- Published on
Peter Anthony Holder is a professional broadcaster. He has decades of experience in the media industry, He is the producer and host of THE STUPH FILE Podcast. To learn more about Peter Anthony Holder please visit http://www.peteranthonyholder.com/.
Frank's Weight Loss
The STUPH FILE Program Episode #0717, Original Air Date: May 14, 2023
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit who is a relationship coach that we’ve had on the program several times over the years, has a new coaching service that is near and dear to his heart. He’s now a certified weight loss coach, after he himself lost over 200 pounds. This is Frank's 18th appearance on the program.
To listen to the episode please visit The Stuph File with Peter Anthony Holder
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit who is a relationship coach that we’ve had on the program several times over the years, has a new coaching service that is near and dear to his heart. He’s now a certified weight loss coach, after he himself lost over 200 pounds. This is Frank's 18th appearance on the program.
To listen to the episode please visit The Stuph File with Peter Anthony Holder
Relationships and Social Media.
The STUPH FILE Program Episode #0706, Original Air Date: February 23, 2023
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about relationships and social media. This is Frank's 17th appearance on the program.
To listen to the episode please visit The Stuph File with Peter Anthony Holder
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about relationships and social media. This is Frank's 17th appearance on the program.
To listen to the episode please visit The Stuph File with Peter Anthony Holder
Dating in the Time of the Covid-19 Pandemic.
The STUPH FILE Program Episode #0607, Original Air Date: April 3, 2021
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about dating in the time of the Covid-19 pandemic. It’s a topic that Frank has written articles about, one of which you can find here.. This is Frank's 16th appearance on the program.
To listen to the episode please visit The Stuph File with Peter Anthony Holder
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about dating in the time of the Covid-19 pandemic. It’s a topic that Frank has written articles about, one of which you can find here.. This is Frank's 16th appearance on the program.
To listen to the episode please visit The Stuph File with Peter Anthony Holder
How Dating has Changed for the Next Generation
The STUPH FILE Program Episode #0484, Original Air Date: November 25, 2018
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit discusses how dating has changed for the next generation.. This is Frank's 15th appearance on the program.
To listen to the episode please visit The Stuph File with Peter Anthony Holder
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit discusses how dating has changed for the next generation.. This is Frank's 15th appearance on the program.
To listen to the episode please visit The Stuph File with Peter Anthony Holder
How Soon in a Relationship Should You Start Having Sex?
The STUPH FILE Program Episode #0476, Original Air Date: September 30, 2018
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit answers the question, how soon in a relationship should you start having sex?.. This is Frank's 14th appearance on the program.
To listen to the episode please visit The Stuph File with Peter Anthony Holder
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit answers the question, how soon in a relationship should you start having sex?.. This is Frank's 14th appearance on the program.
To listen to the episode please visit The Stuph File with Peter Anthony Holder
Dating Someone Who Has Been Single for a Long Time
The STUPH FILE Program Episode #0446, Original Air Date: March 4, 2018
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about dating someone who has been single for a long time. Apparently there is a shelf life for serial singles as many might shun them as a potential mate.. This is Frank's 13th appearance on the program.
To listen to the episode please visit The Stuph File with Peter Anthony Holder
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about dating someone who has been single for a long time. Apparently there is a shelf life for serial singles as many might shun them as a potential mate.. This is Frank's 13th appearance on the program.
To listen to the episode please visit The Stuph File with Peter Anthony Holder
Cuffing Season
The STUPH FILE Program Episode #0433, Original Air Date: December 2, 2017
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about Cuffing Season the period during the holiday season when some singles get back into old relationships to avoid being alone during the holidays. This is Frank's 12th appearance on the program.
To listen to the episode please visit The Stuph File with Peter Anthony Holder
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about Cuffing Season the period during the holiday season when some singles get back into old relationships to avoid being alone during the holidays. This is Frank's 12th appearance on the program.
To listen to the episode please visit The Stuph File with Peter Anthony Holder
People who have been deemed “undateable.”
The STUPH FILE Program Episode #0401, Original Air Date: April 23, 2017
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about People deemed "undateable". This is Frank's 11th appearance on the program.
To listen to the episode please visit The Stuph File with Peter Anthony Holder
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about People deemed "undateable". This is Frank's 11th appearance on the program.
To listen to the episode please visit The Stuph File with Peter Anthony Holder
Minefield of Valentine's Day
The STUPH FILE Program Episode #0285, Original Air Date: February 2, 2015
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about the minefield that is Valentine's Day. This is Frank's 10th appearance on the program.
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about the minefield that is Valentine's Day. This is Frank's 10th appearance on the program.
Social Media, New Technologies and Dating & Relationships
The STUPH FILE Program, Episode #0276, Original Air Date: December 1, 2014
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about technology, social media in relationships and dating. This is Frank's 9th appearance on the program.
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about technology, social media in relationships and dating. This is Frank's 9th appearance on the program.
Communication in Dating and Relationships
The STUPH FILE Program, Episode #0270, Original Air Date: October 20, 2014
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about communication in relationships and dating. This is Frank's 8th appearance on the program
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about communication in relationships and dating. This is Frank's 8th appearance on the program
The Great Love Debate - Why Are We Still Single?
The STUPH FILE Program, Episode #0258, Original Air Date: July 29 2014
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about Why are people still single in a time when there are more ways than ever to meet someone. Also discussed is The Great Love Debate International Tour 2014 in Montreal. This is Frank's 7th appearance on the program.
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about Why are people still single in a time when there are more ways than ever to meet someone. Also discussed is The Great Love Debate International Tour 2014 in Montreal. This is Frank's 7th appearance on the program.
Age Gap Relationships
The STUPH FILE Program, Episode #0251, Original Air Date: June 6 2014
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about Age Gap Relationships. This is Frank's 6th appearance on the show.
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about Age Gap Relationships. This is Frank's 6th appearance on the show.
Making Ultimatums in Dating and Relationships
The STUPH FILE Program, Episode #0243, Original Air Date: April, 2014
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about making ultimatums in dating and relationships. This is Frank's 5th appearance on the show.
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about making ultimatums in dating and relationships. This is Frank's 5th appearance on the show.
New Relationships Going into the Holidays
The STUPH FILE Program, Episode #0225, Original Air Date: December, 2013
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about new relationships and going to holiday gatherings with friends, co-workers and family. This is Frank's 4th appearance on the program.
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about new relationships and going to holiday gatherings with friends, co-workers and family. This is Frank's 4th appearance on the program.
Bad Media Representations of Dating and Relationships
The STUPH FILE Program, Episode #0222, Original Air Date: November, 2013
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about bad relationships being portrayed in the media for humor and as a sales tool and how that may affect audiences. This is Frank's 3rd appearance on the program.
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about bad relationships being portrayed in the media for humor and as a sales tool and how that may affect audiences. This is Frank's 3rd appearance on the program.
The STUPH FILE Program, Episode #0178, Original Air Date: January 14, 2013
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about Couples in Transition and Pre Wedding Conversations. This is Frank's 2nd appearance on the program.
Peter Anthony Holder interviews Frank Kermit about Couples in Transition and Pre Wedding Conversations. This is Frank's 2nd appearance on the program.
Frank Kermit does the Intro for The STUPH File
The STUPH FILE Program, Episode #0157, Original Air Date: August 20, 2012,
Peter Anthony Holder presents Frank Kermit voicing the intro to his STUPH FILE Program podcast. This is Frank's 1st appearance on the program
Peter Anthony Holder presents Frank Kermit voicing the intro to his STUPH FILE Program podcast. This is Frank's 1st appearance on the program
Frank Talks Radio interviews Peter Anthony Holder
Frank Interviews Peter Anthony Holder, Episode #1009, Original Air Date: June 2010
Peter Anthony Holder is a professional broadcaster. He has decades of experience in the media industry, and shares his stories about how he got started, what it takes to be a broadcaster, who he worked with, who he learned from and studied under and very special inside information that only a man with broadcast experience would know.
Peter Anthony Holder is a professional broadcaster. He has decades of experience in the media industry, and shares his stories about how he got started, what it takes to be a broadcaster, who he worked with, who he learned from and studied under and very special inside information that only a man with broadcast experience would know.
- Published on
life is not a fairytale
Originally published July 29, 2016, updated April 20, 2018
Life is Not a Fairytale
by Frank Kermit
You are not a helpless, beautiful princess in peril needing to be saved because of how pretty you are, nor a handsome prince who is also a knight setting out to rescue someone as a means of earning true love.
You have a lot more power and control over your own destiny than you were raised to believe you had. Believing in fairy tales may have been acceptable when we were children, but it is destructive to base decisions made for your adult love life on what fairy tales taught you.
The first thing is you do not need anyone to save you from a life of loneliness or from ending up with the wrong person. You have the power (and dare I say the obligation) to save yourself.
Want to be rescued from poverty? Earn your own money and build your own wealth.
Want to get out of a bad living situation? Make whatever sacrifice to get yourself educated or knowledgeable enough to get yourself out of there.
Want to make sure that you do not end up alone? Be proactive in meeting new people and become the kind of person that others would want to date.
Stop waiting for someone to come along to find you. You go find that someone first.
The second thing is instead of looking for a life partner that you would need to save first, you should be seeking someone that can be a contributing partner to help you build the future you both agree on.
You are lovable without having to save someone from him-or-herself in order to earn love.
In fact, even if you do save someone, you may earn their gratitude, and you may earn their appreciation, but you did not automatically earn that person’s love.
Demanding someone love you just because you saved the person (from themselves or from someone else) does not guarantee love. It never has regardless of what fairy tales imply.
Stop trying to "hero" your way to love.
And the scariest part about this life lesson for your love life?
The realization that there is no guarantee of a happily ever after, even when you meet someone wonderfully suited to you.
Life is a series of struggles, and ups and downs.
Even when you find that magical connection and sustainable relationship, you are still dealing with two flawed human beings that will have to contend with everything nasty life has to throw at you both.
From friends and family who refuse to accept or acknowledge your love, to dealing with the death of loved ones, personal sickness, challenges as parents, broken trusts, financial concerns and other elements too numerous to mention all of which can send even the strongest couples into the negative portion of divorce statistics.
Singles who are caught up on having:
-the perfect date,
-the perfect fantasy romance,
-the perfect fantasy wedding, and
-the perfect family life
will more than likely end up perfectly single.
Life is not perfect, and neither are you.
The sooner you accept that, the sooner you will be ready for a real relationship.
-Frank Kermit
Life is Not a Fairytale
by Frank Kermit
You are not a helpless, beautiful princess in peril needing to be saved because of how pretty you are, nor a handsome prince who is also a knight setting out to rescue someone as a means of earning true love.
You have a lot more power and control over your own destiny than you were raised to believe you had. Believing in fairy tales may have been acceptable when we were children, but it is destructive to base decisions made for your adult love life on what fairy tales taught you.
The first thing is you do not need anyone to save you from a life of loneliness or from ending up with the wrong person. You have the power (and dare I say the obligation) to save yourself.
Want to be rescued from poverty? Earn your own money and build your own wealth.
Want to get out of a bad living situation? Make whatever sacrifice to get yourself educated or knowledgeable enough to get yourself out of there.
Want to make sure that you do not end up alone? Be proactive in meeting new people and become the kind of person that others would want to date.
Stop waiting for someone to come along to find you. You go find that someone first.
The second thing is instead of looking for a life partner that you would need to save first, you should be seeking someone that can be a contributing partner to help you build the future you both agree on.
You are lovable without having to save someone from him-or-herself in order to earn love.
In fact, even if you do save someone, you may earn their gratitude, and you may earn their appreciation, but you did not automatically earn that person’s love.
Demanding someone love you just because you saved the person (from themselves or from someone else) does not guarantee love. It never has regardless of what fairy tales imply.
Stop trying to "hero" your way to love.
And the scariest part about this life lesson for your love life?
The realization that there is no guarantee of a happily ever after, even when you meet someone wonderfully suited to you.
Life is a series of struggles, and ups and downs.
Even when you find that magical connection and sustainable relationship, you are still dealing with two flawed human beings that will have to contend with everything nasty life has to throw at you both.
From friends and family who refuse to accept or acknowledge your love, to dealing with the death of loved ones, personal sickness, challenges as parents, broken trusts, financial concerns and other elements too numerous to mention all of which can send even the strongest couples into the negative portion of divorce statistics.
Singles who are caught up on having:
-the perfect date,
-the perfect fantasy romance,
-the perfect fantasy wedding, and
-the perfect family life
will more than likely end up perfectly single.
Life is not perfect, and neither are you.
The sooner you accept that, the sooner you will be ready for a real relationship.
-Frank Kermit
Coaching for Men
If you are trapped in a repeating behavior pattern of seeking perfection that it keeps you single, and now you are going to die old and alone with pets, then sign up for COACHING with Frank Kermit and fix this issue once and for all!
Coaching for Women
- Published on
Global News is the news and current affairs division of Global Television Network in Canada, overseeing all local and national news programming on the network's twelve owned-and-operated stations.
Sugar Baby and Sugar Daddy Websites
Date: January 31, 2015, Title: Global TV: Focus Montreal Show - Montreal Frank Kermit makes his 5th appearance on Global Montreal Television. Elysia Bryan-Baynes interviews Frank about the website SeekingArrangement.com, and Sugar Daddy/Sugar Babies in Montreal. Focusing on what the risks are for the women and men involved, if it is prostitution, and if it is ethical.
Aalia Adam interviews Frank Kermit in 2 part Sugar Baby Story
Date: January 26 and 27, 2015, Title: Global News TV Show - Montreal Frank Kermit makes his 3rd and 4th appearance on Global News Montreal Television show. This is a 2 part story. On this show, reporter Aalia Adam interviews Frank about the website SeekingArrangement.com, and Sugar Daddy/Sugar Babies in Montreal. Focusing on the reported numbers of Sugar Babies attending McGill University, and other universities in Montreal. They also talk about the hidden dating dangers the Sugar Lifestyle can have on long term participants.
Single Going Into The Holidays
Date: December 3, 2013, Title: Global Montreal Morning News TV Show
Frank Kermit makes his 2nd appearance on Global Morning News Montreal Television show. On this show, Camille Ross interviews Frank about Being Single Going Into The Holidays. Relationship Coach Frank Kermit offers a few tips on how to deal with being alone at a time of celebration. In this 4 minute interview, Frank talked to Camille Ross about "What a Single Person Can Do Going Into the Holidays." Here are a few things you'll learn: -One thing you can do RIGHT NOW to change your life and be with a great person this holiday season -Why THIS is the BEST time of the year to meet someone new, and turn a friend into a lover -A technique that is so easy and fast to build up your self confidence and self-esteem, you will wonder why you did not think about it yourself already? -What is the BIGGEST mistake singles make during this time of the year in dating? -How to approach someone at an office holiday party to start a conversation? -What is the mindset when you go out to meet people during the holidays? -What is the 1 thing you CONTROL and how to use that to your full advantage? -How to respond to anyone that tells you to Stop Looking and it will come to you!
Frank Kermit makes his 2nd appearance on Global Morning News Montreal Television show. On this show, Camille Ross interviews Frank about Being Single Going Into The Holidays. Relationship Coach Frank Kermit offers a few tips on how to deal with being alone at a time of celebration. In this 4 minute interview, Frank talked to Camille Ross about "What a Single Person Can Do Going Into the Holidays." Here are a few things you'll learn: -One thing you can do RIGHT NOW to change your life and be with a great person this holiday season -Why THIS is the BEST time of the year to meet someone new, and turn a friend into a lover -A technique that is so easy and fast to build up your self confidence and self-esteem, you will wonder why you did not think about it yourself already? -What is the BIGGEST mistake singles make during this time of the year in dating? -How to approach someone at an office holiday party to start a conversation? -What is the mindset when you go out to meet people during the holidays? -What is the 1 thing you CONTROL and how to use that to your full advantage? -How to respond to anyone that tells you to Stop Looking and it will come to you!
Single After Valentine's Day
Date: February 15, 2013, Title: Global Montreal Morning News TV Show
Frank Kermit makes his 1st appearance on Global Morning News Montreal Television show. On this show, Camille Ross interviews Frank about Starting Over and Being Single after Valentine's Day. Relationship Coach Frank Kermit offers a few tips on how to jump-start your dating life after Valentine's day.
Frank Kermit makes his 1st appearance on Global Morning News Montreal Television show. On this show, Camille Ross interviews Frank about Starting Over and Being Single after Valentine's Day. Relationship Coach Frank Kermit offers a few tips on how to jump-start your dating life after Valentine's day.
- Published on
19 dating experts to be interviewed for a new Internet television program entitled The Men's Room produced by LifeForce TV and hosted by Mark Sparks.
Men's Room Seminar - Frank Storytelling For Dates
Date: August 26, 2010, Title: Men's Room Webinar - Frank Kermit and Mike Dawson
Frank Kermit is a guest on the Men's Room Webinar. Kermit, joins producer Mike Dawson and they talk about Frank Storytelling.
Frank Kermit is a guest on the Men's Room Webinar. Kermit, joins producer Mike Dawson and they talk about Frank Storytelling.
Men's Room Seminar - Building a Persona (Inner Game)
Date: July 29, 2010, Title: Men's Room Webinar - Frank Kermit, Mark Sparks, Mike Dawson
Frank Kermit is a guest on the Men's Room Webinar. Kermit, joins Mark Sparks and Mike Dawson and they talk about building a persona and modeling new beliefs and behaviors to integrate into your personality.
Frank Kermit is a guest on the Men's Room Webinar. Kermit, joins Mark Sparks and Mike Dawson and they talk about building a persona and modeling new beliefs and behaviors to integrate into your personality.
Mens Room Season 2 - The Emotional Needs of Men
Date: March, 2010, Title: Men's Room TV Season 2Frank Kermit is recorded for two full episodes in Season 2 of The Men's Room. In this episode Frank talks about The Emotional Needs of Men. What’s covered in this interview:
-What the purpose of qualifying a women is and how to do it
-Setting up categories of women based on what you want
-How specific criteria can lead to easy conversation topics
-What value matching is and how it’s a fast way to figure out in a woman is worth your time
-The 10 emotional needs of men and how being aware of them can save your relationships
-How to know yourself before you begin qualifying others
-The distinction of how men and women see sex as it relates to their emotional needs
-How to experiment sexually if you’re not sure what you like in bed
-What the most dangerous emotional need is
-The two principals that creating attraction is based on
-The frustration circle and how to avoid it in your own life
-The ‘friend zone’ and how it’s actually a sign of disrespect towards you
-The number one rule of a monogamous relationship
-Becoming aware of how your mother raised you and how it’s impacting your relationships
-The red flags that women can display that you should be aware of
-What the purpose of qualifying a women is and how to do it
-Setting up categories of women based on what you want
-How specific criteria can lead to easy conversation topics
-What value matching is and how it’s a fast way to figure out in a woman is worth your time
-The 10 emotional needs of men and how being aware of them can save your relationships
-How to know yourself before you begin qualifying others
-The distinction of how men and women see sex as it relates to their emotional needs
-How to experiment sexually if you’re not sure what you like in bed
-What the most dangerous emotional need is
-The two principals that creating attraction is based on
-The frustration circle and how to avoid it in your own life
-The ‘friend zone’ and how it’s actually a sign of disrespect towards you
-The number one rule of a monogamous relationship
-Becoming aware of how your mother raised you and how it’s impacting your relationships
-The red flags that women can display that you should be aware of
Men's Room Season 2 - Great First Dates
What’s covered in this interview:
-How to be your best self on the first date
-A great technique to show off your best features that will build a connection with her
-What your first date absolutely HAS to have
-Rules for success on a first date
-What to make sure you avoid on a first date to ensure she’ll see you again
-Great conversation topics that she’ll remember you by
-How to make one date feel like multiple dates so you can build comfort faster
-Being aware of setting precedents on first dates
-How to qualify a women to determine whether or not you want a first date with her
-Frank’s thoughts about kissing on a first date – it may surprise you
-The Eskimo kiss technique
-Observing the sexual dynamic on a first date and how to navigate it
-The rules of dating as a teenager vs dating as an adult and how things change
-Your obligation on a first date, and how to make sure she knows you’re interested in her
-The killer line to give her if she’s trying to put you in the friend zone
-Sex and the first date, and whether you should be aiming for it or not
-What the last location on a first date must have
-Thing you should have in your home for seduction
-Eliciting states in her to bring up powerful emotions of seduction
-How to get rid of the stigma of taking her to your place on the first date
-A fun game to play on your first date that can spark hours of conversation
-A game you can play while speed dating that will allow you to get to know her very fast
-Pulling out her hot words that you can use back on her later
-The 3 million dollar question to discover her priorities
-How to be your best self on the first date
-A great technique to show off your best features that will build a connection with her
-What your first date absolutely HAS to have
-Rules for success on a first date
-What to make sure you avoid on a first date to ensure she’ll see you again
-Great conversation topics that she’ll remember you by
-How to make one date feel like multiple dates so you can build comfort faster
-Being aware of setting precedents on first dates
-How to qualify a women to determine whether or not you want a first date with her
-Frank’s thoughts about kissing on a first date – it may surprise you
-The Eskimo kiss technique
-Observing the sexual dynamic on a first date and how to navigate it
-The rules of dating as a teenager vs dating as an adult and how things change
-Your obligation on a first date, and how to make sure she knows you’re interested in her
-The killer line to give her if she’s trying to put you in the friend zone
-Sex and the first date, and whether you should be aiming for it or not
-What the last location on a first date must have
-Thing you should have in your home for seduction
-Eliciting states in her to bring up powerful emotions of seduction
-How to get rid of the stigma of taking her to your place on the first date
-A fun game to play on your first date that can spark hours of conversation
-A game you can play while speed dating that will allow you to get to know her very fast
-Pulling out her hot words that you can use back on her later
-The 3 million dollar question to discover her priorities
Men's Room Season 1 on DVD!
Now you can get the first season of the Men's Room on DVD. The 4-Disc set features all 20 episodes of the show including three never before seen bonus features, including: 1) A candid conversation with Mark Sparks about the making of the show and some inside information of what he learned through the process. 2) A 25 minute unreleased interview with sex expert Josey Vogels on the value of sex and communication in a relationship. 3) A montage of deleted clips from the first season including stories from Frank Kermit that didn't make the first cut. Frank Kermit is the ONLY guest to appear in two full episodes of Season I of the Men's Rooms Series. And they STILL had enough footage left over to include Frank in the bonus section of the DVD.
Men's Room Season 1 Episode 20 - Deep Inner Game
February 18, 2009. Episode #20, Final Episode of Season 1. Frank Kermit returns to the Men's Room with some advanced inner games tips. Frank Kermit defines the term "inner game", how to get a woman to stick around if you like her, working backwards to find out what you want in life, teaches both men and women why they each are the prize through powerful beliefs you should hold about yourself, what 'creative avoidance' is and how to redirect your focus, creating new behaviors for yourself that produce positive results, how a behavior turns into a belief, how belief turns into a instinct, how to control your fear, and how to break your negative patterns. Frank Kermit also covers the biggest difference between a guy with his inner game together and a guy without. This episode covers topics from his book I'm a Man, That's My Job.
Men's Room Season 1, Episode 2 - Why Women Test (Emotional Needs)
Broadcast: October 8th 2008. Episode #2, Frank Kermit talks about some of the experiences he went through during his development with how he went from loser to seducer. Why women test men and how men can deal with them. Why it's important to find high quality women and keep them and what woman's 10 emotional needs are and how to satisfy them. This interview covers topics presented in Frank Kermit's books From Loser to Seducer and Everything Out Of Her Mouth is a Test.
- Published on
How Long Do You Wait Until You Date Again?
How Soon Do You Start Dating
After A Break Up?
By Frank Kermit
"How much time should I wait before I start dating again?" is a common question that I get asked from someone that has just recently gotten dumped, and still suffering a broken heart. I always tell them the same thing: none. The sooner you start getting out there, the better. The shock, and startling surprise from people sets in, and then a calm comes over them when the realization also sets in that they are free to do what they want.
If you are going to break up with someone, you had better mean it. You had better be sure that you do not want a future with that person, and that you are ready to hear about your soon to be ex partner having a new life with someone else.
Losing your temper, or feeling too overwhelmed are not solid excuses for a break up. If you break up after every fight, and then get back together after every cooling off period, all you are doing is turning a repeating behavior pattern into a solid habit that is going to take effect even after you get more serious in the future if you somehow end up living with, married or having children with that person.
On again, off again relationships are notorious for intermediate flings and love affairs that "do not count" as cheating because the partners were "on a break" at the time. The problem with this pattern is that, although it may start as a legitimate attempt to break up, or a mistake in letting anger gets the best of you, it can easily turn into a means of casually breaking off your primary relationship, not because there is anything wrong with it, but because you need an excuse to try to date someone new without it technically being cheating. One of the worst potential consequences is that this kind of repeating behavior pattern is hard to break even when you finally end up in a great relationship with someone totally new, as your old standard behavior pattern is to break up instead of fix the problem head on. Long-term relationship success is not for quitters.
Some break ups turn out to be nothing more than emotionally abusive tactics employed by manipulative toxic people. These manipulators usually target emotionally vulnerable people who have inherit deep rooted fears of abandonment, and a manipulator will time a dramatic break up to lay siege on a vulnerable person's need for security at the worst possible time, in order to put that victim into a state of hyper-panic. This places the victim in a zone where the emotions are so overwhelming that the victim then agrees to just about anything as a means to sooth their anxiety. The manipulator's tactic is complete when the manipulator comes back just before the traumatic effects start to subside in the victim. This allows for the manipulator to capitalize on enforcing the victim's attachment to staying with the abuser at all costs to stave off deep emotional hardships.
For this reason, when someone breaks up with you, and assuming this is a routine occurrence, the BEST ADVICE in such a break up dynamic is YOU NEVER TAKE THE BREAK UP ARTIST BACK.
Dating other people right away is a reminder that your ex partner is just one of many people you can potentially connect with. It is not about how attracted you are to your new date it is about getting back into the habit of realizing your ex is not the only person out there.
So the next time you are thinking about temporarily breaking up with your partner as a tactic to "keep'em on their toes", you may want to re-think that strategy. All you are doing is giving someone that has been waiting for you to step out of the picture long enough, to make a move and make your ex, his or her new partner...And rightfully so. Breaking up with someone is not "a tactic". It is a choice you make, and be sure that you can live with the consequences of saying goodbye.
In my personal philosophy, everyone has the right to seek out a soul mate without interference. When you break up with someone, your ex has that right to seek out someone new that could be his or her next soul mate. Getting in their way is simply unethical.
One very key understanding to dating after a break up, is that you are ONLY suppose to -date- and not get into serious relationships right away. It is normal to be a little emotionally vulnerable after a nasty break up, and seeking comfort in someone new is very OK. As long as you understand, and the person you are dating is also made to understand, that due to your recent break up, getting into a serious commitment is not permissible at this time. Date each new person no more than once a week, and date as many people as you can.
One last dating tip: In the event that the person who left you does come back begging to reconcile, and in the event you want to give that person a chance, the only way to make it work for the long term is that you only date your ex again once a week to start off, and have your ex earn your trust, commitment and TIME all over again. They have to start at the bottom all over again just like any one new you are dating. If you simply pick up where you left off, all you are encouraging is for your re-partner to break up with you again and again when the fancy strikes. That is not love. That is just loopy.
Frank Kermit
- Published on
Stop talking about your ex
Stop Talking So Much About Your Ex
By Frank Kermit
So you are on a date with someone new. You are excited. You are nervous. You hope that this is finally going to be the one. You meet. So far, you both like what you see. This is going good. You start talking about personal interests. Then your date does it. Your date starts to talk about an ex...and it is not just a passing mention that is brief in nature.
Your date keeps talking about the ex, to the point where you decide that your date is likely still way too hooked on the ex to be emotionally available to be in a relationship with you. The date ends. You are disappointed because the search goes on to find a more suitable partner. Your date, that in fact, may be fully interested in seeing you again, is disappointed that you did not make any connection, and chances are, your date has no idea what he or she did to turn you off.
Talking constantly about an ex while on a date is a red flag. It is a turn off, because talking constantly about an ex is like resurrecting a ghost. When it comes to romantic endeavors, flesh and blood imperfect human beings simply cannot compete with the fantastical fantasy phantoms of someone's idealize past lover.
Those people who would be higher quality potential partners, likely have learned not to bother even trying to fight the ghosts and just walk away. When you are on a date, talk about the things you love and the values you embody, and leave your ex in the past.
Now, if the only meaningful life experiences you have to share are only associated with a particular ex, then take it as a sign that you need to stop waiting to have someone to try new things with, and head out on your own.
For example, if you love dancing but the only dancing stories you have are directly related to an ex, then consider going out dancing with friends, or even taking dance lessons by yourself so that you can meet new people. In this way, you explore your love of dancing, and can share stories about your love of dancing that will be separate from stories of your ex.
If you are still hooked on your ex, to the point where you will not give someone new a legitimate chance at your heart, at the very least be honest about it with the new person you are dating. When on a date, let the person know that you are recovering from a severely broken heart, BUT that should be the extent of any talk about the ex. This gives the other person the ability to make an informed choice for him or her self as to whether or not they want to continue trying with you.
Some people will be OK with it, and are just glad to have someone to spend time with and have some fun. Some people are looking for emotionally available people for a serious relationship and those people will bolt away fast. Some people are in exactly the same predicament as you and are thrilled that they are not alone in their misery, happy to have the company.
A date is NOT a time to be going into a therapeutic discussion. When you are on a date, focus on the person you are with and get to know that person and what role that person can play in your life (friend, lover, serious long term partner).
While you make getting to know the person a fun process, leave the discussions about your unresolved issues with the ex for when you come into the coach's office.
Frank Kermit
- Published on
Speed Dating
Speed Dating: Review of a Host
By Frank Kermit
Speed dating is a great way to meet a larger group of new people in the shortest amount of time, however many people get so nervous about having to actually talk to new folks, that a number of attendees tend to cancel attending at the last minute. Over 30 people had RSVP for a Montreal Speed Dating event held in NDG last week, but only 16 actually attended (10 women and 6 men). It was an all adults ages event open to all denominations and backgrounds, which is a little more rare as most speed dating events try to group participants through common themes (race, religion, age bracket, financial cluster).
However, the biggest obstacle to people making connections and finding matches had nothing to do with who else showed up. Most people struggle at speed dating because of their refusal to be more open minded about whom they would have a first coffee date with.
The way Speed Dating works is that each man-and-woman-pairing gets about 10 minutes to have a quick conversational date. At the end of that time slot, each person marks a sheet indicating, "Yes" or "No". They mark "Yes" if they felt there was enough of a match to be assigned to go on one date in the future. They mark "No" is they do not want to date in the future. If each person both writes "Yes", it is a match and the couple gets each other's contact information to go on a date. If both say "No", there is no match up for a date. If one person says, "Yes" and one person says "No", it is considered a Missed Match. Depending on the organizers, some speed daters are notified of the missed matches to get a second chance to change their mind about actually going out on a date with that person after all.
The individuals who struggle most are the ones that are way too picky. Results are usually consistent in that those that are the pickiest, end up with high numbers of missed matches. It is unlikely that when the picky person realizes they may have made a mistake, that the originally rejected person will give them a fair chance to date in the future, but it can happen.
Speed dating results do not lie. They give you a clear indication of what kind of value you project as a potential partner in a short conversation. Although personally, I met one of the best girlfriends I ever had in my life through speed dating, I also find the speed dating is a great tool to help you assess how you come across as well as a great indicator of your personal date-ability. It can let you know just how desirable you really are, versus how desirable you like to think you are.
Speed dating is also a great way to challenge your self and get back into the dating world after a long absence. "I am just here to practice conversation but not going to pick any matches" said one man that ended up choosing 3 women, and ended up with 1 match and 5 missed matches. "I am very picky about who I would date because I have a lot to offer" says the man that chose only 1 woman, but ended up with no matches and no missed matches either. "I don't need any date coaching," says the woman that chose 6 men, but only got one match and a missed match. At least some of them tried, which is still a little bit better than the ones who came right up to the door and chickened out at the last minute, or purposefully skipped over some of the dates because, "people that pretty would never date someone like me". What is worse is when two people do in fact get matched up, and then one of them refuses to go on the date for fear of being rejected by the very person that admitted wanting to date him or her. Argh!
The real winner of the night was the lovely lady who came in with an open mind and open heart. She said yes to over half of the men and ended up with 3 solid matches. This means that over the next two weeks she is going to have 3 first dates, and has her choice of who she gets to pursue a more committed relationship with, if she wants it. Now that is a successful dating attitude, whether or not any of these first dates makes it to a second date.
-Frank Kermit
- Published on
Get Out of the FriendZone
From Friends To Lovers:
Stop Being Someone’s Emotional Cookie
By Frank Kermit
You have been friends for a long time. You share secrets, you are there for each other and when the phone rings at 3 am, you are ready to pick it up and just listen while your best friend tells you about the problems he or she is having with the person they are dating. That friend of yours would do it for you as well, so what’s the problem? Oh right. You are in love with your best friend, and would rather your best friend be dating you, but they just don’t notice you in that way.
The entire concept of from friends to lovers plays out a lot in popular media. The idea that your “friend” at some point is just going to wake up one day and realize that you have been there all along is great for selling stories, but it does not work that way in real life.
A number of people that seek out relationship coaches usually already have someone in mind they would like to be with, and it usually is their best friend.
Is it possible to turn a friend into a lover, however that usually requires your friend to go through something major, maybe even traumatic, in order to be able to appreciate you. If your friend is not returning your attraction, or at least your romantic affections, it is likely you are simply not addressing your friend’s particular emotional needs that would cause that person to fall in love with you. Sometimes it takes a real crisis before a person’s emotional needs priorities change. Jane may have to reach a point where her abusive boyfriend almost kills her, before she can be in a position to find her non-violent but non-muscular friend John a sexy suitor. Bill may have to be pummeled through an emotionally and financially draining divorce before he can appreciate his slightly plain-looking friend Betty as the best girlfriend he could possibly have.
Notwithstanding the crisis your friend has to go through in order to see you with eyes of love (or lust, whichever you prefer), the easier way to attract your friend is actually by stopping to be such good friends.
If you friend has ever made it a point to say that they would never date you because they would not want to ruin your friendship…leave and stop being such a good friend. When someone that knows you intimately, but platonically, rejects you, it is probably the nicest insult you will ever get, even though most people do not view that kind of rejection as an insult. It is one thing when someone that you do not know at all rejects you and refuses to date you or take your phone number. No insult there because they do not know you, but when it is someone that knows exactly what a great relationship partner you could be (or at least how great YOU think you are), and they STILL reject you…take it for what it is. It is an insult that should make you want to focus your time on someone that actually wants you romantically.
If you want your old friend to be your newest lover, you have to stop being the emotional cookie comfort. Think of it like how some people need to be comforted, and when they feel that way, they turn to eating cookies. It is not healthy for them, but it makes them feel better in the moment; and then when they are ready to face the world and are no longer in need of that comfort, they don’t particularly appreciate the cookie anymore. Sometimes they even make disparaging remarks about the cookies that were there for them, and how those cookies were good, but not what they REALLY needed.
When you are in love with your best friend, and your best friend uses you for comfort, but does not think you are worthy of being romantically involved with you…YOU ARE BEING AN EMOTIONAL COOKIE.
The BEST way to get a friend to see you as something more than just an emotional cookie is to stop being so available to your friend, and spend your time actively looking to meet someone new for your romantic intentions. This means no more spending your Friday and Saturday nights, and Sunday afternoons (optimal date times) with your friend. No more taking those 3 am phone calls. And most important…START DATING OTHER PEOPLE.
Pledging your time to someone that does not return your affects does not prove your level of loyalty. All it proves is that you have no sense of your own value as a relationship partner. If you cannot demonstrate through your actions that you recognize your value, your friend certainly never will. Keep in mind that continuing to hold out for a friend like that can damage you emotionally, and train you to build attachments to people that treat you as if you are unwanted. People are their repeating behavior patterns.
There is a pretty good chance that once you are too busy with your new partner(s) that your friend might start to wonder if they missed out on something. After all, if someone else desires you, maybe your friend desire should too. And the next time you friend calls you at 3 am, and you do not answer, your friend can wonder if someone else was occupying your time at that particular hour. Hopefully, someone is.
Part of the problem is that your friend does not recognize you as a sexual being and potential sexual partner. The best way to prove you are, is to demonstrate that others recognize it in you…action speaks louder than words, and that is why it does not work to “argue” your friend into dating you, or to settle for you. You deserve to be someone’s first choice, not someone’s back up.
The best part is, once you get used to having a new partner that appreciates you romantically, it is likely that you might stop seeing that best friend of yours as anything more than a past waste of your attention.
I wish you all great love, sex, dating and relationships for the new year! Make it the year of your heart!
Frank Kermit
- Published on
Too Picky for Dating
Sad Mistakes Singles Make # 1:
Being too Picky in Dating
By Frank Kermit
Being Too Picky Gets Too Sticky
It saddens me greatly when singles self sabotage by being too picky and let their own shallowness and insecurities get in the way. I find this happens even when someone else makes it clear that there is a mutual interest. There are single people, who will resist taking action even when presented with their chance to actually have a date with someone who is interested in him or her, as much as he or she is interested back.
Recent examples of this are the results from the very first Speed Dating Montreal event I hosted. Everyone comes in with an open mind...at least those who make it past the door. I was greeted by the number of people who came right up to the door, only to get cold feet and panic, and rush out again, after nothing more than a quick glimpse of the amount of other attendees.
There were those that went through the registration process and left before the event actually began including excuses such as "not enough people", and "not enough in my age range". One person who left early sat in his car just outside the event telling late comers he was leaving as there were not enough people in there, perhaps attempting to discourage more adventurous singles from doing what he was too nervous to do? Not sure.
However, the wonderful irony of this situation? Within 12 minutes of all those people leaving including the car-town crier who finally sped off, about 10 more people came in and helped to balance out the numbers of attendees. And once the event was over, I noted a couple of people saying they would have liked to choose a particular person for a match up, but were reluctant to do so, for a reason they could not articulate.
Finally, when the matches were made, and I contacted the participants, there were at least two that hemmed-and-hawed saying they could not actually go on a date with that person (despite the fact they both agreed to be matched up the night before and even wrote down their interest to confirm it) because they just worried that it would not work out anyways.
People get in their own way for one reason. People have a fear of intimacy.
When someone is so extremely picky that they get into very solitary situations there is a deeper issue at work.
A fear of intimacy is a very sticky substance to douse ones-self in. Once you start along this slippery slope of fear-glue it just gets harder and harder to crack the outer shell that crusts over you, like a cocoon of solitude, that forbids any meaningful connections to penetrate in.
There is no honor is being too picky when you are single and lonely. There is no sense in rejecting people interested in dating you because you simply "are not into them". If every person that you are so "into", is not "into" you, that is not you having high standards. That is you finally having an acceptable excuse not to put yourself out on the dating market. It is easier to blame everyone else for not being good enough, when you know the truth is that you just want to reject him or her, before they reject you first.
No one likes being rejected. No one likes being hurt. However, the joys associated with being connected with others comes with risks, and if you are not open to the hurt that comes with taking risks, you will also never get to immerse yourself in the passion of a fruitful loving relationship.
So before you disqualify someone for being too old, too young, too fat, too thin, too tall, too short, too poor, (funny that no one has ever told me that they are rejecting someone for being too rich) or for any other reason that you can think up on the spot, consider this reality check: If you were already a super-duper prize, then you would not single and lonely. Sorry for the harsh truth, but reality will always slap you when you delude yourself long enough. Better you hear it from me than have life slap you first.
Then there are those people that do reverse-pickiness. They self-reject so that they do not have to even try to date people. This is where a person will tarnish their own value and claim that no one would want to date them (even if someone has made the opposite intention clear). Instead of saying that the person he likes is too short, he claims she's too tall. Instead of saying that the person she likes is too young, she claims she is too old.
We all have standards. That is OK. But when your standards strand you alone, then your standards, are not standards...they are your enabling beliefs that keep you alone.
There is a difference between being single and being alone. Being single is a relationship status, whereas being alone is usually rooted in fear. Which do you want to be? It is up to you to set the example in your life. If you have something you believe works against you in relationships that you cannot nor will not change, then be the educator about how someone needs to feel comfortable with someone like you.
The best way to have others accept you, for both your good points and your faults, is to lead by example and accept yourself.
Frank Kermit
- Published on
The Top 3 Frank Wing Rules
By Frank Kermit
WING is the term used to define the person that is helping you in your quest to connect with the target of your heart's desire. The role of a wing (whether a wingman or a wing-girl) is simple to understand, but not always easy to pull off. Your duty as a wing-person is to help someone get more opportunity to spend time alone with whomever that person wants to be with.
This can involve talking to the friends of the target person, so that those said friends do not interfere with the impending conversation. It can involve being a fill-in on a double date because someone is unable to date at all unless they are able to bring a tag-along chaperone. It can simply involve being a cheering section, where the wing does not take part in any conversation with anyone, and is just there for emotional support and encouragement as someone faces their fears in trying to be more open in a social situation. Having been a wing myself, and having depended on wings in the past, I learned the hard way that there are some top rules to make winging a winning success.
1.Do not travel with your wing. In cases where you are out about town looking to meet new people or trying to better engage someone you already know and like, and want to be open to seeing a potentially romantic interaction through to whatever end you are seeking (for example, sex at the end of the night), never be dependant on your wing for a lift, and never be stuck having to cut the party short because your wing needs to turn in for an early morning appointment. Even if you arrive together, be willing to leave separately as the conditions require. If you are too dependent on a lift because you cannot afford your own way home, you should not be out with a wing.
2.Beware the folly of professional wing services. There are actually paid services where you can hire people to be your wings. Usually, they pretend to be your friend and their goal is to introduce you to new people at a social setting, which relieves you of having to make the initial approach and risk rejection. Now, if all someone is looking for is one night stands and casual hook-ups, then it could work.
However, the folly of using these services is that in the event that you meet someone that you really connect with, and there is a real potential for a long term relationship, you are now in the messy predicament of either telling your new partner the truth (that you hired a wing service to help you meet up which could taint how your new partner would relate to you), or to forever keep it a secret and lie about who those wing service pseudo-friends really were (which starts your relationship on a falsehood). Buildings that are constructed on foundations that already have cracks in them make it easier to knock those buildings down.
3. Choose Wings Wisely. Do not choose someone to be your wing just because you are BFF (best friends forever). Your friends may be a reflection of you in terms of who you associate with, but a wing has a very specific goal, which is to give you the time, space and opportunity you need to either meet someone new, or to see if you can take your relationship to the next level with someone you already like. Your friends may not actually be able to help you achieve that goal, especially if they feel in competition for your attention themselves. Friends can sabotage you, without intending too, for the simple fact, their goal may be to spend time with you, and not help you be with someone else.
There is more to share on this topic, but that can be explored in a future article.
Frank Kermit
By Frank Kermit
WING is the term used to define the person that is helping you in your quest to connect with the target of your heart's desire. The role of a wing (whether a wingman or a wing-girl) is simple to understand, but not always easy to pull off. Your duty as a wing-person is to help someone get more opportunity to spend time alone with whomever that person wants to be with.
This can involve talking to the friends of the target person, so that those said friends do not interfere with the impending conversation. It can involve being a fill-in on a double date because someone is unable to date at all unless they are able to bring a tag-along chaperone. It can simply involve being a cheering section, where the wing does not take part in any conversation with anyone, and is just there for emotional support and encouragement as someone faces their fears in trying to be more open in a social situation. Having been a wing myself, and having depended on wings in the past, I learned the hard way that there are some top rules to make winging a winning success.
1.Do not travel with your wing. In cases where you are out about town looking to meet new people or trying to better engage someone you already know and like, and want to be open to seeing a potentially romantic interaction through to whatever end you are seeking (for example, sex at the end of the night), never be dependant on your wing for a lift, and never be stuck having to cut the party short because your wing needs to turn in for an early morning appointment. Even if you arrive together, be willing to leave separately as the conditions require. If you are too dependent on a lift because you cannot afford your own way home, you should not be out with a wing.
2.Beware the folly of professional wing services. There are actually paid services where you can hire people to be your wings. Usually, they pretend to be your friend and their goal is to introduce you to new people at a social setting, which relieves you of having to make the initial approach and risk rejection. Now, if all someone is looking for is one night stands and casual hook-ups, then it could work.
However, the folly of using these services is that in the event that you meet someone that you really connect with, and there is a real potential for a long term relationship, you are now in the messy predicament of either telling your new partner the truth (that you hired a wing service to help you meet up which could taint how your new partner would relate to you), or to forever keep it a secret and lie about who those wing service pseudo-friends really were (which starts your relationship on a falsehood). Buildings that are constructed on foundations that already have cracks in them make it easier to knock those buildings down.
3. Choose Wings Wisely. Do not choose someone to be your wing just because you are BFF (best friends forever). Your friends may be a reflection of you in terms of who you associate with, but a wing has a very specific goal, which is to give you the time, space and opportunity you need to either meet someone new, or to see if you can take your relationship to the next level with someone you already like. Your friends may not actually be able to help you achieve that goal, especially if they feel in competition for your attention themselves. Friends can sabotage you, without intending too, for the simple fact, their goal may be to spend time with you, and not help you be with someone else.
There is more to share on this topic, but that can be explored in a future article.
Frank Kermit
