- Published on
Understanding the emotional needs of men
Ally vs. Enemy:
Understanding The Emotional Needs of Men
By Frank Kermit
The best way I know how to teach people about the emotional needs of men is to break it down to absolute fundamentals. If people can understand those, then people can understand the emotional motivations behind the choices men make in who men choose to have sex with, date and make long term commitments too.
A woman can only play one of two roles in a man's life. She is either his ally or she is his enemy. She cannot be both. In every action a woman takes, and in everything a woman says, a man will judge her on an emotional level that he may not necessarily be conscious of in deciding if he should have her in his life, have sex with her and/or make a commitment to her. If a woman addresses a man's emotional needs he will feel that she is his ally, and potentially feel enough of a bonding trust to commit to her. When a woman violates the emotional needs of a man, he feels he might have her as an enemy in his life, but he may still continue to have sex with her pending how bad a violation of his other emotional needs, though he has already emotionally decided he will never commit to her.
One of the ways that the emotional needs of men and women differ is in the way men and women categorize each other. Women can only feel that she can play one of two roles in a man's life. She is either his mother or his lover. A conflict occurs when a woman feels like a man's mother (at which point she loses any sense of being attracted to him), and the man feels she is his ally because she acts like his mother (which does not negate his sexual desires and in fact, he may interpret her mothering him as a sign of her being romantically interested in him). The more I learn to understand couples and relationships, the more I really do experience moments when I am in awe that anyone ever gets together anymore when there are absolutely no outside factors involved like family pressure, cultural expectations or just needy desperation. Sigh.
One of the main differences between men and women is how their emotional needs relate to sex. For women, the act of sex can be an efficient means of addressing her particular and individual emotional needs profile. For men, sex IS an emotional need. Sex will not address a variety of a man's emotional needs; sex only address the one need: his emotional need for sex. This is a key reason why when men and women attempt to enter into "friends-with-benefits" types of relationships, it is usually the woman who will start to develop more feelings of attachment than men. During continual sexual activity, women are having multiple emotional needs met during their sexual session, and that triggers feelings of deeper attraction and loving attachment. Men get the sex, and the emotional balance that men experience from sexual intercourse, but do not necessarily get any of their other emotional needs met during sex, depending on the context of their sexual activity.
Most men will have certain emotional needs in common such as his need to have his reputation protected, his need for recharge time, his need for femininity, his masculine-identity, and finding a woman he can trust as his secret keeper who will put their relationship ahead of all other people. However each man has an individual emotional needs profile that defines which emotional needs are more important and less important to him. The key to gain his commitment will be found in assessing his emotional needs, and being able to address his most important ones to the degree he emotionally responds too.
Frank Kermit
Understanding The Emotional Needs of Men
By Frank Kermit
The best way I know how to teach people about the emotional needs of men is to break it down to absolute fundamentals. If people can understand those, then people can understand the emotional motivations behind the choices men make in who men choose to have sex with, date and make long term commitments too.
A woman can only play one of two roles in a man's life. She is either his ally or she is his enemy. She cannot be both. In every action a woman takes, and in everything a woman says, a man will judge her on an emotional level that he may not necessarily be conscious of in deciding if he should have her in his life, have sex with her and/or make a commitment to her. If a woman addresses a man's emotional needs he will feel that she is his ally, and potentially feel enough of a bonding trust to commit to her. When a woman violates the emotional needs of a man, he feels he might have her as an enemy in his life, but he may still continue to have sex with her pending how bad a violation of his other emotional needs, though he has already emotionally decided he will never commit to her.
One of the ways that the emotional needs of men and women differ is in the way men and women categorize each other. Women can only feel that she can play one of two roles in a man's life. She is either his mother or his lover. A conflict occurs when a woman feels like a man's mother (at which point she loses any sense of being attracted to him), and the man feels she is his ally because she acts like his mother (which does not negate his sexual desires and in fact, he may interpret her mothering him as a sign of her being romantically interested in him). The more I learn to understand couples and relationships, the more I really do experience moments when I am in awe that anyone ever gets together anymore when there are absolutely no outside factors involved like family pressure, cultural expectations or just needy desperation. Sigh.
One of the main differences between men and women is how their emotional needs relate to sex. For women, the act of sex can be an efficient means of addressing her particular and individual emotional needs profile. For men, sex IS an emotional need. Sex will not address a variety of a man's emotional needs; sex only address the one need: his emotional need for sex. This is a key reason why when men and women attempt to enter into "friends-with-benefits" types of relationships, it is usually the woman who will start to develop more feelings of attachment than men. During continual sexual activity, women are having multiple emotional needs met during their sexual session, and that triggers feelings of deeper attraction and loving attachment. Men get the sex, and the emotional balance that men experience from sexual intercourse, but do not necessarily get any of their other emotional needs met during sex, depending on the context of their sexual activity.
Most men will have certain emotional needs in common such as his need to have his reputation protected, his need for recharge time, his need for femininity, his masculine-identity, and finding a woman he can trust as his secret keeper who will put their relationship ahead of all other people. However each man has an individual emotional needs profile that defines which emotional needs are more important and less important to him. The key to gain his commitment will be found in assessing his emotional needs, and being able to address his most important ones to the degree he emotionally responds too.
Frank Kermit
- Published on
The Masks You Wear When Dating
What Love Masks
By Frank Kermit
A mentor of mine taught me that love is not blind; it is just that categories are rigid. When you meet someone, you put that person in a category (lover, friend, temptation, fling, does-not-count, creepy, unattainable, out-of-my-league, good-enough-for-now, spouse, soul-mate) because of how that person addresses (or violates) your emotional needs based on your first impressions; and if it turns out that the person actually belongs in a different category, it is more challenging to drop that first impression category.
For example, you meet someone, then get wrapped up in the honeymoon phase of the dating experience, you may categorizes that person as the perfect soul-mate, only to find out the harsh reality three months later that the person and you simply have incompatible core values. You and that person should never had more than just an intense private fling. But, -love is blind- so it is likely very challenging to give up on that person who is actually best left as at temporary adventure (fling), despite intellectually knowing better, because of the category they have already been put in (soul-mate).
When on a first date with someone, it is generally expected that we are going to be our best self, and not just be yourself. Your best self is a Mask. You are not going to act like your every day self. First dates are a time to put out your best character traits forward. As deceitful as it sounds, it is actually very ethical. You go on that initial outing together to get a feel of what kind of person you are meeting, and for that person to get a feel for you. If you do not put your best self forward on a first date, you are likely killing your chances of getting the beginnings of your relationship off the ground to reach the second date. Using the Mask of your Best Self is no more deceitful than being at your best when going to a job interview.
Wearing a Mask in relationships is only unethical, when you LIE to the other person and attempt to pass a false representation of yourself in order to get sex, a relationship, or basically just to get someone to even like you as a friend. Situation comedy productions (TV, movies, and theatre) love to play out this plotline of someone trying to use a Mask of deceit in order to get someone to date them, and usually all have an ending where the truth is learned and the Masked-User is punished, left abandoned and with nothing. The same principle applies when meeting someone new in real life. If you used a lie to get with a person, and assuming the interaction goes on beyond the point of a traveling one night stand, that same lie has the power to tear down everything you have since built up with your partner.
We all wear masks. It is not a question of should we, or should we not, wear a Mask when dating. The issue is always the context. How we act at a funeral, is very different from the way we act at a wedding. Each face we exhibit is a Mask.
That is not being lying or deceitful...it is about CALIBRATION to the circumstances and environment around you. Whenever you lie, you are hiding behind a Mask, and likely that same Mask will be your undoing. The best way to use your Mask is for the Mask to be a reflection of those parts of your personality that you want to display.
On a lighter note, I fondly remember a scene from a Peanut Cartoon entitled, "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown". A number of the characters were together getting dressed to go out trick-or-treating for Halloween.
The aggressive character Lucy Van Pelt known as the mean, crabby old sister exclaimed, "A person should always choose a costume which is in direct contrast to her own personality" just as she put on a witches costume. The joke of course is that she did not see herself as a witch, when in all other respects; she was depicted as a mean witch in the show.
However funny or inappropriate the joke may be in today's climate, it does shed light on the idea that most peoples first assumptions with Masks, is that Masks are trying to hide a persons true intentions and that the Mask being presented is not an indication of the person behind it.
The further irony of the above example is that in the majority of cases, real witches (not the kind that appear in popular media, but the kind of women and men who take part in a variety of healing arts and religious practices) happen to actually be some of the most pleasant people sometimes.
Even mean Lucy reveals at the end of the show, how much she actually does care for her younger brother who defied her the entire episode. She wakes up at 4 a.m., concerned that he is not in his bedroom, and fetches him from the cold pumpkin patch where he is shivering and half asleep. She does not scold him. She just brings him home and tucks him into a warm bed.
Sometimes, we wear Masks, not to deceive people, but to feel safe and protected, to hide away our insecurities, our fears, and to prevent us from feeling too vulnerable.
It is OK to want to feel safe. It is normal and human of us. For the purposes of finding love and connecting with others, the key is not about doing away with Masks.
The key is about being just guarded enough that we protect ourselves, while at the same time test the people around us, so that we can share ourselves slowly as the other people earn enough of our trust for us to feel safe in being with them Mask free.
I wish you all bountiful loot bags, and may you never have to say that all you got was a rock.
Happy Halloween!
Frank Kermit
- Published on
Credibility Creates Commitment
Credibility Creates Commitment
By Frank Kermit
When someone comes to me for coaching to figure out why they are still single despite being able to attract a number of partners to date, I start coaching them with an assessment of what happens on those dates to look for actions and behaviors that may be turning off potential life partners. Most people are often unaware of the things they may be doing or saying that causes the other person to halt any potential commitment.
One of the behaviors that I often spot is how a person lacks credibility in the way they communicate, which I believe to be a source of why they may be able to attract a lot of dates, but none of them turn into a serious commitment. Although there are people who are commitment-phobic (who self sabotage a potential serious relationship because of a deep rooted fear that a committed relationship is related to more pain than it would bring pleasure), this is not always the case when dealing with people that WANT a serious commitment and associate being single with being in pain.
An easy way to summarize a lack of credibility is whether or not someone is caught breaking his or her own rules. It does not matter what your rules are per se; what matters is if you break your own rules. For example:
If you mention that family values are important to you, but you are caught trying to get out of a parent-teacher meeting, you lack credibility. In the mind of your date, if family values were as important to you as you claimed you would be willing to attend the parent-teacher meetings regardless if it means having to attend with your ex, because it is about your kids (your family). You lack credibility.
If you mention that you do not like seafood on a date, because you sense that your date does not like seafood and you want your date to like you, but you are caught ordering seafood at a later time because you forgot what you said that first meeting, you lack credibility. In the mind of your date, if you are willing to lie about something small because you wanted to be liked, then you likely will lie about something big down the road to avoid the possible conflicts it would bring. You lack credibility.
If you mention on a date that you do not have sex unless in a committed relationship, and then proceed to have sex with the person you are seeing before any serious commitment has been established because it felt right, you lack credibility. In the mind of your date, if you are willing to go break your rules just because you felt like it in the moment, how is your date suppose to trust any promise you make, if there is a chance you will break your promises because of the way you may feel in the moment. You lack credibility.
It is not the facts that you would rather avoid dealing with an ex, ordered the halibut, or had sex sooner than later because it felt right. What you are being judged on is that you said one thing (your rules) and did another thing (your actions). This lack of congruence is what are scaring people away from getting serious with you.
Think of it this way. A serious relationship can be a risky endeavor. A person may risk their children (having an unfit step parent can affect custody not to mention the safety of the children), their resources (what people lose in a divorce), their financial credit (sharing of debt repayment), even their very way of life (image the ways of losing your profession because you made a bad partner choice).
So if someone is looking to find a person to make a commitment too, that commit must be earned. Lacking credibility because of the way you break your own rules destroys the desire to commit. Credibility-Creates-Commitment.
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the history of the emotional needs analysis theory of men by Frank Kermit
History of The Emotional Needs of Men Program Ally vs. Enemy:
Mastering the Emotional Needs of Men
by Frank Kermit
In September 2006 I lived out of my life long dreams. I moved from Montreal to the city of Toronto. I arrived Sept 9th. I rented a room in a house and was on a very tight budget. Going out about town was simply not a possibility. Most meals consisted of whatever I brought with me (lots of ramen noodles and jell-o)
On September 10th, 2006, I started to delve through my journals for various insights and experienced I have logged from 1998 to 2006 (over 1000 pages of journals).
It took me 40 days (from Sept 10th to October 20) to write my book
Everything Out of Her Mouth is a Test.
It was 12-14 hour days with few breaks.
The week of October 20th, 2006 I self published it immediately.
My book on understanding the emotional needs of women was complete.
But there was one question that kept coming up
from the people who read my works and those I coached.
What about the emotional needs of men?
I had mentioned in Everything out of her mouth is a Test,
that I would one day produce a book on that topic sometime in the future.
So I started to put together some of my ideas on the emotional needs of men, using the emotional needs of women as an example base, as well as various insights I had logged in my pages and pages of journals and I let the ideas stew in my mind, while furthering more personal research including discussing it with people I trusted.
Mastering the Emotional Needs of Men
by Frank Kermit
In September 2006 I lived out of my life long dreams. I moved from Montreal to the city of Toronto. I arrived Sept 9th. I rented a room in a house and was on a very tight budget. Going out about town was simply not a possibility. Most meals consisted of whatever I brought with me (lots of ramen noodles and jell-o)
On September 10th, 2006, I started to delve through my journals for various insights and experienced I have logged from 1998 to 2006 (over 1000 pages of journals).
It took me 40 days (from Sept 10th to October 20) to write my book
Everything Out of Her Mouth is a Test.
It was 12-14 hour days with few breaks.
The week of October 20th, 2006 I self published it immediately.
My book on understanding the emotional needs of women was complete.
But there was one question that kept coming up
from the people who read my works and those I coached.
What about the emotional needs of men?
I had mentioned in Everything out of her mouth is a Test,
that I would one day produce a book on that topic sometime in the future.
So I started to put together some of my ideas on the emotional needs of men, using the emotional needs of women as an example base, as well as various insights I had logged in my pages and pages of journals and I let the ideas stew in my mind, while furthering more personal research including discussing it with people I trusted.
In 2008 I did my biggest live seminar in Toronto on the topic of
Frank Inner Game based on the book, I'm a Man, That's My Job.
It was in I'm a Man book that I first published my initial thoughts
on the emotional needs of men.
There, at my seminar, I devoted an entire hour on the topic of the
Emotional Needs of Men, and released it as
an introductory audio program
The Emotional Needs of Men 101: An Introduction (a program for men).
Demand for more information on the emotional needs of men continued to grow, and to respond to the demand, in 2008 I self published an Emotional Needs Analysis workbook on the emotional needs of men. Normally I would have published the theory book first, and then the workbook, but the demand was getting stronger, and with the other challenges I was facing at the time in my personal life, the workbook was all I had time for.
In late 2009, I found myself in a quandary. I had achieved some personal goals such as getting married and becoming a father, which was good. But I also had made some bad business decisions along with battling health challenges that I ended up doing something I never thought I would do…I moved my new family back to Montreal with me for an opportunity to get my life more stable again.
In January 2010, just before I left Toronto, I sent my wife and son ahead of me to Montreal, and in our tiny empty apartment, I recorded 11 seminars with live audiences over 21 days (some seminars were at little as 6 hours, while others lasted 2 full days). One of those lectures was a 2 full day seminar on the emotional needs of men. In February 2010, I arrived in Montreal and began to edit and release whatever programs I could, but due to making my family and our collective well being a priority, the men’s emotional needs seminar recordings were left untouched until years later.
In the Summer 2014, Master Class on The Emotional Needs of Men, to an audience that was mostly women who wanted to better understand how to attract a man's commitment. This was released as
The Emotional Needs of Men - An Analysis for Women audio download.
In 2016, after recovering from various challenges and refocusing on releasing the remaining seminar programs that had been sitting on my computer for years, I finally released (after quite a bit of editing) Ally vs. Enemy: Mastering The Emotional Needs of Men audio program of 7 hour long mp3s.
Later in 2016, I was approached by a fan of my work, who wanted to invest the money necessary to transcribe the edited 7 hour audio lecture, so that I could self publish and release the Ally vs Enemy: Mastering The Emotional Needs of Men ebook and paperback. THANK YOU DUDE!
The week of October 10th 2016, exactly 10 years to the month of releasing my first book on the emotional needs of women, I had the pleasure and pride of releasing Ally vs Enemy program
I hope you enjoy your journey of learning about the Frank Kermit Emotional Needs Analysis Theories, as much as I enjoyed creating them.
-Frank
The week of October 10th 2016, exactly 10 years to the month of releasing my first book on the emotional needs of women, I had the pleasure and pride of releasing Ally vs Enemy program
I hope you enjoy your journey of learning about the Frank Kermit Emotional Needs Analysis Theories, as much as I enjoyed creating them.
-Frank
- Published on
positive thinking law of attraction tips
Grateful To Positive, Positive To Attractive
By Frank Kermit
Thanksgiving is here! It is a time for people to be grateful for everything they have, even if they do not have everything they need or want. With that said, the practice of being grateful for what we already have is also a wonderful tool for being attractive enough to attract the kinds of people you would like to date and have more serious relationships with.
On its own accord, the process of being grateful helps individuals break the process of taking things for granted. This is an excellent way to get into a good habit, so that you never end up potentially taking people (like the individuals you date and get more seriously involved with) for granted either.
Coaching people about being grateful has its challenges. Then again, I am grateful for the opportunity to coach people, and I am grateful for everything that coaching others has taught me, and grateful that I get to share my knowledge with you dear reader. One of the challenges is that some people see gratefulness as a reason not to pursue or want more. Being grateful for what you already have is not supposed to be a deterrent from going after more of what you want. Just because you are grateful that you are living in an apartment and not living on the street does not (nor should not) make you give up your ambitions of owning a home instead of renting an apartment. When being grateful is used as a means to kill ambition, it is likely not gratefulness that someone is practicing, but potential self-sabotage.
The point of practicing gratefulness is to engage a positive state of mind. By eliminating any negative thoughts and feelings surrounding all the things you feel you do not have yet, or never got to experience, it forces you to shift your focus and energy to more positive efforts of aiming to achieve all the goals you have still set for yourself.
When negative thoughts and emotions are permitted to fester, they inevitably taint your focus to the point where, you will only be able to filter in even more negativity, and filter out all the potentially positive elements that could enter into your life. This applies to love as well. If you only focus on the hurt, heartbreak and hell of your past history, you will not be open to the possible potentially pleasing partners presenting opportunity for pairing up.
If you struggle to be positive about love, focus instead on being grateful for everything, including the lessons you learned from the bad experiences. You may not be grateful for the bad things that have happened to you, but it can be easier to accept them and move on, when you focus your attention on being grateful for all the lessons you learned from your past, as a means not to repeat the same mistakes (and thus avoid the same consequences) again.
If you give in to gratefulness living, that practice of gratefulness leads to a more positive emotional and mental state, and that will allow you to build attraction to bring in more positive people of love into your life.
Frank Kermit
- Published on
Dating is no place for a coward
It is just ONE Date
by Frank Kermit
Something in coaching, I encounter a number of people that got in their own way
I am talking about those people who got a match with someone they wanted to date
who wanted to date them back...
and then the person...
REFUSED TO GO ON ONE DATE
Really? Yes, really!
Biggest reason listed was they were afraid it would not work out
and that they would eventually get
REJECTED.
Really? Yes, really!
It is so frustrating when you have two people that have already admitted
they want to see each other again,
and one of them chickens out.
The world of dating is no place for a coward.
Discovering a mutual connection and not even giving it one date is simply cruel.
You owe it to the people who put in the work but still that struggle to date.
You owe it to the other person.
You owe it to yourself to
take a chance and risk a rejection
to find the love of your life.
So, when you match up with someone, just go on one date, whether you are afraid or not.
Just get out there and GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY
This article is an excerpt from the Ebook The Frank Guide To Speed Dating
-Frank Kermit
- Published on
Juicing for Dating for Men
Juicing and Dating for Men
by Olivier Langlois
Picture this: You invite your sweetheart for a romantic evening at your place. You put some romantic music. You adjust the lights. Everything is going to amazing and you start to anticipate the beautiful moment that you are going to share together. Maybe you even start to feel your heart pounding with excitement.
You know what is it that would surprise your sexy girlfriend and put some spices in this magical evening?
Some exotic and aphrodisiac fruit juice that will enhance the physical sensations of both of you during your lovemaking session and I happen to know few recipes in that area.
Who am I to have such knowledge?
I have written 4 juicing recipe books to improve several aspects of men sexual health from low testosterone to erectile dysfunction. I write a weekly newsletter to provide juicing and general health advice for men to my members and I also have a very nice YouTube channel where I have a lot of fun sharing wisdom with my viewers on the topic of juicing.
Surprisingly, juices that can help increase sexual pleasure for men. The results are so powerful.
Now that you have been warned, if you want to have a very hot evening with your girl continue to read on...
I'm going to assume that the majority of guys that will be ready this have little or no experience with juicing so I am going to share in this post a recipe that is very simple and at the same time very potent.
The main ingredient is ginger. Ginger is a powerful aphrodisiac that has been used for centuries. One of the reasons for this, it is that it improves blood flow and improved blood flow in the genital area will:
Improve erections and make them harder
Increase sensations in genitals
ultimately, amplify orgasms
Here is the Pear Ginger juice:
Ingredients:
5g of fresh ginger (5 thin slices)
1 pear
6 red grapes
The pear contains some vitamin B which contributes to testosterone production.
The red grape, the pear and the fresh ginger contain a lot of antioxidants helping the body to eliminate toxins.
Directions:
Put all the ingredients into a blender with a cup of water. Blend of 30 seconds.
Strain the juice with a strainer if a clear juice is desired.
You can see me doing this juice on Youtube at:
by Olivier Langlois
Picture this: You invite your sweetheart for a romantic evening at your place. You put some romantic music. You adjust the lights. Everything is going to amazing and you start to anticipate the beautiful moment that you are going to share together. Maybe you even start to feel your heart pounding with excitement.
You know what is it that would surprise your sexy girlfriend and put some spices in this magical evening?
Some exotic and aphrodisiac fruit juice that will enhance the physical sensations of both of you during your lovemaking session and I happen to know few recipes in that area.
Who am I to have such knowledge?
I have written 4 juicing recipe books to improve several aspects of men sexual health from low testosterone to erectile dysfunction. I write a weekly newsletter to provide juicing and general health advice for men to my members and I also have a very nice YouTube channel where I have a lot of fun sharing wisdom with my viewers on the topic of juicing.
Surprisingly, juices that can help increase sexual pleasure for men. The results are so powerful.
Now that you have been warned, if you want to have a very hot evening with your girl continue to read on...
I'm going to assume that the majority of guys that will be ready this have little or no experience with juicing so I am going to share in this post a recipe that is very simple and at the same time very potent.
The main ingredient is ginger. Ginger is a powerful aphrodisiac that has been used for centuries. One of the reasons for this, it is that it improves blood flow and improved blood flow in the genital area will:
Improve erections and make them harder
Increase sensations in genitals
ultimately, amplify orgasms
Here is the Pear Ginger juice:
Ingredients:
5g of fresh ginger (5 thin slices)
1 pear
6 red grapes
The pear contains some vitamin B which contributes to testosterone production.
The red grape, the pear and the fresh ginger contain a lot of antioxidants helping the body to eliminate toxins.
Directions:
Put all the ingredients into a blender with a cup of water. Blend of 30 seconds.
Strain the juice with a strainer if a clear juice is desired.
You can see me doing this juice on Youtube at:
and here is another more recent aphrodisiac juice that I created more recently:
sex enhancing pokemon juice:
Have fun and let me how your romantic juicing experiences went...
-Olivier Langlois
http://olivierhealthtips.com/
- Published on
This is a contributed post.
Some people seem to have all the bad luck with relationships. The same terrible things seem to happen again and again, and they end in the same ways. For some, it really is just a run of bad luck. But what if it's not just a coincidence that things keep going wrong? If you keep repeating the same patterns, perhaps it's time to take a harder look. You need to examine the people you choose, and the reasons they choose you. You should consider the ways you behave when you're in a relationship. Think about the patterns of behavior that you and your partners always seem to get into. These can be the best ways to break the cycle of bad relationships and change things once and for all.
https://pixabay.com/en/pair-love-human-romance-happy-418697/ Date at the Beach
Examine the People You Choose
Have you found that you keep ending up with the same types of people, who do the same things wrong? Each time you start a new relationship, you think "this one is different". They seem kind, fun and interesting, and they seem to care about you. But inevitably, the relationship creeps into arguing, manipulation, cheating or something else. A lot of people come out of these relationships thinking "what's wrong with me?". But that's not exactly the best way to approach it. Don't convince yourself that there's something fundamentally wrong with you. You're not incapable of choosing a good partner.
You need to consider how you pick your romantic partners. Where do you find them, and what attracts you to them? As well as thinking about that, you should also consider what they find attractive about you. For example, when you meet someone you like, do you immediately feel attached to them? Do you feel like you already have strong feelings for them and want to jump with both feet into a relationship? Not only could this be a mistake on your part, but it could signal that you're easily taken advantage of. Everyone who wants to break out of unhealthy relationship patterns needs to look at how and why they choose their partners. If you're unsure where to start, ask a trusted friend. You can even see a therapist for their honest opinion of where you're going wrong. Sites like allwomenstalk.com can help you recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship.
Look at Your Own Behaviors
It's important to look out how you behave, both when looking for a relationship and when you're in one. What could you be doing that leads to the same patterns and events occurring every time? Many people find that they are sabotaging their relationships without realizing it. Unfortunately, it can take a long time to work out where you're going wrong. Some people take years or never manage to realize what they're doing. There could be many things you're doing wrong. Are you too quick to start fights, reluctant to open up, or too easily jealous? You don't have to change your personality, but you may need to rethink some of your behaviors.
Have you found that you keep ending up with the same types of people, who do the same things wrong? Each time you start a new relationship, you think "this one is different". They seem kind, fun and interesting, and they seem to care about you. But inevitably, the relationship creeps into arguing, manipulation, cheating or something else. A lot of people come out of these relationships thinking "what's wrong with me?". But that's not exactly the best way to approach it. Don't convince yourself that there's something fundamentally wrong with you. You're not incapable of choosing a good partner.
You need to consider how you pick your romantic partners. Where do you find them, and what attracts you to them? As well as thinking about that, you should also consider what they find attractive about you. For example, when you meet someone you like, do you immediately feel attached to them? Do you feel like you already have strong feelings for them and want to jump with both feet into a relationship? Not only could this be a mistake on your part, but it could signal that you're easily taken advantage of. Everyone who wants to break out of unhealthy relationship patterns needs to look at how and why they choose their partners. If you're unsure where to start, ask a trusted friend. You can even see a therapist for their honest opinion of where you're going wrong. Sites like allwomenstalk.com can help you recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship.
Look at Your Own Behaviors
It's important to look out how you behave, both when looking for a relationship and when you're in one. What could you be doing that leads to the same patterns and events occurring every time? Many people find that they are sabotaging their relationships without realizing it. Unfortunately, it can take a long time to work out where you're going wrong. Some people take years or never manage to realize what they're doing. There could be many things you're doing wrong. Are you too quick to start fights, reluctant to open up, or too easily jealous? You don't have to change your personality, but you may need to rethink some of your behaviors.
https://pixabay.com/en/yoga-silhouette-woman-relaxation-544970/ Stretch Yourself
Work on Yourself
Before you can be in a healthy relationship, you need to know yourself. You can find advice about caring for yourself before getting back with your ex on Charice's blog ExBackExpertise.com. Whether you want to get back with someone you love or begin a new relationship, you need to be comfortable with yourself first. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to single for a while. If you think you're a serial monogamist, it could be time for a break. Try setting a time-frame for not having a romantic relationship. Give yourself six months to be on your own, but don't think about it as being lonely. Use the time to spend time with your friends, as well as spend time on your own. Do things for yourself and work out who you are. Some people find that they pick up the likes and dislikes of their partners. But when they're on their own, they're not sure who they really are.
Work Out What You Want and Where to Find It
It's important to know what you want from a relationship and how to get it. Choosing the right partners and working out if you're right for each other is important. You need to consider how you want your relationship to make you feel. The practical things are also important, such as marriage and children. However, what do you see your partner doing by your side? Making you laugh, traveling with you, or providing a companion through tough times? When you know what you want, knowing where to look is important too. If you're looking for a serious relationship, Tinder might not by the place to find it.
Before you can be in a healthy relationship, you need to know yourself. You can find advice about caring for yourself before getting back with your ex on Charice's blog ExBackExpertise.com. Whether you want to get back with someone you love or begin a new relationship, you need to be comfortable with yourself first. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to single for a while. If you think you're a serial monogamist, it could be time for a break. Try setting a time-frame for not having a romantic relationship. Give yourself six months to be on your own, but don't think about it as being lonely. Use the time to spend time with your friends, as well as spend time on your own. Do things for yourself and work out who you are. Some people find that they pick up the likes and dislikes of their partners. But when they're on their own, they're not sure who they really are.
Work Out What You Want and Where to Find It
It's important to know what you want from a relationship and how to get it. Choosing the right partners and working out if you're right for each other is important. You need to consider how you want your relationship to make you feel. The practical things are also important, such as marriage and children. However, what do you see your partner doing by your side? Making you laugh, traveling with you, or providing a companion through tough times? When you know what you want, knowing where to look is important too. If you're looking for a serious relationship, Tinder might not by the place to find it.
https://pixabay.com/en/sunset-kiss-couple-love-romance-691995/ first kiss
Adjust Your Expectations
Sometimes you might experience the same relationship patterns because your expectations are too high. You can't enter into a relationship thinking that it's going to be perfect or won't require any work. Perhaps you bail at the first sign of an argument. Or you feel disappointed that your partner doesn't seem to be as madly in love as you. Adjusting your expectations is important, and ties into what you're looking for. Many people fall into bad relationships because what they're looking for is love. They don't care enough about who the love comes from. Perhaps they're also looking for marriage. But neither love or marriage are people. They are what happens when you find the right person. You need to think of them as byproducts, not goals.
Improve Your Communication
Communication can be the downfall of many relationships. Sometimes the problem is that you have different communication styles. Maybe you need time to think about something before discussing it. Meanwhile, your partner wants to hash it out on the spot. Perhaps you prefer to show you care through words, while they do it through actions. Being able to communicate effectively with your partner is essential. Of course, communication is a two-way street, so they need to meet you in the middle. Go into your next relationship with a willingness to communicate more openly and with more patience.
If you want to break a cycle of bad relationships, you need to examine yourself. The choices you make affect the outcome of your relationship.
Sometimes you might experience the same relationship patterns because your expectations are too high. You can't enter into a relationship thinking that it's going to be perfect or won't require any work. Perhaps you bail at the first sign of an argument. Or you feel disappointed that your partner doesn't seem to be as madly in love as you. Adjusting your expectations is important, and ties into what you're looking for. Many people fall into bad relationships because what they're looking for is love. They don't care enough about who the love comes from. Perhaps they're also looking for marriage. But neither love or marriage are people. They are what happens when you find the right person. You need to think of them as byproducts, not goals.
Improve Your Communication
Communication can be the downfall of many relationships. Sometimes the problem is that you have different communication styles. Maybe you need time to think about something before discussing it. Meanwhile, your partner wants to hash it out on the spot. Perhaps you prefer to show you care through words, while they do it through actions. Being able to communicate effectively with your partner is essential. Of course, communication is a two-way street, so they need to meet you in the middle. Go into your next relationship with a willingness to communicate more openly and with more patience.
If you want to break a cycle of bad relationships, you need to examine yourself. The choices you make affect the outcome of your relationship.
- Published on
Make your love life a priority
Make Having a Love Life a Priority
by Frank Kermit
For whatever reason, losing your virginity has not been your priority.
How do I know? You are still a virgin.
Believe it or not, that is one of the biggest differences between men
who lost their virginity before you did.
Sure, some of them just got lucky and found a girl that liked them
back, and some of them just took a chance and went for it and
it just happened. But that did not happen for you.
And since it did not happen for you, that means that you are just going
to have to work harder than the other guys.
That means you have to make it a goal.
Once you make it a goal to lose your virginity, it becomes a priority
in your life. And that is a GOOD thing.
As you read in the AMV Handbook, or listened to the audio seminar,
I made it a goal after I was humiliated publicly when I was outed as a virgin.
I was unhappy being a virgin. And as soon as it became a concrete goal,
it helped motivate me to take actions so that I would put myself in
situations so that I could focus my TIME and ATTENTION on the things
that I thought would help me most.
When something is a PRIORITY in your life, you put everything else
that is NOT a priority aside, so that you can dedicate yourself to
reaching that goal.
And Yes, losing your virginity is an acceptable goal to have.
It is OK to finally lose your virginity.
by Frank Kermit
For whatever reason, losing your virginity has not been your priority.
How do I know? You are still a virgin.
Believe it or not, that is one of the biggest differences between men
who lost their virginity before you did.
Sure, some of them just got lucky and found a girl that liked them
back, and some of them just took a chance and went for it and
it just happened. But that did not happen for you.
And since it did not happen for you, that means that you are just going
to have to work harder than the other guys.
That means you have to make it a goal.
Once you make it a goal to lose your virginity, it becomes a priority
in your life. And that is a GOOD thing.
As you read in the AMV Handbook, or listened to the audio seminar,
I made it a goal after I was humiliated publicly when I was outed as a virgin.
I was unhappy being a virgin. And as soon as it became a concrete goal,
it helped motivate me to take actions so that I would put myself in
situations so that I could focus my TIME and ATTENTION on the things
that I thought would help me most.
When something is a PRIORITY in your life, you put everything else
that is NOT a priority aside, so that you can dedicate yourself to
reaching that goal.
And Yes, losing your virginity is an acceptable goal to have.
It is OK to finally lose your virginity.
- Published on
Bad Choices catch up with you
Good People Making Bad Choices
By Frank Kermit
This is blog is designed to offer advice, tips and support,
for seekers to find what they need to build, create and engage into
a successful marriage.
The reason this is such an important area of my coaching practice
is because most couple that get married
never do so in the hopes it will end in divorce.
Most people get into marriage wanting it to last until
death does them part.
Unfortunately, with the divorce rate being what it is, this is obviously not the result the majority of those couples ever wanted.
I see a lot of really good people, who want successful marriages,
in my private coaching practice working with individuals, and couples.
People who aim to live out their lives together in a successful marriage,
generally speaking, do so out of a desire to be happy, build a family
together, and want to establish a future together based on the principles that are important to them.
These same individuals aim to create a relationship structure,
that will be able to withstand the hard times, enjoy the good times,
and last a life time.
Simply put, they want to live a life of making choices to create the
most successful marriages possible.
The challenge however, is not that they lack choice to
making that happen.
It is that they do not know how to MANAGE their choices.
Years ago, I described one of the tenants of my coaching practice with this statement:
The power of choice, without the skills to know what to do with it,
can lead to a misery so great, it ends up being worse than living
in a system of oppression that meets basic needs.
That is what I see in my coaching practice.
Good people, making horrible choices that destroy their chances
of every having a happily successful marriage.
It is one thing not to be sure what choices is best for you.
It is completely a different matter to figure out how the heck
you manage a marriage in a way that
meets the emotional needs of everyone involved.
People often do not realize the mistakes they are making
managing their marriages (or upcoming marriages), until it is too late and they lose their marriages, destroy their families,
and send their kids into therapy.
So my coaching aims to help prepare all people to manage
the many choices they will have to make while they seek out
the secrets of successful marriages.
The Pre Marital Coaching is for all the people who:
-Want to Divorce Proof their marriages
-Are about to move in together
-Are thinking about getting engaged or who already got engaged
-Looking to elope
-Want to start a family
-Afraid of ever getting divorce, and want to reduce the risks
-Went through a divorce before and want to prevent another
-Have family and friends against this union and they want to prove them wrong
-Want to be sure they have the skills necessary to stick to their vows
-Are struggling with the idea of a prenuptial agreement
-Have doubts about marriage
-Want to make "til death do us part" mean something again
-Want to find ways to talk to their partner about difficult subjects
-Worry about trusting their partner
-Worry about the challenge of long term commitment
-Are looking for a marriage that is LGBTQF friendly
-Are looking for a marriage that is alternative lifestyle friendly
-Want conflict resolution skills
-Having a hard time pinpointing your relationship rules and boundaries
If you want to invest in securing a solid foundation to make sure
you are in a relationship that actually succeeds, then you are
seeking the secrets of a successful marriage
as well as those couples in already establish committed relationships that are working things out to stay together.
As you read and follow the articles on my blog,
do please reach out to me with any information that you feel,
was really helpful to you, in your pursuit of seeking the secrets of your personal success.
-Frank Kermit
