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Updated February 28, 2018
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Your Worst Wedding Regrets
The Worst Wedding Regrets
By Frank Kermit
Weddings can be overwhelming.
So much to do, so many details to take care of, and so many choices. It is very easy to end up making choices that seem like a good idea in the moment, but that end up being your worst wedding regrets.
I asked some wedding professionals to share some of the biggest regrets their clients experienced to help give you all some cues.
Allison Plachcinski, a wedding planner with A Belle Affair Weddings says that brides tell her that one of their biggest wedding regrets was putting too much emphasis on the look and feel of the bridesmaid dresses. As a result, the brides and the bridesmaids get into heated arguments to the point where some have fallen out of touch because of all the drama. This included one maid of honor who dropped out of the wedding party because she did not have any choice in the bridesmaid dress.
Angela Skinner of Mobile Bartending by Linen and Lace, says that one of the biggest wedding regrets she hears from brides were from the ones that purchased a wedding dress that did not fit as a means to have the motivation to lose weight before the big day. She also states that couples who choose a very small, intimate venue too early on in the planning tend to be in for a shock when they finally tally up the full number of guests being invited to the wedding.
Wedding Planner
Natalka Gach Lee a wedding planner, says that some end up with regrets when it comes to hiring a DJ. Lee says that couples should insist on a meeting with the DJ (especially if the venue is supplying the DJ) to make sure that the DJ has the music the couple requires, will come dressed appropriately for the occasion and who will respect all music requests
Wanda Malfara, photographer and head of SIAM Productions says the mistakes people make when it comes to wedding photography is when the bride and groom think they can have friends and relatives take the best photographs. "When it is all said and done, the dress has yellowed, flowers wilted and the only thing left are the memories - the photographs are forever and are so much more important than people realize in the excitement of an amazing wedding day" says Malfara.
James P. Correia, also a wedding photographer, states that it is becoming more common to have an "unplugged-wedding". This means that neither digital cameras nor phones are permitted. This "allow all guests to enjoy themselves more, take in the meaning of the day, and truly observe a magical moment." Correia believes that, "our generation too often buries our heads in our gadgets...and we are starting to miss out on a lot."
In addition to what these photographers said, when I was doing the research for this article, there are actually some couples that want to be the first to distribute photos from the wedding on social media after the event, and not have it done for them by the wedding guests, throughout the event.
Caryn Lim, Designer and Wedding Planner at A Timeless Celebration warn brides and bridesmaid against attempting to make their own invitations. "The costs come out to roughly the same, however the do-it-yourself method comes with a whole lot more headaches." Says Lim.
Florist Helen Mandrozos, creative director of Studio Floral Ermis offered some very insightful advice. "Bigger is not always better!" Brides have told her that they regretted ordering a big bouquet that was too heavy to carry throughout the day and how it overpowered their wedding dress, even though it was the bouquet the bride had set her heart on. Also, she has often received phone calls from frantic wedding participants the night before the wedding asking to hire her services to help with their flowers at the very last minute after failed do-it-yourself projects.
Remembering Dagmar Daghofer
Finally, no wedding preparation is complete without planning to honeymoon.
Travel agent (the late) Dagmar Daghofer of the Vision 2000 Travel Group who helps couples book honeymoons strongly suggests not waiting too long to book anything because the resort they want may have either gone up in price or is no longer available. Waiting until last minute might force the couple to end up in a family oriented hotel as opposed to something more romantic. Simply put, you cannot take back a low class honeymoon.
Good or bad, your wedding will be one of the most memorable days of your life, and thus it is important to be mindful to take whatever precautions are necessary to ensure the memory of your wedding is a pleasant one.
Frank Kermit
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Ways to make your wedding unique are highlighted in this contributed post.
wedding shoes https://tinyurl.com/n5ggsat
One of the things that makes a wedding day the perfect wedding is how unique it is, how personalized and heartfelt. This is your wedding day, it is the day your wife has been planning since she was six and a half years old and first learned what the word wedding meant. It is that day you will have everlasting memories of, no matter how much champagne. It is a day that will define you and your love, it is a day that will be forever spoken of and etched into the memories of your nearest and dearest.
Luckily, there are hundred of little ways in which you can get creative and make your wedding that much more special and personal, and you can do so without breaking the bank too (whatever breaking the bank actually means?).
Here’s how:
Luckily, there are hundred of little ways in which you can get creative and make your wedding that much more special and personal, and you can do so without breaking the bank too (whatever breaking the bank actually means?).
Here’s how:
wedding inviations https://tinyurl.com/kxkoce5
The Save The Date Invite That Oozes You
The first thing that is going to get excitement buzzing around the air like a swarm of honey bees is your engagement, the day when she said, “yes”. But the thing that ups the ante is your 'save the date' invite because this is when the anticipation gets to manifest into a countdown. What makes it extra important, though, is that your invite is what tells your guests what sort of wedding it is you are having. The look, the style, the vibe; it all comes from this invite, so put your stamp on it. Make it something that is true to you. Have an invite that, when it is opened, a knot gets tied tighter. Put old school 3D goggles inside to help the decode the message. Send them a balloon they have to blow up in order to find out the details. The choice is yours.
The first thing that is going to get excitement buzzing around the air like a swarm of honey bees is your engagement, the day when she said, “yes”. But the thing that ups the ante is your 'save the date' invite because this is when the anticipation gets to manifest into a countdown. What makes it extra important, though, is that your invite is what tells your guests what sort of wedding it is you are having. The look, the style, the vibe; it all comes from this invite, so put your stamp on it. Make it something that is true to you. Have an invite that, when it is opened, a knot gets tied tighter. Put old school 3D goggles inside to help the decode the message. Send them a balloon they have to blow up in order to find out the details. The choice is yours.
wedding ring https://tinyurl.com/kg3xrch
The One Ring To Bind Them All
There can be nothing more personal than exchanging rings that you designed, or rings that are bespoke to you. It doesn’t have to be a crazy design or anything like that. It could just be that you get your Tacori engagement rings engraved with something special, like the chat-up line you used to land your first date. The date of your first date. That romantic film line your soul mate absolutely adores. The name of your first song. There are so many endless ways to make your rings personalized without leaking money, and what makes this extra special is the fact that your rings stay with you forever.
There can be nothing more personal than exchanging rings that you designed, or rings that are bespoke to you. It doesn’t have to be a crazy design or anything like that. It could just be that you get your Tacori engagement rings engraved with something special, like the chat-up line you used to land your first date. The date of your first date. That romantic film line your soul mate absolutely adores. The name of your first song. There are so many endless ways to make your rings personalized without leaking money, and what makes this extra special is the fact that your rings stay with you forever.
wedding planner https://tinyurl.com/kuh593b
Crazy, Quirky Transport
The thing that often gets overlooked is the transport. People often go for practical over personal and so they just speak to a minibus company about handling that side of the ceremony. Some people go a bit out there by hiring a London double decker bus or a limo or something, but that has all been done. What we are thinking is way more personal than that. We’re thinking about hiring a bunch of scooters or bicycles and everyone riding to the next destination together. Maybe you could convince a local store to lend you a bunch of hoverboards or Segways. Maybe there is a hire company that has four or five classic VW campervans that people can squeeze - and we mean - squeeze into. It is these teeny-tiny personal things that are going to last forever in people’s minds and will make you smile when you look back through your photo album.
The thing that often gets overlooked is the transport. People often go for practical over personal and so they just speak to a minibus company about handling that side of the ceremony. Some people go a bit out there by hiring a London double decker bus or a limo or something, but that has all been done. What we are thinking is way more personal than that. We’re thinking about hiring a bunch of scooters or bicycles and everyone riding to the next destination together. Maybe you could convince a local store to lend you a bunch of hoverboards or Segways. Maybe there is a hire company that has four or five classic VW campervans that people can squeeze - and we mean - squeeze into. It is these teeny-tiny personal things that are going to last forever in people’s minds and will make you smile when you look back through your photo album.
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The Wedding Toast Speech
By Frank Kermit
Remember this day, your wedding day.
Not for the parties,
not for the extravagance,
nor the dinner and dancing,
but remember this day, your wedding day
because of the reasons you chose to marry your spouse.
Remember who is it that you picked to marry on this day,
and why you picked this person
over all other choices available.
Remember the reasons why you chose to get married
and how it fits in with your plans,
life goals
and why you decided
that the person that you wanted
as your spouse
was a reflection of everything you felt
is important to you enough
that you wanted to make him or her
part of your family.
Remember this day, your wedding day
That the ritual of the wedding
is more than just a celebration
of your new union.
It is to mark the change in your lives
as individual "I"'s
to a unified sign of a "we".
As a "we",
you call on all those people closest to you both
to witness and be a part of your togetherness,
in the hopes
that not only will they be celebrating your endeavor;
they will also be employed
in the ongoing support
of your new and future family.
Remember this day, their Wedding Day
To you: the wedding guests,
please know and remember
that your role in being present,
is more than the gifts you offer,
your toasting their happiness,
and your boost to start the new couple
in their new life together.
Your role as participants
in a wedding audience
is that you have also accepted a role
in the ongoing support
of the new couple
to help keep this new family together
through the hardships and triumphs
that life can
and will force upon us.
For better or for worse,
isn't just a saying.
It is a reminder.
Life gets very real
when you have someone else
to care for and think about.
If and when you are blessed with children,
the realness
of every decision you both make
is even more intense;
Remember this day, your wedding day,
as you both pledge
to do your best
to suffer them together,
and support each other,
even when either of you
happen be at your worst.
Remember this day, your wedding day
Because you BOTH
Will Make Mistakes
There will be times
you both will make mistakes,
when you both will etch
an emotional scar,
when you will have to deal
with financial worries,
mental health concerns,
new limits on your physical abilities,
accidents,
the challenges of well meaning people who love you,
who interfere more than help you,
having to move and change with the times,
and in the death
and passing of people close to you.
Remember This Day, Your Wedding Day,
As you both pass
into the next stage of your lifespan,
up to and even past the point
of being present for
the possible weddings of your own children
and grand children.
Remember this day, your wedding day,
Remember every reason you had
to make the commitment
to start this journey together,
knowing that life together
would NOT be easy
but that you still wanted
to go through with it.
Remember this day, your wedding day
because it was the event
you chose to create.
Remember the love
that brought you together,
the willingness to stand together,
and the drive behind
making your intent
to build a future together a public decree.
When either of you
are overwhelmed by life,
and it is likely to happen
more often than not
over the course of your lives together,
remember this day, your wedding day
to remind you
why you chose to make it happen.
Remember this day, your wedding day,
to help you build
and create a better future for the two of you,
through each and every new day
you decide to stay together
and honor the promise
as best you can
everyday.
So, Remember this day, your wedding day,
when some days are better,
when some days are worse,
and take it one day at a time.
-Frank Kermit
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Learn how to pick a wedding theme in this contributed post.
There are blue skies above, which means that wedding season is about to hit the ground running. If you’re planning a wedding in the coming months, you may be thinking about whether to have a themed celebration or not. Wedding themes appeal to some couples, but you don’t have to have a theme for your big day. If you do like the idea, here are some tips to help you choose the perfect theme for your wedding.
Seasonal themes
The seasons play an important role when it comes to choosing a theme, and many couples take inspiration from the weather, the surroundings, and the time of year. If you’re getting married in the holidays, for example, winter wonderland and Christmas themes are always a big hit. If it’s summer, and you’re having a beach wedding, something more tropical and exotic may appeal. If it’s fall, you may choose to use the colors of the leaves for your table decorations, or you may go for golds, rich reds or burgundy shades for your bridesmaid dresses, for example.
Seasonal themes
The seasons play an important role when it comes to choosing a theme, and many couples take inspiration from the weather, the surroundings, and the time of year. If you’re getting married in the holidays, for example, winter wonderland and Christmas themes are always a big hit. If it’s summer, and you’re having a beach wedding, something more tropical and exotic may appeal. If it’s fall, you may choose to use the colors of the leaves for your table decorations, or you may go for golds, rich reds or burgundy shades for your bridesmaid dresses, for example.
wedding planner https://tinyurl.com/lwpxdxk
Heritage and culture
Many people like to celebrate their heritage when it comes to planning a wedding. This could be reflected in the addition of dragons to the table centerpieces or choosing the color red for an invitation for a Chinese wedding or in the outfits you choose to wear for a Scottish celebration. If you’re marrying somebody from a different culture, using your heritage is a theme is a great way to bring everyone together and create a day that involves both sides of the family.
On-trend themes
If you’re getting married soon, you’re probably aware of what’s hot and what’s not in the world of wedding themes. Like fashion catwalks, trends change every year, and there is always a collection of ideas, which seems to reflect what everyone wants. A couple of years ago, vintage fayres and shabby chic were all the rage, and this year, al fresco gatherings are stealing the show. Informal ceremonies are becoming increasingly popular, and more and more people are shunning the traditional wedding breakfast in favor of more sociable and less formal options like barbecues, buffets, and grazing platters.
Many people like to celebrate their heritage when it comes to planning a wedding. This could be reflected in the addition of dragons to the table centerpieces or choosing the color red for an invitation for a Chinese wedding or in the outfits you choose to wear for a Scottish celebration. If you’re marrying somebody from a different culture, using your heritage is a theme is a great way to bring everyone together and create a day that involves both sides of the family.
On-trend themes
If you’re getting married soon, you’re probably aware of what’s hot and what’s not in the world of wedding themes. Like fashion catwalks, trends change every year, and there is always a collection of ideas, which seems to reflect what everyone wants. A couple of years ago, vintage fayres and shabby chic were all the rage, and this year, al fresco gatherings are stealing the show. Informal ceremonies are becoming increasingly popular, and more and more people are shunning the traditional wedding breakfast in favor of more sociable and less formal options like barbecues, buffets, and grazing platters.
romantic wedding vows https://tinyurl.com/mstbbwa
Passions
It’s common for couples to use their passions and interests as a source of inspiration when it comes to planning a wedding. Perhaps you’ve traveled the world together, and your table names are named after your favorite places. Maybe you love jazz, and you’ve gone for a retro Hollywood theme with live music. Or maybe you’re massive fans of Star Wars, Harry Potter or Game of Thrones and you’ve asked everyone to dress up for your big day. If you do have a shared passion, this is an excellent way of personalizing your ceremony and making it memorable.
If you’re in the middle of planning a wedding and you’re considering potential themes, think about what interests you, and what kind of event you want to create. Celebrate what makes you special, be creative, and plan a day that’s unique and personal.
It’s common for couples to use their passions and interests as a source of inspiration when it comes to planning a wedding. Perhaps you’ve traveled the world together, and your table names are named after your favorite places. Maybe you love jazz, and you’ve gone for a retro Hollywood theme with live music. Or maybe you’re massive fans of Star Wars, Harry Potter or Game of Thrones and you’ve asked everyone to dress up for your big day. If you do have a shared passion, this is an excellent way of personalizing your ceremony and making it memorable.
If you’re in the middle of planning a wedding and you’re considering potential themes, think about what interests you, and what kind of event you want to create. Celebrate what makes you special, be creative, and plan a day that’s unique and personal.
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Q&A: Secret Past! Tell Him About Sex Tapes?
Secret Past! Does He Need To Know About Her Sex Tapes?
Q&A: Question and Answers
Dear Frank,
For almost 4 years I was involved with a man and we participated in BDSM. He was my master, and I his submissive. We had a very documented love life (he loved to record everything) especially when we played with others; more like when he let a number of others play with me. Anyways, that was a long time ago. I now live with my fiancé and he knows nothing about my past. He knows that I had one major relationship but does not know anything about the group sex, the BDSM or the videos. I ended up with most of those videos and photos I think, but not all (my Master still has a few). Also, I was blindfolded most of the time during group play, and although my master assures me that no one was was recording anything, there were times when it happened. I live with the secret fear that my fiancé might find my box of tapes and pictures and stuff. He is way conservative and would not understand. Can you suggest any place that I might store this so that he will come across it at home?
-Submissive Sindy
Dear Sindy
I knew a woman once that was in a similar situation. She was a swinger with her ex, and had exactly the same situation with videos and pictures, afraid that her husband would find them. She ended up giving her collection to a male friend of hers to hold on to so that she could get it back anytime she wanted, but it was not where her husband could get to it. Ironically, life being what it is, her and and the male friend have lost touch, and now she doesn't even have access to her videos and photos.
Q&A: Question and Answers
Dear Frank,
For almost 4 years I was involved with a man and we participated in BDSM. He was my master, and I his submissive. We had a very documented love life (he loved to record everything) especially when we played with others; more like when he let a number of others play with me. Anyways, that was a long time ago. I now live with my fiancé and he knows nothing about my past. He knows that I had one major relationship but does not know anything about the group sex, the BDSM or the videos. I ended up with most of those videos and photos I think, but not all (my Master still has a few). Also, I was blindfolded most of the time during group play, and although my master assures me that no one was was recording anything, there were times when it happened. I live with the secret fear that my fiancé might find my box of tapes and pictures and stuff. He is way conservative and would not understand. Can you suggest any place that I might store this so that he will come across it at home?
-Submissive Sindy
Dear Sindy
I knew a woman once that was in a similar situation. She was a swinger with her ex, and had exactly the same situation with videos and pictures, afraid that her husband would find them. She ended up giving her collection to a male friend of hers to hold on to so that she could get it back anytime she wanted, but it was not where her husband could get to it. Ironically, life being what it is, her and and the male friend have lost touch, and now she doesn't even have access to her videos and photos.
As I teach it during my pre-marriage coaching sessions as well as in my coaching workbook for women I'M A WOMAN, IT'S MY TIME EBOOK I would suggest that the BEST thing you can do is to tell your fiancé about your past BEFORE you get married.
Just as you would want to make an informed decision about who you are marrying, you owe your husband-to-be the same opportunity to make an informed decision.
You have a very simple, but difficult, choice to make.
If you are certain he would not marry you if he knew your past, end the engagement immediately. If he wouldn't marry you if he knew your past, do not marry him. A Broken Engagement is Better Than A Happy Divorce!
If there is a chance he might be able to handle and accept your past, tell him and give him the opportunity to accept you fully, and even though it may be a shock for him, it is better to do it this way.
At least if he knows about it, and it comes up from someone else in the future, he will not be caught off guard and made a bigger fool for you not telling him.
At some point, the chances are that it will come up.
No such thing as a happy divorce
If you have any friends that knew what you were into, it will come up (just like what started to happen to the lady I mentioned earlier that was previously involved with the swinger culture. She had friends from those circles that stayed in touch or would re-connect with past lovers, or just had platonic friends that knew the details of her past. She had to start cutting ties with everyone because some of her contacts were getting careless about what they mentioned around her and her new family.
Also as you mentioned in your question, you were blindfolded most of the time, and thus there are chances that there are videos and photos of you out there in the hands of people you do not even know. In fact, they might already be on the Internet as you have no control over what your ex (or others from the group activities) will do.
Bottom line is that, you cannot build a life with your new fiancé with this threat constantly hanging over you.
In the meanwhile, there are storage companies available (with the note that unless they are packaged and sealed, even the people storing them could view them. Make sure the photos and videos are labeled inconspicuously. There is always the option of destroying the material (burning would be best as you can not guarantee where just tossing them in the trash will land them).
I would not suggest giving them to any of your friends. Friendships come and go, and you might lose touch with them and not be able to retrieve your momenteos (just like the lady from swinger culture I mentioned earlier).
In this case, honesty really is your best policy if you want to build a solid foundation for a marriage. If this marriage could not handle honesty, it is not the marriage for you. Also, if you desire to ever explore this fetish and lifestyle again in the future, putting yourself in a marriage that could not allow it, would be a mistake.
-Frank Kermit
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Relationships: Acceptance at Worst, Loving at Best
A Relationship is:
Acceptance at the Worst, Loving at the Best
By Frank Kermit
At a workshop I hosted I issued one of my famous Frankisms that seemed to really resonate with the attendees. I was trying to convey the importance of sticking to your own rules and boundaries when you are in a relationship, to the point where, you may very well have to walk away from someone you care for deeply (maybe even love) if you are unable to accept the worst parts of your partner.
Frankism: "If you are unable to accept your partner at his or her worst, then it does not matter how much you love your partner at his or her best."
Sometimes we end up dating people, and fall into committed relationships without meaning too. We start dating casually, not really sure if there is any real future, but being with somebody is better than being with nobody. Then you show up at a party together, and someone puts you both on the spot asking if you are a couple yet or not...and not wanting to sound pathetic or inappropriate, you both confirm that you are in fact a couple (regardless that neither of you spoke about it beforehand)...and there you have it!
You are now in a relationship that really hasn't got there on its own merit. But again, being with somebody is better than being with nobody. Maybe if you get more serious, you will end up liking each other more and your partner will change all the things he or she does that you hate. Sounds plausible, right? Wish it were as plausible as it sounds my dear reader.
It is easy to base the success of your relationship on all the things you love about your partner. That is where most people start to fantasize (er, um, we mean plan right? Right? Planning, not fantasizing right?) about the kind of future you can build with your partner.
The reality is that loving what is best about your partner is not where the success of your long-term relationship solely grows from. The success of your long-term relationship is just as rooted (if not more so) in being able to accept your partner at his or her worst.
So, what is the worst thing about your partner? Does your partner forget to bathe regularly? Does your partner refuse to take better care of his or her health? Does your partner get annoying on purpose because of the "fun" way the veins pop out in your neck? Is your partner unable to keep a job? Is your partner a nail biter? Does your partner get snarky to the point of being abusive when feeling under the weather? Does your partner act like a people pleaser and then blow up at you unexpectedly in public? Is your partner simply unable to be sexually faithful to you? Does your partner drink excessively, or is a drug addict of some kind?
Forget about what is great about your partner; Find out what is the worst of the worst in terms of what you will have to deal with if you continue seeing your partner. If you have any doubt about what you can handle, stay out of a serious relationship with that person.
A broken engagement is better than a happy divorce.
A part of the workshop also covered the topic of how:
"Understanding does not Equal Acceptance".
Just because you can understand that your partner may treat you poorly because your partner had a rough upbringing does not mean that it makes the abusive behaviors any more acceptable. You can intellectually understand the source of your partner's pain and the roots of the bad repeating behavior patterns, however, that does not demand that you fully accept it, and invite that aspect into your life through your life partner.
When the worst, is worse than the best-of-the-best you are getting, then the end result of the relationship is that it is still worse to stay with your partner than it would be to find someone better
If you want to learn more about how to understand and master your dating and relationship skills: Learn more about self awareness and self actualization by checking out the coaching workbooks
For Men: I'M A MAN THAT'S MY JOB WORKBOOK EBOOK
For Women:
I'M A WOMAN, IT'S MY TIME EBOOK
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Check out the Benefits of COACHING Video
Acceptance at the Worst, Loving at the Best
By Frank Kermit
At a workshop I hosted I issued one of my famous Frankisms that seemed to really resonate with the attendees. I was trying to convey the importance of sticking to your own rules and boundaries when you are in a relationship, to the point where, you may very well have to walk away from someone you care for deeply (maybe even love) if you are unable to accept the worst parts of your partner.
Frankism: "If you are unable to accept your partner at his or her worst, then it does not matter how much you love your partner at his or her best."
Sometimes we end up dating people, and fall into committed relationships without meaning too. We start dating casually, not really sure if there is any real future, but being with somebody is better than being with nobody. Then you show up at a party together, and someone puts you both on the spot asking if you are a couple yet or not...and not wanting to sound pathetic or inappropriate, you both confirm that you are in fact a couple (regardless that neither of you spoke about it beforehand)...and there you have it!
You are now in a relationship that really hasn't got there on its own merit. But again, being with somebody is better than being with nobody. Maybe if you get more serious, you will end up liking each other more and your partner will change all the things he or she does that you hate. Sounds plausible, right? Wish it were as plausible as it sounds my dear reader.
It is easy to base the success of your relationship on all the things you love about your partner. That is where most people start to fantasize (er, um, we mean plan right? Right? Planning, not fantasizing right?) about the kind of future you can build with your partner.
The reality is that loving what is best about your partner is not where the success of your long-term relationship solely grows from. The success of your long-term relationship is just as rooted (if not more so) in being able to accept your partner at his or her worst.
So, what is the worst thing about your partner? Does your partner forget to bathe regularly? Does your partner refuse to take better care of his or her health? Does your partner get annoying on purpose because of the "fun" way the veins pop out in your neck? Is your partner unable to keep a job? Is your partner a nail biter? Does your partner get snarky to the point of being abusive when feeling under the weather? Does your partner act like a people pleaser and then blow up at you unexpectedly in public? Is your partner simply unable to be sexually faithful to you? Does your partner drink excessively, or is a drug addict of some kind?
Forget about what is great about your partner; Find out what is the worst of the worst in terms of what you will have to deal with if you continue seeing your partner. If you have any doubt about what you can handle, stay out of a serious relationship with that person.
A broken engagement is better than a happy divorce.
A part of the workshop also covered the topic of how:
"Understanding does not Equal Acceptance".
Just because you can understand that your partner may treat you poorly because your partner had a rough upbringing does not mean that it makes the abusive behaviors any more acceptable. You can intellectually understand the source of your partner's pain and the roots of the bad repeating behavior patterns, however, that does not demand that you fully accept it, and invite that aspect into your life through your life partner.
When the worst, is worse than the best-of-the-best you are getting, then the end result of the relationship is that it is still worse to stay with your partner than it would be to find someone better
If you want to learn more about how to understand and master your dating and relationship skills: Learn more about self awareness and self actualization by checking out the coaching workbooks
For Men: I'M A MAN THAT'S MY JOB WORKBOOK EBOOK
For Women:
I'M A WOMAN, IT'S MY TIME EBOOK
Learn the Complete The Emotional Needs Mastery System
Check out the Benefits of COACHING Video
Couple Coach
- Published on
understanding relationships quotes
The 7 Weird Words That Help Define Relationships
By Frank Kermit
There are 7 certain words that catch many people off guard when it comes to relationships.
They are: Lust, Love, Sex, Dating, Commitment, Marriage, and Monogamy. At their most literal meanings, these commonly used words are very understandable. Intellectually, most people have no problem grasping their mental understanding of those words.
Lust can be defined as the sexual desire that someone may experience when attracted to someone. To enjoy lust even better check out Now What? Unique Ways to Cater To her Sexual ENA
Love can be defined as an emotional attachment someone feels for another person. To make someone full in love with you learn to master their emotional needs.
Sex is a physical act between people and usually refers to the act of intercourse. If you never had sex, talk to me about how to lose your virginity.
Dating can be understood to refer to the process of two people spending time together with a romantic intention. Check out the NEW rules of dating.
Commitment is an obligation that you make a promise to fulfill. There are ways to check if your relationship is commitment ready.
Marriage can be considered a legal status you enter to define your legal standing with another individual. Before you get married, sign up for marital coaching.
Monogamy is a term to describe a dynamic where you have sex with only one particular person and refuse to have sex with others. Learn the basics of monogamy and non-monogamy.
The issue with these particular words is that people may directly associate a word on the above list to be the equivalent of one, or more, of the others words.
Even though we can define each word differently, we may make emotional connections with these particular words that cause us to substitute one word on the list for the other words.
For example, a person may feel that marriage is the exact same thing as monogamy. A person may feel that having sex with someone means having someone's love. A person may even feel that simply dating someone for a few casual coffee dates automatically implies a deep commitment. A person may assume that the more lusty attraction they feel for someone, the more they are in love with that person.
This is what makes these certain 7 words intriguingly weird. These words, which intellectually can be understood to be clear and separate, get muddled through multiple shades of gray on deeper emotional levels.
It is the realistic person that does not assume commitment when dating, until that commitment is earned and publicly stated. It is the emotionally mature lover that grasps that having sex or lust for someone is not necessarily an expression of any loving attachment beyond the attraction nor physical act. It is the millions of happily married couples in the swinger lifestyle who will attest that being married does not equate monogamy.
The understanding that each of these words is unique and separate from the other words is a key ingredient to the beginning stages of getting your love life in order. It is a part of the self-actualization process and achieving clarity in relationships that a person must come to terms that each word does not mean exactly the same thing as any of those other words.
One of the best ways to fully grasp this first step concept is to ask yourself if you can experience any one of those terms, without experiencing any other of those terms. For example, is it possible to be in a marriage that is devoid of lust, love, sex, having dated, commitment, or monogamy? The answer of course is yes.
There are loveless marriages, sexless marriages, arranged marriages that never involved dating, marriages of convenience where the couple are married but simply are not commitment to each other beyond some kind of materialist exchange, and there are married couples that are non-monogamous where the couple, individually or together as a couple, engage in open consensual sex with other people.
This is not about infidelity nor cheating, as there is neither deception nor lying, as both partners of the couple are involved and consenting in the extra-marital sex. Marriage can exist completely independently of all those other terms.
This is an example of the clarity that is required to properly handle your relationship mismanagement behaviors. If you want to fully figure out where you might be making incorrect word associations when it comes to your relationship expectations, go through each word and write out if the one word could exist without any of the other words in association. This exercise can be a revelation to some people, and reality shattering for others.
You must never assume that other people will interpret those 7 words the same way you do; that is what makes them weird. These words are some of the most commonly misunderstood words when wrangling with relationships, and at the same time these are the same words that are significantly used in correlations to define what is a relationship.
If you want to learn more about how to understand and master your dating and relationship skills: Learn more about self awareness and self actualization by checking out the coaching workbooks
For Men: I'M A MAN THAT'S MY JOB WORKBOOK EBOOK
For Women:
I'M A WOMAN, IT'S MY TIME EBOOK
Learn the Complete The Emotional Needs Mastery System
Check out the Benefits of COACHING Video
By Frank Kermit
There are 7 certain words that catch many people off guard when it comes to relationships.
They are: Lust, Love, Sex, Dating, Commitment, Marriage, and Monogamy. At their most literal meanings, these commonly used words are very understandable. Intellectually, most people have no problem grasping their mental understanding of those words.
Lust can be defined as the sexual desire that someone may experience when attracted to someone. To enjoy lust even better check out Now What? Unique Ways to Cater To her Sexual ENA
Love can be defined as an emotional attachment someone feels for another person. To make someone full in love with you learn to master their emotional needs.
Sex is a physical act between people and usually refers to the act of intercourse. If you never had sex, talk to me about how to lose your virginity.
Dating can be understood to refer to the process of two people spending time together with a romantic intention. Check out the NEW rules of dating.
Commitment is an obligation that you make a promise to fulfill. There are ways to check if your relationship is commitment ready.
Marriage can be considered a legal status you enter to define your legal standing with another individual. Before you get married, sign up for marital coaching.
Monogamy is a term to describe a dynamic where you have sex with only one particular person and refuse to have sex with others. Learn the basics of monogamy and non-monogamy.
The issue with these particular words is that people may directly associate a word on the above list to be the equivalent of one, or more, of the others words.
Even though we can define each word differently, we may make emotional connections with these particular words that cause us to substitute one word on the list for the other words.
For example, a person may feel that marriage is the exact same thing as monogamy. A person may feel that having sex with someone means having someone's love. A person may even feel that simply dating someone for a few casual coffee dates automatically implies a deep commitment. A person may assume that the more lusty attraction they feel for someone, the more they are in love with that person.
This is what makes these certain 7 words intriguingly weird. These words, which intellectually can be understood to be clear and separate, get muddled through multiple shades of gray on deeper emotional levels.
It is the realistic person that does not assume commitment when dating, until that commitment is earned and publicly stated. It is the emotionally mature lover that grasps that having sex or lust for someone is not necessarily an expression of any loving attachment beyond the attraction nor physical act. It is the millions of happily married couples in the swinger lifestyle who will attest that being married does not equate monogamy.
The understanding that each of these words is unique and separate from the other words is a key ingredient to the beginning stages of getting your love life in order. It is a part of the self-actualization process and achieving clarity in relationships that a person must come to terms that each word does not mean exactly the same thing as any of those other words.
One of the best ways to fully grasp this first step concept is to ask yourself if you can experience any one of those terms, without experiencing any other of those terms. For example, is it possible to be in a marriage that is devoid of lust, love, sex, having dated, commitment, or monogamy? The answer of course is yes.
There are loveless marriages, sexless marriages, arranged marriages that never involved dating, marriages of convenience where the couple are married but simply are not commitment to each other beyond some kind of materialist exchange, and there are married couples that are non-monogamous where the couple, individually or together as a couple, engage in open consensual sex with other people.
This is not about infidelity nor cheating, as there is neither deception nor lying, as both partners of the couple are involved and consenting in the extra-marital sex. Marriage can exist completely independently of all those other terms.
This is an example of the clarity that is required to properly handle your relationship mismanagement behaviors. If you want to fully figure out where you might be making incorrect word associations when it comes to your relationship expectations, go through each word and write out if the one word could exist without any of the other words in association. This exercise can be a revelation to some people, and reality shattering for others.
You must never assume that other people will interpret those 7 words the same way you do; that is what makes them weird. These words are some of the most commonly misunderstood words when wrangling with relationships, and at the same time these are the same words that are significantly used in correlations to define what is a relationship.
If you want to learn more about how to understand and master your dating and relationship skills: Learn more about self awareness and self actualization by checking out the coaching workbooks
For Men: I'M A MAN THAT'S MY JOB WORKBOOK EBOOK
For Women:
I'M A WOMAN, IT'S MY TIME EBOOK
Learn the Complete The Emotional Needs Mastery System
Check out the Benefits of COACHING Video
how to cope with being single
- Published on
The Best Way To Guarantee A Divorce Is...
How to Guarantee A Divorce
By Frank Kermit
When wedding season is upon us, I get couples coming in for some pre-marital coaching. This process, usually in private couples coaching, but sometimes as a group class is to get couples to ask one another very important questions, the answers to which may even end their engagement.
The goal is to build a rock solid foundation for the marriage so that when tough times trouble the couple, the couple has the best possible odds to stay strong and steady until the storm passes.
One of the components that I teach in my coaching workbooks for men and women, "I'm A Man, That's My Job" and "I'm a Woman, It's My Time" in this process is the rule of putting a life partner ahead of your own extended family and friends.
In dealing with couples on the verge of a break up or divorce, as well as, separated and divorced individuals who are starting over, a remarkably clear pattern became identifiable.
One of the key components that the individual asking for the break listed as a primary reason for ending the relationship was a feeling that a partner put the wants and needs of extended family members and friends ahead of the needs of a spouse and even their children.
It is important for new couples getting married to understand that the number one person in your life is your spouse:
If you end up in the middle of a conflict between having to choose what it best for your spouse or what is best for anyone else, you better choose your spouse if you want your marriage to survive as you must be able to trust in your spouse that your spouse would choose for you.
In the most basic of terms, it is you and your spouse against the world. You come together in marriage to form a partnership to build a common future, a family unit, and to have each other's best interest in mind because it is expected that the two of you have already discussed and agreed upon achieving similar life goals.
These conversations should have covered family planning, careers, retirement, lifestyle and coping with any known and potential obstacles to those plans as well as agreed upon sacrifices necessary to make all of those goals happen.
If you haven't given any thought to these core goal oriented communications, you will be thinking about them while you are in the process of splitting up.
Ironically, the very questions you are asking yourself about your partner during a divorce are the same one you both needed to talk about during your engagement.
There is only one exception to this rule...if you already have young kids when you are getting married.
At that point, your kids who rely on you and have no one else to depend on take priority over your new spouse.
Your spouse is an adult that got to choose to be with you and must accept your priority to be a parent to your children.
However your children did not have the choice of having you as a parent and you may be the only person your children have to give a damn about giving them a decent start to life.
In the future I will write an article for child-free adults who date single parents and how to navigate realistic expectations of step-parenthood.
Check Out The Benefits of Frank Coaching and Sign Up (Especially if you just got Engaged!)
By Frank Kermit
When wedding season is upon us, I get couples coming in for some pre-marital coaching. This process, usually in private couples coaching, but sometimes as a group class is to get couples to ask one another very important questions, the answers to which may even end their engagement.
The goal is to build a rock solid foundation for the marriage so that when tough times trouble the couple, the couple has the best possible odds to stay strong and steady until the storm passes.
One of the components that I teach in my coaching workbooks for men and women, "I'm A Man, That's My Job" and "I'm a Woman, It's My Time" in this process is the rule of putting a life partner ahead of your own extended family and friends.
In dealing with couples on the verge of a break up or divorce, as well as, separated and divorced individuals who are starting over, a remarkably clear pattern became identifiable.
One of the key components that the individual asking for the break listed as a primary reason for ending the relationship was a feeling that a partner put the wants and needs of extended family members and friends ahead of the needs of a spouse and even their children.
It is important for new couples getting married to understand that the number one person in your life is your spouse:
- It is not your parents,
- it is not your siblings,
- and it is not your nieces, or nephews,
- not your uncles, or aunts,
- not your cousins,
- not your grandparents
- and NOT your friends.
If you end up in the middle of a conflict between having to choose what it best for your spouse or what is best for anyone else, you better choose your spouse if you want your marriage to survive as you must be able to trust in your spouse that your spouse would choose for you.
In the most basic of terms, it is you and your spouse against the world. You come together in marriage to form a partnership to build a common future, a family unit, and to have each other's best interest in mind because it is expected that the two of you have already discussed and agreed upon achieving similar life goals.
These conversations should have covered family planning, careers, retirement, lifestyle and coping with any known and potential obstacles to those plans as well as agreed upon sacrifices necessary to make all of those goals happen.
If you haven't given any thought to these core goal oriented communications, you will be thinking about them while you are in the process of splitting up.
Ironically, the very questions you are asking yourself about your partner during a divorce are the same one you both needed to talk about during your engagement.
There is only one exception to this rule...if you already have young kids when you are getting married.
At that point, your kids who rely on you and have no one else to depend on take priority over your new spouse.
Your spouse is an adult that got to choose to be with you and must accept your priority to be a parent to your children.
However your children did not have the choice of having you as a parent and you may be the only person your children have to give a damn about giving them a decent start to life.
In the future I will write an article for child-free adults who date single parents and how to navigate realistic expectations of step-parenthood.
Check Out The Benefits of Frank Coaching and Sign Up (Especially if you just got Engaged!)
P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree?
Have something to Add?
Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you.
Sign up for Pre Marriage Coaching Now (it is WAY CHEAPER than a divorce attorney)
- Published on
The Effects of Valentine's Day
The 5 Extreme Effects of Valentine’s Day
By Frank Kermit
Sometimes people will use Valentine’s Day as a catalyst for something significant. Some of those significant undertakings can be life changing, while others just re-confirm what human beings tend to forget or take for granted. Here are some examples of the extreme effects that Valentine’s Day can have on people, and the actions they are motivated to take.
The Confessional: Valentine’s Day is notorious for people confessing their undying love to someone that has thus far been just a friend. At times it is a long drawn out secret-admirer type of communication with the admirer being revealed on Valentine’s Day. The problem with this method is that the anticipation of discovering whom it is overshadows the reality of who the admirer actually is. The build up is so high, that even a great date candidate might still not live up to fantasy built up in someone’s mind, and makes the climax of the secret revealed be a let down. Other times, it is a person who has been planning and rehearing a “You Mean The World To Me” speech. The intention is good but I strongly discourage such execution. This only works if the other person already likes you. There are a few people who would welcome this level of attention and reward it with a date to see where things go. However, most people do not react well from the extra pressure, and it can be a bit intimidating to get to know someone romantically that already has very strong feelings. More often than not (at least what I have seen in my coaching practice over the years), rejection is usually the response. Ask the person out for a date on Valentine’s Day if you wish, but confessing an undying love to someone that may not feel it is deserved or merited is more likely to scare the person off.
The Break Up: Valentine’s Day is a day of reflection, and sometimes that means that people who reflect on the relationship they are in, or reflect on the person they are dating, and come to the conclusion that they should no longer be together. As great as Valentine’s Day can be touted as celebrating love between two people, it is just as equally destructive in ending dating and relationships. Getting dumped on Valentine’s Day is a real occurrence, precisely because it calls attention to elements between the two people, that people might sometimes ignore, or tolerate. When a person discovers they really wouldn’t mind not spending Valentine’s Day together, that realization can turn into the rational that they wouldn’t mind not spending ANY future time together.
The Reminder: Sometimes Valentine’s Day does exactly what most people hope it will do. It is a reminder for each couple to focus on the reasons that they are happy that they are together. Instead of focusing on the day-to-day routine things that may annoy you about your partner, Valentine’s Day is a reminder for couples to take time out, recognize what it was about your partner that drew you in to begin with, and to show some attention, appreciation and love to your partner, in ways that makes your partner feel loved, special and respected. When appropriately done, Valentine’s Day can be exactly what saves a couple from a break up, and can be a reboot for the couple to get back to where they were on their path together, before the rest of life distracted them from what was really important in a relationship. In a time when the divorce rate is about 40-50%, I would suggest that anything, like Valentine’s Day that can get a couple back on track is an nice extreme effect.
The Proposal: Ding-dong! Ding-dong! Wedding bells are ringing! There is nothing wrong with proposing on Valentine’s Day. In fact, in 2013, the American Express Spending and Saving Tracker consumer report surveyed Americans’ Valentine’s Day plans, and found that six million couples are likely to get engaged on Feb 14th making it a very popular day for proposals. However there is a difference between a surprise proposal and a marriage proposal that a couple knows is eventually coming. If you and your partner have spoken at length about a future together, and you both acknowledge that a proposal is coming, but just don’t exactly know when, it is a pretty safe bet that once the proposal happens, the person asking is going to get a resounding “YES”! If you know for certain, you are going to get a yes, then by all means, do propose. However, if you are going to use Valentine’s Day as your day to surprise your partner with a proposal that the two of you have not previously seriously discussed, then you are HOPING for a yes. That is not a time to propose. A proposal needs to be an expected surprise, not a “What the heck are you doing to me?” surprise.
The Last Straw: When Valentine’s Day pushes people to utter the words, “Never Again!” is when Valentine’s Day initiates the last straw. It is what I tend to see in my coaching. Someone has the worst Valentine’s Day they ever had, and decides it is time for a change. Perhaps they just got dumped, suffered a third divorce, ended up alone for V-day for the 5th year in a row, or even proposed and got rejected. A very painful Valentine’s Day can be the breaking point that some people reach, in order to step up and take the steps necessary to begin the hard work that comes with changing. The last straw is when a person reaches a point where the pain of staying the way they are is less than the pain involved in changing their ways. It is when you realize that the common element in every problem in your love life is you, and it is time to fix you. It is a shame that as human beings we sometimes need to be slapped by life in order to be motivated to make changes in the way we do things. But reaching that extreme point can be one of the effects of the worst Valentine’s Day of your life.
Check Out The Benefits of Frank Coaching and Sign Up.
By Frank Kermit
Sometimes people will use Valentine’s Day as a catalyst for something significant. Some of those significant undertakings can be life changing, while others just re-confirm what human beings tend to forget or take for granted. Here are some examples of the extreme effects that Valentine’s Day can have on people, and the actions they are motivated to take.
The Confessional: Valentine’s Day is notorious for people confessing their undying love to someone that has thus far been just a friend. At times it is a long drawn out secret-admirer type of communication with the admirer being revealed on Valentine’s Day. The problem with this method is that the anticipation of discovering whom it is overshadows the reality of who the admirer actually is. The build up is so high, that even a great date candidate might still not live up to fantasy built up in someone’s mind, and makes the climax of the secret revealed be a let down. Other times, it is a person who has been planning and rehearing a “You Mean The World To Me” speech. The intention is good but I strongly discourage such execution. This only works if the other person already likes you. There are a few people who would welcome this level of attention and reward it with a date to see where things go. However, most people do not react well from the extra pressure, and it can be a bit intimidating to get to know someone romantically that already has very strong feelings. More often than not (at least what I have seen in my coaching practice over the years), rejection is usually the response. Ask the person out for a date on Valentine’s Day if you wish, but confessing an undying love to someone that may not feel it is deserved or merited is more likely to scare the person off.
The Break Up: Valentine’s Day is a day of reflection, and sometimes that means that people who reflect on the relationship they are in, or reflect on the person they are dating, and come to the conclusion that they should no longer be together. As great as Valentine’s Day can be touted as celebrating love between two people, it is just as equally destructive in ending dating and relationships. Getting dumped on Valentine’s Day is a real occurrence, precisely because it calls attention to elements between the two people, that people might sometimes ignore, or tolerate. When a person discovers they really wouldn’t mind not spending Valentine’s Day together, that realization can turn into the rational that they wouldn’t mind not spending ANY future time together.
The Reminder: Sometimes Valentine’s Day does exactly what most people hope it will do. It is a reminder for each couple to focus on the reasons that they are happy that they are together. Instead of focusing on the day-to-day routine things that may annoy you about your partner, Valentine’s Day is a reminder for couples to take time out, recognize what it was about your partner that drew you in to begin with, and to show some attention, appreciation and love to your partner, in ways that makes your partner feel loved, special and respected. When appropriately done, Valentine’s Day can be exactly what saves a couple from a break up, and can be a reboot for the couple to get back to where they were on their path together, before the rest of life distracted them from what was really important in a relationship. In a time when the divorce rate is about 40-50%, I would suggest that anything, like Valentine’s Day that can get a couple back on track is an nice extreme effect.
The Proposal: Ding-dong! Ding-dong! Wedding bells are ringing! There is nothing wrong with proposing on Valentine’s Day. In fact, in 2013, the American Express Spending and Saving Tracker consumer report surveyed Americans’ Valentine’s Day plans, and found that six million couples are likely to get engaged on Feb 14th making it a very popular day for proposals. However there is a difference between a surprise proposal and a marriage proposal that a couple knows is eventually coming. If you and your partner have spoken at length about a future together, and you both acknowledge that a proposal is coming, but just don’t exactly know when, it is a pretty safe bet that once the proposal happens, the person asking is going to get a resounding “YES”! If you know for certain, you are going to get a yes, then by all means, do propose. However, if you are going to use Valentine’s Day as your day to surprise your partner with a proposal that the two of you have not previously seriously discussed, then you are HOPING for a yes. That is not a time to propose. A proposal needs to be an expected surprise, not a “What the heck are you doing to me?” surprise.
The Last Straw: When Valentine’s Day pushes people to utter the words, “Never Again!” is when Valentine’s Day initiates the last straw. It is what I tend to see in my coaching. Someone has the worst Valentine’s Day they ever had, and decides it is time for a change. Perhaps they just got dumped, suffered a third divorce, ended up alone for V-day for the 5th year in a row, or even proposed and got rejected. A very painful Valentine’s Day can be the breaking point that some people reach, in order to step up and take the steps necessary to begin the hard work that comes with changing. The last straw is when a person reaches a point where the pain of staying the way they are is less than the pain involved in changing their ways. It is when you realize that the common element in every problem in your love life is you, and it is time to fix you. It is a shame that as human beings we sometimes need to be slapped by life in order to be motivated to make changes in the way we do things. But reaching that extreme point can be one of the effects of the worst Valentine’s Day of your life.
Check Out The Benefits of Frank Coaching and Sign Up.
