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Reviews in Italian of The Adult Male Virgin Program.
****This program is only in English
Il migliore prodotto disegnato specificatamente per Adulti Maschi Vergini. Frank dà la migliore conoscenza ai suoi ascoltatori in capire perché sono tuttavia vergini. È pieno di conoscenza così potente & include anche alcune delle sue proprie storie personali. Frank ci dà i segni di un adulto maschio vergine e come aumentare il suo proprio successo. È anche pieno di punte così meravigliose su ciò che fare la vostra prima volta e come essere preparato. Frank mi ha lasciato con i passi molto semplici sulla migliore maniera di perdersi la mia verginità. Frank tiene anche una conferenza sull'importanza di sesso in un rapporto e come il sesso colpisce incredibile alla donna. Raccomando estremamente questo prodotto a altri adulti vergini la fuori. Frank parla di questo soggetto sensibile maturamente ed è molto estremamente pieno di risorse. Dopo assistere a questa conferenza, sono una nuova persona. La conoscenza di Frank mi ha condotto su un sentiero di successo.
- Liam, 21.
Essere presente al seminario di Frank sui Maschi Vergine Adulti ha aperto un nuovo mondo intero per me. Ho imparato come sessuale questo mondo è. Ora sento che sono un passo più vicino a perdere la mia verginità a causa della conoscenza che ho guadagnata. La prima cosa che ho imparata è che un uomo deve condurre l'interazione con una donna. Una parte importante in ciò che Frank parla di è che ci sono dei segni di come le persone possono notare lei è un vergine. È buono per sapere che mentre sono nel mio sviluppo di perdere la mia verginità, posso fare delle cose per evitare a somigliare a uno. Alcuni punti principali che ho imparato durante il seminario sono:
-Tenendo le persone lontano che evitano lei da avere il sesso
-Cose che posso fare per perdere la mia verginità
-Come importante è di perdere la mia verginità AL PIÙ PRESTO
POSSIBILE
-Come alcune linee che le persone dicono lei applica alle donne solo, non uomini
-Come il sesso è completamente diverso da ciò che è percepito come
Complessivamente, raccomando questo seminario a chiunque è un adulto maschio vergine perché lei mira a sbarazzarsi di questo problema che è la sua verginità. Il seminario adulto maschi vergine di Frank è elaborato e ha dettagliato del tutto lei deve sapere!
-R.O. eta 20
Ho imparato molto dal seminario. Il punto che ho saputo realmente da prima, ma che Frank Kermit ha rinforzato perfettamente era che devo abbassare il mio criterio (e che è OK fare così!), perché le mie prime amiche saranno le ragazze di pratica. Se voglio delle ragazze di qualità superiore, devo sapere come maneggiare la più basso-qualità quelli. Frank Kermit mi ha anche insegnato esattamente ciò che devo fare su "la notte", in modo che non devo preoccuparmi della serata e che posso sentirmi più fiducioso. So anche che posso fare prima che arriva "la notte" come preparazione; ciò che devo leggere su (la malattia venerea, l'eiaculazione prematura, le tecniche di sesso, il corpo umano. ..). Comunque, era mirato verso il vergine e questo materiale non è disponibile in alcun altro materiale di seduzione o iniziativa individuale fuori da Frank, poiché la maggior parte dell`altro materiale presuporre che lei abbia già l'esperienza fondamentale nel sesso, e poi concentrano su ciò che succede prima del sesso. Non ha dato la consulenza vaga come "lei saprà ciò che fare" o "verrà tutto naturalmente", ma la consulenza realistica, pratica su ciò che fare per sviluppare il suo conforto intorno alle donne ed avendo alla fine il sesso con loro. Le riunioni cosi sono sempre buone anche semplicemente perché lei può incontrare degli individui nella stessa situazione, in modo che lei sa che lei non è solo. Giusto da essere lì, lei sa che lei è in una posizione migliore di tutti gli altri vergine che non sono lì.
È andato anche in alcuna teoria generale su come trattare le donne e che tendenze mentali di avere per succedere con le donne. Nel particolare, ci ha dato il suo originale “10 bisogni emotivi di donne" e ha spiegato perché la personalità del "stronzo" riesce a soddisfare i bisogni emotivi. Un altro concetto essenziale che è stato proposto era che l'uomo è sempre la persona che deve prendere il comando.Ho saputo che questo era generalmente vero, ma non ho saputo come serio questo era realmente. Ho realizzato appena quanto peso che un individuo ha sulle sue spalle. Comunque, vale lo sforzo extra, perché poi possiamo essere i sceglienti e non quelli scelti (come ciò che succede alle donne).
Complessivamente, penso che questo seminario è qualcosa che tutti i vergine sopra l'età di 18 indubbiamente dovrebbero attendere. Lei non può parlare di questo con i suoi genitori o con gli amici. Ho provato. La loro consulenza ha rivolto intorno: "Non preoccuparti, succederà alla fine". Dovè l'aiuto? Potrebbe essere successo presto per loro, ma lei non è loro e non vedono probabilmente la gravità della situazione. Frank Kermit ha preso il tempo a rispondere ogni domanda che abbiamo avute in un modo molto informativo e realistico. Due pollici in su!
-O.C.
Ho incontrato Kermit quando ho cominciato dapprima il mio viaggio. Abbiamo speso un grande periodo di tempo a risolvere delle questioni che ho avuta riguardando le donne e ho avuto la probabilità di imparare il suo punto di vista sulle situazioni diverse. Il tempo che ho speso con lui mi ha cambiato moltissimo. Le donne mi complementavono, ma ancora non ho saputo ciò che dire. Sono stato spaventato stupido quando dovevo confrontare una ragazza che era attraente per il suo brutto comportamento... toccando una ragazza era anche un problema grande per me, parlavo con le donne e la nostra conversazione sarebbe completamente asessuale. Ho cominciato lavorare su di me giorno per giorno e prendendo l'instruzione di Kermit mi ha fatto affrontare la sfida che ho messo per me. Kermit mi ha trasformato uomo. Ha sfidato i miei punti di vista sulla realtà e mi ha fatto affrontare la verità dei rapporti... Ha rotto la mia bolla di conforto e mi ha chiesto questioni che la maggior parte degli uomini non porterebbero mai chiedere a loro stessi. Era onesto con me e al punto. La mia identità è diventata più forte e anche la mia abilita di agire con decisione come un essere sessuale è diventava lentamente prominente. Quasi nove mesi nel mio sviluppo, ho perso finalmente la mia verginità. Non ho avuto tensione affatto e ho Kermit per ringraziare per questo. Il suo seminario mi ha aiutato risolvere alcuni dei vecchi ancorari riguardante il sesso. Io non mi sento piu colpevole per essere un uomo sessuale. Prima, quando le cose comincerebbero a diventare fisico con le donne, bloccavo e farei lo stesso-sabotaggio. Kermit è padrone in sfidare i test delle donne. Ho imparato così molto a come sfidare i test e questo fatto mi ha aiutato a trattarli facilmente. Mi ha aiutato anche riformula la mia tendenza riguardante i rapporti e mi ha aiutato enormemente in regolare il rapporto con la ragazza che vedo attualmente. Le mie abilità in formare un buono collegamento con qualcuno ha migliorato decuplo. Specialmente quando dico una storia e quando scopro similarità con una donna. Posso avere una conversazione interessante entro due minuti, mi regola a prescindere da tutti gli altri uomini. Devo ringraziare Kermit per la sua guida... lei mi ha fatto diventare la persona che sono oggi. Sono molto vicino alla persona che mi sono previsto essendo sempre.
- A.M.
Non ero mai presente a una conferenza di Frank prima, ma dopo essendo presente alla sua conferenza di Vergini Maschi sono stato stupito.Ogni soggetto che potrei pensare possibile non solo è stato discusso ma sezionato al più piccolo particolare. Essendo un maschio vergine, ho avuto sempre dei problemi che intensificano perché avevo paura di fare la cosa sbagliata o non sapendo ciò che fare. Frank ha frantumato questa credenza limitata dandomi una guida passo per passo di scalata di cinestetica con una ragazza finché la porti nella camera da letto. È andato anche ulteriore e ci ha detto esattamente che cosa l'uomo deve fare per migliorare l'esperienza sessuale di una donna a letto, e al mio sollievo non e una questione dell'abilità. Credo onestamente che se ci sono qualcuni maschi vergini la fuori che questa è LA SOLA CONFERENZA che lei mai dovrà ascoltare e ciò è il credito a Frank ed il suo lavoro sorprendente.
-Nome: Kev, Eta: 22
Ho sentito che Frank ha avuto un grande consigilio affidabile. Il materiale che aveva coperto è stato spiegato a me con la buona base logica e ha fatto senso perfetto. I segni di tutto che ho fatto poiché essendo un adulto vergine era esatto e ho collegato a tutto che Frank ha detto. Poiché essendo un vergine capisco che è duro per confessare a gli altri un soggetto così sensibile. Per molti e compreso me, assistendo alla sua conferenza per la prima volta è un passo grande. Ma almeno è un passo nella direzione giusta. Accettando che ci deve essere un cambiamento nella tua vita è il perche uno dovrebbe essere più aperto a ricevere l'aiuto. Alla fine della conferenza di Frank, mi ha dato una mappa stradale per cominciare il mio cambiamento. Desidero indubbiamente che abbia avuto il materiale di Frank quando ero in scuola! Potrei ascoltare il discorso di Frank continuamente. Ma uno non può solo ascoltare la sua conferenza perché ci sono molti dettagli importanti che lei non può ricordare appena tutto in una conferenza. Le note devono essere fatte! Ti ringrazio Frank di tutto!
-Jim, 24
Ho finito appena di ascoltare l'ultima parte del programma di AMV. È un programma molto buono per AMVs e desidero che l'abbia avuto 10 anni fa. Non sono un AMV più ma alcuno della consulenza è tuttavia molto utile ed applicabile ancora a me. Questo ha incluso l'idea di non guardando il pornografia/masturbando dovuto agli effetti di condizionamento che potrebbe risultare nelle questioni di stimolo/prestazione. Penso che abbia sofferto esattamente questo problema poiché lui l'ha descritto.
Poi, la questione di avere le sue norme per le donne regolato a un livello al di sopra del tipo che lei può prendere con la sua posizione delle abilità sociali attuale è un problema continuo con me che ho provato a rimediare.
Finalmente, lei ha coperto come chiedere degli amici con i benefici, come toccare e baciare una ragazza, colpendo leggermente su un preservativo ecc..
Ma il carico del programma era (poiché il nome suggerisce) ingranato molto verso AMVs e essendo levato la vergine attraverso una discussione sui pensieri di problema di AMV, i comportamenti e verso i risultati trascorsi da AMV. Ancora una volta il programma era grande per ciò che era e desidero che avessi potuto ascoltarlo quando ero più giovane.
-Oswald
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El mejor producto diseñado para para hombres adultos vírgenes. Frank da a la audiencia el mejor conocimiento para entender porqué son todavía vírgenes. Él tiene mucho conocimiento y también incluye muchas de sus historias personales. Frank nos dice las señales que emite un virgen y como incrementar el éxito. Además tiene muchos consejos geniales sobre qué hacer tu primera vez y como estar preparado para ésta. Frank me mostró unos pasos muy simples que seguir para perder la virginidad. Frank también habla sobre la importancia del sexo en una relación y de como increíblemente afecta a la mujer. No podría recomendar más este producto a cualquier adulto virgen. Frank habla sobre este delicado tema con madurez y proporciona muchos recursos. Después de atender a esta conferencia soy una nueva persona. Los conocimientos de Frank me han puesto en el camino hacia el éxito.
-Liam, 21 años.
El encuentro de vírgenes de Frank Kermit probablemente no le sentará bien a ninguna feminista, pero para el tipo medio que intenta tener éxito con las mujeres puede ser muy útil.
Siempre he estado bajo la impresión, debido a mi educación y círculos sociales) que a las mujeres les gusta ser tratadas como iguales y tener su voz en las relaciones. Kermit presenta a su audiencia un punto de vista completamente diferente. Kermit pone un gran énfasis en la actitud "Tú eres el hombre, es tu trabajo liderar". Refuerza su lema con sus alucianantes "10 razones por las que los cabrones consiguen chicas". En teoría todo tiene sentido, respondió muchas de mis preguntas de porqué los arrogantes y altivos "alfas" que no tratan a las chicas muy bien siempre tienen chicas a su alrededor. Fui enseñado a ser un caballero, tratarla bien y ser majo con ella. Kermit no dice que no hagamos estas cosas, dice de hacerlas con moderación y darle una gama de emociones, a veces malas.
Kermit también explica porqué algunos tipos son todavía vírgenes a una edad y avanzada. ¿Es por una asunto emocional? ¿Miedo a la intimidad? ¿Son tus objetivos demasiado altos? Todavía no te los has ganado.
El seminario explica cómo piensan las mujeres, basado en la teoría de Frank las mujeres piensan en categorías. Los tíos piensan en el otro sexo como "follables" o "infollables".
Un consejo muy valioso que se dio en el seminario fue "protege siempre su reputación", esto debe hacerse a todo coste, cuando una chica sabe que protegerás su reputación tu valor incrementa. También, siendo el hombre, el sexo es siempre tu culpa, eso le quita a la chica la culpa.
Kermit explica con mucho detalle y pasión cómo un hombre debe decorar su residencia para transmitir sexualidad y da algunas ideas muy buenas, como "la pared de valor". Esta parte del seminario fue muy útil y podría ser en si misma un seminario.
Frank también hace un breve ejercicio que es útil para los tipos que están buscando la mujer con quien estar: pide a sus estudiantes decidir el tipo de vida que quieren vivir y, basándose en ese tipo de vida deben determinar con qué tipos de chicas les gustaría estar. Después de determinarlo, recuerda: TODAS LAS DEMÁS CHICAS SON PRÁCTICA.
Otro tema muy útil tratado en el seminario el el problema de estar atado a las mujeres y las explicaciones de porqué los hombres son más emocionales que las mujeres en estas situaciones.
Recomendaría fervientemente este seminario a vírgenes que tienen poca o nula experiencia con mujeres, es decir: nunca tuvieron citas ni una novia. El seminario cubrió un amplio abanico de temas y teorías que, de adoptarlas, cambiaran realmente los resultados de tus interacciones con las mujeres.
-Anónimo.
Me ponía nervioso la idea de asistir a un seminario acerca de la virginidad pues estaba en mis treinta y pocos. Cuando envié un e-mail por primera vez a Frank Kermit preguntando sobre el seminario estaba muy emotivo pues nunca había hablado con nadie acerca de mi situación. La noche siguiente hablé con Frank por teléfono y tuvimos una conversación muy buena. Me dió algunos puntos sobre los que empezar a trabajar. El seminario fue una oportunidad para de una vez por todas empezar a manejar esa parte de mi vida. El día del seminario estaba un poco nervioso pero me mantuve firme en ir. Cuando empezó realmente sentí que estaba en un lugar seguro. Todos los demás tipos eran muy divertidos y amigables. Obviamente todos teníamos un nexo en común. Frank B Kermit compartió muchas de sus historias personales de como fue desde un lugar doloroso a otro de éxitos y felicidad con las mujeres. Esto mostró como Frank Kermit podía empatizar con el sitio del que veníamos. Los temas estaban bien pensados y presentados en un orden lógico. Nos metimos en los fundamentos de ser un hombre y qué significa eso. De las muchas cosas que hablamos, algunas de las que más me ayudaron fueron cómo preparar y decorar tu hogar para transmitir sexualidad y valor, técnicas de masaje, vírgenes con estándares altos, las necesidades emocionales de las mujeres, la absoluta responsabilidad del hombre de liderar el sexo, el porqué algunas mujeres se sienten atraídas a los cabrones, proteger la reputación de la mujer y como iniciar el sexo. Pero también hablamos de muchas otras cosas. Antes del seminario todos enviamos un e-mail a Frank Kermit con nuestras preguntas personales acerca de la virginidad. Después integró todas las preguntas anonimamente en el contenido de nuestras charlas. Fue genial pues cada uno escuchó las respuestas a sus preguntas personales sin que se revelara su identidad. Por supuesto las respuesta fueron útiles para el resto del grupo también. Un punto en el que puedes confiar con Frank Kermit es en mostrarte respeto y completa confidencialidad. Si estás en una situación de la que prefieres no hablar abiertamente en un grupo, puedes sentirte seguro escribiendo o hablando personalmente con Frank Kermit. Puedes confiar en que te dará consejos efectivos, del mundo real, que quedarán entre tú y él. Si eres un tipo al que le duele ser virgen, o incluso si eres un joven virgen y quieres una comprensión sólida de los fundamentos, debes saber que Kermit y este seminario son un sitio seguro para buscar conocimiento acerca de tu situación.
- J.D. (31 años)
El seminario de la virginidad me ayudó a ser más asertivo en mi sexualidad y me ayudó a aclarar detalles sobre el sexo, despejándose la niebla de una vez por todas. Kermit respondió a todas nuestras preguntas y fue realmente alucinante ver como algunos tipos cambiaban completamente sus creencias y entendimiento sobre la dinámica hombre / mujer, mirando a sus ojos puedes sentir como sus enfoques del sexo se giran como un calcetín... su realidad se acercó más a la verdad.
Profundizamos en intentar descubrir qué nos estaba reteniendo en nuestro desarrollo. Kermit nos guió y explicó como fue su primera experiencia con todos los detalles. La realidad del asunto es que tenemos un pene y se creó para algo, Kermit nos ayudó a dejar de avergonzarnos de ser HOMBRES.
Kermit no esconderá como te percibe, se expresará libremente (con tu permiso, claro) y te dirá su punto de vista sobre tu forma de pensar y posibles creencias limitantes que puedas tener acerca del sexo... ¡Lo recomiendo fervientemente! ¡Su técnica "blanco como la nieve" es realmente graciosa! Él realmente es un pensador fuera de lo común con unas ideas muy únicas. He asistido a otros de sus seminarios y Kermit cubre información crucial que están eludiendo en la comunidad de la seducción.
-Anónimo.
Asistir al seminario de Frank "Hombres adultos vírgenes" me abrió una nueva luz. Aprendí mucho de lo sexual que es este mundo. Con el conocimiento adquirido siento que ahora estoy un paso más cerca de perder la virginidad. Lo primero que aprendí es que un hombre debe liderar la interacción con una mujer. Algo importante de lo que explica Frank es que hay señales que indican si alguien es virgen. Es bueno saber que, mientras estoy en mi proceso de perder la virginidad, puedo hacer cosas para aparentar no serlo. Algunos puntos claves que aprendí en el seminario son:
- Mantener alejadas a las personas que te impidan tener relaciones sexuales.
- Pasos que puedo llevar a cabo para perder la virginidad.
- Lo importante que es perder mi virginidad tan pronto como sea posible.
- Como algunas cosas que la gente te dice son solo para las mujeres, no para los hombres.
- Como el sexo es totalmente diferente de como es percibido.
En general, recomiendo este seminario a cualquier hombre adulto virgen porque estarás trabajando hacia la extinción de este problema que es tu virginidad. ¡Este seminario de Frank está elaborado y contiene todo cuanto necesitas saber!
- R.O. 20 años
Aprendí mucho del seminario. El punto que ya conocía previamente pero que Kermit apuntilló perfectamente es que necesito rebajar mis expectativas (¡y que está bien hacerlo!) pues al fin y al cabo mis primeras novias serán "práctica". Si quiero chicas de alta calidad debo saber como manejar las de baja calidad. Kermit también me enseñó qué hacer exactamente por "la noche", así que no tengo que preocuparme por ello y me hará sentir con más confianza. También sé qué puedo hacer antes de "la noche" como preparación: por ejemplo qué leer (enfermedades de transmisión sexual, eyaculación precoz, técnicas sexuales, el cuerpo humano...) Sin embargo, está enfocado a los vírgenes, y no está en otros libros de seducción o auto ayuda, pues la mayor parte asumen que ya tienes una experiencia sexual básica, y se centra en lo que pasa antes del sexo. Él no da consejos vagos como "sabrás lo que tienes que hacer" o "vendrá naturalmente", sino consejos realistas y prácticos de qué hacer para aumentar tu confort con las mujeres y finalmente tener sexo con ellas. Encuentros como este son siempre buenos porque encuentras a otros tipos en la misma situación, así que sabes que no estás solo. Simplemente estando ahí, sabes que estás en una mejor posición que todos los otros vírgenes que no están.
También explicó algo de teoría general de cómo tratar a las mujeres, y que actitud mental tener para tener éxito con las mujeres. En particular, nos dio sus "10 necesidades emocionales de la mujer", y explicó porqué la personalidad del "chico malo" satisface las diez. Otro concepto esencial que fue presentado es que el hombre siempre debe ser quien lidere. Sabía que esto era generalmente cierto, pero no sabía cuan serio era realmente. Descubrí cuanto peso un hombre carga en sus hombros. Sin embargo, el esfuerzo merece la pena, porque podemos ser los elegidores y no los elegidos, como les sucede a las mujeres.
En general, considero que a este seminario debe asistir todo virgen por encima de los 18. No puedes hablar de esto con tus padres o amigos. Lo he intentado. Sus consejos giran en torno a: "No te preocupes, va a pasar con el tiempo". ¿Como puede ayudar esto? Habrá pasado en su caso, pero tú no eres ellos y probablemente no ven la gravedad de la situación. Kermit respondió todas las preguntas que le hicimos de forma muy realista e informativa. ¡Dos pulgares para arriba!
-OC.
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why dating is harder for older women part 11
trigger warning
Reason # 8
Resisting Change
The social norms surrounding sex and dating evolve as society evolves. What was considered common sense knowledge in the past may not be considered common sense today. What was unacceptable in the past may be fully expected of you today. What was more than acceptable in the past might not be acceptable today.
Older women who hold on to certain dating codes of behaviors that they followed when they were younger, will do well to connect with older men that also follow and hold on to those same dating codes of behaviors.
These are some examples
of the reasons for rejection
despite the older man
also following her
older dating codes:
Bob: He does not believe in sex before commitment will not pressure for sex for the first 3 months. Rejected: He is not assertive in other areas of dating. He also does not take care of his appearance like a younger suitor seeking sex would.
Richard: He insists on making the first move and be the one to initiate taking the relationship to the next level. Rejected: He doesn’t have an interest in listening to a woman expressing her opinions.
Thomas: He insists that he pay for dates because “that is what a gentleman does.” Rejected: He does not value his partner working at all. He expects her to quit her job if they get serious and live on his meager earnings, which means she will not get to maintain her current lifestyle.
William: He focuses on romantic courtship and makes efforts to woo her in exactly the way she always dreamed about. Rejected: His ill health means his partner has to become his quasi-nurse as well as his lover.
See what I mean?
In today's more modern society, the rules of dating have changed from the time she was a young lady.
Older women who hold on to older dating codes of behaviors are less likely to meet and keep older men that have left those older dating codes of behaviors behind.
Some examples of older dating codes:
Demanding Monogamy Immediately
Older women who expect Monogamy from the first date will likely turn off honest men who are openly dating multiple women at the same time, until one of them earns his full commitment. Dishonest men will stick around and lie about being Monogamous to get sex. Honest men will not stop dating other women just because you demand that he not date anyone else as the two of you get to know each other. Commitment must be earned over time. Just because you go on a date does not mean either of you must act Monogamous and not explore other dating possibilities. Even if you have sex with someone, that STILL does not put you in a position to demand Monogamy. The Monogamy conversation is one that needs to be discussed after you both have proven to each other that Monogamy is warranted. At one point in history it made sense to only date one person at a time. There were a lot of mores and social norms in place that made things like divorce unacceptable and pre-marital sex unacceptable.
non-monogamy guide book
Expecting the Man to Always Make the First Move
If you want to be in a long term, serious relationship with a man, you need to come to terms with reality. Waiting for a man you like to always make the first move, is now working against you. If you are not getting the attention from men like you did when you were younger, but you still want to date, it means you have to prepare yourself to start making the first move. Prepare yourself to ask men out on dates and risk rejection. As an older woman, you have to offer more than your competition if you want to beat out the competition. You have to put yourself out there, and that means that you may get embarrassed or even humiliated by a rejection.
That is the risk men take when they make the first move, and it is now a risk you must take as well in order to beat out the competition for their attention.
Expecting the Man to Always Pay; Even When You Ask Him Out
Prepare yourself to pay for dates. Do you believe in equality between the genders? Do you believe it is good to be independent? The best way to prove that is to at least pay for yourself when going out on a date. If you want to attract a quality man, then you must act like a quality lady.
To illustrate this point, I coached an older man who had met an older woman that he was really interested in dating initially, but then he was turned off from dating her. Here is his story:
Single Shane: He was asked out on a date by an older woman who “pursued” him. She had suggested a dinner and then a theatrical show afterwards. At the end of the meal she expected him to pay. He figured “Ok, I will pay for the meal and she will pay for the show tickets as she invited me, right?” At the theatre, they fought because she expected him to pay for the show too! Single Shane then walked away from the older woman.“
Refusing To Try New Ways Of Dating
One of the questions I get asked by older women is:
“Where do I meet new men to date?” The answer: Everywhere.
The grocery store, getting friends and family to set you up on blind dates, Speed Dating, introduction services and match making, social media, meet up groups, taking a class, and dating apps. That is just a sample. However, older women tend not to stretch themselves out of their comfort zones. They wait to be “found”, or have a preconceived notion about how a couple “should” meet.
If you are too attached to the fantasy in your mind about how you are “supposed” to meet your next great love, DO THIS: Sit down and write out the movie script that is in your mind. Now, put that script in a drawer and stop wasting time with your fantasies and focus on reality! You have to get out there to find him through taking action, not wishful thinking!
Take every opportunity to meet new people; get yourself out there, and TRY. If you try online dating and have no luck, stop blaming the dating site or app. Consider professional coaching on how to present yourself online to better attract quality dates. You do not get to stay home wishing for some mystery man to call you out of the blue, and ask you out on a date. Get out of the house, go do social things, get online, but whatever you do, GO FOR IT!
Frozen In Time
In my coaching practice with older women clients, a common problem with some of them is how frozen in time some of them are.
Now, I want to make it clear it is not all of them; but for a sizable group,
there is an issue of wishing that dating was
“just like in the past”,
to the point that
they hold themselves back
from modern dating conduct.
This can be a major obstacle
from not only getting a date,
but also wrecking their chances
when they have met someone to date.
If you are a woman
that is trapped by the past
because you refuse to adapt
to modern dating,
then you might be
making the choice
to be single.
This means taking on a more proactive role in dating. This includes making the first move, paying for dates, risking rejection and so forth. It is all the traits associated with the concept of a traditional masculine gender role.
I personally believe the shift in the sexual attention paradigm is at the source of the dilemma because women don’t know how to aggressively pursue men when they want to date.
For young women, having sex and even love in their lives is more of a choice.
When she is younger, it seems as if things “just happen.”
As in:
She “just happens” to meet a guy that “just happened” to start a conversation with her. They “just happen” to have a romantic date where that first kiss “just happens” between the two of them. Sex “just happens”, and then maybe a relationship “just happens.”
Well, let me break the spell of the bubble of delusion for you ladies.
Nothing ever “just happens”.
The men had to work. They had to work at finding new ways to meet women. They had to sign up for classes/events/social outings they did not initially want to in order to put themselves out there just to indicate they were available and interested in dating, even if they came across desperate, awkward and needy.
It did not “just happen” for you, a man made it happen.
A man had to Work:
-Work at the initial the approach and first contact and risk rejection.
-Work at planning and paying for a date, and arrange for it to be romantic.
-Work at making your feel comfortable and creating the right moment to go in for a first kiss on the lips, so that you would not turn your head away in rejection and give him your cheek.
-Work at initiating making sex happen by creating the right atmosphere.
-Work very hard to keep your attention by attempting to anticipate your needs and wants. (This is I believe where the original problem of an older woman now expecting men to read her mind comes from), because he knew he was facing a saturated dating marketplace where the number of young ladies was vastly disproportionately lower to the number of potential suitors she had. He could easily get beaten out by any competition that retained her attention better than he could.
A man made all those things happen, regardless of all the odds against him, because if he did not, he would end up perpetually single and no one would pity him.
No one would allow him to play the victim card, and he could never be coddled, and blame women for not being good enough candidates. The onus was on him to work for it due to the saturated dating marketplace he was in. Either he put himself out there and committed to the work necessary to be a better dating candidate, or he would end up with the shame of either occasionally paying a prostitute for sex, or end up an adult male virgin.
For women who feel that things like dating and meeting someone “just happens” you need to stop and realize that it never just happened. It just feels like things “just happened” for you because someone else was doing the work to make all those things happen.
You might have been able to get away with acting naïve about the ways the sexual attention paradigm worked in your favor when you were younger, but you are now older, wiser, and more knowledgeable about the world, which means you do not get to be naïve about it any longer, and on some level you know that.
The dating marketplace was ALWAYS a saturated one.
It is just now that you are an older woman, you are switching roles with where the younger men used to be,
and now you have to put in the work.
from artist Ricky Whitney
It’s Not Fair!
Older women are right when they say life is not fair.
They feel that life is not fair because many of them no longer receive the same level of attention they used to get when they were younger. In addition, there are fewer men interested in pursuing them.
They are correct.
It was not fair then, when they were younger and they didn’t have to work as hard for the attention, which was in their favor.
It is not fair now that they are older
and it’s not in their favor anymore,
and now they must actively pursue men.
That is life, and life is often not fair, nor has it ever been fair.
It is what it is, and that aspect of life is not going to change.
Life was never fair to the men who had to fight for the attention of a woman, the same type of attention of a man that older women are now fighting for.
Some of these changes in social norms may seem unfair. However, these changes are directly tied to other changes in social norms that most people would agree are good for society. Remember that at one time, women were not allowed to vote, could not enroll for education, could not be a single parent, could not file for divorce, couples of different races and religions could not legally be together, certain sexual orientations were considered a mental illness, and a number of people did not have options based on their own choices. All of those social norms changed for the betterment of society.
People have more rights and opportunities today than they ever did before (mind you, I am not saying there isn’t room for improvement, but it is better than it is used to be). With those new social norms comes a social cost.
The price is that a person must know what they want and be willing to do whatever it takes to go after it.
It is in knowing what you want that helps you choose the best options for you when you are overwhelmed by the power of the choices that you have.
The power of choice is what makes dating so complicated.
The power of choice
without knowing what to do with it,
can lead people to misery.
That is something I see a lot of in my coaching practice.
People simply not knowing themselves enough to eliminate options from the overwhelming choices, to figure out what to do with their lives and love lives.
Today, gender roles (part of those pesky social norms that have modified over the years) are a little more fluid.
That means that older women must adapt to those changes and take on some of the behaviors they associated as only falling under the role of males, if they intend to beat the odds and be the older women that actually have a man in their lives.
Reason # 9
Unreasonable Expectations
I often hear from older women who are single that they simply cannot find good men. Those men in general, simply fall short of meeting her expectations. However, each time I encounter such a report, what I do not see explored by her is whether or not the expectations of the older woman complaining are reasonable given her circumstances.
Come Back Soon To Read Part 12 of this Series
- Published on
1. Gallery
The first thing you'd want to see is the photographer's portfolio. This will at least introduce you to some of their works, and you get to gauge their styles and skills. While assessing the gallery, make use of the 12 principles of a photograph which are Impact, Creativity, Color Balance, Subject Matter, Composition, Style, Story Telling, Center of Interest, Presentation, Lighting and Technical Excellence.
Photographers have different ways of telling their story. And by going through their galleries, you are able to see a variety of photography styles that you think can be good for your wedding. If you are not sure about what works best, let photographers know your needs and expectations. They'll be able to develop a story for you based on your requirements. You could use a professional Vittore Buzzi photographer, that ensure you get cute wedding pictures for your everlasting memories.
2. Covers groundwork
If there is one thing that separates quality and ordinary photographers, that would be their planning skills. An excellent photographer will make sure they prepare well in advance, instead of just showing up during the wedding day.
Have a list ready that defines the activities of the day, speakers and moments you want to be photographed. It's important to do this so that every special moment is captured and nothing important is left out. Your photographer will then plan the best approach, angles and background to use.
3. Cost
Photography is one of the lucrative artistic work. Whether it's nature, documentary, food, architectural, landscape, fashion or wedding photography. Therefore, before hiring a photographer, be sure to compare several price packages and basing them on the type of photographs they take.
There are photographers with slightly cheaper packages than others, but you want to be sure they offer quality. Most professional photographers offer four types of packages. They include bronze, silver, gold and platinum. In other cases, photographers will charge based on some factors such as their brand name, labor and equipment used, operation cost and size of the event. Find a photographer that offers the most reasonable package and the best price possible.
When selecting a photographer for your wedding, it's always important to also bring your spouse on board. Although the two of you may not agree on some things, at least find common ground to accommodate all your preferences. With that said and done, tie the knot. Happy marriage.
- Published on
why dating is harder for older women part 10
trigger warning
Reason # 7
Baggage
I do not think it is fair to say that older women have more baggage than other human beings. I do not believe that is the case. If you are human you have baggage; regardless of your gender.
When I am coaching older male clients, the issue that I often hear them express is that although they are fully attracted to older women and they want to be in a relationship with an older woman when they have attempted to date them, some older women turn a romantic date into a therapy session (when they promptly empty their baggage)!
The issue is not that older woman have baggage. Let’s be clear, we ALL have some baggage. As reported by my client base, the issue is that older women want to share, discuss, and disseminate all of their baggage early on while dating. This turns off many older men, who have baggage of their own and do not want to hear her baggage right away, until he decides if he wants to even date her again!
1. Older women turn dates into therapy sessions. They are seeking a friendly ear to listen to their problems, but they are not interested in actually having a date.
2. Older women come across as bitter
Issue # 1
Sometimes what an older woman really needs is to have a friend who will listen to her. In the absence of a friend, she attempts to date in order to seek out that kind of friendship. However, dating to find friendship does not work.
People do not go on dates to find friends.
They go on dates to find someone to be romantic with.
If you are an older woman who is not really interested in dating, but are using the guise of dating to find friendship for companionship, it is likely you are going to get rejected a lot. You will never get either a second date, or a friendship.
dating rules
Quality older men do not want women they have to rescue.
Dating is no time for a “woe-is-me” pity party. Dating is when you showcase what you have to offer as you explore what he has to offer to you.
Dating is not a time to recruit sympathy for how life has been so unfair to you.
from artist Ricky Whitney
If you need a friend to listen to you and comfort you, but you are not interested in having someone make a pass at you on a date, do not date! Start a support group instead.
At least you will find the support you seek without having to reject someone’s unwanted advances, or be rejected by someone who wanted more than just friendship.
Do not date if all you want is friendship.
If you seek an audience instead of a relationship;
start therapy, not dating.
I am not being mean. I am very serious in that I want you to heal. You need a competent therapist, not a new boyfriend.
If you carry your core hurt into every new relationship without healing that core hurt, it will surface and ruin your chances when you do finally date a great guy.
If you have found an older man who wants to be your therapist, most likely he suffers from “The Savior Complex”, which is a whole other topic and article for another time.
Issue # 2
Some older women come across angry, negative and very bitter. They are so bitter in fact that no matter how beautiful they are on the outside, their bitter personality will leave a bad taste in the scope of the older men who have dared to date them.
It does not matter why you are bitter. That is not the issue, nor is it a puzzle for the next older man you date to solve.
It is no man’s responsibility to teach you that all men are not the same. That's not his job.
Just like it is not your job as a woman to prove to him that not all women are the same. It is up to each individual to deal with his or her own preconceived notions.
Hint:
If you already believe that all men are the same,
those are the only men you will end up with.
When you do meet a man who is different, you simply will not have the faith required to see it through and give him a chance.
A quality older man doesn’t stick around too long if he has to convince you; because he does not have too.
He knows that it is not his job,
and he has too many other options
to be too preoccupied with convincing you.
An older woman should not take her bitterness out on an older man (or any man for that matter) that she is interested in dating.
Just like the way you do not want to have to pay the price for any mistakes other women have made against the older man you may be dating.
Every older woman who is drowning in bitterness has her reasons.
*Some are bitter from unmet, unreasonable expectations. For example: She resents that she does not get the same attention from men at her current age, that she used to get when she was in her 20s.
*Some are bitter because of the way they were treated by the men they was involved with in the past.
*Some women are bitter because despite their best efforts to take care of their health, their bodies are still breaking down.
*Some are bitter because they made some bad choices. For example: She left a good man to be with a new lover, and the new lover abandoned her shortly thereafter.
*Some are bitter because they have a lot to offer; yet they struggle to find a relationship partner and do not understand why they can’t. (This is one of the reasons that prompted me to put together this article).
You have a right to your own emotions.
If you are bitter about your life, own it.
Deal with it, and process it.
However, do not take it out on men.
Men are not the reason you are in the situation you are in.
It is not because “there are no good men” out there. There are great men out there. You probably have met them. They usually come in the form of men you have rejected and put into the “friend-zone”.
Remember those nice guys?
Guys who were “too nice”, to the point you weren’t attracted to them and rejected them?
If every guy you ever dated was a “jerk”, you have to address the common element in every relationship you have ever had: You.
You are the common element in every dating dilemma you have ever had. Until you make you better; you will not have your relationships with men get better. Be accountable for your choices, and stop bashing men because you are bitter about the way your life ended up.
In conversations about dating men, or in an actual conversation with a men while on a date, your bitterness can come through with how you interpret the way the conversation is going.
If he is sharing his preferences and interests of how he hopes a relationship will develop and play out with you, and your first reaction is to immediately say something very negative, it may be coming from a very real core hurt.
For example: He mentions that he has to travel for business a few times a year. Is your first thought:
A) He is insinuating that he wants a submissive housewife that never is allowed to leave the house.
Or
B) You will ask him more about where he likes to travel and what kind of vacation the two of you could take?
If you answered “A” you are reacting with your own baggage.
THAT is an example of YOUR BAGGAGE.
If you are nursing an emotional wound, but you also do want to have a new relationship in your life, it is best that you make every effort to heal your core hurt.
When your core hurt causes you to lash out negatively, it will shut you down from hearing what people are actually saying to you, and it will completely turn away older men who would have loved to have gotten closer to you.
Do not suppress your core hurt. Face it, process it, and heal it. If all you do is suppress it with “positive talk”, your core hurt will materialize in self-sabotaging and emotionally destructive behaviors that will actually make your personality unattractive, even to someone that originally liked you.
Quality older men interpret women who male bash as a red flag.
I cannot say it any more clear than that. Gender Bashing is a red flag that will cost you a great potential candidate.
Whether veiled in humor or not, male bashing is still gender hate.
Men know when they see it; male bashing jokes, anti-dating memes, and a disdain for the male gender. Do not kid yourselves ladies.
The men on your social media acknowledge it for what it is: a sign that even if you are attractive enough for sex, you are not “serious-relationship-candidacy”.
Maybe you feel justified in your anti-male rhetoric because of what men did to you in your past.
Real quality men will not be as sympathetic.
What they will want to know is how long you stayed with those men? How often did you choose to date jerks, while rejecting the nice guys that asked you out?
Quality men will not judge you for what men did to you in the past. They will judge you on how you coped with it, and how you left it behind.
Quality older men know that you chose to date your ex, and stay with your ex. Older men know that men generally must approach women first and make the first moves with the risk of rejection.
It is the women who choose who they end up dating.
If you are bitter because you did not know you should have chosen the nice guys that you rejected, a quality older man is not going to want to hear you complain about it now.
Men are not the reason you are miserable
and have a miserable love life.
Your inability to chose better dating candidates did that.
Do you understand what I am trying to tell you?
Women do not male bash
because they remain single.
They remain single because they male bash.
Quality older men want nothing to do with your bitterness. Quality older men do not want to have to rescue you from yourself.
Quality men want a quality woman that expects as much from herself as she does from him, and focuses on what she has to offer as much as what she wants from him.
To illustrate exactly how important this is, I want to share some of my work experience with you. I work as a coach for a high-end matchmaking agency. This means I coach, among other people, older men who are millionaires. These older men are very wealthy and are looking for a serious relationship. Here is where I tend to surprise older women:
The vast majority of older men, even the millionaires, would rather enter into relationships with women their own age than with women who are younger.
Believe it or not, I can tell you from my personal experience, that over 80% of these older men WANT to date older women.
However, they are often so disappointed with how older women behave on dates, that some of them just give up trying to date older women and instead only try to date younger women.
Do you hear me?
Wealthy older men want someone they can enjoy life with for the little time they have left alive. They face the reality of their mortality and know that they are on borrowed time. An older man does not want to stick around for an older woman who holds onto her misery. He has enough of his own baggage!
What he is looking for is more joy in his life.
what to talk about on a date
I had an older male client share this story with me
that illustrates this point:
Single Steve: Things were going really well with the older woman he was dating, until one night he started getting raging texts from her! Steve had no clue what she was texting about. She accused him of cheating on her, planning to hit her, and all kinds of negative things. Later, she wrote to Steve to say that she had “kind of just lost her cool that night and lashed out at him.” She texted to him that she was “sorry”. He told her to NEVER contact him again! He was not willing to be "some punching bag for her lousy past."
It is never a man’s job to heal you
from your past hurts.
You have to heal yourself.
It is only his job to build a future with you together.
It is an unreasonable expectation to expect a quality man to tolerate your inexcusable behaviors.
what to say on a first date
Heal first. Then find love next. Do not expect a man to create joy for you. You have to learn to find joy in your own life.
If you are seeking a man to save you, the only men you will attract are men that have as much, or even more, baggage than you do!
Consider this objectively: Reverse the genders.
Would you want to date an older man drowning in his own baggage that constantly belittles women, expresses misogynistic comments, and then passes them off as crude humor?
If you met an older man who thinks all women are evil, selfish, “take-what-you-can-get-and-then-dump-them”, wouldn’t your guard be up?
If the older man that asked you out, posts memes on his social media about everything that is wrong with women, and generalizes all women as “gold-diggers”, “sperm stealing”, and “paternity fraud con-artists”, based on how all of his ex-wives lied, cheated and stole from him, would you be jumping at the bait to date him?
There is no way you would ever date a man who came across like he was going to mistreat you as revenge for everything the women in his past put him through.
Right?
Do you now understand why an older man isn’t rushing to date you when you have bitter baggage?
An attachment to your past heartbreaks is the worst place to put your focus on if you want to experience love today.
Heal from your past, and work on making your present worthwhile, so you can have a future to look forward too with more love.
Reason # 8
Resisting Change
Older women who hold on to certain dating codes of behaviors that they followed when they were younger, will do well to connect with older men that also follow and hold on to those same dating codes of behaviors.
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Delve into some “Great Conversations”
They say everyone has a book inside of them. Well, I’ve finally let mine out! After decades of talking to celebrities on the radio, I’ve chronicled many encounters within the covers of Great Conversations: My Interviews With Two Men On The Moon And A Galaxy Of Stars.
Head down Memory Lane with some of the biggest stars. From Academy Award© winners such as, Cloris Leachman, Karl Malden, and Christopher Plummer; to Emmy© winners such as Ed Asner, Michael Moriarty, and Lindsay Wagner; to Tony© winners such as Carol Channing, and Julie Newmar.
Also featured are some of the most familiar TV icons you’ve spent hours watching, such as Buddy Ebsen, Bob Denver, Dick Van Patten, Gary Coleman, Steve Allen, and Burt Ward, to name a few.
And there are even a couple of guys from a very elite group of twelve men who have left their footprints on the moon!
Author
Peter Anthony Holder is a 35-year broadcast veteran, including a 20-year run as the host of a late night Montreal radio show and a former television news anchor/reporter. Currently he’s the host of The Stuph File Program, heard worldwide on many platforms, including iTunes, Stitcher, several radio stations and shortwave radio. He’s also the producer of the Just For Laughs SiriusXM radio programs and a freelance writer. Adding to the list of writing credits is a book slated for release in 2017 entitled Great Conversations: My Interviews with Two Men on the Moon & a Galaxy of Stars. The Stuph File Program is an eclectic show featuring interviews from all walks of life and some of the oddest news stories you’ll ever hear. Sit back and enjoy this weekly hour of fun!
To hear some of the interviews that
Peter Anthony Holder
conducted with Frank Kermit,
please go here:
http://www.franktalks.com/blog/peter-anthony-holder-and-the-stuph-file-interviews
- Published on
Here are some tips that will make your marriage a breeze.
1| Spending time together
Just because you’re married and have a house full of children does not mean that you stop spending time together - alone. If you have busy lives, then dedicate one evening a week or month as a date night. There are some great ideas you can use that don’t cost the moon.
2| Spending time apart
On the flip side, you can’t live in each other’s pockets for the next 50 years - that’s a sure fire way to drive each other insane. You might love each other to pieces, but you need to have some time apart to do your own thing and to spend time with your own friends.
3| Talking
You might think that you know everything about your partner, but as the year's pass, people change. Things that they believed or opinions they once had might not be the case anymore. Talking about the important things might not always be easy, but it’s vital to grow together.
4| Arguing
Whether you talk calmly or yell the roof down if you need to talk something through that you disagree about then do. Keeping it bottled up will just cause it to come out at a worse moment. But, whatever you do, don’t go to bed without making up. Even if you have to stay up all night, makeup before you sleep - you never know what will happen tomorrow.
5| Counseling
Sometimes there comes the point where a disagreement or a situation that can’t be solved overnight - or over a week. In these times looking into marriage counseling might be a good option - just to have an outsider's opinion can really help you to see each other with fresh eyes.
6| Have fun
Just because you’ve been together forever, doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. Just letting go and having a laugh is one of the best things to do with your partner - and it’s probably one of the reasons you fell in love in the first place. Go out and do something new or have fun at home, just don’t let the seriousness of grown-up life bog down your marriage.
7| Heat it up
There’s a misconception that intimacy dies after the honeymoon - but it isn’t true. Keep things hot in the bedroom just because you want to, and not for any other reason.
8| Be grateful
No matter what age you found your perfect partner, be grateful for the time you have with them. Even if you end in divorce, remember the good times and don’t let the bad destroy the parts of your relationship that were great. Don’t take them for granted. Whenever they make you a drink or dinner, when they just pick up your favorite treat for no reason or help you to get better when you’re ill - always be thankful for them.
- Published on
old age solutions
You’re probably aware that in your later years it will be harder to get over an injury because our bones, joints and skin are slower at healing than they used to be. Injuries not only affect us physically, but they can seriously affect us mentally. For example: if you were to have a car crash that you were able to walk away from in later life, it would affect you in the sense that you’d feel fragile for longer, and worried about venturing out into the world again. Whereas younger people are able to recover faster physically; therefore able to face their fears faster and not allow themselves to become secluded.
Divorce
A big part of your life that no one wants to experience, but unfortunately it happens to at least half of all American couples. Sometimes, divorce can happen much later in life when you both realise that you’re simply not in love anymore. Whether there is a bad and ugly break up or not, it’s still very emotionally draining to go through divorce mediation.
Younger people are more likely to bounce back from a divorce due to other commitments like work and children, so they are more distracted than say a 70 year old divorcee. Regardless of your age, make sure that you have as many loved ones around you as possible if you are going through a divorce.
Children
It’s not often heard of, but sometimes new couples where one or both of the partners is older can still conceive, regardless of whether they think they might have gone through menopause, or simply unable to have children anymore. Having a child at a later age can be a big strain on the relationship because of the worry of that child losing one or maybe even both of their parents early.
Having children is never a decision to be taken lightly, but younger people are often more accepting of the news, even if the child wasn’t planned.
Moving house
Moving house is also a massive deal for anyone. It’s completely uprooting your lives and it can be hard to come to terms with it, especially if you’re not keen on the move itself. Pensioners often find it difficult to leave their beloved homes as some of them have been living there their whole life. It can also be difficult if you’re moving to a retirement home.
Take these four things into consideration and make sure that if any of them happen to you, that you get the support you need to get through a difficult time.
- Published on
online dating break up
You can’t choose
what stays and what fades
- Florence and the Machine
by Carrie Joyner
I’ll be honest. The trouble with love is that when you jump in, even if its half hearted and just on a free online dating site... you are still putting yourself out there-all jokes aside, you really are.
There is your picture/s the yesses and the no’s, the snap judgements. the elation of a match (if it’s one you really wanted) and the devastation if it’s a match that you accidentally swiped right on cause you were just on a swiping tear and meant to swipe left (trust me, it feels bad ignoring those guys, it feels mean).
Then you just feel bad not answering back to some people you just realize there is no connection with. There is seeing your exes on there that you can’t swipe left fast enough on...and then you see someone that you are like...hmmm....maybe, wait...yes.
That right swipe meant a lot to me those days. (The right swipes were no longer just handed out for thrills...I just wanted it to be a good match.)
So, Felipe and I (not his real name) matched. We chatted for about a month, which is unheard of on Tinder, even though most of our chatting was done on text or email after the first 2 days.
first date tips
When I met him, he was waiting at the table on the terrace where we had agreed to meet... just as he had promised, tall, handsome and well, attractive. We sat down, had a drink together, a great
conversation....it seemed perfect.
Then my friend arrived, sat down, we all chatted politely together for a minute and soon he politely stepped away and said good bye. I hugged him inside and thanked him for a nice date- no kiss on the lips...he just wanted to know when we could see each other again.
Tuesday made sense at the time so we set the date on the spot.
Everything seemed to be going well, but when Tuesday rolled around and I had a huge presentation to prepare for the next morning, I thought he would be really upset if I cancelled.
Quite the opposite- and this is where the red flags should have started going off. “Whatever I needed would work”...”No pressure”.
I thought I met the perfect man, what a chill date.
Wrong.
first date tips
Cut to us seeing each other for 5 weeks straight, I told him I got off Tinder (hint hint) and he just kind of swerves around that and asks when we are seeing each other again. (Red flag 2)
The last time we saw each other was probably the best time, so what came next was a bit of a shock. A private facebook message from a friend came in who asked if I was still dating Felipe. I said, no, I don’t think so seeing as I haven’t really heard much from him since the night my dog was dying/died a few days ago.
She said “oh, good”.
I asked why? Did she mean because his teeth weren’t perfect? (She was my friend who met me the night he and I first met the first time).
No! She said. He has been chatting/messaging one of her friends since a few days after he and I met. They are planning on meeting up soon.
WOW.
Now not to get into specifics, but when I tell a guy I got off a dating site, it’s because I consider us as dating/exclusive.
Clearly this was not the case here.
ethical non-monogamy
I get that dating on modern dating sites can be a grey area.
However, when you are with someone for over a month, should there not be a mention of the fact that you are just one of possibly many?
Then I started being thankful that he knew little/if nothing of my family, had never met my son...I had never met his family.
Sometimes, the lord works in mysterious ways.
This Thanks Giving, I know what I am grateful for.
Honest relationships, true friendships and family.
As for the rest....BYE, Felipe!
-Carrie Joyner
Carrie Joyner
About The Author
Carrie Joyner is
a regular contributor to the
FrankTalks.com/Blog
To Read Her Last Post:
http://www.franktalks.com/blog/swiping-right-on-tinder-jumping-in-to-online-dating
Donate Today
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why dating is harder for older women part 9
trigger warning
Reason # 6
Being Single for Too Long
You wake up one day, look at the calendar and you realize that today is the anniversary of your last break up.
It took place 10 years ago!
Then it hits you; you have been single a long time.
Sure, you had a date here and there, and maybe a handful of one night stands along the way, but they do not count because you did not stop being single. In fact, even the one-night stands stopped years ago as you have reached a point where you just could not be bothered. (More of that “fun is not fulfillment” thing).
And that is OK!
Believe it or not,
it is OK to be single
Some people are happier and better off when they are perpetually single. I am saying this as a Dating and Relationship Coach that some people do NOT need to be in a relationship or dating or having regular sex to be happy.
If that is the case, then why is this even a problem?
Why would being single for too long be a problem for older women?
It is only a problem if an older woman wants a serious relationship. Why? The longer a person (regardless of gender) remains single, the more challenging it is to adjust their thinking about adapting to being in a relationship again, when an opportunity finally happens.
An entire branch specialty of my Coaching Practice is working with adult aged virgins. These (mostly men) are in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s (and older!), who have never had a girlfriend, and never had sex. (See the upcoming conclusion section to understand how that could even happen). This population faces many challenges. It is more than just about finding the courage to ask a woman out.
One of the challenges they face is starting to THINK like a potential boyfriend. Seeking to be in a relationship may require a major shift in day-to-day thinking. A person who is single for a really long time, might not be open to ways of thinking that actually help in meeting people to date as well as enter into a relationship.
What does that mean?
It means, that getting into dating to seek out a relationship, especially after a very long absence (in this case, never having done it), requires a major shift in mindset.
It means being willing to disrupt your day-to-day lifestyle routine and factor in someone new into every decision you make.
Scary huh?
So an older woman faces similar challenges if she has been single for a long time.
No more being able to make a snap decision on a whim and taking a vacation at the drop of a hat. When you are in a relationship, there is someone else to consider. Someone else’s work schedule to check in with, someone else’s opinion to ask and someone else’s needs to compromise for. Really scary huh?
Wait! What if the person you are about to get serious with comes with family? Ready to bite your tongue when his parents occasionally cross the line? Ready to be a step-mom to his young kids? Ready to be a step-mom to his adult children? Ready to be step-granny to his grandchildren? Do you even like kids? Ready to give up lots of your time for weekly family dinners, graduations and birthday parties? Really-really scary huh?
Being single is not all bad. There are some good elements to it. You can come and go as you please, and you never have to factor anyone else into every decision you make. Things change when you include people in your life.
If you are not used to it,
finding yourself on the verge of a relationship
can be a very intimidating thing.
All of a sudden,
your entire way of life seems,
almost threatened,
even if the relationship
you are about to embark on is a potentially positive one.
But if you are an older woman and you actually WANT a relationship, then you must understand that you will have to ease up on some of your expectations, because part of being in a relationship is factoring in the other person.
The longer a person is single,
the more it is considered to be a red flag.
It is not an issue of a person being desirable or not
(desire is in the loins of the holder).
It is a red flag because such a person may not know how to take another person into consideration in their day-to-day activities.
For example:
One of the biggest areas that single people need to be aware of that is going to keep them single, is how they cope with conflict.
How a person copes with conflict has a HUGE impact to a single person being able to transition into a
“romantic-relationship-capable-candidate”.
When someone is single, it is easy to get into the habit of withdrawing from a person you are having a conflict with and choosing to put a lot of distant between the two of you, and your next communication.
If you are single and living alone, it is easy to get upset, tune out, and avoid communication for hours, days or even weeks. Some people handle conflict this way, and have the time to calm down and just avoid having to deal with the actual issue.
However, you simply cannot do that in an intimate romantic relationship.
When you are in a serious relationship, there is no being away for days at a time if you want to actually succeed long term. You need to deal with an issue head-on.
When you are single it is easier to run from conflict than it is to be in a serious relationship. This is why people who are single for a long time might lose the habits that help a serious relationship work out.
Here are some additional examples
of some real older women clients
that I have coached.
They refused to act
like they wanted a relationship,
even though they actually did:
Single Sarah: She had gotten into the habit of spending the night at an ex’s house; not for sex, but for friendship. They remained good friends after their break up, and a couple of times a month she would go over to his place to talk, and after they would fall asleep in the same bed. Sometimes they were wearing PJs, but sometimes they were in less. When she started to see new partners, none of them stuck around when she was open about wanting to continue this friendly arrangement with her ex.
Single Shelly: She would let her male friends (mostly gay men) caress her breasts as a joke, and lick her neck during drinking games. It was “all in fun “she said, and “no big deal”. When dating, she would tell the man that she only wanted Monogamy, but that she had no intention of stopping her behaviors with her male friends, because “that’s the way it has always been” between her and her friends since college.
Single Samantha: She really liked her alone time. She had gotten into the habit of being alone on Saturdays, and using that day to catch up on all her errands. After, she would binge watch her new favorite television series. She liked her schedule kept as it was and did not want to replace her television night with a date night. Even if she was seeing a guy for a few weeks, Saturday was her “Me-Time”.
Single Stephanie: She hated cooking and cleaning, and she especially hated having to clean up after cooking. She had gotten into the habit of having her meals over the kitchen sink instead of a table because she felt that it was just more “efficient” that way. She resented cooking for her dates when she invited them over. As she was not used to sitting at a table for meals, she ended up so distracted by all the crumbs on the table and those that hit the floor during the dinner dates, that she could not focus on talking to her date.
Single Sophie: She was a very loyal, and dedicated friend to her female friends. Even when she was currently dating someone, she would still go out with her single female friends and act as the “wing woman”. She would flirt, dance, and accept drinks from the male friends of the men her girlfriends were trying to pick up. She “did not want to let her friends down” just because she was dating a new man in her life.
Single Sabrina: She has been living alone for years and loves sleeping in her big bed by herself. She is not used to rolling over and bumping into another sleeping body. She isn’t used to hearing another person breath (or snore!) while she is trying to sleep. Years ago, when she did have lovers stay the night, she wouldn’t get a wink of sleep, so started to ask her lovers to sleep on the couch after sex, so she could get sleep. After she got her pet, she would tell her lovers that they had to sleep on the couch because it was Foo-Foo’s spot to sleep next to her.
from artist Ricky Whitney
Single Sally: She values her privacy. She has friends and is socially active, but she keeps a lot of information about her life and personal preferences on a very limited “need-to-know” basis. When she is on a date and the man tries to get to know her through small talk, she sometimes gets defensive. She is not used to sharing information and that makes her feel vulnerable, even when the intent of the question is benign.
Single Sasha: She has gotten too comfortable. She hasn’t really dated in years, and enjoys only wearing comfortable, frumpy, casual clothing. She doesn’t feel the need to impress anyone. She doesn’t want to fix her hair, wear make up, or dress sexy. She ignores grooming tips normally associated with dating, and having a sexual relationship with a new partner. She would rather just be comfortable, and not have to try too hard.
Single Sandy: She loves a good party, and especially loves going out drinking with her girlfriends. The last time a man asked her out on a Saturday night, she told him that she might be too hung over to go out on Saturday night, because she would be out with her girlfriends on Friday. She’d let him know on if she was going to be available Saturday night. She will not change her social schedule to accommodate dating.
However, if you want to be in a relationship you must be mindful that the people you want to attract and date may not be compatible with your idiosyncrasies.
You will have to compromise on some of your rigidity to be respectful of the boundaries of your relationship partner.
and the energy and message you convey with your actions and attitude is:
“GO AWAY!”
You are going to push away many great,
quality older men who were interested in dating you.
Wanting a relationship is simply not enough.
You have to be willing to change any “push-away” behaviors so that you also ACT like you want a relationship.
This really shouldn’t be so much of a surprise. If you are out of habit of using any particular skill set, over time your skills will dull in that skill set. Being able to attract someone through communication and taking actions is a skills set. Being able to manage a relationship is a skill set.
Being able to behave in a way that caters to making a relationship work is a skill set. Like any skill set, if you do not employ them you lose them.
This is why people who date a lot, will likely continue to date a lot.
People that are good in relationships will likely continue to end up in good relationships. People, who cannot attract another, will likely continue to be unable to attract another. People that have always been able to turn on the charm will likely continue to turn on the charm. As long as they keep their skills in practice, they will continue to get similar results.
It is not something that a person is born with.
It is a skill that can be learned.
Once learned it is necessary to repeat them over and over again until the behaviors become second nature.
Ambition and effort when not used decline because lack of use causes loss of that skill set.
The social skill set of being in a relationship can be lost if it remains unused for a lengthy period of time. That is why being single for a long time can be a major red flag in dating.
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Reason # 7
Baggage
When I am coaching older male clients, the issue that I often hear them express is that although they are fully attracted to older women and they want to be in a relationship with an older woman when they have attempted to date them, some older women turn a romantic date into a therapy session (when they promptly empty their baggage)!