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The Return of the Seducers in Montreal Quebec
Le retour des séducteurs
par François Guérard
Dans l’art de la séduction, l’homme québécois ne serait pas de taille à rivaliser avec le Français, l’Italien, l’Espagnol, ou le Belge. Qu’à cela ne tienne, des gourous de la drague viennent à son secours. Notre journaliste a fait enquête.
Ce soir, le petit bar du Plateau-Mont-Royal est interdit aux femmes. L’écriteau sur la porte indique «Fermé». Sous une lumière orange, une société secrète de séducteurs tient réunion. Une trentaine de gars, ayant entre 20 et 45 ans, discutent en anglais, assis en rond. Ils sont francophones et anglophones, de toutes origines ethniques. À tour de rôle, ils exposent un problème ou décrivent une rencontre dans un café, un flirt sur la piste de danse. Les autres analysent et dissèquent. Le grand timide assis à ma droite note frénétiquement tous les trucs de drague dans son calepin. Les gars cachent leur identité derrière des pseudonymes: Buddha, Jetset, Vic 20, Cowboy. Moi aussi, je dissimule la mienne. Personne ne sait que je suis journaliste. Et c’est mon tour de parler.
The Story of Loser To Seducer
Je me présente, faussement, comme un nouveau célibataire qui vient de rompre après des années de vie conjugale. Mon problème: je ne sais plus comment accoster les femmes. Certains hochent la tête. Ils sont passés par là. On me propose une méthode: je dois aborder cinq belles inconnues par jour. Un gars, fin vingtaine, m’explique: «Engage la conversation avec les serveuses et les vendeuses. Dans la rue, demande ton chemin. Profites-en pour échanger quelques phrases.» À ce rythme, dans trois mois, j’aurai brisé la glace avec 450 demoiselles. Plusieurs gars du groupe l’ont fait. Et ils abordent maintenant les jolies femmes dans les cinq à sept avec un naturel désarmant.
Ces gars cherchent tous la même chose. Darwin dirait: «Assurer la survie de l’espèce.» Eux disent plutôt: «Amener une femme dans mon lit.» Pour cela, ils sont prêts à explorer un territoire sauvage cartographié depuis longtemps par le sexe opposé: celui des relations humaines. Pour de nombreux hommes, la séduction reste un mystère. Entre eux, ils parlent peu de leurs faiblesses et de leurs inquiétudes à l’égard des femmes. Ils glorifient leurs conquêtes, mais l’hésitation à téléphoner à une telle pour l’inviter au cinéma ou le manque de courage pour embrasser une autre restent enfouis dans leur jardin secret.
Ethical Seduction
Les membres du Montreal Seduction Lair (le repaire des séducteurs de Montréal) ont brisé le tabou. Ils interprètent les détails d’un flirt avec une minutie toute féminine. Comme le feraient de bonnes amies autour d’un thé vert. «Combien de temps devrais-je attendre avant de répondre à son courriel?» «Que devrais-je lui écrire?» «J’ai ramené une fille chez moi la nuit dernière, mais nous n’avons pas fait l’amour. Qu’ai-je fait de mal?» C’est le genre de questions qu’ils posent.
On se croirait dans une réunion des «invincibles» Carlos, Rémi, Steve et Pierre-Antoine. Comme dans la populaire série télé, les membres du Montreal Lair signent un pacte qui prévoit toutes sortes de situations. Par exemple, un membre a le droit de choisir deux femmes de son entourage — une sœur ou une collègue, par exemple — qui ne pourront être draguées par les autres membres. «Ne parlez pas en détail de ce que nous sommes à vos amis, à votre famille ou à vos associés», indique le document de 14 pages qui m’a été envoyé par courriel après la réunion. Les femmes n’aimeraient pas apprendre que leur nouvelle flamme élabore des stratégies de séduction en groupe…
No More Just Friends
Lose Your Virginity
Dans les cinq dernières années, la demande de conseils en séduction par des hommes a explosé. Marc Boilard, agent artistique devenu animateur de radio, chroniqueur à la télé et gourou de la séduction, remplit des salles de spectacle partout au Québec grâce à sa «clinique» de drague. Le concept: il fait monter des gars sur scène et, sur le ton de l’humour, relève leurs maladresses avec les filles. Sa chronique de séduction à la station de radio Énergie de Québec est le quart d’heure le plus écouté dans la capitale, avec une moyenne de 32 500 auditeurs.
La consultante en séduction Marie-France Archibald fait de bonnes affaires en offrant des cours privés de drague aux hommes de la région de Montréal. Pour un tarif moyen de 95 dollars l’heure, la jeune femme prépare ses clients à affronter différentes situations: aborder une femme dans un bar, un flirt au bureau, une sortie au théâtre. Les clients peuvent aussi profiter des services d’une styliste pour refaire leur garde-robe et d’un photographe professionnel, histoire de mieux paraître dans les sites Web de rencontre.
Dans Internet, des dizaines de forums de discussion réservés aux hommes et consacrés à l’art de la drague sont apparus. Des gars de partout dans le monde y racontent en détail leurs tentatives de séduction. D’autres y vont de trucs et de conseils. Le Montreal Lair, qui compte 130 membres, est la vitrine locale d’une communauté mondiale de séducteurs. Il y a des «repaires» à Toronto, Los Angeles, San Francisco, New York, Paris, Londres, Milan, Budapest, Tokyo. La communauté a ses gourous. Une cinquantaine de maîtres autoproclamés de la séduction vendent, dans leur site Web, leur méthode en format livre ou DVD. Le plus grand d’entre eux est Neil Strauss, alias Style. Son livre autobiographique, The Game (HarperCollins), est devenu la bible des apprentis séducteurs.
Start a Lair
Learn Charisma
Depuis deux ans, Montréal devient pendant trois jours, en juillet, le cœur de cette communauté. Une trentaine de gourous transforment l’hôtel Château Champlain, au centre-ville, en université de la drague. Les hommes paient 800 dollars pour assister à leurs ateliers. Quelques-uns de ces experts organisent aussi des séminaires «sur le terrain» dans les grandes villes de la planète. Le programme s’adresse à des groupes de 5 à 10 hommes. L’après-midi, il y a classe. Le soir, les élèves font la tournée des discothèques et testent leurs nouvelles connaissances, sous l’œil attentif du maître. En janvier dernier, un tenancier de bar torontois est venu donner un séminaire du genre à Montréal. Prix demandé pour une fin de semaine: 2 150 dollars!
On a créé un espace d’apprentissage pour les hommes. C’est une chose nouvelle pour un jeune trentenaire comme moi. À l’école secondaire, on m’a appris le nom d’une dizaine de maladies transmissibles sexuellement et montré comment enfiler un condom. Mais on ne m’a pas enseigné quoi faire pour me rendre à l’étape de l’utilisation. Mon père ne m’a jamais emmené à la pêche pour m’initier aux secrets de la gent féminine. Et mes «vieux chums» préfèrent discuter de hockey et de jeux d’ordinateur plutôt que des femmes.
Good Sex Starts Here
L’homme qui s’assoit seul au bar et attend qu’on le courtise pourrait être déçu. Car à peine 7% des Québécoises croient que c’est à elles de faire les premiers pas, révèle un sondage CROP commandé par L’actualité. Elles sont 34% à penser que l’homme doit faire les avances, et 54% estiment que cela n’a aucune importance. Fait étonnant, les jeunes de 18 à 34 ans (hommes et femmes) sont les plus conservateurs. Près de la moitié — 43% — confient la tâche de draguer à l’homme.
Be Honest
«Séduire, c’est d’abord exprimer son désir pour quelqu’un, par un regard, un sourire, une remarque bien placée», dit le sociologue de la sexualité Michel Dorais, qui enseigne à l’Université Laval. Le Québécois est-il un bon séducteur? Les avis sont partagés. Un peu plus de la moitié des femmes (56%) affirment qu’il sait très bien ou plutôt bien séduire, indique le sondage CROP. Mais 31% d’entre elles disent qu’il est plutôt mauvais ou très mauvais (les autres ont refusé de répondre).
Michel Dorais, lui, va dans le sens du «plutôt mauvais». Le Québécois n’est pas de taille devant le Français, l’Italien, l’Espagnol et le Belge, dit-il. Car le flirt est un jeu qui se pratique beaucoup en Europe et très peu de ce côté-ci de l’Atlantique. Le sociologue se promenait récemment dans les rues de Namur, en Belgique, aux côtés d’une séduisante collègue. «Cinq ou six passants se sont arrêtés pour la complimenter sur sa beauté. Chaque fois, elle répondait: “Merci.” On ne voit jamais ça au Québec!»
On ne connaît pas grand-chose de cette timidité du Québécois envers les femmes. On ne l’a pas mesurée, comparée ou analysée. En fait, l’homme est un sujet de recherche nouveau au Québec. «On a étudié ses réalisations en long et en large, mais pas son identité, sa façon de se percevoir et de percevoir l’autre sexe», dit Martine Saulnier, étudiante en doctorat de sciences humaines appliquées à l’Université de Montréal. Son enquête lui permettra de débroussailler le terrain. Elle fait de longues entrevues avec des hommes de 30 à 40 ans. Mais ses résultats ne seront pas connus avant 2008.
Pimping Your Pad
On peut trouver des éléments de réponse dans la culture, dit Michel Dorais. «Au Québec, la notion de charme appartient à l’espace féminin, alors qu’en Europe l’image du séducteur masculin est très présente.» Giacomo Casanova, l’aventurier qui sévissait dans les cours européennes au 18e siècle, et les personnages fictifs de Don Juan et de Cyrano de Bergerac envoûtent les femmes par la parole. L’aspect physique importe peu. Ce sont le raffinement et la poésie des mots qui font fondre les cœurs. Ce modèle n’existe pas dans la psyché collective des Québécois, dit le sociologue. Le grand séducteur s’incarne dans deux personnages de la littérature du terroir: le Survenant, héros du roman éponyme, et Ovila Pronovost, le mari d’Émilie dans Les filles de Caleb. Ce sont des hommes mystérieux, grands, musclés, la plupart du temps absents. «La seule présence de leur corps suffit à séduire», dit Michel Dorais.
Les choses étaient plus faciles pour l’homme il y a 50 ans, lorsque les rôles sexuels étaient clairement définis. Le samedi soir, l’homme ne sortait jamais sans son veston, sa cravate et son chapeau. C’était lui le chef. Il invitait la femme à la salle de danse, il payait pour elle. Henri, un petit barbu énergique de 80 ans, se souvient des jeux de séduction dans le Montréal de l’après-guerre. Il travaillait alors comme machiniste dans la métropole. «Nous faisions la cour aux femmes. Il fallait leur ouvrir la portière de la voiture. Les complimenter sur leur habillement et leur coiffure. Leur faire sentir que c’étaient elles les reines de la soirée.» L’effort en valait la peine, puisque Henri, qui ne s’est jamais marié, a eu une soixantaine de maîtresses! «Pourtant, je n’étais pas le genre d’homme à faire tourner les têtes dans la rue», dit-il.
On pourrait croire qu’en 2007 la danse reste une activité propice au flirt. Danser la salsa, par exemple, c’est jouer à la séduction. Les corps se touchent, les regards plongent l’un dans l’autre. C’est l’homme qui guide. Au Salon Daomé, au pied du mont Royal, la proportion est de quatre hommes pour six femmes. Une vingtaine de jeunes filles sont assises sur des canapés le long des murs et attendent une invitation à danser. Corinne Morin, elle, ne manque pas de partenaires. Cette grande brune de 26 ans est sexy dans son chandail rouge moulant et elle se déhanche bien. Elle est venue seule. Pourtant, un homme serait mal avisé de lui demander son numéro de téléphone. Pas plus à elle qu’aux autres filles. «Je ne viens pas ici pour me faire draguer. Je viens pour danser», dit-elle, soufflant entre deux pièces musicales. «La plupart des filles, ici, n’aiment pas les hommes qui tentent de les séduire. Elles veulent pratiquer un sport, de façon amicale.»
Après un demi-siècle de féminisme, la femme est devenue un peu comme l’hiver québécois: lumineuse et froide. Elle brille, est sûre d’elle, intelligente, ouverte et fonceuse. Mais son assurance est une arme à double tranchant. Elle peut interpréter les avances d’un homme comme un manque de respect, une atteinte à son intimité. Elle réagit alors avec la froideur d’un iceberg.
Sylvain d’Auteuil, 39 ans, en a fait la dure expérience. Pour écrire Brad Pitt ou mourir (Les Intouchables) — roman dans lequel il raconte les difficultés d’un jeune père célibataire à trouver une nouvelle copine —, il s’est lancé, en 2005, dans un véritable rallye de la drague. Il a d’abord recruté trois hommes trentenaires en mettant une petite annonce dans un journal culturel de Saint-Sauveur. Pendant un mois, les quatre mousquetaires ont abordé des filles dans les bars, dans les boutiques, dans la rue, au supermarché. «On utilisait des techniques trouvées dans Internet», dit l’auteur. Dans la grande majorité des cas, ils se sont fait répondre par un soupir ou un regard glacial. Avec les femmes d’origine étrangère, cependant, c’était différent. «Elles répondaient à nos avances par un sourire. On pouvait même quelquefois entamer la conversation et obtenir leur numéro de téléphone.» Cette expérience lui a permis de trouver un excellent endroit pour draguer: la buanderie. Les femmes y sont souvent seules et s’ennuient en attendant la fin des cycles de séchage.
Marc Boilard, lui, croit avoir trouvé la solution pour désamorcer le mécanisme de défense des femmes. Je rencontre le gourou de 40 ans dans sa tanière, le Shed Café, resto-bar branché du boulevard Saint-Laurent. «Je viens souvent manger ici», dit-il en recevant un bol de soupe thaïe des mains d’une jolie serveuse à la robe moulante. Il a le crâne rasé, porte un large bracelet de cuir clouté et de petites lunettes rondes. Ses biceps roulent sous son chandail ajusté. Marc Boilard affirme qu’il fonde ses enseignements sur son expérience personnelle avec les femmes. Qu’il en a connu beaucoup. Mais il refuse de dire combien. «Pense à un chiffre et c’est plus que ça», lance-t-il.
Il pratique une technique de drague en trois étapes qui rappelle celle de la guérilla. Il attaque, il bat en retraite, puis il relance l’attaque. Marc Boilard m’explique. L’autre jour, dans ce même établissement, une jolie demoiselle qui mange avec des amies lui tombe dans l’œil. Elle se lève et se rend aux toilettes. Profitant du moment, il l’intercepte. «Je lui ai dit: “Excuse-moi. J’aimerais te faire un compliment. Tu es vraiment mon genre de fille.”» Puis, sans en dire plus, il retourne à sa table. «Après cette manœuvre, la fille est déstabilisée, ajoute Marc Boilard. Elle repasse dans sa tête ce qui vient de se produire. De retour à sa table, elle va raconter l’histoire à ses amies. Tu deviens son centre d’intérêt. Lorsque tu l’accostes de nouveau, elle n’a pas peur. Elle veut entendre ce que tu as à dire.» C’est ce qu’il a fait lorsqu’elle s’est levée pour quitter le café. «Il faut qu’on se revoit, lui a-t-il déclaré. J’aimerais beaucoup t’inviter à un spectacle.» Elle a dit oui et il a obtenu son numéro de téléphone.
Un homme qui maîtrise ce genre d’approche (il faut rester naturel!) marquera des points, assure la consultante en séduction Marie-France Archibald. «L’audace et la confiance en soi sont des qualités qui séduisent les femmes.»
De l’audace, c’est peut-être ce qui manque dans l’attirail du séducteur québécois. Car pour le reste, il se débrouille bien, dit Jean-Marc Larouche, président de l’agence de rencontre Intermezzo, fondée il y a 10 ans. L’homme de 44 ans me reçoit dans ses bureaux d’Outremont, aux murs crème et aux rideaux blancs. La majorité de ses 3 200 clients sont des gens instruits, dans la trentaine et la quarantaine. «Le Québécois n’est pas compétent pour aborder une femme à la table d’à côté. Mais dans une situation où il se retrouve en tête à tête, il est bon. Il est attentif, drôle et intéressant.» Tout ce dont il a besoin, c’est qu’on provoque un peu les choses pour lui.
Un Homme, C'est Ton Job
L’agence Intermezzo le fait… pour 1 530 dollars par année. Chaque client a une relationniste attitrée qui joue le rôle de l’amie organisant un rendez-vous galant. Le lendemain, il peut l’appeler pour obtenir un son de cloche sur l’intérêt que l’éventuelle soupirante a manifesté à son endroit. «Habituellement, lorsque la relationniste lui répond “feu vert”, ça lui donne un élan incroyable!» dit Jean-Marc Larouche.
Au cours des rendez-vous suivants, il se transforme en véritable séducteur avec sa belle.
Et il dégrafe son soutien-gorge.
Et il dégrafe son soutien-gorge.
*Disclaimer: This article is copyright Francois Guerard and was originally published on February 15, 2007 for L'actualite. All rights, titles and interests in any images or clips, used herein under Fair Use and Fair Copying, remain the property of the author.
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I'll Tell You Where All The Good Men Have Gone by Arun Eden-Lewis
I'll Tell You Where All The Good Men Have Gone
by Arun Eden-Lewis
Search the words, “Where have all the good men gone?” and dozens of anecdotes, articles, blogs, and books will appear on your screen.
Overwhelmingly, this question is posed by women, discussed by women, and answered by women.
This, ironically, is an essential reason for these so called man-deserts—men are simply not being asked to contribute their opinions and perspectives. And the good men themselves are increasingly less likely to offer their point of view, for many reasons.
I do not seek to apportion blame here, on either side, but simply to address this question from the seldom-heard voice that is the object of the question itself: good men.
The last 100 years of suffragettes, feminists, and political correctness have challenged and continue to challenge thousands of years of patriarchy—and rightly so. Consequently, the roles of both men and women have been transformed and redefined.
While we struggle to adjust to the new and still evolving status quo, the war of the sexes has taken millions of casualties. In Western culture, divorce rates for first marriages range from 42 percent in the U.K. to 53 percent in the U.S. to a staggering 71 percent in Belgium. Subsequent marriages fare even worse.
The spectre of divorce is another contributing factor in the conspicuously expanding man-deserts. Many men, having seen their fathers broken by divorce, fear the loss of their assets, their homes, and their children and are simply stacking their chips, choosing not to gamble, and checking out of the marriage casino.
Family courts invariably award primary custody to the mother, while the father is restricted to weekend access, supervised visits, or left to literally climb the walls of Buckingham Palace in a superhero costume to protest rights for dads. Men—will they ever grow up?
The ridicule and debasement of men in the media and mainstream culture is now pervasive. Watch a commercial, sitcom, or movie, and invariably an immature man-child or dumb dad is the butt of the joke—the hapless buffoon. Fortunately, these silly men are always saved from themselves by a smart, witty woman or a conscripted, eye-rolling child.
The emasculation of men has become normalized.
The emasculation of men has become normalized.
https://tinyurl.com/lkpcewj
Sensibly, rather than have their balls cut off (sometimes literally, and that often gets a good laugh), men are running for cover in their droves, leaving women mystified and asking, “Where have all the good men gone?”
When I was in secondary school, perhaps 14 years old, there was a girl who patrolled the playground, egged on by her gang of girlfriends, kicking the boys between the legs. Clearly, she had been informed by someone this was the quickest, easiest, and funniest way to bring those stupid boys down to earth.
One day it was my turn. Caught by surprise, I crumpled to the ground after a swift kick to the balls, in too much agony even to cry out. Oh, how the girls laughed! Even then, I abhorred a bully.
The following day, I found my attacker in the playground and, contrary to my upbringing, without warning I kicked her swiftly between the legs. To everyone’s surprise she also crumpled to the ground, in too much agony to cry out. A crowd of cheering boys slapped me on the back—their new avenger.
The girls stared at me wide-eyed in shock—a boy who fought back? No one had told them that was allowed, surely it was against the rules! Equality: it’s a son of a gun.
I remember feeling no satisfaction or honour in defeating a weaker adversary but sometimes, especially in the case of a bully, personal satisfaction and honour is not the point—standing up to their aggression is. As I grew into a man—a good man—I learned to walk away from provocation, as most good men do.
When I was in secondary school, perhaps 14 years old, there was a girl who patrolled the playground, egged on by her gang of girlfriends, kicking the boys between the legs. Clearly, she had been informed by someone this was the quickest, easiest, and funniest way to bring those stupid boys down to earth.
One day it was my turn. Caught by surprise, I crumpled to the ground after a swift kick to the balls, in too much agony even to cry out. Oh, how the girls laughed! Even then, I abhorred a bully.
The following day, I found my attacker in the playground and, contrary to my upbringing, without warning I kicked her swiftly between the legs. To everyone’s surprise she also crumpled to the ground, in too much agony to cry out. A crowd of cheering boys slapped me on the back—their new avenger.
The girls stared at me wide-eyed in shock—a boy who fought back? No one had told them that was allowed, surely it was against the rules! Equality: it’s a son of a gun.
I remember feeling no satisfaction or honour in defeating a weaker adversary but sometimes, especially in the case of a bully, personal satisfaction and honour is not the point—standing up to their aggression is. As I grew into a man—a good man—I learned to walk away from provocation, as most good men do.
Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them!” Remember the T-shirts launched in 2003? Followed by coffee mugs, posters, even a book.“Boys tell lies, poke them in the eyes!” Another favourite for young girls at the time. It took a fathers’ rights activist to have this merchandise removed from thousands of retail stores. Inevitably, he was ridiculed by a myopic majority.
https://tinyurl.com/mgm5jqh
Presently, in some areas of the U.K., 80 percent of primary schools have three male teachers or less, one quarter of primary schools have no male teachers at all, and some towns have 65 percent single mother families.
Man-deserts indeed.
A young boy can go to school and have no adult male role model, and then return home and have no adult male role models.
Young girls are achieving significantly higher academic standards than young boys. This feminisation of schools spills over into university, then the workplace, and eventually the home, completing the insipid cycle and the marginalization of both boys and men.
I was born in 1968. I grew up with a strong mother, four stronger sisters, and no father. I was taught, not only by my family but also by wider society, to regard women as my equal, and I always have. Yet, unknown to me, a generation of women were being indoctrinated and trained with a sharp-edged tool kit designed to emasculate men.
Men have been subjugating women for centuries; now, they’re getting payback. It seems only fair. The fox has turned on the hounds and she’s packing a punch, or a kick to the balls. But the nature of men when faced with a fight is to fight back, either psychologically or physically.
Clearly there are no winners in this scenario.
The relentless competitive struggle to determine who wears the trousers is simply a turnoff for many men. Many are just opting out of the kind of psychological warfare that is common in relationships today, unwilling to engage in the minefield of mind games, which are usually executed in three ways.
The first is the habitual belittling and denigration of men, in private or in front of friends, family or colleagues, for what is supposed to pass as humour. The second is letting a man know, casually of course, that other men are sexy, have better looks, more money, talent, or fame. The third, and perhaps the most destructive is being told over and over, “We don’t need no man. Men are obsolete.”
I’ve lost count of how often I’ve heard this since adolescence.
If you tell a man often enough that he is surplus to requirements, eventually he will stop expending his energy to convince you and himself otherwise.
Men are rapidly waking up to this phenomenon of man-bashing, so much so that a disillusioned social movement has arisen with its own freshly-minted acronym: MGTOW, Men Going Their Own Way.
Supported by websites and online forums, men are regrouping with a common cause, a sense of brotherhood, and finding their voices again.
The essential precepts of MGTOW are financial independence, rejection of chivalry, social preconceptions of what a man should be, and consumer culture which defines masculinity by a man’s house, car, clothes, watch, or cologne. It is the refusal to be shamed into conventional compliance by being told to “man up.”
Many aggrieved MGTOW refuse to marry or even date Western women, the more ardent among them consciously choosing non-committal relationships, strippers, pornography, or celibacy. Above all, goes the MGTOW mantra, maintain sovereignty of self.
I have been dating for more than 35 years, and back in the 1980s, a man was expected to pay for the movie tickets, dinner, flowers, chocolate, the diamond ring, the house. In each subsequent decade these social conventions have slowly eroded, yet to a greater or lesser extent still remain. Long-held social biases, like the wage gap for example, take time to bring to full equality.
It is important to recognize, however, that equality is a two-way street. It is abundantly clear that many men and women are struggling to walk along that street in close proximity, let alone hand in hand. Why? Because for a century we have been digging up and bulldozing said street. Now, it’s full of potholes, power struggles, and barely fit to travel. Yet travel it we must.
The original message of equality has been somewhat skewed. Women often recycle the poorly thought-out doctrine that they are the same as men. Equality is not always sameness, and sameness is not always equality.
For example, women have equal opportunity to go to war and fight side by side with men, but the physical standards to allow them to do so are not the same. And this can be seen across a whole spectrum of professions, from firefighters to ballet dancers.
Man-deserts indeed.
A young boy can go to school and have no adult male role model, and then return home and have no adult male role models.
Young girls are achieving significantly higher academic standards than young boys. This feminisation of schools spills over into university, then the workplace, and eventually the home, completing the insipid cycle and the marginalization of both boys and men.
I was born in 1968. I grew up with a strong mother, four stronger sisters, and no father. I was taught, not only by my family but also by wider society, to regard women as my equal, and I always have. Yet, unknown to me, a generation of women were being indoctrinated and trained with a sharp-edged tool kit designed to emasculate men.
Men have been subjugating women for centuries; now, they’re getting payback. It seems only fair. The fox has turned on the hounds and she’s packing a punch, or a kick to the balls. But the nature of men when faced with a fight is to fight back, either psychologically or physically.
Clearly there are no winners in this scenario.
The relentless competitive struggle to determine who wears the trousers is simply a turnoff for many men. Many are just opting out of the kind of psychological warfare that is common in relationships today, unwilling to engage in the minefield of mind games, which are usually executed in three ways.
The first is the habitual belittling and denigration of men, in private or in front of friends, family or colleagues, for what is supposed to pass as humour. The second is letting a man know, casually of course, that other men are sexy, have better looks, more money, talent, or fame. The third, and perhaps the most destructive is being told over and over, “We don’t need no man. Men are obsolete.”
I’ve lost count of how often I’ve heard this since adolescence.
If you tell a man often enough that he is surplus to requirements, eventually he will stop expending his energy to convince you and himself otherwise.
Men are rapidly waking up to this phenomenon of man-bashing, so much so that a disillusioned social movement has arisen with its own freshly-minted acronym: MGTOW, Men Going Their Own Way.
Supported by websites and online forums, men are regrouping with a common cause, a sense of brotherhood, and finding their voices again.
The essential precepts of MGTOW are financial independence, rejection of chivalry, social preconceptions of what a man should be, and consumer culture which defines masculinity by a man’s house, car, clothes, watch, or cologne. It is the refusal to be shamed into conventional compliance by being told to “man up.”
Many aggrieved MGTOW refuse to marry or even date Western women, the more ardent among them consciously choosing non-committal relationships, strippers, pornography, or celibacy. Above all, goes the MGTOW mantra, maintain sovereignty of self.
I have been dating for more than 35 years, and back in the 1980s, a man was expected to pay for the movie tickets, dinner, flowers, chocolate, the diamond ring, the house. In each subsequent decade these social conventions have slowly eroded, yet to a greater or lesser extent still remain. Long-held social biases, like the wage gap for example, take time to bring to full equality.
It is important to recognize, however, that equality is a two-way street. It is abundantly clear that many men and women are struggling to walk along that street in close proximity, let alone hand in hand. Why? Because for a century we have been digging up and bulldozing said street. Now, it’s full of potholes, power struggles, and barely fit to travel. Yet travel it we must.
The original message of equality has been somewhat skewed. Women often recycle the poorly thought-out doctrine that they are the same as men. Equality is not always sameness, and sameness is not always equality.
For example, women have equal opportunity to go to war and fight side by side with men, but the physical standards to allow them to do so are not the same. And this can be seen across a whole spectrum of professions, from firefighters to ballet dancers.
Equality is not always sameness. Difference is diversity, and should be a cause for celebration, not dogmatic elimination.
Men are often told (but, again, not asked) they are afraid of strong independent women. Many men, tired of such futile debates and wary of being branded a misogynist if they dare to disagree, are simply shutting down and becoming emotionally unavailable to women, taking permanent residence in their man-caves.
The truth is, men love strong and independent women—it turns them on, in every way. What men don’t love are the predominantly masculine traits that often go along with the package. The relentless competitiveness (necessary in the workplace no doubt, but hardly necessary at home in a loving relationship), the verbal aggression, the emotional manipulation, and the psychological controlling are huge turn-offs.
Increasingly, men are just not interested in competing at work and then having to come home and compete with their partners. In the sphere of heterosexual relationships, most women are not attracted to emasculated feminine men, which is fair enough. By the same token, most men are not attracted to masculine, domineering women.
So, these are some of the general and specific issues creating man-deserts, from the perspective of good men.
But what solutions are there? Waking up to our social conditioning is a good place to start.
Many women are beginning to reject the modern brand of feminism, the so called third-wave that is tantamount to thinly veiled misandry. Equally many men, for two or three generations now, are rejecting the attitude that a woman is some kind of second class citizen.
We clearly have work to do on both sides.
Letting go of these destructive modes of thought, communication, and behaviour is an essential process for healthier and happier relationships between men and women.
However, denying these issues will in no way change the interpersonal landscape for the better, and women will continue to ask, “Where have all the good men gone?” while wandering an ever-expanding and barren man-desert.
So, where have all the good men gone?
For now they have gone their own way. But they are out there, in the same desert, contentedly swimming in the oases they have found for themselves, no doubt waiting for the fourth-wave of feminism to wash over them so we can all truly embrace equality, just like the first-wave promised.
The truth is, men love strong and independent women—it turns them on, in every way. What men don’t love are the predominantly masculine traits that often go along with the package. The relentless competitiveness (necessary in the workplace no doubt, but hardly necessary at home in a loving relationship), the verbal aggression, the emotional manipulation, and the psychological controlling are huge turn-offs.
Increasingly, men are just not interested in competing at work and then having to come home and compete with their partners. In the sphere of heterosexual relationships, most women are not attracted to emasculated feminine men, which is fair enough. By the same token, most men are not attracted to masculine, domineering women.
So, these are some of the general and specific issues creating man-deserts, from the perspective of good men.
But what solutions are there? Waking up to our social conditioning is a good place to start.
Many women are beginning to reject the modern brand of feminism, the so called third-wave that is tantamount to thinly veiled misandry. Equally many men, for two or three generations now, are rejecting the attitude that a woman is some kind of second class citizen.
We clearly have work to do on both sides.
Letting go of these destructive modes of thought, communication, and behaviour is an essential process for healthier and happier relationships between men and women.
However, denying these issues will in no way change the interpersonal landscape for the better, and women will continue to ask, “Where have all the good men gone?” while wandering an ever-expanding and barren man-desert.
So, where have all the good men gone?
For now they have gone their own way. But they are out there, in the same desert, contentedly swimming in the oases they have found for themselves, no doubt waiting for the fourth-wave of feminism to wash over them so we can all truly embrace equality, just like the first-wave promised.
Arun Eden-Lewis
Author
Arun Eden-Lewis completed his first yoga teacher training in 2001 in the Sivananda style before going on to complete two more advanced teacher training courses with Godfrey Devereux in DynamicYoga. Arun has journeyed to India, Sri Lanka and Bali seeking the most valuable yoga knowledge from the most inspiring teachers in the world. He has practiced extensively in Ashtnga Vinysa and Iyengar Yoga. Drawing on all these strands, and many years of self-practice and teaching, Arun has developed the unique PrajYoga method, of which the ever inspiring 8 Indians sequence is an integral part.
He can be reached through his website:
White Island Retreat
- Published on
Learning To Make The Choices You Can Live With
Your Choices Today Become The Past
You Have To Share Tomorrow
By Frank Kermit
Young adults tend to discount how the choices they make today will impact their futures tomorrow. At least, when it comes to relationships.
The best example of this is the young adults who are swayed to enter into the world of the sex trade.
These 18-23 year olds are convinced that what they do today just to make enough money to get by will not be something that affects their futures.
Sometimes it is people within the industries that try to convince potential porn stars and exotic dancers how no one will ever recognize their faces in the future.
Sometimes it is the young adults themselves who rationalize that since they do not have any aspirations to form a public career that the chances of this being used against them are nil.
However, that is simply not the case.
Stories of former porn stars losing their jobs as high school teachers are real.
When their past catches up with them in the hands of underage students who have passed around sex videos of the teacher through their phones, there is very little a teacher can do.
Even when the former porn stars in question are ready to handle the ordeal of having every one of those students knowing such intimate images of the teacher, it may not matter.
The school administration and sometimes the parents of the students as well, may demand that the teacher be fired anyway.
Stories of former exotic dancers or escort service providers, running into past clients at boardroom meetings are real.
Does it matter that a university student put themselves through school with sex trade work and independently earned that entry-level executive position?
To some it may not matter at all.
To others, it could matter a great deal,
and enough so that it could be an obstacle on a personal career path.
The best advice anyone can give to a young adult is to remind him or her that even if they have no interest in a career that could be affect by their choices today, or even if they do not plan to be parents, over the course of a lifetime, things can change very dramatically.
No one can predict exactly how things are going to change and turn out.
As a young adult, you may not really care about the consequences of your actions…but the older adult you become may feel differently about it.
With all that said, I want to be fair
...and state that there actually are a number of sex trade workers that are more than happy doing what they are doing, do so proudly and are willing to admit it and accept the fact that this part of their lives will follow them forever.
Those who have the best grasp of this are those that fully accept the consequences of their past (and possible present) career choices.
That means that they acknowledge the good elements (the hours, the pay) and are forthright about the bad elements (bad clients, discrimination, possible unsafe working conditions).
An insider on the porno industry once told me that many of the flight-by-night starlets that disappear after a handful of appearances end up living very normal quiet lives as married soccer moms.
They also live with the fear that someone who knows them may find their obscure videos, recognize them, and threaten their new life with it.
If you have a past that might threaten your future, the best things you can do about it is be honest with your future long-term partner and check out if they also can accept it, and handle the potential consequences.
If you are getting into a serious relationship with someone, to the point where you are thinking about getting married, then you must consider putting your fiancé through the ultimate test before he or she becomes your spouse.
Think of your deepest, darkest, most horrible thing that you did in your past that you make it a point not to tell anyone.
If you think that sharing that experience would cause your fiancé not to marry you then you have a choice.
Take the chance and tell them anyway knowing you might lose your relationship, or do not get married and end the relationship altogether.
The truth about all our pasts has a funny way of surfacing, and at the worst possible times.
At some point it is very likely that your future spouse is going to be made aware of elements from your past.
The best thing you can do is prepare your spouse-to-be with whatever it is that someone might try to use against you and your family.
It is better your future spouse hears it from you before it becomes an issue that could threaten your future children.
Whether it is bullies in the schoolyard that taunt your kids with proof of your past, or extortionists who would seek to blackmail you by threatening to reveal your scary secret,
being honest with your soon-to-be spouse is the best way to build a foundation for a relationship that will withstand any outside force that attempts to destroy you.
Frank Kermit
*****************
P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree?
Have something to Add?
Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.
P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree?
Have something to Add?
Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.
Coaching To Learn To Make The Choices You Can Live With
- Published on
*Disclaimer: the views of the author do not necessarily represent the views of Franktalks.com. It is important to present different views/mindsets, and that includes material that may be deemed controversial in nature.
5 Tips to Get Her Sexting Nude Pics
5 Tips To Get Her To Send You Nude Pics
by Olivier
I never set out to write this article. Originally, this started as a reply to a guy asking for help to get nude pictures from a woman while texting her. He posted for help on an online forum.
I answered it.
My advice was so well received that I figured I was going somewhere with it. I hope you enjoy!
If you want a woman you are texting to text you nude images of her, here are 5 tips that I have used successfully.
1. CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS
The pics themselves aren't that important.
Do not get caught up in the exciting of getting them.
Stay calm.
It is the “frame” that this is important.
You are looking for her compliance in general, and the pics are just part of the overall process.
The pics themselves aren't that important.
Do not get caught up in the exciting of getting them.
Stay calm.
It is the “frame” that this is important.
You are looking for her compliance in general, and the pics are just part of the overall process.
2. TIMING YOUR REQUEST
The BEST TIME to get nude pics from her
is when you text late at night.
If it is late at night, chances are she is already in bed, or close to it.
Start asking her where she is.
When she tells you (likely she will be in her bed). Then, get her to tell you what she is wearing.
The BEST TIME to get nude pics from her
is when you text late at night.
If it is late at night, chances are she is already in bed, or close to it.
Start asking her where she is.
When she tells you (likely she will be in her bed). Then, get her to tell you what she is wearing.
3. GET HER COMPLIANT
Use commitment and consistency.
Make her comply to small request first, and then build up.
First get her to send a selfie with her clothes on.
When she complies, then you can challenge with a more daring suggestion such as:
"hmmm. I wonder if you would be able to be a little bit more sexy...wink".
4. Don't "Ask". Tell Her.
Don't ask for nudes.
Tell her to send them.
If you ask her in a nice friendly way,
you are more likely to turn her off
by making her feel she is doing you a favor,
instead of a flirty exchange
that is turning you both on.
By being direct in your communication,
it keeps things more enticing.
Instead of ASKING: “Will you please send me a nude?”
TELL HER: “Show me, I want to see.”
(This of course is after you have progressed from having her tell you where she is, what she is wearing, and getting her to send you some selfies that progressively get more sexy.
5. Reverse-Psychology
Finally, on some women you can use negation. This is where you discourage her from sending you sexy pictures, because some women are more likely to do it, if you tell them not too. It is a form of reverse psychology that
works with women that do not like men telling her what she can or cannot do.
For example,
Finally, on some women you can use negation. This is where you discourage her from sending you sexy pictures, because some women are more likely to do it, if you tell them not too. It is a form of reverse psychology that
works with women that do not like men telling her what she can or cannot do.
For example,
What is Your Favorite Sexy Lingerie?
“Don't show me naughty pictures of you. That would make me think of you in inappropriate ways the whole night and that isn't something that you would want since I know that you are such a good girl.”
If she is interested in you, but does not like being told what to do, she will follow through as you just told her how to “seduce” you, giving her the “control” in the situation.
You do not have to “convince” any woman to take nude selfies.
Chances are she has done it in the past (for herself or her past lovers), and might send you a couple of shots of a past collection if she doesn’t want to take a current shot tonight.
In my experience, once you receive nudes from a woman, if you proceed correctly, this is a very good sign that the next time you meet, you could end up having sex.
If she is willing to send you naked selfies to you,
she is likely more open to being naked with you
Hope this helps!
-Olivier
You do not have to “convince” any woman to take nude selfies.
Chances are she has done it in the past (for herself or her past lovers), and might send you a couple of shots of a past collection if she doesn’t want to take a current shot tonight.
In my experience, once you receive nudes from a woman, if you proceed correctly, this is a very good sign that the next time you meet, you could end up having sex.
If she is willing to send you naked selfies to you,
she is likely more open to being naked with you
Hope this helps!
-Olivier
About Olivier
For 4 years Olivier has been on a quest, the quest to find what was stolen from men everywhere. Modern-day men are flabby, weak, have no energy and can’t get their manhood to stand at attention like it used to. None of this is their fault, our modern diet and environment strips them of their manhood. Desperate Men resort to pills to deal with the symptoms but cannot get relief from the problem itself. Olivier has spent the last few years creating and refining the recipes that he developed to help men just like you improve their erections, energy levels, and sex drive at any age.
http://olivierhealthtips.com/
For 4 years Olivier has been on a quest, the quest to find what was stolen from men everywhere. Modern-day men are flabby, weak, have no energy and can’t get their manhood to stand at attention like it used to. None of this is their fault, our modern diet and environment strips them of their manhood. Desperate Men resort to pills to deal with the symptoms but cannot get relief from the problem itself. Olivier has spent the last few years creating and refining the recipes that he developed to help men just like you improve their erections, energy levels, and sex drive at any age.
http://olivierhealthtips.com/
- Published on
Recipe for Banana Pancakes
The Gros Michel Banana
https://tinyurl.com/koratf2 The Gros Michel Banana
Did you know that the bananas found in most grocery stores in North America are not very disease resistant because they are all clones! They are sterile, and asexually reproduced (new plants grow from part of the parent plant.)
That’s right. Every single one is an exact copy of the other. It makes for great uniformity, but lousy disease resistance.
The bananas we eat today are a variety called Cavendish, but our grandparents ate a variety called Gros Michel. In the 1950s a fungus took out so much of the Gros Michel crops, that the plantations that grew bananas for the North American market started growing the Cavendish banana instead.*
The Cavendish Banana
The Cavendish Banana
Eternal Life is the symbolism of the banana plant, so in a Hindu wedding ceremony in India, (especially in Southern India) it is used as a decoration to symbolize fertility, a symbol of the birth of future generations.
Banana Plants Are Used To Create A Decorated Entrance
https://tinyurl.com/lnhyz87 Banana Plants Are Used To Create a Decorated Entrance
Banana Pancakes
Recipe makes 12 pancakes
Ingredients:
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon white sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 egg, beaten
1 cup milk
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 ripe bananas, mashed
Directions
1. Combine flour, white sugar, baking powder and salt. In a separate bowl, mix together egg, milk, vegetable oil and bananas.
2. Stir flour mixture into banana mixture; batter will be slightly lumpy.
3. Heat a lightly oiled griddle or frying pan over medium high heat. Pour or scoop the batter onto the griddle, using approximately 1/4 cup for each pancake. Cook until pancakes are golden brown on both sides; serve hot.
Recipe Courtesy Of: Cristina Mucciardi
CookandDate events aren’t set up to be cheesy, intimidating or plain awkward. Every event is attended by successful singles wanting to experience something new and exciting. Bars, restaurants, clubs can be fun but variety is the spice of life and our events were conceived to be fun, stress-free environment where laughs, cocktails, networking, and a little cooking take center stage.
In short, all you need to do is show up and enjoy the best of what this city is known to offer: great people, great food, great wine, and a true joie de vivre. This is the recipe that has made CookandDate a true success story for the past 8 years, week after week.
For more information visit
cook and date logo
**Additional Information was added by Franktalks.com**
*Scientific info Source: https://tinyurl.com/mumbtlo
- Published on
The Paradites (pronounced PARA-dytes) was a comedy puppet TV series that Frank Kermit produced for local college TV in 1994-95.
TBT Throwback Thursday - Frank Kermit
Campus Canada Magazine
#tbt #throwback #tb #back #memories #instatb #reminisce #reminiscing #backintheday #instamoment #instagood #throwbackthursdayy #throwbackthursday #instamemory #miss #old #franktalks #frank kermit @emotionalneeds
The Paradites -More of These Jokes Suck
The Paradites Dr. Medicine Sings
The Paradites- Snufter Lungcastle Performs "Don't Call Me Roadkill"
- Published on
Happy Star Wars Day - May The Fourth Be With You
Happy Star Wars Day!
May The Fourth Be With You!
and
May The Force Be With You!
*********************
An ENA of Han Solo and Princess Leia
Dear FrankTalks.Com Fans,
Franktalks student Pogz wrote out an emotional needs analysis based on the emotional needs of women using the fictional characters of Han Solo and Princess Leia as a fun exercise to see if they would actually have worked in the real world (as real as Star Wars characters could be). I found it so thoughtful and enjoyable that I wanted to share it with all of you.Originally written Tuesday, January 18, 2011
-Frank
An ENA of Han Solo and Princess Leia
By Pogz, student of FrankTalks.com
Han Solo and Princess Leia are a fictional couple. As audience members we can read anything we want into their attraction process because it is fiction. This has probably been done before, but if you want to play that game for fun: (EN = emotional need)
EN1) Protected her reputation?
Her rep would be hurt by associating with "pirate Han". If you're a true princess and the leader of the rebellion, why would you hang out with a pirate who won't throw his lot in with your men, the very men she was trying to lead into battle? Why would she choose "pirate Han" when there are so many other courageous men around her of higher status... dying every day? "Many Bathins have given their lives for this information."
Take the Luck Out Of Love: Learn the Emotional Needs
Leia: "Hey guys, great fighting... Sorry about the death of your platoon leader. What was his name... 'Joe' or something? I know I ordered him to take that planetoid. He will be missed. Now I hope you guys follow my leadership in the future... meanwhile, I'm going to go bang this pirate guy who won't fight along the side of you guys. You'll do what I ask in the future right?"
Yeah, people talk. That would have been a morale booster! Let's see, sleep with "pirate Han" and risk losing the war to the Empire? There's more to reputation than just what her girl friends would think of her.
No, it was only after "pirate Han" became "General Solo" that the Princess could completely give herself to him.
Yeah, people talk. That would have been a morale booster! Let's see, sleep with "pirate Han" and risk losing the war to the Empire? There's more to reputation than just what her girl friends would think of her.
No, it was only after "pirate Han" became "General Solo" that the Princess could completely give herself to him.
Take the Luck Out Of Love: Learn the Emotional Needs
EN2) Provided her with a range of emotions
Yes, for the obvious bickering they do, but more importantly because he constantly wavered as to whether or not he'd stick around to help the rebellion. He's in, he's out, he's in, he's out... at least as far as the first two movies are concerned.
EN3) Cater to the little girl in her
No hugs from "pirate Han" when her planet was destroyed in the first movie. No sympathy from "pirate Han" for the impending Death Star attack on the rebel base. Not until halfway through 2nd movie do we see anything close to an act by "pirate Han" that would cater to her little girl (when she hurts her hand turning a wrench and he massages it). "General Solo" tries to comfort her in the Ewok village, but she pushes him away... so we never really see a good example of him catering to her in that way.
Take the Luck Out Of Love: Learn the Emotional Needs
EN4) Assertiveness
"Pirate Han" meets this need of hers rather well. "I'm a scoundrel" - I'm a pilot/pirate with questionable morals, if we do the dead, if you fall in love with me, it is not your fault. "General Solo" sort of chumps out at the end of the last movie, when he says he'll step aside so she can be with Luke... luckily for "General Solo", Luke was her brother. Good thing Han didn't say to Leia, "I won't get in the way of you and Frank."
EN5) Fear of Abandonment
Her fear of abandonment issues are extremely high because her entire planet has been destroyed, her adoptive parents are dead, her biological mother is dead, she is estranged from her dead-beat biological father who destroyed her bio-mom's will to live (yes, like Luke, she has the force; so we must assume that at some level she knows these things), and the death of the all the men who fight for her cause.
Her fear of abandonment issues are extremely high because her entire planet has been destroyed, her adoptive parents are dead, her biological mother is dead, she is estranged from her dead-beat biological father who destroyed her bio-mom's will to live (yes, like Luke, she has the force; so we must assume that at some level she knows these things), and the death of the all the men who fight for her cause.
Take the Luck Out Of Love: Learn the Emotional Needs
Because "pirate Han" is constantly worried about paying his debt to Jabba, he's constantly threatening to leave her and the rebels to fend for themselves. Therefore he is constantly violating her EN5. It isn't until he's frozen in carbonite, Jabba is dead, helps destroy the death star for a second time, and the war is over that she's finally able to commit to him completely - when she knows he's not going to leave her.
Sure, going out into the blizzard for Luke somewhat addresses this need in her. But right after he's back, he's once again talking about leaving to go pay off Jabba. Yes, he wants her to admit that she loves him. But instead of saying "Yes, I want you to stay for me!", she instead calls him a "Scruffy Nerf Herder". Possibly what is irritating her here is that he is not committed to her cause. That she is testing him. Is "pirate Han" only there because he wants to bump uglies with her? Will he leave her if the Empire turns up the heat too high? Maybe it's not even that simple at that point... maybe she just can't handle his death, so she withholds her love, because if he dies it will hurt less.
Sure, going out into the blizzard for Luke somewhat addresses this need in her. But right after he's back, he's once again talking about leaving to go pay off Jabba. Yes, he wants her to admit that she loves him. But instead of saying "Yes, I want you to stay for me!", she instead calls him a "Scruffy Nerf Herder". Possibly what is irritating her here is that he is not committed to her cause. That she is testing him. Is "pirate Han" only there because he wants to bump uglies with her? Will he leave her if the Empire turns up the heat too high? Maybe it's not even that simple at that point... maybe she just can't handle his death, so she withholds her love, because if he dies it will hurt less.
We Miss You R2
EN6) Trust Him to be Honest
"Pirate Han" is blatantly honest with her, and is hardly ever afraid to tell her how he sees things. "General Solo" seems to be as well. Though in the third movie it seems more like "General Solo" is trying to control her behavior, the exact opposite of what happened in the first two movies.
"Pirate Han" is blatantly honest with her, and is hardly ever afraid to tell her how he sees things. "General Solo" seems to be as well. Though in the third movie it seems more like "General Solo" is trying to control her behavior, the exact opposite of what happened in the first two movies.
EN7) Her physical protection and safety
"Pirate Han" helps rescue her from the belly of the beast (see Joseph Campbell), he saves her brother from her estranged dead-beat biological father at the end of the first movie, he pushes her behind him when he takes a couple of blaster shots at her dead-beat father when at cloud city, and then he allows himself to be frozen in carbonite.
Take the Luck Out Of Love: Learn the Emotional Needs
The carbonite is probably the best expression of Frank's EN7, as Han can't take down the Empire himself, and in no way can he ever hope to defeat Vader on his own... but he TAKES THE HIT for her. One can argue that he had no choice, but... well... he ended up in the carbonite because he took responsibility for her safety when they left Hoth.
The passage is blocked. I'll get her out on the Falcon!
So he DID take the hit in order for her to escape. It is at this point, when he's being lowered in to the hole to be frozen, she says to him "I love you".
It could be argued that "pirate Han" leaves her with one last abandonment issue by saying "I know", instead of "I love you too". But this is where "pirate Han" dies. Wow, that's some dedication! In his final death act (ok, the script says he was frozen, but really guys, he died and was reborn like Jesus). This final act of his, the fact that he took the hit, proved that he would not abandon her. The war still needs to be won, but upon his rebirth, he will no longer be the pirate scoundrel who can't be relied upon. Instead, he will be "General Solo".
Take the Luck Out Of Love: Learn the Emotional Needs
EN8) Handle Her Sexuality
As the Star Wars movies aren't overtly sexual (except maybe for the metal bikini), it's almost impossible for us to know if he could handle her sexuality. We assume that because he's a space pirate and doesn't care much about morality... that he believes "in a blaster", that he's probably of the mindset that whatever she's into, he'd be alright with it.
As the Star Wars movies aren't overtly sexual (except maybe for the metal bikini), it's almost impossible for us to know if he could handle her sexuality. We assume that because he's a space pirate and doesn't care much about morality... that he believes "in a blaster", that he's probably of the mindset that whatever she's into, he'd be alright with it.
Another point here is that he must understand her sexuality somewhat because half-way through the second movie the hand rub on the Falcon got him a Kiss... though he admittedly lost having sex due to logistics. He couldn't recover from C3PO's interruption.
Lastly, as leader of the free galaxy and a princes (not to mention - being a petite, extremely hot woman in her 20s), most men probably see Leia as a Madonna figure, and suck up to her like no other woman in the galaxy. "Pirate Han" treats her like a man should, and thus she recognizes that he understands that the prim and proper princes is also a sexual being.
Lastly, as leader of the free galaxy and a princes (not to mention - being a petite, extremely hot woman in her 20s), most men probably see Leia as a Madonna figure, and suck up to her like no other woman in the galaxy. "Pirate Han" treats her like a man should, and thus she recognizes that he understands that the prim and proper princes is also a sexual being.
EN9) Prove you have Good Genes
"Pirate Han" got an award for helping destroy the first Death Star, and died a frozen death toward the end of the second act of Empire Strikes Back. What a story to tell your girl friends. "My guy, he died for me! I feel so safe around him!" Girls, beware your friends! When thawed out at the beginning of Jedi, he was reborn as "General Solo." Having put in the work, he rose to the rank of General in the rebel forces.
"Pirate Han" got an award for helping destroy the first Death Star, and died a frozen death toward the end of the second act of Empire Strikes Back. What a story to tell your girl friends. "My guy, he died for me! I feel so safe around him!" Girls, beware your friends! When thawed out at the beginning of Jedi, he was reborn as "General Solo." Having put in the work, he rose to the rank of General in the rebel forces.
Take the Luck Out Of Love: Learn the Emotional Needs
Now that his deeds have earned him the respect of the men she leads, "General Solo" is now a high-status guy as he is a General - a rank fit for the boyfriend of a princes. We can assume that association with him adds to her reputation, and doesn't detract from it. Plus he's a pilot, and chicks dig pilots. It is probably safe to assume at this point that she no longer thinks of "General Solo" as a "Scruffy Nerf Herder."
Take the Luck Out Of Love: Learn the Emotional Needs
EN10) Prove he is not a closet homosexual
We never see "pirate Han" with another woman, we only see him hanging out with a naked Wookie... who appears to be quite devoted to the pirate... what's the special relationship there? Also "pirate Han" was once part of the Imperial navy (you'd have to have read some of the books to know that)... and you know what people say about sailors. Leia needs more info here in order to know whether or not he's a closeted Wookie lover...
We never see "pirate Han" with another woman, we only see him hanging out with a naked Wookie... who appears to be quite devoted to the pirate... what's the special relationship there? Also "pirate Han" was once part of the Imperial navy (you'd have to have read some of the books to know that)... and you know what people say about sailors. Leia needs more info here in order to know whether or not he's a closeted Wookie lover...
In Conclusion
In short, scoundrel pirate Han (the one she can't handle) doesn't get Leia, but respectable General Solo does get the princess. Pirate Han constantly violates many of her ENs or has yet to prove to her he can address her ENs. General Solo has addressed all of her ENs (Ok, maybe not EN10, but come on guys. The movie was targeted at Kids... so we'll let that one slide) and he gets the Babe. Thus he is no longer really her opposite, but instead her equal.
So no, opposites did not attract in the case of Han and Leia.
Now there maybe more evidence within the books about Han addressing or not addressing her needs, but that takes us back to my original point... these people are fictional, and thus, only George Lucas knows for sure whether or not Leia had her ENs addressed properly. My guess is that he probably didn't have Frank's theories to guide him when he wrote the script.
However, it seems to me that Han made some sort of "hero" journey throughout the trilogy, even though General Solo seems a little more wimpy at the end of the third movie than Pirate Han did at the beginning of the first. After all when he finally tells her that he loves her, she says back to him, "I know." Geesh!
*****************
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- Published on
Dating Mating and Relating Podcast
Frank Kermit makes is 1st appearance
(May 2nd 2017) on the Karly Stein show
Dating, Mating and Relating
to talk about Adult Male Virgins,
how he got into coaching,
and what mistakes virgins make when trying to attract someone.
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- Published on
Yes For Sex Education Because Ignorance is NOT Protection
Ignorance is NOT a form of Protection
Sex Education in Schools is a MUST
By Frank Kermit
The following represents my opinion on the topic of sex education in elementary and high schools in general.
A question that I get a lot from my clients when coaching is,
“Why don’t they teach about relationships in school?”
Many of my clients are in their 20s, 30s and even 40s, and struggle with basic fundamental principles about how to relate to other human beings through romantic intention relationships.
The reason I give them, is that if they were to teach relationship skills in the classroom, they would then also have to teach about S-E-X because sex is part of having relationships.
Unfortunately, the topic of sex education in schools pushes a lot of people’s buttons, such that the only thing most education systems and parents want taught is abstinence, if anything about sex is taught at all.
Teaching abstinence, when some of the students are already sexual active and or are constantly bombarded with sexual influences including media, images, pop entertainment, and email links to porn sites
does not prepare young adults to be able to cope with sex and relationships.
Why do we need relationship and sex education now, when we did not seemingly need it before?
Actually, we have always needed it.
It is just that society has now changed in ways that make relationship and sex education a “must have.”
Once upon a time there were social norms that dictated what each person was expected to do, and what roles people were brought up to perform based on their gender.
Social norms simply told people what they could and could not do, if they were too seek out careers, hunt, provide, tend to the children, manage the home life, and what was expected of everyone sexually, including when sex was to occur, with whom, and under what conditions it was considered righteous.
Today, those social norms have been removed.
People have CHOICE.
The power to choose: who they partner with, what gender to partner with, how many to partner with over the course of their lives, if they want to terminate a partnership, and if they even choose not to enter partnerships at all.
Nowadays, people even have a choice if they want to live as, or transform their bodies into, a gender opposite the one they were born into.
Concepts like “’til death do us part”, the natural expectation of producing children and gender roles have been affected by legal divorce, birth control and human rights.
Today’s singles and couples have unlimited choice as to how they can manage their relationships and sex lives, but as I teach it:
The Power of Choice: without the knowledgeable skills to know what to do with that power, can lead to a misery so great, it can sometimes be worse than living in a system of oppression that meets human beings basic needs.
There was a time when ignorance was considered a form a protection. Some elderly adults I have spoken too talk about when they where children how discussions on the topics of puberty and menstruation cycle were never mentioned; At least not until AFTER a young lady had her first period.
By then the poor girl had to be reassured she was experiencing a normal process, even though the young lady was traumatized by the site of her own blood without a previous explanation of why it was happening to her.
The question remains:
Who exactly was being protected?
1-The children kept ignorant of their own bodily processes?
2-Or was it the parents and authority figures that were perhaps too embarrassed, ashamed, or fearful of what having those kinds of “talks” would represent?
Pretending that sex does not exist, nor not teaching children what sex is, will not in any way protect them from the potential threat of sexual abuse or online predators.
It is not just children that need relationship and sex education.
Studies show that 10% of all newly diagnosed AIDS cases in the USA are in heterosexual women over the age of 50. Yes, they too are at as much risk of sexually transmitted infections as anyone else.
Ignorance about sex and relationships is not a form of protection.
In the opinion of this author, it never was. However, ignorance has always been proven to be a key element in what perpetrators seek to identify in their potential victims. There is nothing endearing in keeping our people, young and old, naive about sexuality.
In fact, you are potentially sentencing them into the clutches of those individuals that would happily take advantage of it, or have them engage with others who are just as ignorant.
When my coaching clients ask,
“Do you think that status of relationship and sex education will change?”
all I can say is,
“I hope so.”
Frank Kermit
- Published on
Why Are Hot Good Looking People Still Single?
Why Are Good Looking People Still Single?
by Frank Kermit
Dating Dilemmas 81, this is Frank Kermit's 122nd appearance on Passion radio program. Airs on Montreal CJAD 800 's and Toronto Newstalk 1010 CFRB.
Frank Kermit joins producer and host Dr Laurie Betito and sponsor Fritz-Gerald of Elite Speed Dating to talk about the Dating Dilemmas people face.
- How important are good looks in dating?
- Can a good looking person be faithful?
- Why are Good Looking People Still Single?
- What are the stigmas and stereotypes of good looking people?
- Do good looking people intimidate others?
Learn How To Be Charismatic using simple steps
This book was mentioned during the interview
as a resource to teach people how to go
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and to learn
The Art of Calibration.
The topic of this book, as to why women would rather choose to date a jerk than to date a nice guy and the role of Assertiveness to attract a woman to date a male friend, was covered in the interview above. Check out:
From Friends To Lovers: Stop Being Her Emotional Cookie Man.
Make Her Yours If You Love Her!
The Speed Dating Secrets Revealed
Fritz-Gerald
of Elite Speed Dating
Wrote the Introduction To This Frank Talks Book:
The Frank Guide
to Speed Dating:
Make the Most
of Your Minutes Together
Dr. Laurie Betito
Wrote the Introduction To This Frank Talks Book:
FrankTalks Volume 1:
100 Articles on Love, Sex, Dating and Relationships
100 of the best Articles Frank has ever written
Learn How to tell Great Stories For Dating
This FrankTalks Book:
The Frank Storytelling Program for Dating
was Dedicated to
Fritz-Gerald
of Elite Speed Dating.
This FrankTalks Book
FrankTalks Volume 2:
50 Articles on Love, Sex, Dating and Relationships
was Dedicated to
Dr. Laurie Betito
This FrankTalks Book
FrankTalks Volume 2:
50 Articles on Love, Sex, Dating and Relationships
was Dedicated to
Dr. Laurie Betito
50 More Amazing Articles written by Frank Kermit
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