- Published on
dating a younger man advice
Top 3 Reasons To Sleep With A Younger Man A-sap
Guest Post by Anna Jorgensen, Wingmam
An Older Woman Should Sleep With A Younger Man
—Here’s Why
Even after I managed to find a man who wanted to marry me with all my self-perceived physical—and real personality—flaws, I wasn’t yet over self-esteem so low you’d step on it.
Every woman has an area they feel “less than” about, whether it’s body image, financial status, smarts or sex appeal, we’ve all got something we wish was “better” about us.
It’s still commonly accepted for an older man to sleep with (or be with) a younger woman, but for an older woman to sleep with a younger man, well, there’s still a few hushed words heard over that role reversal.
My husband was 16 years older than me and a good man. He adored me. But…
In my case, I was so insecure--
How insecure?--
I was sooo insecure… I took the CD covers out of their cases if they contained a sexy woman’s image.
Celine Dion? Bye. Shania Twain? So gone!
I was sooo insecure that even after a dozen years with my husband I still felt uncomfortable getting undressed in front of him.
And even though my husband was, and still is, a good man, he couldn’t (and didn’t try) to “fix me.” I had to do that part. Ultimately, that part didn’t happen until after we divorced.
The next guy I met was 11 years younger than me and the model of fitness and hotness and, having let myself slide in the hot bod department during my marriage, I didn’t feel sexy at all.
For whatever reason, he desired me anyway.
At first I tried to think of all the reasons to sleep with a younger man, like if I could rationalize it to myself I’d somehow build confidence overnight.
But then I thought, “This was my do (him) or die” moment.
I was at the climax (pun) of my own movie where I could step up and become the heroine—or slink back to the rest of my life feeling like a loser.
I said, “F’ it!” and went for it. Him.
I acted “as if” I was secure and hot and worthy and sexy AF.
I got naked in the middle of the day in broad daylight.
I didn’t body shame myself or restrict my movements to hide my flaws.
I didn’t ask for validation and I didn’t make apologies.
And doing this was one of the first and biggest steps I took to conquering low self-esteem.
Now, I’m Wonder Woman, at least in my own mind, no longer wondering if I’m good enough but instead courageous and empowered—plus there’s the whole cape accessory!
So, if you’ve ever wondered why an older woman should sleep with a younger man…
Top 3 Reasons An Older Woman Should Sleep With A Younger Man A-sap
1. Virility. Bam! As in: bam, bam, thank you ma’am.
2. Boosts naked-self esteem.
3. Teach a young dog some new tricks.
If you feel so inclined, just do it (him)!
Anna Jorgensen is a dating coach for men in Vancouver, Canada and founder of www.Wingmam.com. She offers online programs (for men and women) on how to understand the opposite sex, get sexy and find love.
Guest Post by Anna Jorgensen, Wingmam
An Older Woman Should Sleep With A Younger Man
—Here’s Why
Even after I managed to find a man who wanted to marry me with all my self-perceived physical—and real personality—flaws, I wasn’t yet over self-esteem so low you’d step on it.
Every woman has an area they feel “less than” about, whether it’s body image, financial status, smarts or sex appeal, we’ve all got something we wish was “better” about us.
It’s still commonly accepted for an older man to sleep with (or be with) a younger woman, but for an older woman to sleep with a younger man, well, there’s still a few hushed words heard over that role reversal.
My husband was 16 years older than me and a good man. He adored me. But…
In my case, I was so insecure--
How insecure?--
I was sooo insecure… I took the CD covers out of their cases if they contained a sexy woman’s image.
Celine Dion? Bye. Shania Twain? So gone!
I was sooo insecure that even after a dozen years with my husband I still felt uncomfortable getting undressed in front of him.
And even though my husband was, and still is, a good man, he couldn’t (and didn’t try) to “fix me.” I had to do that part. Ultimately, that part didn’t happen until after we divorced.
The next guy I met was 11 years younger than me and the model of fitness and hotness and, having let myself slide in the hot bod department during my marriage, I didn’t feel sexy at all.
For whatever reason, he desired me anyway.
At first I tried to think of all the reasons to sleep with a younger man, like if I could rationalize it to myself I’d somehow build confidence overnight.
But then I thought, “This was my do (him) or die” moment.
I was at the climax (pun) of my own movie where I could step up and become the heroine—or slink back to the rest of my life feeling like a loser.
I said, “F’ it!” and went for it. Him.
I acted “as if” I was secure and hot and worthy and sexy AF.
I got naked in the middle of the day in broad daylight.
I didn’t body shame myself or restrict my movements to hide my flaws.
I didn’t ask for validation and I didn’t make apologies.
And doing this was one of the first and biggest steps I took to conquering low self-esteem.
Now, I’m Wonder Woman, at least in my own mind, no longer wondering if I’m good enough but instead courageous and empowered—plus there’s the whole cape accessory!
So, if you’ve ever wondered why an older woman should sleep with a younger man…
Top 3 Reasons An Older Woman Should Sleep With A Younger Man A-sap
1. Virility. Bam! As in: bam, bam, thank you ma’am.
2. Boosts naked-self esteem.
3. Teach a young dog some new tricks.
If you feel so inclined, just do it (him)!
Anna Jorgensen is a dating coach for men in Vancouver, Canada and founder of www.Wingmam.com. She offers online programs (for men and women) on how to understand the opposite sex, get sexy and find love.
- Published on
reality vs fantasy quotes
Is Your Fantasy Keeping You Single?
Holding Out for a Fantasy when Dating
By Frank Kermit
Fantasies can be fun. Imagining new adventures, exploring new life times, pretending to envision the effects of choices you could have or still can make, is a wondrous way to see what your life could be like.
In dating, however, those same warm, wonderful fantasies could be at the very source of why a person perpetually remains single.
Holding out for a fantasy is one of the mistakes that singles make that keeps them single. This is not to be confused with a person who has such high standards that he or she ends up just too picky to end their stay in the world of singledom.
Although both have roots in unreasonable expectations, the difference here is that a person with higher standards may have not yet made the interrogation of figuring out what they have as an absolute boundary, and what is merely a preference for their love life.
A person who is holding out for a fantasy is trapped in a dream world, clinging to the hope that a mere mortal human being will do impossible feats (such as agree with everything you say, and hang on your every whim, and only live to serve your needs).
The fantasy holder is willing to pass up real people who are good candidates for dating because of the real flaws that all humans have.
Some people who are trapped holding out for a fantasy may have been hypnotizing themselves for years (even from the time of their childhood) of what their future soul mate will look like, pegged that person’s career or social status, and have already planned out how they will meet, to the point where they scripted the entire perfect dialogue of what that person will say to ignite the ultimate chemistry.
(Evidently, a decently good-looking stranger approaching them in regular conversation saying they should hang out is just not good enough to merit a chat over a cup of coffee.)
The fantasy is like an award nominated story, turned into an award-winning movie with just the right mix of romance, suspense, drama, passion and of course, humor.
Almost brings a tear to the eye, at the euphoric climatic moment of the fantasy when the chance meeting turns into true love. Sadly, however, when fantasy comes crashing into concrete reality, reality tends to win.
There is no real human being that can win when in competition with an internal fantasy. Human beings, and for that matter real life, simply cannot beat a succulent well-crafted fantasy of dating love and romance.
Real human beings do real things like blow their nose, get nervous, sweat, and have their own unique idiosyncrasies that can be charming in their own right, but generally a potential turn off if unknowingly going up against a hot brash fantasy concoction.
Singles, who are drunk on their own fantasy potion, tend to remain single.
Perhaps that is a good thing, as it takes a certain level of maturity to merit a serious long term relationship, and a person lost in a fantasy world of how dating is supposed to be, tends not to be the kind of partner that can be counted on, regardless of how well intention-ed their hearts might be.
Stay real people.
Learn The Emotional Needs Mastery System
Check out the Benefits of COACHING
Holding Out for a Fantasy when Dating
By Frank Kermit
Fantasies can be fun. Imagining new adventures, exploring new life times, pretending to envision the effects of choices you could have or still can make, is a wondrous way to see what your life could be like.
In dating, however, those same warm, wonderful fantasies could be at the very source of why a person perpetually remains single.
Holding out for a fantasy is one of the mistakes that singles make that keeps them single. This is not to be confused with a person who has such high standards that he or she ends up just too picky to end their stay in the world of singledom.
Although both have roots in unreasonable expectations, the difference here is that a person with higher standards may have not yet made the interrogation of figuring out what they have as an absolute boundary, and what is merely a preference for their love life.
A person who is holding out for a fantasy is trapped in a dream world, clinging to the hope that a mere mortal human being will do impossible feats (such as agree with everything you say, and hang on your every whim, and only live to serve your needs).
The fantasy holder is willing to pass up real people who are good candidates for dating because of the real flaws that all humans have.
Some people who are trapped holding out for a fantasy may have been hypnotizing themselves for years (even from the time of their childhood) of what their future soul mate will look like, pegged that person’s career or social status, and have already planned out how they will meet, to the point where they scripted the entire perfect dialogue of what that person will say to ignite the ultimate chemistry.
(Evidently, a decently good-looking stranger approaching them in regular conversation saying they should hang out is just not good enough to merit a chat over a cup of coffee.)
The fantasy is like an award nominated story, turned into an award-winning movie with just the right mix of romance, suspense, drama, passion and of course, humor.
Almost brings a tear to the eye, at the euphoric climatic moment of the fantasy when the chance meeting turns into true love. Sadly, however, when fantasy comes crashing into concrete reality, reality tends to win.
There is no real human being that can win when in competition with an internal fantasy. Human beings, and for that matter real life, simply cannot beat a succulent well-crafted fantasy of dating love and romance.
Real human beings do real things like blow their nose, get nervous, sweat, and have their own unique idiosyncrasies that can be charming in their own right, but generally a potential turn off if unknowingly going up against a hot brash fantasy concoction.
Singles, who are drunk on their own fantasy potion, tend to remain single.
Perhaps that is a good thing, as it takes a certain level of maturity to merit a serious long term relationship, and a person lost in a fantasy world of how dating is supposed to be, tends not to be the kind of partner that can be counted on, regardless of how well intention-ed their hearts might be.
Stay real people.
Learn The Emotional Needs Mastery System
Check out the Benefits of COACHING
- Published on
This is a contributed post.
the farmer's wife https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2016/11/02/00/37/love-1790139_960_720.jpg
Embarking on a new relationship is always exciting. But, it can also lead to anxiety. You don’t know the other person yet, so it’s easy to misinterpret their actions and intentions. Through all the excitement, you may start feeling you don’t know where you stand. You may worry that the other person isn’t on the same page as you. And, you can’t ask without putting undue pressure on things. Besides, what’s to say they wouldn’t lie? If the other person lets you down or acts in a way you don't understand, it might be a sign that things aren't right. If you’re worried that falling in love is about to fall apart, it’s important you keep your head about you.
man of flowers https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2016/03/09/10/23/man-1246028_960_720.jpg
But, how can you do that? Start by thinking about whether your expectations are leading to disappointments. If the issue is that he keeps standing you up, or doesn’t message for weeks on end, your suspicions may be right. But, if your disappointments are more abstract, it may be a case of expectation getting in the way. In a world filled with love stories, it’s normal to have certain expectations. But, remember that love doesn’t work like it does in the movies. Things aren’t that straight cut. He may not shower you with affection or buy you expensive jewelry, but that doesn’t mean he’s not into you. It’s also important to note that things don’t always move as fast as they do on television or films. Don’t worry if he takes a while to tell you he loves you. Real love takes a while to blossom. On average, most couples don’t get to that stage until 4-6 months into the relationship.
It’s also important to untangle your feelings. Falling in love can be a confusing experience. That in itself can lead to misunderstanding. If you’re picking holes in your guy, it might be that you don’t feel the way you think you do. At the same time, if you’re too involved, you may become confused because he isn’t acting the same. In short, love can stop you from seeing things clearly. If you think that may be happening, turn to outside sources. Even if you don’t believe in horoscopes, take a look at pisces love information, or whatever your star sign is. The important thing here is to take note of how you react to what you read. If you jump on negative predictions, it's time to think about whether the relationship is worth pursuing. If you already expect the worst, there may not be a future for this guy.
It’s also important to untangle your feelings. Falling in love can be a confusing experience. That in itself can lead to misunderstanding. If you’re picking holes in your guy, it might be that you don’t feel the way you think you do. At the same time, if you’re too involved, you may become confused because he isn’t acting the same. In short, love can stop you from seeing things clearly. If you think that may be happening, turn to outside sources. Even if you don’t believe in horoscopes, take a look at pisces love information, or whatever your star sign is. The important thing here is to take note of how you react to what you read. If you jump on negative predictions, it's time to think about whether the relationship is worth pursuing. If you already expect the worst, there may not be a future for this guy.
first kiss https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/6f/French_Kiss.JPG
For the most part, the best way to decide whether a relationship is moving in the right direction is to listen to your heart. If you treat love like a checklist, you’re going to encounter problems. Every relationship is different because we are all different. Forget timelines and ideas of love. If this guy makes you feel good, he might be a keeper, irrelevant of how many boxes he ticks
- Published on
Interview: Starting Over With Dating
Dating Dilemmas 79, this is Frank Kermit's 120th appearance on Passion radio program. Airs on Montreal CJAD 800 's and Toronto Newstalk 1010 CFRB. Frank Kermit joins producer and host Dr Laurie Betito and Fritz-Gerald of Elite Speed Dating to talk about the Dating Dilemmas people face.
What does a person go through starting over when dating?
How does a person get over an ex, or move on from a break up?
Is it good to get right back out there and date after a break up?
What is some good speed dating advice?
How does a person get over unrequited love?
When your ex starts to date someone else before you do?
Montreal, Toronto and Nova Scotia
- Published on
Listen To Your Heart
When To Listen To Your Heart
By Frank Kermit
Some time ago, a client whose love life was a little messed up, asked me why it was so, given that she always listened to her heart.
After all, isn’t that what people are supposed to do when it comes to romance relationships? Isn’t listening to your heart the best way to find the correct and clear answers?
In my experience, the only honest response I could offer her was, “Well, it depends.”
The notion that a person’s heart will always lead them to what is best for them is a wonderful idea. In practicality however, it is nothing more than an intellectual construct.
Not because the heart of a person would not know, but because it depends on what that heart happens to already know.
Just because something feels right, does not make it the right choice to make, if your heart hasn’t learned what is in your actual best interest.
The heart wants what it wants. Just like a child that has yet to mature, and allow for life experience to take effect, to gradually teach the child (and the heart of a child) about what it should want for itself.
Basically, if your heart wants something that is actually the worst possible choice for you, your heart might not share that little secret, because your heart just does not know any better.
With that said, there are times when what your heart is telling you simply cannot be neglected. If your heart does not tell you directly, it may signal something to you intuitively.
That gnawing feeling that there is something you have to acknowledge, even if you are unable to articulate it. That kind of instinct can, when properly active, lead you to where you were meant to be.
However, even if your heart intuition happens to be correct in one area of your life, for example, a career decision, an educational path, your health management, or the choice of a life partner and future parent of your children, does not automatically mean that your heart can guide you in any other particular area.
No matter what your particular expertise and where you happen to have succeeded previously listening to your heart, it is not necessarily an indication that your heart knows best for the other areas of your life.
The best indicator of whether or not you should listen to your heart is your heart’s past performance in that particular area of your life.
If your heart has always guided you well in financial areas in the past, you have evidence that you can likely trust your heart to guide you in the near future.
If your heart has led you astray in your quest to find a loving relationship and stable commitment partner, then that is the tell tale sign that listening to your heart could be the last thing you should do at this point in time.
If you struggle to know when to listen to your heart,
Check out The Benefits of Frank Coaching and Sign Up!
If you just want to buy the Coaching Workbooks, check out these links:
I'M A MAN THAT'S MY JOB
I'M A WOMAN, IT'S MY TIME
By Frank Kermit
Some time ago, a client whose love life was a little messed up, asked me why it was so, given that she always listened to her heart.
After all, isn’t that what people are supposed to do when it comes to romance relationships? Isn’t listening to your heart the best way to find the correct and clear answers?
In my experience, the only honest response I could offer her was, “Well, it depends.”
The notion that a person’s heart will always lead them to what is best for them is a wonderful idea. In practicality however, it is nothing more than an intellectual construct.
Not because the heart of a person would not know, but because it depends on what that heart happens to already know.
Just because something feels right, does not make it the right choice to make, if your heart hasn’t learned what is in your actual best interest.
The heart wants what it wants. Just like a child that has yet to mature, and allow for life experience to take effect, to gradually teach the child (and the heart of a child) about what it should want for itself.
Basically, if your heart wants something that is actually the worst possible choice for you, your heart might not share that little secret, because your heart just does not know any better.
With that said, there are times when what your heart is telling you simply cannot be neglected. If your heart does not tell you directly, it may signal something to you intuitively.
That gnawing feeling that there is something you have to acknowledge, even if you are unable to articulate it. That kind of instinct can, when properly active, lead you to where you were meant to be.
However, even if your heart intuition happens to be correct in one area of your life, for example, a career decision, an educational path, your health management, or the choice of a life partner and future parent of your children, does not automatically mean that your heart can guide you in any other particular area.
No matter what your particular expertise and where you happen to have succeeded previously listening to your heart, it is not necessarily an indication that your heart knows best for the other areas of your life.
The best indicator of whether or not you should listen to your heart is your heart’s past performance in that particular area of your life.
If your heart has always guided you well in financial areas in the past, you have evidence that you can likely trust your heart to guide you in the near future.
If your heart has led you astray in your quest to find a loving relationship and stable commitment partner, then that is the tell tale sign that listening to your heart could be the last thing you should do at this point in time.
If you struggle to know when to listen to your heart,
Check out The Benefits of Frank Coaching and Sign Up!
If you just want to buy the Coaching Workbooks, check out these links:
I'M A MAN THAT'S MY JOB
I'M A WOMAN, IT'S MY TIME
#listentoyourheart @emotionalneeds #quotes #aboutlastnight #cy #cynights #behappy #beyourself #loveyourselffirst #dowhatyoulove #bereal #neverregret #blackoutfit #2BaBetterman #lonewolf #beatall #life #ignorecrap #failurenotanoption #innervoice #emptyroom #becalm #builtyouself #quotestoliveby #mentalhealth
- Published on
5 Tips for Women for Dating A Male Porn Star
5 TIPS FOR DATING A MALE PORN STAR
by Adhimu Stewart aka Malcolm Lovejoy
Gather 'round, good people!
Ladies, women, girls (over 18!) and all femme-identified individuals in the world that have this dream: I can show & tell you what it's like to have a relationship with a male porn star!
Are you sick of throwing up in your mouth a little bit every time you listen to the opinions and thoughts of the average man trying to pick you up at the bar or in the club? Are you fed up with being catcalled and wolf-whistled when you walk down the street or go to the mall? Are you infuriated by the overwhelming mountain of obnoxious and offensive texts and emails you get every day in your Plenty of Fish/OKCupid/Tinder/Facebook/online profile, and you're just about ready to delete every account and picture you ever put on the internet?
Well, don't do it just yet, please!
Yes, I know: the state of modern men is outright dangerous to erotically engage with at worst, if not rather atrocious, depressing, uninspiring, and downright frustrating at best. Dating is a disaster zone where few people escape with their heart and happiness intact, and courtship rituals in Western civilization have drastically decomposed since the days of cowboys and dainty misses, where a man could not even speak to a woman in public if he had not been formally introduced to her, or she didn't wave him over with one of the many signals she possessed in her arousal arsenal, whether it be fanning her face rapidly, or dropping her handkerchief demurely.
In 2017, the male courtship ritual might consist of sending a dick pic and a "I'm ready, u up?" text message at 2:13 AM to any woman he can! But, (pardon to use a cliche) NOT ALL MEN are guilty of such callous, selfish and dysfunctional relationship-building behaviour!
I, Adhimu Stewart, am a Canadian feminist porn actor, and Professional Love Maker. I have sex with women on camera, and with people for their private fantasies off-camera, too! So, let me tell you what it's like to have a relationship with a porn star (in the making), for those who are curious!
Sexy Revelations:
1) No two porn stars are exactly alike, therefore no two relationships with porn stars will be alike.
Some porn stars specialize in penis size, muscles, domination, team-sex scenes, rough talk & action, or romantic, story-telling driven vignettes. And who he is on camera may only be a percentage of who he is off-camera! I know that there are things I do privately that I have chosen not to do sexually and publicly, for my own reasons. Every man may be the same, to a lower or higher degree. Will he want different sex with you than he has at work? Probably. Will you want to have a personalized experience with a porn star at home? Maybe it can happen! This may be one of the perks to dating a porn star. And this is what is called: a BENEFIT. Such as the benefits of bliss I felt when I recently made love to a ballerina!! So, yes. It will probably be quite different than any other relationship you have ever had. His average day will probably consist of him being naked, if not him having sex with someone, if not more than one person... so there's that.
2) Being with a porn star may take you to your sexual physical limits... and maybe past them!!
Have you ever played hockey with an NHL player? Ever played basketball with an NBA star? Hell, have you ever played tennis with a Wimbledon champion? The experience is guaranteed to be something more intense than just playing a little pick-up game with your neighbors. Your sex, your conversations about sexual boundaries, your understanding of possible relationships, even your every day little interactions are probably going to be much more extreme than usual. I consider myself a sexual athlete, and I like to work up a sweat when I throw down in the bedroom (or bathroom, or living room, or...) Being with a porn star may take you to your sexual physical limits... and maybe past them!! Know yourself, and what you can handle. And if you want to take yourself beyond the limits you've felt with all previous men... then buckle up, and get ready to feel fantasy on a deeper level than you've ever known... Overtime in Game 7 of the Playoffs type magic!
3) It could become high-profile, even when you think you're low-key.
I was walking with a lover to an event we had planned on attending together, and within 5 minutes, I had seen three different people from different places and circles of connection. My partner at the time was like "You are so popular! Is there ever a day when it's not like this for you? Can you go anywhere and be alone?" To which I replied "Not really!" So, being with someone that does porn MIGHT reduce your public incognito possibilities, if you are walking around with them. If they are very famous, you may get your own fame just by social media association. As we neared this event, I actually was tangled between three different lovers/former lovers/possible lovers all at once in the same subway station! I introduced them all to each other, and then laughed. #pornlife
4) Do you care what people think?
It's one thing to have your privacy threshold reduced... but it's another thing to be exposed to more popularity for dating a porn star, and NOT be comfortable with it! There are levels to this biz. Do you care if your parents know? Do you care what your boss thinks? Do you mind if your drinking and smoking buddies are privy to this info? Does it matter to your extended family if you are dating someone "like that"? I'm not a fool. I am a lucky guy and I'm a evolved intellectual as well. I know most parents wouldn't be completely and totally comfortable with their daughter bringing home a porn star and saying "Mom and Dad, meet Malcolm Lovejoy! Yes, he is a nice guy. Where does he work? Oh, you can see his work online!" We are not living in a society that enlightened as yet, but I'm working on getting everyone there (have you seen my work? I'm not ashamed of it at all! But, I digress.) If you care what people think about your relationship, whether it's your parents or your friends on Facebook, then you will have to work that out internally, if your happiness is worth public judgement (hint: IT ALWAYS IS. But that's for you to choose...)
5) Are you the jealous type of girlfriend?
Because if you are, your future with someone who has sex with other people for a living, then... you either are going to have to get REALLY GOOD at turning a blind eye and ear to where your boyfriend was all day yesterday or last night, or start accepting that maybe, just maybe, sex can be like any and every other human interaction humanity conducts every day. There is no reason that porn stars can't be treated like a gynecologist treats their patients or actors treat their co-stars. Porn is a job, and it is very possible (actually, it's pretty necessary and vital) to leave work at work when you go home at the end of the day of shooting porn. I don't have any on-going relationships with any of the lovely women I have shot porn with in the last 6 months. We are friends, and I may spend time with them in other ways, which is nice, but I don't mix business and pleasure in that way too often. I'd like to with a few porn stars, but I understand why many don't. It gets complicated, but it it manageable if you are honest. Every question a lover wants to know about my porn life, I will tell her only one answer: the truth. I have nothing to hide. I show my most recent STI tests to anyone that wants to know if I'm clean. I admit whether I shot a scene with or without condoms. Some days on a porn set don't even involve any penis-in-vagina sex! So, you never know what kind of day it will be, thus the jealousy can be taken apart through moment-to-moment scenarios. I'm coming home to you, and I'm not lying to you about anything I've done, so I promise to stay faithful to giving you love, passion, friendship, trust, joy and honesty. And TRUST ME, there are FEW things more sexy than being together with your partner and watching a porn movie they made... then getting inspired by it to do your own hot sexy stuff right after watching it!
That's just the tip of the iceberg of being with a porn star.
But I'm not your average porn star, so smile mileage may vary.
If you want to know more, just ask me!
Email: mindbendersupreme@gmail.com
Twitter: mindbendermind
Facebook: Dr. Malcolm Jackson Lovejoy
In Love and Joy,
Malcolm aka Adhimu Stewart
"Malcolm Lovejoy is the porn star of the future. A renaissance man like no other in adult entertainment, he is a romantic enthusiast on levels that would make Casanova proud. His feminist-focused approach to all things pornographic pushes his work into a category unlike most men in porn, as Malcolm's passion for providing multi-orgasmic satisfaction for his partners before spending time trying to give a money shot, his unparalleled oral skills, tender touch and ultra-athletic action-packed sex style makes Malcolm's porn a beautiful vision to behold for everyone lucky enough to see it! And in his first 2 years of filming, he has explored a wide variety of adult content, from heterosexual pleasure, to bondage & submissive play, female ejaculation scenes, solo masturbation, transgender scenes, sci-fi sex, pornographic music videos, and so much more. With over 50 scenes filmed thus far, and more on the way, his plans for 2017 and beyond are nothing but bring more of Malcolm Lovejoy's boundless beauty and sacred sexuality to the world for all people to be endlessly educated and entertained by..."
by Adhimu Stewart aka Malcolm Lovejoy
Gather 'round, good people!
Ladies, women, girls (over 18!) and all femme-identified individuals in the world that have this dream: I can show & tell you what it's like to have a relationship with a male porn star!
Are you sick of throwing up in your mouth a little bit every time you listen to the opinions and thoughts of the average man trying to pick you up at the bar or in the club? Are you fed up with being catcalled and wolf-whistled when you walk down the street or go to the mall? Are you infuriated by the overwhelming mountain of obnoxious and offensive texts and emails you get every day in your Plenty of Fish/OKCupid/Tinder/Facebook/online profile, and you're just about ready to delete every account and picture you ever put on the internet?
Well, don't do it just yet, please!
Yes, I know: the state of modern men is outright dangerous to erotically engage with at worst, if not rather atrocious, depressing, uninspiring, and downright frustrating at best. Dating is a disaster zone where few people escape with their heart and happiness intact, and courtship rituals in Western civilization have drastically decomposed since the days of cowboys and dainty misses, where a man could not even speak to a woman in public if he had not been formally introduced to her, or she didn't wave him over with one of the many signals she possessed in her arousal arsenal, whether it be fanning her face rapidly, or dropping her handkerchief demurely.
In 2017, the male courtship ritual might consist of sending a dick pic and a "I'm ready, u up?" text message at 2:13 AM to any woman he can! But, (pardon to use a cliche) NOT ALL MEN are guilty of such callous, selfish and dysfunctional relationship-building behaviour!
I, Adhimu Stewart, am a Canadian feminist porn actor, and Professional Love Maker. I have sex with women on camera, and with people for their private fantasies off-camera, too! So, let me tell you what it's like to have a relationship with a porn star (in the making), for those who are curious!
Sexy Revelations:
1) No two porn stars are exactly alike, therefore no two relationships with porn stars will be alike.
Some porn stars specialize in penis size, muscles, domination, team-sex scenes, rough talk & action, or romantic, story-telling driven vignettes. And who he is on camera may only be a percentage of who he is off-camera! I know that there are things I do privately that I have chosen not to do sexually and publicly, for my own reasons. Every man may be the same, to a lower or higher degree. Will he want different sex with you than he has at work? Probably. Will you want to have a personalized experience with a porn star at home? Maybe it can happen! This may be one of the perks to dating a porn star. And this is what is called: a BENEFIT. Such as the benefits of bliss I felt when I recently made love to a ballerina!! So, yes. It will probably be quite different than any other relationship you have ever had. His average day will probably consist of him being naked, if not him having sex with someone, if not more than one person... so there's that.
2) Being with a porn star may take you to your sexual physical limits... and maybe past them!!
Have you ever played hockey with an NHL player? Ever played basketball with an NBA star? Hell, have you ever played tennis with a Wimbledon champion? The experience is guaranteed to be something more intense than just playing a little pick-up game with your neighbors. Your sex, your conversations about sexual boundaries, your understanding of possible relationships, even your every day little interactions are probably going to be much more extreme than usual. I consider myself a sexual athlete, and I like to work up a sweat when I throw down in the bedroom (or bathroom, or living room, or...) Being with a porn star may take you to your sexual physical limits... and maybe past them!! Know yourself, and what you can handle. And if you want to take yourself beyond the limits you've felt with all previous men... then buckle up, and get ready to feel fantasy on a deeper level than you've ever known... Overtime in Game 7 of the Playoffs type magic!
3) It could become high-profile, even when you think you're low-key.
I was walking with a lover to an event we had planned on attending together, and within 5 minutes, I had seen three different people from different places and circles of connection. My partner at the time was like "You are so popular! Is there ever a day when it's not like this for you? Can you go anywhere and be alone?" To which I replied "Not really!" So, being with someone that does porn MIGHT reduce your public incognito possibilities, if you are walking around with them. If they are very famous, you may get your own fame just by social media association. As we neared this event, I actually was tangled between three different lovers/former lovers/possible lovers all at once in the same subway station! I introduced them all to each other, and then laughed. #pornlife
4) Do you care what people think?
It's one thing to have your privacy threshold reduced... but it's another thing to be exposed to more popularity for dating a porn star, and NOT be comfortable with it! There are levels to this biz. Do you care if your parents know? Do you care what your boss thinks? Do you mind if your drinking and smoking buddies are privy to this info? Does it matter to your extended family if you are dating someone "like that"? I'm not a fool. I am a lucky guy and I'm a evolved intellectual as well. I know most parents wouldn't be completely and totally comfortable with their daughter bringing home a porn star and saying "Mom and Dad, meet Malcolm Lovejoy! Yes, he is a nice guy. Where does he work? Oh, you can see his work online!" We are not living in a society that enlightened as yet, but I'm working on getting everyone there (have you seen my work? I'm not ashamed of it at all! But, I digress.) If you care what people think about your relationship, whether it's your parents or your friends on Facebook, then you will have to work that out internally, if your happiness is worth public judgement (hint: IT ALWAYS IS. But that's for you to choose...)
5) Are you the jealous type of girlfriend?
Because if you are, your future with someone who has sex with other people for a living, then... you either are going to have to get REALLY GOOD at turning a blind eye and ear to where your boyfriend was all day yesterday or last night, or start accepting that maybe, just maybe, sex can be like any and every other human interaction humanity conducts every day. There is no reason that porn stars can't be treated like a gynecologist treats their patients or actors treat their co-stars. Porn is a job, and it is very possible (actually, it's pretty necessary and vital) to leave work at work when you go home at the end of the day of shooting porn. I don't have any on-going relationships with any of the lovely women I have shot porn with in the last 6 months. We are friends, and I may spend time with them in other ways, which is nice, but I don't mix business and pleasure in that way too often. I'd like to with a few porn stars, but I understand why many don't. It gets complicated, but it it manageable if you are honest. Every question a lover wants to know about my porn life, I will tell her only one answer: the truth. I have nothing to hide. I show my most recent STI tests to anyone that wants to know if I'm clean. I admit whether I shot a scene with or without condoms. Some days on a porn set don't even involve any penis-in-vagina sex! So, you never know what kind of day it will be, thus the jealousy can be taken apart through moment-to-moment scenarios. I'm coming home to you, and I'm not lying to you about anything I've done, so I promise to stay faithful to giving you love, passion, friendship, trust, joy and honesty. And TRUST ME, there are FEW things more sexy than being together with your partner and watching a porn movie they made... then getting inspired by it to do your own hot sexy stuff right after watching it!
That's just the tip of the iceberg of being with a porn star.
But I'm not your average porn star, so smile mileage may vary.
If you want to know more, just ask me!
Email: mindbendersupreme@gmail.com
Twitter: mindbendermind
Facebook: Dr. Malcolm Jackson Lovejoy
In Love and Joy,
Malcolm aka Adhimu Stewart
"Malcolm Lovejoy is the porn star of the future. A renaissance man like no other in adult entertainment, he is a romantic enthusiast on levels that would make Casanova proud. His feminist-focused approach to all things pornographic pushes his work into a category unlike most men in porn, as Malcolm's passion for providing multi-orgasmic satisfaction for his partners before spending time trying to give a money shot, his unparalleled oral skills, tender touch and ultra-athletic action-packed sex style makes Malcolm's porn a beautiful vision to behold for everyone lucky enough to see it! And in his first 2 years of filming, he has explored a wide variety of adult content, from heterosexual pleasure, to bondage & submissive play, female ejaculation scenes, solo masturbation, transgender scenes, sci-fi sex, pornographic music videos, and so much more. With over 50 scenes filmed thus far, and more on the way, his plans for 2017 and beyond are nothing but bring more of Malcolm Lovejoy's boundless beauty and sacred sexuality to the world for all people to be endlessly educated and entertained by..."
- Published on
Dating and Relationships Worth the Risk?
Are Relationships Worth The Risk?
By Frank Kermit
Given that there is so much risk in getting involved in relationships, or having sex for that matter, is it at all worth it to even bother? After all, a broken heart hurts, you could catch a sexual transmitted infection, you could end up ruining your life if you choose the wrong person, and your financial situation could be massive destroyed through a nasty divorce. So why try?
I will give you three reasons to try.
1-dating and relationships teach you about yourself.
Everyone has lots of theory about what they want in a relationship. Unfortunately a lot of that theory is just that; theory. It may not be until a person gets what they want to realize it was not really for them to begin with. It is important to get as much relationship experience as you can, so that you will learn about what you really can and cannot handle. This will give you the self-knowledge you will need to make a long-term relationship succeed when you get there.
2- you risk getting into relationships because you WILL make mistakes.
In my practice I have found a significant correlation with people who refuse to take relationship related risks and people who have an unrealistic expectation that they need to be perfect. Perfectionists are under such pressure to be perfect, it goes to the point that they try to control every single element in their life, and anything they have no control over (like another human being they could be involved with), the perfectionists find every reason to not even bother trying. The need of being perfect is rooted in fear...the fear of not having control over the outcome. That causes more inaction through loss of time in trying to be over-prepared. Action beats out perfectionist-type-preparation when it comes to relationships. When starting out with dating, whether you are an inexperienced adult, or newly single after the end of a long term relationship, it is important to date as much as you can, and give everyone that shows interest in you a chance to sweep you off your feet. That is how you learn, because it is in dating that you make the mistakes you learn from, in order to know better for every future relationship risk you try again. I find this is common among the adult virgin population that sometimes seeks my coaching.
3-Because without some risk in life, you have no life.
There is a wonderful scene from the movie Mambo Italiano. The main character at the age of 27 is trying to decide if he should break from family tradition and move out on his own unmarried (an insult to the parents in that culture), or stay living with his parents who treat like a child. The main character is a closet homosexual, so he will never be in a position to move out of his parent's home due to a heterosexual marriage. As he is debating whether or not he should take such a risk of striking out on his own so that he can (in part) explore potential relationship prospects, he thinks about an image of his neighbor. There sitting on the porch is Massimo, a 69 year old man still living with his parents who are in their 90s. We see evidence that the parents of the old man have continued to treat their 69-year-old son, like a teenager. That old man never had a girlfriend (nor boyfriend as the case may be). He never moved out on his own. He never had a life of his own. Yes, he never got divorced, or made a mistake related to love, sex, dating and relationships...but he also never lived a full life. He just coasted through it.
And that is the final reason that the risk of relationships is worth it. Never taking risks in life means you never get to live the experiences that life has to offer. You can be safe. You can survive. And you will never suffer the hardships of when risks do not work out.
However, you also will never share in some of the great experiences that life has to offer either. You will never experience self actualization, you will never discover what it is to own your own life, you may not even be able to relate to the people around you that do take risks with relationships and finally you will never experience the kind of intimate love that can only result from the willingness to risk.
What is that worth to you? Only you know.
If you are Scared of Dating,
Check Out The Benefits of Frank Coaching!
To buy the Ebooks, click below: 25 RULES FOR EVERYONE- HOW TO ACT ON A FIRST DATE
101 GREAT FIRST DATES - WHAT TO SAY
By Frank Kermit
Given that there is so much risk in getting involved in relationships, or having sex for that matter, is it at all worth it to even bother? After all, a broken heart hurts, you could catch a sexual transmitted infection, you could end up ruining your life if you choose the wrong person, and your financial situation could be massive destroyed through a nasty divorce. So why try?
I will give you three reasons to try.
1-dating and relationships teach you about yourself.
Everyone has lots of theory about what they want in a relationship. Unfortunately a lot of that theory is just that; theory. It may not be until a person gets what they want to realize it was not really for them to begin with. It is important to get as much relationship experience as you can, so that you will learn about what you really can and cannot handle. This will give you the self-knowledge you will need to make a long-term relationship succeed when you get there.
2- you risk getting into relationships because you WILL make mistakes.
In my practice I have found a significant correlation with people who refuse to take relationship related risks and people who have an unrealistic expectation that they need to be perfect. Perfectionists are under such pressure to be perfect, it goes to the point that they try to control every single element in their life, and anything they have no control over (like another human being they could be involved with), the perfectionists find every reason to not even bother trying. The need of being perfect is rooted in fear...the fear of not having control over the outcome. That causes more inaction through loss of time in trying to be over-prepared. Action beats out perfectionist-type-preparation when it comes to relationships. When starting out with dating, whether you are an inexperienced adult, or newly single after the end of a long term relationship, it is important to date as much as you can, and give everyone that shows interest in you a chance to sweep you off your feet. That is how you learn, because it is in dating that you make the mistakes you learn from, in order to know better for every future relationship risk you try again. I find this is common among the adult virgin population that sometimes seeks my coaching.
3-Because without some risk in life, you have no life.
There is a wonderful scene from the movie Mambo Italiano. The main character at the age of 27 is trying to decide if he should break from family tradition and move out on his own unmarried (an insult to the parents in that culture), or stay living with his parents who treat like a child. The main character is a closet homosexual, so he will never be in a position to move out of his parent's home due to a heterosexual marriage. As he is debating whether or not he should take such a risk of striking out on his own so that he can (in part) explore potential relationship prospects, he thinks about an image of his neighbor. There sitting on the porch is Massimo, a 69 year old man still living with his parents who are in their 90s. We see evidence that the parents of the old man have continued to treat their 69-year-old son, like a teenager. That old man never had a girlfriend (nor boyfriend as the case may be). He never moved out on his own. He never had a life of his own. Yes, he never got divorced, or made a mistake related to love, sex, dating and relationships...but he also never lived a full life. He just coasted through it.
And that is the final reason that the risk of relationships is worth it. Never taking risks in life means you never get to live the experiences that life has to offer. You can be safe. You can survive. And you will never suffer the hardships of when risks do not work out.
However, you also will never share in some of the great experiences that life has to offer either. You will never experience self actualization, you will never discover what it is to own your own life, you may not even be able to relate to the people around you that do take risks with relationships and finally you will never experience the kind of intimate love that can only result from the willingness to risk.
What is that worth to you? Only you know.
If you are Scared of Dating,
Check Out The Benefits of Frank Coaching!
To buy the Ebooks, click below: 25 RULES FOR EVERYONE- HOW TO ACT ON A FIRST DATE
101 GREAT FIRST DATES - WHAT TO SAY
- Published on
The Secret To Being Happy on Valentine's Day
Single Or Not, Here Comes Valentine!
How To Be Happy
By Frank Kermit
The secret to being happy on Valentine’s Day (V-day) is to be grateful for everything no matter what your situation. Being single should not be a reason to feel bad on V-day nor is the fact you are nursing a broken heart. If you are single, that means you are free to find love, and if you are nursing a broken heart it means you are learning a very important lesson in choosing the right person to date and will make sure to spot the red flags before choosing the wrong one again.
No matter how bad you think you may have it, there is likely someone that wishes they could trade places with you.
Are you miserably single? Well, someone who feels trapped in an unhappy relationship may gladly switch with you.
Are you with a long-term spouse that no longer is attractive to you now that you finished raising our kids? Well, it might be paradise to someone that wishes they had chosen to get serious and have a family, to help squash the unbearable loneliness that creeps into old age.
Are you only seeing your kid a few days a month? There is someone that had to hold a funeral for their kid and just wishes to be in your shoes.
Everyone has problems, whether single or involved. Valentine’s Day does not fix what is broken in your life, nor does it automatically change your situation. It is nothing more than a day to recognize what you do have going on. If you aren’t happy, you can changes things if you really want to. But keep in mind that comparing yourself to what others have, or do not have, will never bring you peace, because behind every smile there is a story that you do not know.
A happily single person may have had to go through some vicious life lessons to be content to be alone. That loving couple may have had to overcome adversity and worked through personalized therapy in order to be able to be fully present in that relationship.
Be grateful for the love you had in the past, the love you may be experiencing now, and the love you will surely find in the future. No matter what your situation, you have a choice on what to focus on.
By the way, never underestimate how attractive a positive attitude can be. Whether it is looking for love, employment or even a new opportunity to better your life, the people you interact with respond better, more often than not, to a person with a positive frame of mind.
So if you are asking yourself, "How To Be Happy", now you know. It starts with your own attitude. Not waiting for something good to happen but having the right attitude to be happy, so you ready for when it does happen.
Check out The Benefits Of Frank Coaching and Sign Up!
@emotional needs #feb14 #feb15 #february14 #feb14th #february14th #valentinesday #bemyvalentine #valentineday #vday #singlelife #single #singleawarenessday #sad #heartbroken #heartbreak #broken #hurt #imissyou #breakup #depressing #lovequotes #alone #hearts #heart #cupid #cupidsarrow #marriageproposalideas #marriageproposalfails #engagementseason #gethitched
- Published on
Starting Over after V-day?
By Frank Kermit
Valentine's day can be a day of reckoning for some people. Meaning, the events leading up to, on the day of, and afterwards can really wreck your life. This is one of the reasons I often refer to Valentine's Day as "V-day". Aside from being a day where romantically involved people are encouraged (expected? pressured?) to express their affections for one another, V-day is also a day of reflect, where people reassess their romantic relations (or lack thereof).
If they are single, it reminds them of the pleasures that come with being with someone. If they are already attached, a re-evaluation is in order, which could lead to a break up and starting all over again, having to meet someone new, and go through the ups and downs (and the honeymoon phase) to the point where you get comfortable enough that when V-day strikes again, you see if your current relationship can survive the new re-evaluation. Any wonders why there is a growing trend of anti-Valentines day parties emerging to mark the day?
For some, starting over may include deciding to actively pursue the end of their residence in the realm of Singledom. To make the firm decision that they will make whatever efforts are needed to put themselves out there, meet new people, become more socially calibrated, develop a little charisma and meet someone they can have a functional relationship with.
It is not just about Starting Over from a previous relationship, it may very well be about completely Starting Over and learning to have a life with passion.
For those of you starting over, here is something to keep in mind: One of the Frank Secrets of Success is that you do not wait to "feel like it" before you do it. You do it, whether or not you feel like it. That means if you have the choice of staying home or going out to meet people, you Get-Out-There even if you don't feel like going anywhere.
Staying at home and feeling sorry for yourself will keep you at home feeling sorry for yourself. This could also mean to start letting your friends and family know that you are ready and open to meeting someone, and giving any potential partner introduced to you the opportunity of at least one date to sweep you off your feet, regardless if your first impression of that person is less than exciting.
One date does not make a relationship, and the sooner you get out there and discover new people, the sooner you will meet a future soul mate. If the date goes nowhere, no worries! You got out there, likely learned something new about yourself and hopefully had a little fun in the process.
I have had some bad V-days and some good V-days. The most horrible was the V-day that I lost one of my most serious long-term partners, which cut me deeply.
However, one of the more intriguing V-days was the one that hosted my first venture into a Fetish Night Club. I was alone at the time (having my lover end it with me over the phone) and figured that I had a choice. I could stay home and sulk, or head out and try something new. So I made a firm choice to try something new and educated myself about a different lifestyle. Am I suggesting that you all go to a Fetish Night Club? Nope. What I am suggesting is that if there is something that you have been meaning to try, the transition period of starting over is a great time to try it.
That does not mean you will automatically find what you are looking for. In fact, all you may find out is that those things that you thought you were interested in aren't really all that you had hoped. If nothing else it could be an exercise in the process of elimination about what you do and do not actually like.
However, even that kind of process is still a step forward and it means that you will be a step closer to finding the real you. When you find the real you, then finding your relationship true, will be a result of paying your self-discovery dues.
I wish you all an emotionally healthy V-day recovery!
Check out The Benefits of Frank Coaching and Sign Up!
By Frank Kermit
Valentine's day can be a day of reckoning for some people. Meaning, the events leading up to, on the day of, and afterwards can really wreck your life. This is one of the reasons I often refer to Valentine's Day as "V-day". Aside from being a day where romantically involved people are encouraged (expected? pressured?) to express their affections for one another, V-day is also a day of reflect, where people reassess their romantic relations (or lack thereof).
If they are single, it reminds them of the pleasures that come with being with someone. If they are already attached, a re-evaluation is in order, which could lead to a break up and starting all over again, having to meet someone new, and go through the ups and downs (and the honeymoon phase) to the point where you get comfortable enough that when V-day strikes again, you see if your current relationship can survive the new re-evaluation. Any wonders why there is a growing trend of anti-Valentines day parties emerging to mark the day?
For some, starting over may include deciding to actively pursue the end of their residence in the realm of Singledom. To make the firm decision that they will make whatever efforts are needed to put themselves out there, meet new people, become more socially calibrated, develop a little charisma and meet someone they can have a functional relationship with.
It is not just about Starting Over from a previous relationship, it may very well be about completely Starting Over and learning to have a life with passion.
For those of you starting over, here is something to keep in mind: One of the Frank Secrets of Success is that you do not wait to "feel like it" before you do it. You do it, whether or not you feel like it. That means if you have the choice of staying home or going out to meet people, you Get-Out-There even if you don't feel like going anywhere.
Staying at home and feeling sorry for yourself will keep you at home feeling sorry for yourself. This could also mean to start letting your friends and family know that you are ready and open to meeting someone, and giving any potential partner introduced to you the opportunity of at least one date to sweep you off your feet, regardless if your first impression of that person is less than exciting.
One date does not make a relationship, and the sooner you get out there and discover new people, the sooner you will meet a future soul mate. If the date goes nowhere, no worries! You got out there, likely learned something new about yourself and hopefully had a little fun in the process.
I have had some bad V-days and some good V-days. The most horrible was the V-day that I lost one of my most serious long-term partners, which cut me deeply.
However, one of the more intriguing V-days was the one that hosted my first venture into a Fetish Night Club. I was alone at the time (having my lover end it with me over the phone) and figured that I had a choice. I could stay home and sulk, or head out and try something new. So I made a firm choice to try something new and educated myself about a different lifestyle. Am I suggesting that you all go to a Fetish Night Club? Nope. What I am suggesting is that if there is something that you have been meaning to try, the transition period of starting over is a great time to try it.
That does not mean you will automatically find what you are looking for. In fact, all you may find out is that those things that you thought you were interested in aren't really all that you had hoped. If nothing else it could be an exercise in the process of elimination about what you do and do not actually like.
However, even that kind of process is still a step forward and it means that you will be a step closer to finding the real you. When you find the real you, then finding your relationship true, will be a result of paying your self-discovery dues.
I wish you all an emotionally healthy V-day recovery!
Check out The Benefits of Frank Coaching and Sign Up!
@emotionalneeds #startingover #feb14 #feb15 #february14 #feb14th #february14th #valentinesday #bemyvalentine #valentineday #vday #singlelife #single #singleawarenessday #sad #heartbroken #heartbreak #broken #hurt #imissyou #breakup #depressing #lovequotes #alone #hearts #heart #cupid #cupidsarrow #marriageproposalideas #marriageproposalfails #engagementseason #gethitched #breakup #ghosted #dumped
- Published on
tips on dating an equestrian
What To Expect When You're Dating An Equestrian
by Nancy Smythe
So you've met someone you'd like to date and they are into equestrian sports. Here's a bit of what to expect and a few hints to help you as you start off the relationship.
When a person owns a horse or rides regularly then horses are more than just a hobby..they are a lifestyle. Horses require a lot of exercise and are an investment not only in money but time regardless of whether the person competes or not. Being an equestrian is in the blood, it is part of who we are. As with any passion, it is an important part of that person's identity and a great deal of time will be devoted to horsey activities.
Equestrian sports are the only sports where men and women compete against each other on equal footing. That said, the majority of participants are women and most barns are strongly women majority so guys, take note! There are many single women who you haven't met yet because they are at the barn instead of the bar.
One way to gain an idea of what you are getting into is to take a few riding lessons yourself (preferably at a recognized riding school listed with your provincial or state equestrian association). Most riding schools offer package deals for a series of lessons where you will learn to safely handle a horse, put the equipment on, basic riding skills as well as the basic terms. Even if you have no intention of continuing to ride, this will come in handy when you go to the barn with your new partner. You'll be able to participate instead of being a passive bystander.
Be fully prepared to expect the following:
-The average time spent at a barn per visit is 2-3 hours. Many horse owners go to the barn at least 4-6 days per week. Asking a rider to limit their time at the barn is unrealistic. Never, ever issue an ultimatum to choose you or the horse. You will lose (see the part above where I refer to lifestyle, passion and part of our identity). Asking an equestrian to choose is basically asking them to suppress part of who they are..in other words you'd be rejecting a part of them.
-Riders will frequently be late. Horses are living animals and as such are a bit unpredictable. Even a quick stop at the barn can easily turn into a several hour affair if something has gone awry. This is normal and will happen. Dinner plans may frequently be altered at the last minute.
-An equestrian has no problem going to do the groceries or other errands on the way back from the barn, covered in dust, hair and a fair amount of horse slobber. Their car probably is full of the same as well. If dirt and odours offend you then you're totally out of luck.
-If your new partner competes, then expect that they will be spending some weekends (or weeks if they compete at higher levels) out of town. Again, if you have taken the time to get familiar with handling horses this may give you an opportunity to participate instead of feeling like you're in the way.
-You don't have to spend every moment at the barn with your new partner (in fact trying to do so probably isn't a good idea) but if you are able to go when invited and be comfortable in the environment then you definitely have an advantage over the guy who isn't.
The upside of all this is that equestrians generally understand long term commitment. Spending a lot of time with horses teaches us empathy, dedication and perseverance. All good qualities to have in a potential partner. And who knows? You may just discover a new passion as well.
Check Out Nancy's previous article on Horse Back Riding For a First Date
Nancy Smythe has been certified by the Canadian Equestrian Federation (now Equestrian Canada) and the Federation Èquestre du Quebec (now Cheval Quebec) as a Level 1 Trainer since 1991. She has supported numerous riders and their horses in achieving their personal goals, whether those goals are to win a Championship, overcome a particular fear or simply improve communication between horse and rider to instill safe riding skills.
To contact Nancy you can reach her through her Facebook
by Nancy Smythe
So you've met someone you'd like to date and they are into equestrian sports. Here's a bit of what to expect and a few hints to help you as you start off the relationship.
When a person owns a horse or rides regularly then horses are more than just a hobby..they are a lifestyle. Horses require a lot of exercise and are an investment not only in money but time regardless of whether the person competes or not. Being an equestrian is in the blood, it is part of who we are. As with any passion, it is an important part of that person's identity and a great deal of time will be devoted to horsey activities.
Equestrian sports are the only sports where men and women compete against each other on equal footing. That said, the majority of participants are women and most barns are strongly women majority so guys, take note! There are many single women who you haven't met yet because they are at the barn instead of the bar.
One way to gain an idea of what you are getting into is to take a few riding lessons yourself (preferably at a recognized riding school listed with your provincial or state equestrian association). Most riding schools offer package deals for a series of lessons where you will learn to safely handle a horse, put the equipment on, basic riding skills as well as the basic terms. Even if you have no intention of continuing to ride, this will come in handy when you go to the barn with your new partner. You'll be able to participate instead of being a passive bystander.
Be fully prepared to expect the following:
-The average time spent at a barn per visit is 2-3 hours. Many horse owners go to the barn at least 4-6 days per week. Asking a rider to limit their time at the barn is unrealistic. Never, ever issue an ultimatum to choose you or the horse. You will lose (see the part above where I refer to lifestyle, passion and part of our identity). Asking an equestrian to choose is basically asking them to suppress part of who they are..in other words you'd be rejecting a part of them.
-Riders will frequently be late. Horses are living animals and as such are a bit unpredictable. Even a quick stop at the barn can easily turn into a several hour affair if something has gone awry. This is normal and will happen. Dinner plans may frequently be altered at the last minute.
-An equestrian has no problem going to do the groceries or other errands on the way back from the barn, covered in dust, hair and a fair amount of horse slobber. Their car probably is full of the same as well. If dirt and odours offend you then you're totally out of luck.
-If your new partner competes, then expect that they will be spending some weekends (or weeks if they compete at higher levels) out of town. Again, if you have taken the time to get familiar with handling horses this may give you an opportunity to participate instead of feeling like you're in the way.
-You don't have to spend every moment at the barn with your new partner (in fact trying to do so probably isn't a good idea) but if you are able to go when invited and be comfortable in the environment then you definitely have an advantage over the guy who isn't.
The upside of all this is that equestrians generally understand long term commitment. Spending a lot of time with horses teaches us empathy, dedication and perseverance. All good qualities to have in a potential partner. And who knows? You may just discover a new passion as well.
Check Out Nancy's previous article on Horse Back Riding For a First Date
Nancy Smythe has been certified by the Canadian Equestrian Federation (now Equestrian Canada) and the Federation Èquestre du Quebec (now Cheval Quebec) as a Level 1 Trainer since 1991. She has supported numerous riders and their horses in achieving their personal goals, whether those goals are to win a Championship, overcome a particular fear or simply improve communication between horse and rider to instill safe riding skills.
To contact Nancy you can reach her through her Facebook
