimping your pad can be the difference between using your toilet to enhance your love life, or your love life being in the toilet.
Frank Kermit
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Ready, Set, Panic! - Sex and the City - Pillow Talk Gal
Sex and the City: Season 2- Ready, set.......PANIC!!!
Written by: Pillow Talk Gal
Has this ever happened to you...Your thoughts are racing, your heart is pounding and then that dreaded feeling that you’re going to pass out begins. You feel like everything around you is closing in and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.
What’s happening?
Well, chances are you’re having a panic attack. It’s scary (especially the first time) and it happens to so many people, yet it’s something not spoken of, due to its stigmatic nature.
In season 2 of Sex and the City, episode 5 – Four women and a Funeral, Miranda has decided to make the jump and buy her own place. She is financially independent and feels ready to take the next step. Being a 35 year old, successful woman buying her own apartment alone (without the financial help of a man) seems to be a concept lost on many of the people around her (her realtor, the mortgage broker, associates at her law firm).
What are best friends for?
Of course, Carrie, Samantha and Charlotte are thrilled for her and think her decision is fantastic (what are besties for after all). With a gentle nudge from her gals, Miranda moves forward and buys her new home. She’s happy and excited to be living this new chapter of her life.
As she visits the vacant apartment to measure for drapes, she meets one of her soon to be neighbours who mentions that the previous owner was an unmarried, lonely old lady, who died and was found a week later, having had her face eaten off by her cat!
As she visits the vacant apartment to measure for drapes, she meets one of her soon to be neighbours who mentions that the previous owner was an unmarried, lonely old lady, who died and was found a week later, having had her face eaten off by her cat!
Of course Miranda is a bit shaken by this new information, but she pushes forward and moves into the apartment. That same night, after a few hours of unpacking boxes, she decides to take a break and have something to eat while watching a little TV.
She takes a bite from her Chinese takeout and is quickly horrified by the fact that she is choking on the very piece she just put in her mouth! She begins to run around in a panic, all the while realizing she is choking and can’t breathe.
She takes a bite from her Chinese takeout and is quickly horrified by the fact that she is choking on the very piece she just put in her mouth! She begins to run around in a panic, all the while realizing she is choking and can’t breathe.
Romance Made Easy
Finally in a last ditch effort to save her own life, she gives herself the Heimlich manoeuvre on the back of an unpacked moving box and to her relief, she is able to dislodge the trapped Kung Pao chicken.
After she has caught her breath, Miranda immediately calls Carrie to inform her of her near death experience, luckily Carrie is able to talk her off the ledge (so to speak) and calm her down. When asked if she needs company,
Miranda puts on a brave face and shrugs off the experience (with the exception of making sure her cat’s food bowl is completely full with food, you know, as a precaution of course).
Finally in a last ditch effort to save her own life, she gives herself the Heimlich manoeuvre on the back of an unpacked moving box and to her relief, she is able to dislodge the trapped Kung Pao chicken.
After she has caught her breath, Miranda immediately calls Carrie to inform her of her near death experience, luckily Carrie is able to talk her off the ledge (so to speak) and calm her down. When asked if she needs company,
Miranda puts on a brave face and shrugs off the experience (with the exception of making sure her cat’s food bowl is completely full with food, you know, as a precaution of course).
Refreshed and Ethusiastic
The next day, refreshed and enthusiastic, Miranda decides she wants to get to know her new neighbourhood by taking a stroll.
As she proudly walks down the street, she is taking in all the scenery, enjoying the fresh air and the people around her. Life seems perfect for Miranda and nothing can bring her down.
As she proudly walks down the street, she is taking in all the scenery, enjoying the fresh air and the people around her. Life seems perfect for Miranda and nothing can bring her down.
Then out of nowhere, things start to feel very wrong. Her vision starts to blur, the buildings and everything around her begin to spin and she feels as though she is going to pass out.
Luckily, a cab happens to be a few feet away (this is New York City after all), so she summons the strength to hail it over and immediately tells the driver to take her to the nearest hospital. $500 worth of tests later, doctors tell Miranda she has had a panic attack.
Even though Miranda was trying to be strong, the stress from the possibility of living and dying alone became too much for her to handle.
Then out of nowhere, things start to feel very wrong. Her vision starts to blur, the buildings and everything around her begin to spin and she feels as though she is going to pass out.
Luckily, a cab happens to be a few feet away (this is New York City after all), so she summons the strength to hail it over and immediately tells the driver to take her to the nearest hospital. $500 worth of tests later, doctors tell Miranda she has had a panic attack.
Even though Miranda was trying to be strong, the stress from the possibility of living and dying alone became too much for her to handle.
Anxiety has a way of affecting us all in different ways.
Some people eat, others bottle it all up until it explodes (like our brave Miranda).
Some choose to binge watch TV to distract themselves and others sometimes turn to more drastic measures (drugs, alcohol, etc...)
Some people eat, others bottle it all up until it explodes (like our brave Miranda).
Some choose to binge watch TV to distract themselves and others sometimes turn to more drastic measures (drugs, alcohol, etc...)
Just For You
In today’s society we are all finding our own way of dealing with the stress factor in our lives. There are so many issues now a days (divorce, politics, terrorism, bad economical times, etc...) that for many it has become almost impossible to not worry, a daily ritual if you will (in waking thoughts or as you put your head to pillow at night).
As I write this I can’t help but wonder,
- how much has social media played a part in this?
- If I didn’t have this blog to outsource this issue, would we even be talking about it?
Mental health issues have definitely gotten more attention in the last few years, but it’s important that we all remember that the next time you see someone struggling, instead of brushing them off, be compassionate and think twice before judging.
Everyone has ‘’something’’ and we can never really understand how they are handling it.
About Pillow Talk Gal
Born and raised in British Columbia, she is a professional woman managing a career, marriage, and a teenager. Life can be challenging at times but she's a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason, and more often than not, she tries to understand those reasons.
"Join me in my journey throughout life’s issues and I guarantee you’ll be left pondering an issue or two." - Pillow Talk Gal
To read Pillow Talk Gal's last post, click HERE
*Disclaimer: Sex and the City was produced by HBO and all rights, titles and interests in any images or clips, used herein under Fair Use and Fair Copying, remain the property of the author.
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The Stigma and Struggles of Humiliation Kink
Humiliation Kink
by AnnaBel Joseph
Humiliation is one of those hot button kinks that no one seems to feel equivocal about. Most kinky romance readers either love it or hate it. I know I used humiliation pretty liberally in some of my books. (see the titles of Comfort Object, Mercy, and Club Mephisto)
In writing this post, I wanted to get the input of someone who really loved the kink of humiliation in order to give everyone the most positive view of the loving, smexy side of this fetish. I asked my friend "Baby Firefly" for an interview since I think she's a real expert on the emotional side of this topic. I hope you enjoy her wonderful responses!
Annabel: Thanks a lot for agreeing to talk to us today about humiliation. I find this is a widely misunderstood fetish, so first things first. Could you give us your explanation of what humiliation kink is?
Baby Firefly: You’re welcome, Annabel. I think you’re right about it being a misunderstood fetish. Hopefully I can shed some light on it. Note: for the sake of ease, and so I don’t tear out my hair, I’m just going to use dom and sub in this interview. No offense is intended by this.
Baby Firefly: You’re welcome, Annabel. I think you’re right about it being a misunderstood fetish. Hopefully I can shed some light on it. Note: for the sake of ease, and so I don’t tear out my hair, I’m just going to use dom and sub in this interview. No offense is intended by this.
It's Time To Get Things Started
Erotic humiliation is where one derives sexual arousal, pleasure, or what have you, from being demeaned or degraded by another person. As I see it, this particular fetish is largely psychological in nature, and because of the potential for emotional harm, I would definitely classify it as edge play.
This fetish widely varies from person to person. For instance, being called names like slut or whore can be humiliating and even damaging to one person, but another may take no issue with it. The key is for the dom to have good insight to the sub’s psyche. I think humiliation works best between players who know each other very well.
What Is Your Kink?
Annabel: Were you always turned on by humiliation, or was it something that a partner got you into?
Baby Firefly: I wasn’t always turned on by it. I was one of those people who didn’t understand it. My owner is a sadist, and like most, he gets off on inflicting emotional as well as physical pain. We hadn’t planned on exploring it. It just sort of happened. We did a scene involving pet play and discovered that we both really got off on the humiliating aspects of it. After that, we began exploring it more in depth.
Baby Firefly: I wasn’t always turned on by it. I was one of those people who didn’t understand it. My owner is a sadist, and like most, he gets off on inflicting emotional as well as physical pain. We hadn’t planned on exploring it. It just sort of happened. We did a scene involving pet play and discovered that we both really got off on the humiliating aspects of it. After that, we began exploring it more in depth.
Annabel: Oh man, that's pretty hot. Have you ever had communication problems with your partner regarding humiliation? For instance, expressing what was okay and what was not okay, or how far to take things?
Baby Firefly: We’ve been together for nine years now and know each other really well. For us, communication has been crucial in making it work. Before we moved forward with the edgier side of humiliation, we had a long discussion about where the boundaries were for me and for him. After a really intense and degrading scene, we talk about it. The sexual component is only half of it. Processing the emotions it brings up is part of the aftercare. Sometimes I need that, and other times I don’t. The bonus is that not only does it bring us closer, but talking about it always makes for hot conversation.
Baby Firefly: We’ve been together for nine years now and know each other really well. For us, communication has been crucial in making it work. Before we moved forward with the edgier side of humiliation, we had a long discussion about where the boundaries were for me and for him. After a really intense and degrading scene, we talk about it. The sexual component is only half of it. Processing the emotions it brings up is part of the aftercare. Sometimes I need that, and other times I don’t. The bonus is that not only does it bring us closer, but talking about it always makes for hot conversation.
Annabel: Why do you think so many romance readers dislike humiliation, even consensual/desired humiliation scenes between people in love? Is it due to misunderstanding of the kink? Do you think there is a stigma against it? Do you ever feel stigmatized for enjoying it?
Baby Firefly: As women we’re bombarded with feminism, equality, empowerment. Humiliation opposes the societal norms we’re raised with. It’s been drilled into our heads that that type of treatment is wrong, abusive even. Romantic fiction is largely based on fantasy. And while readers can stretch their boundaries by enjoying things like dominance and submission, it’s difficult for them to take that a step further with humiliation. It makes them uncomfortable and it’s hard for them to sexualize it even when it’s the heroine who desires it.
Baby Firefly: As women we’re bombarded with feminism, equality, empowerment. Humiliation opposes the societal norms we’re raised with. It’s been drilled into our heads that that type of treatment is wrong, abusive even. Romantic fiction is largely based on fantasy. And while readers can stretch their boundaries by enjoying things like dominance and submission, it’s difficult for them to take that a step further with humiliation. It makes them uncomfortable and it’s hard for them to sexualize it even when it’s the heroine who desires it.
What is Your Fantasy Outfit?
I do think there is a stigma attached to it, but then there is with most BDSM practices outside of those who live it. I used to be very closed lipped about it even among my friends in the community. It turns out that the hang-up was mine. Funny how that works. I’ve come to embrace it. The wonderful thing about kinky people is how open and accepting they are about sexuality. Now, it’s not something I’d go telling the girls in my book club. I don’t think I’d be invited back after that.
What kind of toys are you interested in?
Annabel: This is very personal, but can you share a humiliation scene you participated in that really moved you? Or a humiliation scene in a romance book that you thought was really written well?
Baby Firefly: Well, since posting a very personal scene for all to see would be its own form of humiliation, how can I say no? I’ll leave you with one of my journal entries. Thanks for having me here at Kinky Ever After, Annabel.
Baby Firefly: Well, since posting a very personal scene for all to see would be its own form of humiliation, how can I say no? I’ll leave you with one of my journal entries. Thanks for having me here at Kinky Ever After, Annabel.
A Slut Goes to the Store
Sounds like the first line of a joke right? So not a joke. This weekend I was treated to taste of mild public humiliation. My owner wrote SLUT on my calf in huge letters in black marker. Not so bad right? That's what I thought until he sent me to the corner store at 5:30 PM on a Friday.
The mindgame of it all was that it was written in washable marker. I could have very easily wiped it off before I went in to make my purchase. But at what cost? I don't particularly like being caned, so as much as I hated it, as humiliated as I was, the word had to stay.
I contemplated how I would play this out on the drive up. Would I try to stand with one leg in front of the other, attempting to hide it and in effect sharing my humiliation and embarrassment with the other patrons? Or would I stand there bold as brass and smirk at anyone who dared to look or whisper?
The Collection
I ended up pretending that it wasn't there. Yes, I reverted back to my typical coping mechanism. I slipped it on like a skin, remembering how it felt all those years ago in high school.
Cold. Frozen. Above.
I still heard a few whispers. I felt the stares of the guys who stood behind me buying their twelve pack of Busch Lite on their way home from work. I heard them, but would I ever let that show? Not me.
I smiled at myself on the drive home, proud that I'd endured this little humiliation. But the ice crumbled when I saw my owner. He knows how I work. He can see through the layers of ice. The humiliation came crashing down on me full force as he asked me to tell him every little detail.
Imagine The Possibilities...
As I sat in the chair with SLUT glaring at me from my leg, I was so wet that I could barely stand it. Of course like the sadist he is, he let me marinate in that humiliation for a few hours before he gave me the release I so desperately wanted.
I loved every minute of this little task. My face is burning and my clit is throbbing as I sit here and type this.
Yes, oh yes. I am a slut.
Many many thanks to Baby Firefly for agreeing to shed light on this often misunderstood form of kinky play, and for sharing such a thoughtful, heartfelt journal entry.
So, how do you all (the Franktalks.com/Blog readers) feel about humiliation in your BDSM romance? Like, dislike, depends on the situation? Have you ever read a scene in a book that was humiliating and yet hot?
-Annabel Joseph
http://annabeljoseph.com/
The Following are two interviews that Frank Kermit and Annabel Joseph participated in
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Athlete and Vixen: Making of a Pole Dancer - Part II
Athlete and Vixen: Making of a Pole Dancer - Part II
by Melanie Lynch
I last posted about Pole dancing being a sport and that not all Pole dancers are strippers but I asked the question ‘what is so wrong with stripping anyway?’
When I started Pole dancing I found that I would get so frustrated with everyone implying I was a stripper. As years went by I started participating in more shows and met so many great women.
They were all out there trying to be brave, showing up in small costumes and hoping they would put on a performance. Some of these fantastic women were almost naked and some were actually stripping. I marvelled at them and loved them for the courage on stage but quickly learned that although they were strong on stage backstage they were nervous balls of energy getting their courage up and trying to remember their routines.
I discovered that there really was
nothing different between them and me.
So once again, let’s start at the beginning. When I started my Pole journey, I went to my first class and I was wearing full-length leggings and a tank top. To me this was revealing.
As we progressed I needed to climb and so the leggings changed to shorts. I learned to hold the Pole between my legs (yes, I am aware of how that sounded) and the shorts got a lot smaller.
Then the ultimate thing happened, I started to flip upside down and needed to position the Pole across my abdomen.
So my tank tops needed to turn into a crop top or sports bra. Let me tell you, after you have had three children, your first instinct is not to show off the stomach area.
As I stood there, I had to fight the urge to cover my stomach with my hands. But Pole is so much more than exercise.
It’s a community.
A loving, welcoming community that encourages women to not apologize for the way they look.
These ladies push you to grow, express yourself and be bold!
At the same time as I started attending Pole shows,
I also started going to Burlesque shows.
The first time I went to one, I was completely blown away. I had never seen anything like it.
These women came out with the most amazing, decadent, creative costumes and performed with such sublime beauty that it took my breath away.
They were stripping but the show was more than just removing their clothes, it was a celebration of beauty, whether it was the movement, the costumes or the woman themselves, it was simply beautiful.
I had the privilege to watch one performer named Coco Framboise who came on stage wearing the massive fur boa which she slowly undressed behind.
It was a cheeky tease because you would only see glimpses of her caramel skin behind the white softness of the fluffy boa. She was mesmerizing and the crowd absolutely loved her. There’s nothing like the crowds at these shows. The first thing you notice about these crowds is that they consist largely of women and these women scream, shout and catcall the performers in encouragement.
They show their appreciation for what is happening on stage. I was drawn to try this too and so signed up for the Coco Framboise School of Burlesque.
I wanted to learn how to exude
that kind of confidence and beauty.
http://www.marissaelizabethimages.com
Burlesque and Pole have so much in common.
They celebrate the beauty, power and courage of women and all are welcome.
It doesn’t matter if you 18 or 80, it doesn’t matter what size you are and it doesn’t matter if you’re a gymnast or dancer or have two left feet.
All that matters is that you’re out there expressing yourself, enjoying life and no matter what happens; the community will always be there to cheer and scream.
Of course, some of those who are not exposed to the beauty of these worlds look upon from the outside in judgment.
They celebrate the beauty, power and courage of women and all are welcome.
It doesn’t matter if you 18 or 80, it doesn’t matter what size you are and it doesn’t matter if you’re a gymnast or dancer or have two left feet.
All that matters is that you’re out there expressing yourself, enjoying life and no matter what happens; the community will always be there to cheer and scream.
Of course, some of those who are not exposed to the beauty of these worlds look upon from the outside in judgment.
I once read one of those Facebook postcards that said something like “some women feel empowered by covering themselves while others by taking their clothes off, who are we to judge” and it spoke to me.
There’s a lot of criticism about women taking their clothes off or objectifying themselves and I won’t go into all their arguments here.
You can’t take two steps without running into their voices and you can go read about it yourselves.
There’s something to me that just doesn’t fit about this mindset.
- Firstly, not everything is about men. Sometimes we do things for ourselves. Imagine, going out there and feeling beautiful and powerful in an alternate existence than your everyday life. We spend huge amounts of time and energy as good mothers, wives, daughters and business people every day sometimes it is nice to step out of that world and in to one where we can feel free and be bold.
- Secondly, there are barely any men in the audience we usually just perform for each other.
- Thirdly, there are usually men behind the scenes telling us not to do that. Trying to own our bodies and telling us what to do. This is us telling them ‘forget you’.
- Lastly, most of the time women don’t feel powerful or beautiful in our everyday lives and we are often reminded that we are not the girls portrayed in the magazines. WE need to find that feeling for ourselves and Pole helps some of us to get to that mindset but still there are some people that keep telling us we are wrong. I want to say that we are not wrong!
WE are strong and determined.
We do not want to be told anything about ourselves anymore.
We own our lives, our bodies and the way we choose express ourselves.
You are not qualified to judge me or others who enjoy this activity.
This is our choice.
Why is it wrong to be us? We are not hurting you or ourselves.
In fact we are having fun and life should be fun.
Maybe no one will understand what we are trying to do and that’s ok but all I ask is that the judgment stop, and that you just sit back and enjoy the show since we have worked hard to pull it together!
If you think I am crazy and wrong, well that’s ok too because I have a whole community of women that are there with me cheering me on and supporting me every step of the way and I really didn’t choose to do it for you anyway.
To read Part 1 of this series,
http://www.franktalks.com/blog/-athlete-and-vixen-the-making-of-a-pole-dancer
Author
Melanie Lynch started pole dancing seven years ago for fun and exercise. Eventually, she became a Certified Pole Instructor with the Canadian Pole Fitness Association (CPFA) and began teaching all levels of students. After a few years of dancing, she started performing for audiences. In 2016 Melanie decided to enter competitions. She made it into the Ontario Pole Fitness Champion, in the Masters Category and finished 1st runner –up. She trains at Pole Fit Nation.
Canadian Pole Fitness Association
Pole Fit Nation
Melanie Lynch started pole dancing seven years ago for fun and exercise. Eventually, she became a Certified Pole Instructor with the Canadian Pole Fitness Association (CPFA) and began teaching all levels of students. After a few years of dancing, she started performing for audiences. In 2016 Melanie decided to enter competitions. She made it into the Ontario Pole Fitness Champion, in the Masters Category and finished 1st runner –up. She trains at Pole Fit Nation.
Canadian Pole Fitness Association
Pole Fit Nation
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The Power of the Yoga Community and the Drive-By Divorce
The Power of the Yoga Community and the Drive-By Divorce
By Carrie Joyner
The main idea when I created my yoga and fitness studio was to build a community of like-minded people; people who loved yoga, people who wanted to get healthy and fit and strong…mind, body and soul.
I had no idea how important this community would become to me until about 2 weeks after opening the doors and had just experienced a drive by divorce.
If you have ever started or owned a business, you probably know how stressful it is.
You bet it all on red, dedicate months or years (in my case it took about 2 years of planning, financing and finding the perfect location, location, location) to even get to the point where you could actually consider it being “in business”.
Add on to that the end of a marriage that involved a 4 year old son, and it was a recipe for disaster.
So what is a drive-by divorce?
It’s getting a text from your husband asking you to come outside at lunch time.
I told him to just come into the studio, I had a pole dancing class going on and wanted to make sure all went well.
Then it’s getting another text saying “please, it’s really important…”, so I went outside.
I was greeted by the black Mercedes SUV, opened the door, got in and found my now ex-husband staring at me with red eyes and tear stains on his custom fit Armani suit.
He didn’t say much as he drove literally to the other end of the parking lot, where he parked the car and looked at me and said “You aren’t in love with me anymore, and I am not in love with you…we are getting a divorce.”
Simple as that.
The conversation was a bit of a blur.
I remember it not being a conversation, more of a speech.
I asked him what his next move was, and he said it was to go home and get his stuff.
He was moving into a near-by hotel, it’s just over.
My only concern at this point was not me, but our son. I said “What about Shane? What do we tell Shane?” “Nothing”, he said, “tell him I am on a business trip until I figure it out.”
I got in my jeep and drove far, far away- not wanting my clients or staff to see me crying.
I headed to my best friends house on auto-pilot. She wasn’t there, so I headed back to the studio and did a few more hours of work like a robot.
I couldn’t think, move, feel….breathe.
It was a sucker punch to the heart.
I thought things were getting better, he said they were.
Apparently not.
The next few days were a blur.
I was in shock but trying to act like things were normal for my son, who was totally out of the loop.
Every morning I woke up, took my son to daycare, went to the studio and tried to get through the day.
Working on and at the studio proved to be the perfect distraction.
I was an open door kind of girl, and anyone- staff, client, teacher, etc. knew that they could always pop in and say hi or talk to me. This revolving door of mostly females became my tribe. Literally. I would tell them what was going on if they had the intuition or inclination to ask, and I would repeat the story a million times over.
Not only did I find women who had been through the same or a similar situation and even some men, but I found a sounding board and it became like therapy to me.
Between emotionally fuelled lawyer visits to trying to be zen and teaching my yoga classes, my studio became more than a studio.
It became my happy place.
When we were under construction, I wanted a big executive office in the back room with cameras and an intercom-but I ended up putting my tiny desk in a tiny closet right off the lounge and reception area, so I actually sacrificed luxury for the benefit of hearing every conversation, every client at the desk and being 10 feet away from my staff at any given time.
Which leads me to Merissa.
I heard a woman freaking out at the desk about a canceled Pilates class.
We used Mind Body software, which allowed us to see who had registered for what class, so if there was a cancellation for whatever reason, we could contact them to notify them of the cancellation. She did not register, but showed up at the “regular” time and was livid that the class had been cancelled.
I think the teacher was sick and we couldn’t find a sub. Whatever the case was, I decided to go out and talk to her. I asked her if she wanted some tea.
We sat in the lounge and sipped on tea as she vented about how far she’d come expecting to do her class and go home and make dinner.
I apologized, things happen sometimes that are out of control.
I guess she saw that I wasn’t my normal bubbly self and asked if I was alright.
I said no, not really.
I was a little overwhelmed with what had happened. I explained what I was going through and in the blink of an eye she went from an angry client to a person with the best words of advice I have yet to hear.
She told me about one of her best friends who had been married to a pilot, and he did the same thing.
In this case, there was another woman involved.
What she told me next wouldn’t change my life, but it did change my outlook on everything.
She said “the best thing you can do right now is take care of yourself and your son.
Get yourself into the best physical shape you have ever been in, focus on being happy and spoiling yourself.
Don’t do this to make him feel bad, do it to make you feel amazing and not sit there thinking about the why’s and the poor me’s.”
This did not make everything better. It did not change the situation or my grieving process.
But after Merissa, I talked to literally hundreds of women, of every age, who had similar stories.
I stopped feeling like I was the only person this had ever happened to.
I started to let go of the blame and anger and I started to feel really, really connected to every person who walked through my doors.
We all have a story.
We do.
Once we learn to embrace the fact that everyone is going through, has gone through, or will go through a life altering struggle- we become one.
That community that I started building became my pillar of strength in a trying time.
They say everything happens for a reason. I believe it.
-Carrie Joyner
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