- Published on
Love is Not a Power Play
Love is Not A Power Play:
A New Constitution For Conscious Relationships
by Arun Eden-Lewis
I realized in my late teens that attempting to blame and shame white people into giving me a break by regularly reminding them of more than 400 years of slavery was counterproductive.When, eventually, I let go of my anger and embraced forgiveness, I noticed that people (for the most part) started to treat me not as a black man, but simply as a human being.
Similarly, reminding men in every discussion on gender parity of hundreds of years of patriarchy, not only to justify the drive for equality but also preferential treatment and sometimes abusive behavior, is also counterproductive. I am not suggesting we forget the injustices of history but I am suggesting we lay them to rest and forgive the sins of our fathers in order to progress together.
Recently, I wrote an article on the commonly-asked question, “Where have all the good men gone?” It generated a lot of heat, as well as plenty of constructive discussion.
We have come a long way since the suffrage movement of the 19th century, but clearly there is still some way further to go to achieve genuine gender equality.
The challenge we now face is to realize that equality for women without simultaneously tearing down men to achieve it.
In our work and all our endeavors together, as conscious men and women, we must stand up for equality together, knowing that one day we will be equal, not only by the laws of the land but also in our hearts and minds.
Presently, we seem to be caught in a destructive dynamic of battling sexes, but I believe we can find healthier and more constructive ways to achieve gender parity.
Our challenge is to adopt more balanced policies of cooperation, rather than the competitive and adversarial tribalism so apparent in many of our current institutions, sociopolitical systems, and modes of thought-behavior, rooted so firmly in outdated paradigms of “us against them.”
I believe our society can evolve beyond these adversarial paradigms—evolve consciously and purposefully in our core humanity and genuinely embrace equality, not just in the letter of our laws but also embrace the spirit and ideals of equality where no laws are present.
We appear to live in a society where the system is geared to please some of the people some of the time. No single system known can please all of the people all of the time. However, I believe we can and will create a more humanitarian and tolerant society that pleases most of the people most of the time.
I believe we can form more harmonious unions, cultivate domestic and occupational peace, encourage the common defense of justice, promote general welfare, and secure the blessings of equality in our pursuit of happiness, through an evolved “constitution of conscious men and women.”
Dating dynamics:
Perhaps the two most destructive elements in many modern relationships between men and women are the “power struggle” and the “jealousy game.” These two modes of behavior are often intertwined and their definitions blur each into the other as a consequence. But what is clear is that once these insidious games are initiated, a relationship is usually on a countdown to self-destruction.
The power struggle is essentially the game couples play to determine who is the protagonist in the relationship. This inevitably creates a dynamic where the potential protagonist is both actively and passively being opposed, rivaled, and competed with by the antagonist. In essence, the lead and supporting actors are trying to steal every scene from each other. What makes the power struggle so complex is that, in any given situation, the roles of protagonist and antagonist can be and often are reversed.
The power struggle involves controlling the activities of a partner, where they go, what they do and who they do it with. It involves the habitual criticism, shaming, and ridiculing of what a partner says, does, and how they say and do it.
These power plays are designed to achieve one thing: to undermine the self-esteem and confidence of a partner, and, conversely, to make the perpetrator feel empowered. But empowerment obtained from the debasement of another is not true power, it is merely a temporary tyranny.
One of the most destructive tactics used within the power struggle is the jealousy game. Indeed, a game within a game only adds to its virulent nature.
The jealousy game involves flirting with members of the opposite sex, and being sure our significant other knows about it. It involves letting our partner know just how attracted we are to celebrities and stars, implying our partner’s comparative success is inadequate. It involves habitually bringing ex-partners into conversations to provoke the green-eyed monster. This tedious tit-for-tat game rarely, if ever, has a happy ending.
Increasingly, the 21st century extension of the jealousy game is to use an electronic device of some kind—a computer, a tablet, but especially a smartphone—as a way of denying organic attention to a partner. These devices are an essential part of modern life, no doubt, but in the context of the Power Struggle they also serve as a way to detach from and passively dominate partners.
When the Power Struggle inevitably spirals out of control, tempers flare into heated arguments, often leading to verbal and or physical violence. But we should note that, by the time conflict has reached this boiling-point, it has usually been preceded by protracted mental and emotional violence in the form of the simmering Power Struggle.
This raises the phenomenon of “toxic debate.” Toxic debate is characterized by discussion that is no longer based in calm, logical, or rational argument, but rather in high emotions, degrading language, and name-calling. It involves attempted character assassination, blaming and shaming, raised voices and, sadly, raised hands.
The solution?
Awareness of the game itself allows us to consciously choose not to play by its rules. If you find yourself caught in the power struggle and calm, rational, non-blaming discussions do not change the relationship dynamics then walk away from the partnership before the real damage is done.
Refuse even to participate in toxic debate. Love is not a power play; it is a stage where we can be strong or vulnerable and feel entirely trusted, trusting, and safe. Conscious men and women understand this and, increasingly, are making far better choices regarding who they date.
The less conscious among us are so conditioned by the rules of the power struggle that they are either unwilling or unable to engage in a different and healthier way of being in a relationship. This kind of person, often unconsciously, sees compromise and fair-mindedness in their significant other merely as an opportunity to exert control over their partner. Date them at your peril.
Marriage and family:
Because of the emotional and financial risks attached to modern marriage, it is reasonable to understand the unwillingness of some to invest and trust in the institution. If we find ourselves in a relationship where only one partner wants to be married, then the prudent attitude for this partner is to accept the choice of the other partner, hard as it may be to do.
Pressuring someone into marriage is not a fair indication of love or commitment, from either party.
Hopefully, by the time a couple decides to get married, all the power plays would have been rejected in favor of trust, equality, and love. Sadly, there is on average a 50 percent chance modern marriages will fail, usually because the Power Struggle either continues from the preceding dating days, or it has been lying dormant and manifests once the knot is tied.
A marriage between a conscious man and woman is an equal partnership, there is no protagonist or antagonist, no lead and supporting actors—rather, it is an ensemble piece. Cooperation is preferable above and beyond competition. Flexible interdependence is preferable above and beyond strong independence. Conscious caring is preferable above and beyond cloying codependents.
The conscious husband and wife have clear and defined roles. That is not to suggest roles are fixed and rigid, but rather that all the responsibilities of marriage are known and shared, so that both parties feel equally valued and of value.
These shared responsibilities and values cannot and should not be prescribed here, rather they are the prerogative of each couple to establish for themselves with open, honest, and fair-minded conversations. Often the guidance of an impartial arbitrator is helpful, in the form of a qualified counselor or perhaps parents from both sides of the family.
Regarding divorce:
Now is an appropriate time to pull aside the romanticized veil of marriage and see it, not only with the rose-tinted sentiments of love, but also with the clear-lenses practicalities of a business. There is no doubt that love is the most beautiful business when it goes right, but when it goes wrong it can be the most terrible and brutal.
Prenuptial agreements can avoid long and costly disputes in divorce. Prenuptial agreements can be shaped and tailored to the specific requirements of each marriage: to protect assets, to define the distribution of property upon divorce, to protect one party from assuming the debts of the other, conditions of alimony, and much more besides.
Generally, the issues of child support and child custody cannot be included in a prenuptial agreement, but rather the courts usually determine for themselves what is in the best interest of the children on a case by case basis.
As the parameters and legality of prenuptial agreements differ from state to state and country to country, it would be advisable to consult an appropriate solicitor to clarify the laws and conditions applicable to prenuptial agreements relevant to each region.
Increasingly, the conscious man and woman seldom enter into marriage relying solely on faith and good fortune to see them through. They also employ the prudence of the law to insure their rights. We routinely insure everything from our pets to our vacations–it makes perfect sense then to insure, to some degree at least, our marriages also.
War in the workplace:
Next to our homes, the workplace is probably the fiercest battleground in the war of the sexes. There are so many issues to attend: equal opportunity, equal pay, sexual harassment…too many topics to fully cover here. So, I will take a broad stroke instead.
One of the less obvious perpetuation of the gender war in the workplace, but not exclusive to it, are the mindlessly repeated slogans of our social conditioning, “men can’t multi-task,” “women are too emotionally unstable for positions of authority,” “men have better spatial awareness than women,” “women mature quicker than men,” and on and on it goes ad nausea.
These kinds of prejudicial attitudes are often sugar-coated with a dose of worn-out humor to help us swallow the bitter pill, or worse, still supported by some spurious scientific study to reinforce stereotypes that belong firmly in the past.
A word of caution, though: These kinds of wayward attitudes do not require zealous politically correct thought-police to name, shame, and punish the guilty, but rather civil conversations between colleagues, many no doubt previously unaware of the damage this kind of insipid social conditioning does, and how its prejudices creep up on us slowly and become normalized.
Take “women can’t read maps” or “women are more intuitive than men,” for example. These kinds of socially engineered viruses are often received from some gossipy glossy magazine or tatty television segment, backed up by a suitably bespectacled doctor, professor or scientist, then endlessly recycled via social-media. Before we realize it, they have become universal truisms, but fortunately for the conscious men and women among us, they do not become the universal truth.
Since the birth of science, human beings have used its discoveries to attack each other. We should not use the perceived legitimacy of science, in all its forms, to legitimize beating each other over the head, metaphorically or literally. The authority of a white laboratory coat, so to speak, should only go so far before we stop to think for ourselves, otherwise science becomes little more than an unquestioned religion.
When we stop throwing these neuro-sexism slogans at one another the workplace will become a much friendlier environment to spend half of our lives. When conscious men and women are friends, the possibilities in life are endless. We can work with each other as equals, rather than continually competing against one other.
Studies and statistics are but a beginning,
not an end to issues of equality:
Through research, I have found studies and statistics that either reinforce, refute, or re-evaluate the many gender issues in discussion here. For example, research on the wage-gap will provide pertinent information outlining its reality and how to redress it, and other credible research claiming laws currently in place guaranteeing men and women equal pay for equal work have all but eliminated the pay-gap.
So, it seems that we are waging a war of the sexes, not only in the bedroom and the boardroom, but also in the sciences and study groups funded both by governments and private organizations. The findings of these studies are then used to legitimize one political agenda or another. But, as the phrase made popular by Mark Twain goes,
“There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.”
We must then also give trust to the day to day experiences that we share with the men and women in our own lives. How are we treating and being treated as fellow human beings?
We are in the midst of the so-called information age, but it is possible to rely too much on the information we are being fed through the media and social-media and not enough on our personal experiences, which may give us a more complete and real-world picture regarding what is actually happening with issues of equality and social justice in general.
In the process of gaining and maintaining equality, conscious men and women must guard diligently against falling foul to the same misdemeanors of those clinging to the old adversarial patterns and power struggles. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for equality by drinking from the bitter cup of anger.
We must always conduct our struggle from the platform of patience and compassion. We must never allow our protests, passionate though they are, to degenerate into verbal or physical violence. And if such violence are perpetrated against us, as is so often the current trend, we must rise above them, meeting aggression with fearless and peaceful determination.
Now is the time for armistice, now is the time for conscious men and women to walk away from the brutal battlefield of the warring sexes and to lift up our fatigued faces to the sunlight of gender equality and social justice.
There will always be those unwilling or unable to change. However, conscious men and women are not gender evangelists, we do not seek to change sour wine into sweet, but respectfully agree to disagree and peacefully allow the naysayers to go their own way.
In the course of our progress, it becomes necessary to dissolve certain modes of being belonging to previous times and to assume, instead, the equality to which the laws of humanity and nature entitle us.
In the wake of that progress, we shall enjoy new freedoms, expressed in the true equality of men and women, by men and women, for men and women, so that we will no longer judge or be judged by the character of our gender but rather by the content of our character.
This truth is self-evident, that all men and women are created equal, and indeed that some are not more equal than others. I believe we are all inherently blessed by the laws of nature with certain undeniable rights, among them: equality, freedom, and the unimpeded pursuit of happiness.
~
Re-read:
I’ll Tell you Where all the Good Men have Gone.~
Author: Arun Eden-Lewis
Arun Eden-Lewis
Author Arun Eden-Lewis completed his first yoga teacher training in 2001 in the Sivananda style before going on to complete two more advanced teacher training courses with Godfrey Devereux in DynamicYoga. Arun has journeyed to India, Sri Lanka and Bali seeking the most valuable yoga knowledge from the most inspiring teachers in the world. He has practiced extensively in Ashtnga Vinysa and Iyengar Yoga. Drawing on all these strands, and many years of self-practice and teaching, Arun has developed the unique PrajYoga method, of which the ever inspiring 8 Indians sequence is an integral part.
He can be reached through his website:
White Island Retreat
He can be reached through his website:
White Island Retreat
- Published on
Coping With Loss: Writing A Book
Coping With Loss: Writing A Book
by Frank Kermit
Have you ever considered writing a book?
The book could be about the life of the person you lost.
The book could be about your life, and how who or what you lost was a major part of it.
The book could be a cautionary tale about appreciating what you got before it is gone.
The book could be a warning to others so that they do not have to experience the loss you did.
The book does not have to be a serious novel.
The book could be a children's storybook with an important lesson.
That part is up to you.
Books have a page where you can dedicate it to your loss.
Dedicated to Gary Johnson
I dedicated my autobiography to my good friend Gary Johnson. I published the book in September of that year. Gary died in December of that year. It means a lot to me that I was able to get a copy of the book to him with the dedication in it, just before he died. I have since updated the dedication page to let readers know of my loss.
Gary Johnson
There are a lot of ways to keep the memory of your loss alive.
If you like to write, a book is one of them.
You do not even need a publisher.
You can self publish your book using print-on- demand sites,
or make it a PDF file for people to buy and or download on your own online site.
Think about it.
-Frank Kermit
Dedication Page of From Loser To Seducer:
The Story of Frank Kermit
This book is dedicated to:
Gary Johnson
(May 11,1939 - December 18, 2006)
I first met Gary in college. He had come back to school as a mature student (age 50+). Despite the age difference, we had become good friends, and I think of him as a mentor about life, while I was his mentor in school.
He had lived quite a life for himself, as a road manager for an artist named Chubby Checker, and made a living for himself for many years in the downtown Montreal nightlife and bar scene as a club owner and bartender.
When I had met him, he was retired from that life and had gone back to school to pick up what he had missed the first time around.
He gave me an insider’s perspective of his world, with a non-judgmental view of my world.
After college, we ended up in university together in the same program. He had to stop going to school after the first few terms due to ill health that included two strokes.
In September 2005 I went to see Gary to hand him a copy of this book with his dedication.
After that, I moved city. It would be the last time I saw him.
He died three months later.
I miss our time together.
Sign Up For Frank Coaching To Learn How To Cope With Loss
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Coping With Loss: Setting Up A Memorial
Coping With Loss: Setting Up A Memorial
by Frank Kermit
Setting up a Memorial can,
sometimes easy the burden of grief.
It means putting some of your focus on
how you want your loss to be remembered.
A memorial can take different forms.
A statue or shrine in your own home.
A symbol set up at your local place of worship.
It can even be a donation in the name of the loss.
It can also be a very private act,
such as helping a needy family,
done in the memory of your loss.
If you find a way to set up a memorial,
that works for you,
that helps bring you peace and healing,
then go for it.
-Frank Kermit
donate to offer mental health support
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A Tribute to Charles Chuck De Souza 1944 - 2017
A Tribute To Charles "Chuck" De Souza 1944-2017
by Jim Riga
It's been almost a week now since I lost one of my best friends,
Chuck, and it's extremely tough coping with the realization that I won't see him any more.
We had known each other for many, many years since we first met at Pius X in the early 70's.
Being in the same English department, and having seen each other quite often in miscellaneous activities, outside school hours, we quickly became buddies .... best friends ... brothers.
His memory is still so fresh, so alive in my mind.
They say that if you have 1 (one) "best friend" in your life, you're lucky.
I'm not talking about acquaintances or just friends. I'm talking about "best friends".
Well, I consider myself to be extremely fortunate in my life because I have had three;
two of them (Lenny & Chuck) have passed on, and it hurts! It hurts a lot .....
It always will.
So, if you are as privileged in life as I am, and you do have a "best friend", someone you can depend on through thick and thin, consider yourself to be one of the rare & lucky people.
Not everyone has!
Cherish that relationship for the wealth that it offers.
Days pass so quickly, that in the blink of an eye,
all those years and that relationship can come to an end.
Cherish your friend .... Talk to each other .... laugh together .....
because life is short and there is no turning back the hands of time.
Rest easy, Charles. A lot of people miss you, Bro.
-Jim Riga
Jim Riga and Charles De Souza
De SOUZA, Charles “Chuck” Peter - Born on November 4th, 1944, proud husband, father, father-in-law, brother, uncle, teacher/coach of 40 years died peacefully at home on Wednesday, June 14th, 2017 in Whitby at the age of 72 surrounded by his loving wife of 42 years, Alice and his children Jennifer and Jason (loving daughter-in-law Stacey).
He will be sadly missed by his brothers Diego (Annette) and Louis (Mandy), his sisters Carmen (late Mathias) and Agnes (late Wavell). He is reunited with his brothers Bonny (Astrid), Marshall (Bertha) and Archie, as well as his parents Manuel and Elizabeth.
He will also be survived and missed by his brother and sisters-in-law and his many nephews and nieces.
Special thanks to CCAC, Von & VHA Home HealthCare, especially Jennifer , PSW, Corrine, RN and Dr. Azi.
By Chuck’s humble wishes, there will be neither visitation nor funeral, and in lieu of flowers, donations to the Canadian Pulmonary Fibrosis Foundation are appreciated (cpff.ca).
He will be sadly missed by his brothers Diego (Annette) and Louis (Mandy), his sisters Carmen (late Mathias) and Agnes (late Wavell). He is reunited with his brothers Bonny (Astrid), Marshall (Bertha) and Archie, as well as his parents Manuel and Elizabeth.
He will also be survived and missed by his brother and sisters-in-law and his many nephews and nieces.
Special thanks to CCAC, Von & VHA Home HealthCare, especially Jennifer , PSW, Corrine, RN and Dr. Azi.
By Chuck’s humble wishes, there will be neither visitation nor funeral, and in lieu of flowers, donations to the Canadian Pulmonary Fibrosis Foundation are appreciated (cpff.ca).
Death and Loss
- Published on
Kissing on a First Date: Rules
Kissing on a First Date:
Learning To Love The Lip-Lock
By Frank Kermit
You always go in for a kiss on the first date.
A-L-W-A-Y-S.
A first kiss isn't just for those dates that went really well from the get go. Sometimes, you might not really even know how you feel about someone after you have been on a full date with them,
and it takes a kiss to ignite the chemistry
that may be laying dormant underneath what could be confusing or neutral feelings. A kiss is likely not going to salvage a potential relationship that is dead on arrival.
However, a kiss can be the start of a potentially passionate connection if all the other elements are already there and just needed the kiss as a trigger for the kiss-boom.
In fact, the right kiss, with the right chemistry, can turn the end of a mediocre date into an invitation inside for a nightcap, to a satisfying breakfast in bed the next morning.
Better To Get Rejected Than Not Try To Kiss
Not going for the kiss is WORSE than going for it and being rejected. Even if your attempt to kiss at the end of a first date is rejected, it is still a good thing that you went for it.
Going in for a kiss sexualizes the social dynamic.
There is no vagueness.
There is no guessing if the other person likes you. Your interest is out there and the other person has to deal with it and not waste either of your time with indecision.
Not going for the kiss is WORSE than going for it and being rejected. Even if your attempt to kiss at the end of a first date is rejected, it is still a good thing that you went for it.
Going in for a kiss sexualizes the social dynamic.
There is no vagueness.
There is no guessing if the other person likes you. Your interest is out there and the other person has to deal with it and not waste either of your time with indecision.
Kissing On a First Date is an except of the 25 Rules For Everyone: How To Act On a First Date
Waiting To Kiss Only Works If....
For those people that claim that waiting for a kiss adds mystery and intrigue to a potential relationship, they do not factor in that it only works that way if the two people ALREADY like each other.
If even only one person in that couple is unsure, or at the very least feeling neutral about the other person, going in for the kiss forces the issue. If you like drama, going for a kiss, whether it is a good kiss, a bad kiss, or a rejected kiss carries a heck of a lot more drama with it, than not going for the kiss at all.
For those people that claim that waiting for a kiss adds mystery and intrigue to a potential relationship, they do not factor in that it only works that way if the two people ALREADY like each other.
If even only one person in that couple is unsure, or at the very least feeling neutral about the other person, going in for the kiss forces the issue. If you like drama, going for a kiss, whether it is a good kiss, a bad kiss, or a rejected kiss carries a heck of a lot more drama with it, than not going for the kiss at all.
The Effects Of NOT Kissing
One thing is for sure. If you want to stay "just friends" with someone, then NOT going in for that kiss at the end of a date is a pretty secure way of only ever being a good friend. Being friends can be a good thing, but it is a lousy prospect if you want MORE than just friendship with the person at the center of your heart's affection.
One thing is for sure. If you want to stay "just friends" with someone, then NOT going in for that kiss at the end of a date is a pretty secure way of only ever being a good friend. Being friends can be a good thing, but it is a lousy prospect if you want MORE than just friendship with the person at the center of your heart's affection.
The No-Kissing Male Virgin
I know one person who said that he never goes in for the kiss because he wants to show a girl that he likes that he respects her. For the record, this particular 26-year-old guy never had a girlfriend in his life. I asked him if he ever considered that the girl might have a different interpretation. He seemed confused. I pointed out to him that unless she understood that he was purposefully not trying to kiss her as an expression of respect, that the girls he dated might have in fact interpreted his lack of action as a lack in romantic interest in them.
I know one person who said that he never goes in for the kiss because he wants to show a girl that he likes that he respects her. For the record, this particular 26-year-old guy never had a girlfriend in his life. I asked him if he ever considered that the girl might have a different interpretation. He seemed confused. I pointed out to him that unless she understood that he was purposefully not trying to kiss her as an expression of respect, that the girls he dated might have in fact interpreted his lack of action as a lack in romantic interest in them.
The look of remorse and realization that took over his face is forever etched in my memory.
How To Practice Kissing
For people that are new to kissing, or wanting to experiment with kissing techniques, here are some tips.
- To practice getting used to unfamiliar tongue movements, fill up a glass with ice cubes only and move them around with your tongue. The idea is to deal with your own awkward feelings about the physical nature of kissing, so that when you get to that point in real life, kissing feels familiar and you can enjoy the good vibes that kissing can produce throughout your body.
Tips for Kissing
- Start with a gentle peck on the other person's lips then back off just a few centimeters. Then go in again, and gently lick the other person's lips with your tongue, then back away again. Go in again and repeat until it turns into a French kiss when the other person opens their mouth.
French Kissing Note:
Some people do not like French kissing, so let the other person invite your tongue in for a more passionate lip locking if it is within their scope of comfort, but never force your tongue in.
Some people do not like French kissing, so let the other person invite your tongue in for a more passionate lip locking if it is within their scope of comfort, but never force your tongue in.
Eyes Open or Eyes Closed When Kissing
Should you close your eyes?
The rule is, the person leaning in for the kiss keeps their eyes open, until lip meets lip.
Otherwise, you run the risk of poking someone in the eye with your nose!
(Did that myself, and did it ever ruin the moment.)
The person on the receiving end of the kiss gets to close their eyes and enjoy the lip-locking landing.
A word about boundaries...
When someone tells you, "I never kiss on a first date" they are expressing a boundary.
Respect it.
Find out what that person's boundaries are and when a first kiss IS an option.
If the person says, "a kiss is OK on a third date"; then back off and wait until the 3rd date.
However, there is a catch.
You respect the boundary to the point where, if your partner seeks to break his or her own boundary, you refuse to give in.
It is a test.
If you give in to the kiss, you will likely not see that person again.
If trust and safety are important to the person who stated the boundary you will get the kiss, but likely not another date.
If you hold out, you are more likely to get to see that person again, and the good night kiss might just be one of those times you end up making that person breakfast the next morning.
Never Kiss And Tell
Finally, when you do kiss (whether it is the lousy-peck-on-the-cheek type or the lasting-wet-passionate-curl-your-toes-shivers-down-spine-tingling-in-the-fingers type of kiss) you never kiss and tell.
Never.
Not your best friends,
not your closest confidant,
and not your social networks.
The person you kissed may tell,
but you never let
your lips slip loosely.
In time, the more people that learn you keep your kiss history to yourself, the more people will offer to be part of your kiss list history.
-Frank Kermit
Sign Up for Coaching To Find Your Next Great Kiss
- Published on
Happy Father's Day!
A Father's Day memory:
Got something in my eye...I was at the park with my son (he is 7). He tells me that he plans to do two things when he grows up, and then wants to become a parent. I told him he does not have to become a parent if he does not want to.
He says "hey, I am in charge of my own destiny!"
..then I asked him why he wants to one day become a parent,
and he says,"I want be like you"
....feeling a little choked up right now...
You are a great dad if you...
-Put your kids ahead of the rest of your extended family
-Show up to your kids weddings even if your wife did not want to attend
-Made an effort to be a better father to your own kids than your own father was to you
-built up your child's sense of independence and self esteem instead of using shame and guilt and dependence as a means of control
-ask your children about their life dreams and help guided them to turn them to goals
-supported your kids to reach full potential in ways that made kids feel good about themselves
-protected your children from those that would hurt your kids, even at the risk of your own social status in your community
-Taught your children the value of being treated well by others
-Did not involved your children into the adult fights you had with your spouse
-Who shows affection to your kids even if you still have to learn to be comfortable doing it
Happy Fathers Day if you are this kind of Dad!!
From the Coach who deals with clients that did not have this kind of dad.
-Frank Kermit
- Published on
Adult Male Virgin Advice: If She Likes You, DATE HER!
(originally an article from the Frank Talks Adult Male Virgin Newsletter)
Start Dating Someone That Already Wants You
by Frank Kermit
Once you and I starting coaching, you may be starting to remember some of those girls who were into you and wanted to date you, but who you never gave a fair chance.
These women liked you enough, and you knew it.
But you would not be open-minded enough.
THIS is one of the reasons you are still a virgin.
So here is your tip of the week:
EVERY GIRL GETS ONE DATE WITH YOU.
If she is into you, you go out on a date or two and
GIVE HER A CHANCE.
This will accomplish 3 things.
1. First, you get EXPERIENCE and PRACTICE in dating. That is something you absolutely need as a living Adult Male Virgin who wants to lose his virginity.
The Adult Male Virgin Bible
Easy Steps To Great Sex
2. Second, you might find out you like her enough to keep seeing her. And if that happens, you just might lose your virginity to someone you like and that likes you back!
3. Third, you likely KNOW what it is like for someone NOT to give you a chance in the past. (Part of the reason you are still a virgin). Well, the best way to help change the world is to be the example that you want the world to follow.
Fast Track To Charisma
If YOU aren't willing to give a girl a chance, then on some level, you will only focus on women just like you, who would NOT be open enough to give you a chance.
However, if you give every girl that likes you a chance, you will start to focus on girls that WOULD give you your chance.
-Frank Kermit
Lose Your Virginity With Coaching
- Published on
Coping With Loss: The First Year of Firsts
The Year Of Firsts After Loss
by Frank Kermit
The first 12 months after a tremendous loss is the hardest.
It is the first time you will experience yearly events without the person or element you lost.
Your first birthday without the person.
Your first holiday season without your previous career.
Your first significant day of importance, without your precious pet.
Each time you experience a date of significance, without your loss, it is a hard reminder of the events that lead to the loss to beginning.
It is important to remember that as each year passes,
it WILL get easier.
When they say time helps the healing process,
that does mean that time will make the hurt go away.
What it does mean is that with time
comes experience of being able to go through
each year after your year of firsts.
And with each passing year
you get more experience
at getting used to your life without your loss.
So hang in there.
Expect that the first year is going to be the hardest.
And, over the years, you will have new people, new jobs,
and new pets to cherish and celebrate with you.
-Frank Kermit
Sign Up For Frank Coaching To Cope With Your Loss
- Published on
Kinky Acrostic Poetry
*Disclaimer:
the views of the author do not necessarily represent the views of Franktalks.com.
It is important to present different views/mindsets, and that includes material that may be deemed controversial in nature.
Kinky Acrostic Sunday
by Annabel Joseph
Oh BAM! Yes, you remember writing Acrostic poetry from first grade.
Who's to say we can't put it to kinky purposes?
Acrostic poetry is another example of "constrained writing"--a literary technique in which the writer is bound by some condition that forbids certain things or imposes a pattern.
Ooh...what could be more kinky than being constrained or bound?
Here are a few examples I came up with. You gotta try this. It's fun!
W hy should I
H elp you fetch the
I nstrument of my own
P unishment?
Get Started
Fantasy Wardrobes
S ensual
L oving
A ccommodating
V igilant
E namored
P otent
E rotically charged
R aw
V ery horny
E xtremely excitable
R aunchily
T antalizing...
All tied up with work
check out the goodies inspired by the book and movie
R ough
O bscene
M agnificent
A rduous
N eedful
C arnal
E xquisite
O bscene
M agnificent
A rduous
N eedful
C arnal
E xquisite
Be sure to post your own acrostics in the comments!
-Annabel Joseph
http://annabeljoseph.com/
To read past articles by Annabel Joseph, click:
www.franktalks.com/blog/stigma-and-struggles-of-humiliation-kink
The Following are two interviews that Frank Kermit and Annabel Joseph participated in and one clip from Annabel Joseph audio book
P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree?
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Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.
P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree?
Have something to Add?
Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.
- Published on
Recipe for Butternut Squash Gnocchi with Sage & Butter
The vegetable squash (although technically a fruit) has been around for centuries, but the Butternut Squash was developed in the 1940's in the United States.
The Squash blossom is a symbol of fertility that has been used in many nations around the world including the Hopi, a Native American sovereign nation located in northeastern Arizona. Traditionally worn by unmarried women, their long hair would be twisted up into large whorls on either side of their heads to represent the squash blossom. This hairstyle is still worn by unmarried Hopi girls but due to the amount of time required to create it, the style is reserved for ceremonial occasions.
https://tinyurl.com/y9u7tm6o A photo of an unmarried Hopi Native American
This recipe also features the spice Nutmeg. Nutmeg grows on a tree that originates from the Banda Islands in Indonesia, also known as the Spice Islands.
THE BANDA ISLANDS
Used as a condiment and for medicinal purposes (sleep aid, upset stomach) it also was a popular (though not very effective) choice in the late 1800’s to early 1900 as a method to attempt to abort a child!
The most interesting qualities nutmeg possesses are in its history of use as an intoxicant. Used in the correct dosages it can create in the user a high similar to alcohol or marijuana. In fact the civil rights activist Malcolm X wrote in his autobiography, how he and other prisoners used it in the 1940s as a legal, and easy means of getting high in prison.
A low dose of fresh nutmeg (3.5 grams or 1-1.5 teaspoons) can for some people lead to feelings of euphoria, relaxation, elevated mood, laughter and enhancement of the senses.
On the island of Zanzibar, off the cost of East Africa, the Muslim religion is predominant so alcohol is banned, but nutmeg is not. Sold in markets for cheap, the spice is used by women to feel relaxed and it is often written about that women take it in their morning porridge the day of a wedding to ensure they are relaxed and sexually receptive.
https://tinyurl.com/ycbnqw8f Photo of Nutmeg
The aphrodisiac properties of Nutmeg were studied at “Aligarh Muslim University” in Aligarh, India. The findings of these studies strongly corroborate the traditional uses of nutmeg to improve sexual function and enhance the sex drive. They suggested that “nutmeg may be a safe and effective herbal remedy in treating sexual disorders.” (Tajuddin et al. 2003; Tajuddin et al. 2005).
Butternut Squash Gnocchi with Sage & Butter
INGREDIENTS
1 1-pound butternut squash
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 12- to 14-ounce russet potato, peeled, quartered
3/4 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese, divided
1 large egg, beaten to blend
1 1/2 teaspoons freshly grated nutmeg
1 teaspoon salt
1 3/4 cups (or more) all purpose flour
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter
2 tablespoons chopped fresh sage
Additional grated Parmesan cheese
PREPARATION
Preheat oven to 400°F.
Cut squash lengthwise in half; discard seeds. Place squash halves, cut side up, on baking sheet and brush with oil. Roast until squash is very tender when pierced with skewer and browned in spots, about 1 1/2 hours. Cool slightly. Scoop flesh from squash into processor; puree until smooth.
Transfer to medium saucepan; stir constantly over medium heat until juices evaporate and puree thickens, about 5 minutes. Cool. Measure 1 cup (packed) squash puree (reserve remaining squash for another use).
Meanwhile, cook potato in medium saucepan of boiling salted water until very tender, about 20 minutes. Drain. While potato is warm, press through potato ricer into medium bowl; cool completely. Measure 2 cups (loosely packed) riced potato (reserve remaining potato for another use).
Mix squash, potato, 1/2 cup Parmesan, egg, nutmeg, and salt in large bowl. Gradually add 1 3/4 cups flour, kneading gently into mixture in bowl until dough holds together and is almost smooth. If dough is very sticky, add more flour by tablespoonfuls. Turn dough out onto floured surface; knead gently but briefly just until smooth. Divide dough into 8 equal pieces.
Line 2 large rimmed baking sheets with parchment. Sprinkle parchment lightly with flour. Working with 1 dough piece at a time, roll dough out on floured surface to about 1/2-inch-thick rope. Cut rope crosswise into 3/4-inch pieces. Working with 1 piece at a time, roll gnocchi along back of fork tines dipped in flour, making ridges on 1 side. Transfer gnocchi to baking sheets. Repeat with remaining dough. Cover loosely with plastic wrap and chill at least 1 hour. Can be made 6 hours ahead. Keep chilled.
Working in 2 batches, cook gnocchi in large pot of boiling salted water until very tender, 15 to 17 minutes (gnocchi will float to surface but may come to surface before being fully cooked). Using slotted spoon, transfer gnocchi to same parchment-lined baking sheets. Cool. Can be made 8 hours ahead. Cover loosely and chill.
Cook butter in heavy large skillet over medium heat just until golden, stirring often, 3 to 4 minutes. Add sage; stir 1 minute. Add gnocchi; cook until heated through and coated with butter, 5 to 7 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Transfer to bowl. Sprinkle with 1/4 cup Parmesan. Serve with additional Parmesan.
Preheat oven to 400°F.
Cut squash lengthwise in half; discard seeds. Place squash halves, cut side up, on baking sheet and brush with oil. Roast until squash is very tender when pierced with skewer and browned in spots, about 1 1/2 hours. Cool slightly. Scoop flesh from squash into processor; puree until smooth.
Transfer to medium saucepan; stir constantly over medium heat until juices evaporate and puree thickens, about 5 minutes. Cool. Measure 1 cup (packed) squash puree (reserve remaining squash for another use).
Meanwhile, cook potato in medium saucepan of boiling salted water until very tender, about 20 minutes. Drain. While potato is warm, press through potato ricer into medium bowl; cool completely. Measure 2 cups (loosely packed) riced potato (reserve remaining potato for another use).
Mix squash, potato, 1/2 cup Parmesan, egg, nutmeg, and salt in large bowl. Gradually add 1 3/4 cups flour, kneading gently into mixture in bowl until dough holds together and is almost smooth. If dough is very sticky, add more flour by tablespoonfuls. Turn dough out onto floured surface; knead gently but briefly just until smooth. Divide dough into 8 equal pieces.
Line 2 large rimmed baking sheets with parchment. Sprinkle parchment lightly with flour. Working with 1 dough piece at a time, roll dough out on floured surface to about 1/2-inch-thick rope. Cut rope crosswise into 3/4-inch pieces. Working with 1 piece at a time, roll gnocchi along back of fork tines dipped in flour, making ridges on 1 side. Transfer gnocchi to baking sheets. Repeat with remaining dough. Cover loosely with plastic wrap and chill at least 1 hour. Can be made 6 hours ahead. Keep chilled.
Working in 2 batches, cook gnocchi in large pot of boiling salted water until very tender, 15 to 17 minutes (gnocchi will float to surface but may come to surface before being fully cooked). Using slotted spoon, transfer gnocchi to same parchment-lined baking sheets. Cool. Can be made 8 hours ahead. Cover loosely and chill.
Cook butter in heavy large skillet over medium heat just until golden, stirring often, 3 to 4 minutes. Add sage; stir 1 minute. Add gnocchi; cook until heated through and coated with butter, 5 to 7 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Transfer to bowl. Sprinkle with 1/4 cup Parmesan. Serve with additional Parmesan.
Recipe Courtesy Of: Cristina Mucciardi
CookandDate events aren’t set up to be cheesy, intimidating or plain awkward. Every event is attended by successful singles wanting to experience something new and exciting. Bars, restaurants, clubs can be fun but variety is the spice of life and our events were conceived to be fun, stress-free environment where laughs, cocktails, networking, and a little cooking take center stage.
In short, all you need to do is show up and enjoy the best of what this city is known to offer: great people, great food, great wine, and a true joie de vivre. This is the recipe that has made CookandDate a true success story for the past 8 years, week after week.
For more information visit
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*Additional Information was added by Franktalks.com**
Research sources:
http://www.hopi-nsn.gov/
http://www.everyculture.com/multi/Ha-La/Hopis.html#ixzz4irwsz5EQ
https://www.pri.org/stories/2010-11-25/wanderlust-nutmeg-sexy-spice
https://www.erowid.org/plants/nutmeg/nutmeg_article1.shtml
Research sources:
http://www.hopi-nsn.gov/
http://www.everyculture.com/multi/Ha-La/Hopis.html#ixzz4irwsz5EQ
https://www.pri.org/stories/2010-11-25/wanderlust-nutmeg-sexy-spice
https://www.erowid.org/plants/nutmeg/nutmeg_article1.shtml
