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Never Force Your Worldview on Others
Don't Force Your Worldview
by Frank Kermit
Each of us views the world a certain way. It encapsulates what we believe to be right, and wrong. The worldview of each individual can change over time as our life experiences teach us about the world, teach us about the people we interact with, and teach us about ourselves.
In dating, it is important to find someone who shares your worldview. This can be very challenging if you have never taken the time to figure out what your worldview is, and more importantly, if you have never actually challenged any worldviews you had because they are the views you were brought up with.
For example, if you grew up in an environment that values sexual abstinence before marriage and took on those beliefs as part of your worldview as a child, they may not have been beliefs that you ever challenged. Then one day, as an adult, you enter the world of dating and find that not everyone you wanted to date shares in your belief systems.
For the first time, you may question if those beliefs are in your best interest. You may start to weigh the positives and negatives surrounding waiting until wedlock. You may even start to question other beliefs tied into your upbringing including whether getting legally married is even necessary in order to live together and raise children, which are separate beliefs than those about whether or not to have sex.
In the end, you may decide to abandon all your previous beliefs. Or you may decide to enter a period of experimentation where you explore your own boundaries to see what works for you. It is also possible, that after careful consideration and challenging your beliefs that you decide that even if you did not seek out those beliefs that were thrust upon you as a child, you do in fact find they reflect your values and intend to stick to them because they are in fact in your best interest.
In fact, people who challenge their belief systems (their worldview) tend to have a stronger faith in themselves and their beliefs once they resolve their own doubts about it (a challenge to a belief system may represent a doubt in the belief system).
As a dating coach, I am less concerned about the specifics of your worldview — if it already works for you — and more concerned with 1) do you know what your worldview is? 2) Can you articulate it enough to communicate exactly what you mean? and 3) Are you aware of why you have this worldview?
If the only reason you choose a vegetarian lifestyle is because all of your friends are vegetarians, then your “why” reflects your actual values (the value of approval and acceptance of your peer group, and not necessarily a value of the benefits of a vegetarian diet).
With all that said, the point of this article is that when you date someone and it turns out that your worldview and the worldview of the other person are very different, it is important to remember that it is good to communicate your worldview to give the other person an understanding of it, and it is also good to be open to hearing and trying to understand the worldview of the other person. You do not have to agree with the opposing worldview, you just have to be open to understanding it.
The mistake some singles make, is trying to convert the worldview of the person they are dating, instead of either accepting the difference, or simply breaking up with the person and seeking out someone with a similar worldview.
If your worldview encompasses a lifestyle focused on a career and personal enjoyment instead of having children and raising a family, well that is OK. If your worldview requires you to have children and raising a family at the expense of career advancement and some personal enjoyment, well that is OK too.
One worldview life is not necessarily better than the other. The key is to find someone to date that already shares a similar worldview to your own, and not try to force, trick, shame or guilt a person into living your worldview.
Be respectful out there.
Frank Kermit
by Frank Kermit
Each of us views the world a certain way. It encapsulates what we believe to be right, and wrong. The worldview of each individual can change over time as our life experiences teach us about the world, teach us about the people we interact with, and teach us about ourselves.
In dating, it is important to find someone who shares your worldview. This can be very challenging if you have never taken the time to figure out what your worldview is, and more importantly, if you have never actually challenged any worldviews you had because they are the views you were brought up with.
For example, if you grew up in an environment that values sexual abstinence before marriage and took on those beliefs as part of your worldview as a child, they may not have been beliefs that you ever challenged. Then one day, as an adult, you enter the world of dating and find that not everyone you wanted to date shares in your belief systems.
For the first time, you may question if those beliefs are in your best interest. You may start to weigh the positives and negatives surrounding waiting until wedlock. You may even start to question other beliefs tied into your upbringing including whether getting legally married is even necessary in order to live together and raise children, which are separate beliefs than those about whether or not to have sex.
In the end, you may decide to abandon all your previous beliefs. Or you may decide to enter a period of experimentation where you explore your own boundaries to see what works for you. It is also possible, that after careful consideration and challenging your beliefs that you decide that even if you did not seek out those beliefs that were thrust upon you as a child, you do in fact find they reflect your values and intend to stick to them because they are in fact in your best interest.
In fact, people who challenge their belief systems (their worldview) tend to have a stronger faith in themselves and their beliefs once they resolve their own doubts about it (a challenge to a belief system may represent a doubt in the belief system).
As a dating coach, I am less concerned about the specifics of your worldview — if it already works for you — and more concerned with 1) do you know what your worldview is? 2) Can you articulate it enough to communicate exactly what you mean? and 3) Are you aware of why you have this worldview?
If the only reason you choose a vegetarian lifestyle is because all of your friends are vegetarians, then your “why” reflects your actual values (the value of approval and acceptance of your peer group, and not necessarily a value of the benefits of a vegetarian diet).
With all that said, the point of this article is that when you date someone and it turns out that your worldview and the worldview of the other person are very different, it is important to remember that it is good to communicate your worldview to give the other person an understanding of it, and it is also good to be open to hearing and trying to understand the worldview of the other person. You do not have to agree with the opposing worldview, you just have to be open to understanding it.
The mistake some singles make, is trying to convert the worldview of the person they are dating, instead of either accepting the difference, or simply breaking up with the person and seeking out someone with a similar worldview.
If your worldview encompasses a lifestyle focused on a career and personal enjoyment instead of having children and raising a family, well that is OK. If your worldview requires you to have children and raising a family at the expense of career advancement and some personal enjoyment, well that is OK too.
One worldview life is not necessarily better than the other. The key is to find someone to date that already shares a similar worldview to your own, and not try to force, trick, shame or guilt a person into living your worldview.
Be respectful out there.
Frank Kermit
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you know you are a parent when...
You Know You're a Parent When...
After 2 years of bathing
your child is suddenly afraid of water
and you have to figure out
how to give them a bath
-Frank Kermit
- Published on
Wedding Vows are to be taken seriously
The Bad Times
by Frank Kermit
Updated on March 2, 2018
The Bad Times is when your commitment to marriage
matters the most.
Anyone can keep themselves
in check to keep a promise
when things are great.
You make the decision to be married
with someone
to remind you of why you made that decision
when times are bad.
And over the course
of a long term relationship
things WILL get bad.
Even the best relationships
have periods where things are less than ideal
and those periods
could last from days to weeks, months, and even years.
Then again,
what are 4-5 rough years
compared to what a 40 year relationship is suppose to mean?
In Good Times, and in Bad,
In Sickness and in Health
is not just a saying...it is a warning....
It is letting you know what you are signing up for.
Can you handle the expectations of marriage
that you and your partner agree too
when things go bad?
If you aren't sure,
then you have some homework to do.
If you are a couple that wants to get more serious but are worried you will end up divorced, or an individual trying to figure out if you have found the right person, consider signing up for my 12-hour pre-marriage coaching program.
by Frank Kermit
Updated on March 2, 2018
The Bad Times is when your commitment to marriage
matters the most.
Anyone can keep themselves
in check to keep a promise
when things are great.
You make the decision to be married
with someone
to remind you of why you made that decision
when times are bad.
And over the course
of a long term relationship
things WILL get bad.
Even the best relationships
have periods where things are less than ideal
and those periods
could last from days to weeks, months, and even years.
Then again,
what are 4-5 rough years
compared to what a 40 year relationship is suppose to mean?
In Good Times, and in Bad,
In Sickness and in Health
is not just a saying...it is a warning....
It is letting you know what you are signing up for.
Can you handle the expectations of marriage
that you and your partner agree too
when things go bad?
If you aren't sure,
then you have some homework to do.
If you are a couple that wants to get more serious but are worried you will end up divorced, or an individual trying to figure out if you have found the right person, consider signing up for my 12-hour pre-marriage coaching program.
- Published on
In memory of Hagan
Remembering Hagan
by David Black
Today I am absolutely dejected as I unfortunately had to say goodbye to the best friend I've ever had in my entire life.
We had the best 13 years together that any dog and human could ask for, and I wouldn't trade one day of the time we got to spend together. You were intelligent, cunning, brave, loyal. You never needed a leash, you could say human words. You even had a sense of humour, which may sound unbelievable but anyone who knew you knows how smart, present and eerily coherent you always were.
I will miss you forever and I will never ever forget you!
This really stings, and I'm trying to just keep reminding myself you are in a better place and no longer suffering. You were my entire world and my heart I literally loved you and thought about you as much as any people in my life.
You are and always were people too as far as I'm concerned, and I will remember you and miss you and cherish you and the time we spent together as best friends forever.
I hope your soul is somewhere, running with people who love you and take care of you and your eating all the pita bread, cheese and pizza you could ever want.
Rest in peace Hagan, I'll always love you and you'll always be my Hoogy and my number 1 best buddy.
by David Black
Today I am absolutely dejected as I unfortunately had to say goodbye to the best friend I've ever had in my entire life.
We had the best 13 years together that any dog and human could ask for, and I wouldn't trade one day of the time we got to spend together. You were intelligent, cunning, brave, loyal. You never needed a leash, you could say human words. You even had a sense of humour, which may sound unbelievable but anyone who knew you knows how smart, present and eerily coherent you always were.
I will miss you forever and I will never ever forget you!
This really stings, and I'm trying to just keep reminding myself you are in a better place and no longer suffering. You were my entire world and my heart I literally loved you and thought about you as much as any people in my life.
You are and always were people too as far as I'm concerned, and I will remember you and miss you and cherish you and the time we spent together as best friends forever.
I hope your soul is somewhere, running with people who love you and take care of you and your eating all the pita bread, cheese and pizza you could ever want.
Rest in peace Hagan, I'll always love you and you'll always be my Hoogy and my number 1 best buddy.
I Love My Dog Hagan
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In memory of Merv Williams
Remembering Merv Williams
by Sheldon Eric Fried
I am totally shocked to hear the news about the passing of my friend as well as my former work colleague Merv Williams. I worked with him many years at CJAD, Mix (now Virgin) 96 & CHOM. He had an extraordinary sense of humour & shared many laughs. Merv was also extremely talented and I remembered he would work so many hours at a time.
He loved his work at the radio stations and he would always go to bat for the people who knew him and worked with him. Merv is now on stage up above looking at us from heaven and telling us stories that will make us smile and laugh. You will be missed.
My deepest sympathies to his family, friends, & loved ones. My heart & thoughts shall be with all of you during this very difficult and painful time.
(The funeral) was a very emotional day for many people like myself to pay tribute to a former work colleague, a person with a great sense of humor - the late Shannon Mervyn Williams whose life had been taken away way too early as we gathered all together and said goodbye to him one last time.
There were many people who had spoken about Merv; some had amusing stories, while others had sad ones. The turnout was incredible as the hall was filled to capacity of people - many from CJAD, Virgin 96, & CHOM.
It was a tribute to a wonderful Human being. It was nice to catch up with one another however, hopefully in the future, will be under better occasions. There were many stories told and shared by all of us if Shannon. I was proud to work with a dedicated, humorous, and down to earth individual who never had a bad word to say about anyone.
To everyone in Shannon Mervyn Williams' family, thank you for allowing us to get to know him and having the opportunity to work with him.
Thank you also for allowing all of us to all come together and pay tribute one last time in honour of the late Shannon Mervyn Williams - forever in our hearts and thoughts. R. I. P!
Rest In Peace my good friend!
by Sheldon Eric Fried
I am totally shocked to hear the news about the passing of my friend as well as my former work colleague Merv Williams. I worked with him many years at CJAD, Mix (now Virgin) 96 & CHOM. He had an extraordinary sense of humour & shared many laughs. Merv was also extremely talented and I remembered he would work so many hours at a time.
He loved his work at the radio stations and he would always go to bat for the people who knew him and worked with him. Merv is now on stage up above looking at us from heaven and telling us stories that will make us smile and laugh. You will be missed.
My deepest sympathies to his family, friends, & loved ones. My heart & thoughts shall be with all of you during this very difficult and painful time.
(The funeral) was a very emotional day for many people like myself to pay tribute to a former work colleague, a person with a great sense of humor - the late Shannon Mervyn Williams whose life had been taken away way too early as we gathered all together and said goodbye to him one last time.
There were many people who had spoken about Merv; some had amusing stories, while others had sad ones. The turnout was incredible as the hall was filled to capacity of people - many from CJAD, Virgin 96, & CHOM.
It was a tribute to a wonderful Human being. It was nice to catch up with one another however, hopefully in the future, will be under better occasions. There were many stories told and shared by all of us if Shannon. I was proud to work with a dedicated, humorous, and down to earth individual who never had a bad word to say about anyone.
To everyone in Shannon Mervyn Williams' family, thank you for allowing us to get to know him and having the opportunity to work with him.
Thank you also for allowing all of us to all come together and pay tribute one last time in honour of the late Shannon Mervyn Williams - forever in our hearts and thoughts. R. I. P!
Rest In Peace my good friend!
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Seek a life partner that has a compatible life plan to yours
Planning the rest of your life together
by Frank Kermit
When I sit down with a couple for Pre Marital Coaching,
which is working with a couple who are getting ready
to move to the next step in their relationship,
one of the questions I always ask them is
what do they have planned for the rest of their lives together?
Whether you are
moving in together
buying property together
having a child together
getting married
getting engaged
one of the key elements towards success
is having a life plan
and then checking to make sure
that your individual life plans
are actually compatible.
I have seen couples, who were very much in love
but had very incompatible life plans.
Where one person wanted 2 children in the next 5 years
and the other did not want children at all.
Where one person wanted to eventually move to Japan
and the other person wanted to move to Brazil
Where one person wanted to retire together to Florida
and the other person refused ever stop working
Where one person needed to spend the next 4 years
traveling to a different continent for a unique and specific
graduate education in a niche industry
and the other person was running out of time
to start a family
So, if you want to have a successful marriage
that will last long term
and withstand the status of separation and divorce
get your life plan in order.
Know what you need to know for your life plan
and find a partner that has a life plan that is compatible with yours.
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Ex-Lovers and Wedding Guest List
by Frank Kermit, Updated on March 2, 2018
During my couples coaching sessions,
one of the topics of discussion that tends to come up
is the wedding list of guests.
One of the questions I ask is:
Have either one of you had an intimate relationship with any guests,
that your partner (the one who is marrying you)
does not know about?
I think the majority of couples would be surprised by just
how often it turns out that some of the wedding guests
turn out to be secret past lovers of either member of the couple
getting married, that the other partner did not know.
What turns out to be worse, is when that secret lover,
actually made it to the actual wedding party
(either a bridesmaid, or an usher/groomsman)
Sometimes, having someone who has a sexual past
with a wedding partner attend your wedding as a guest
can be taken as an insult to the other wedding partner.
Usually, the invitation of a past lover
to a wedding can be handled,
but it is the secretive nature of the information
that causes the bigger issue.
The other partner starts to wonder
what other information has not been volunteered
that will continued to be "hidden" until the correct
direction question is asked.
That is no way to start a wedding guest list.
As a general rule, ex-lovers and weddings do not mix.
And in the event one of your secret ex-lovers
has been invited to your wedding
make sure you TELL YOUR PARTNER
The worst thing that can happen,
is that the information is reveal
at the wedding, when everyone is celebrating
and secrets come out unintentionally.
It is a time people become emotionally,
and sometimes intoxicated,
which always spells trouble for secret-keeping.
I have seen this happen from direct experience
and those of my client base.
Plan for your wedding to be spectacular, not a spectacle.
If you are a couple that wants to get more serious but are worried you will end up divorced, or an individual trying to figure out if you have found the right person, consider signing up for my 12-hour pre-marriage coaching program.
by Frank Kermit, Updated on March 2, 2018
During my couples coaching sessions,
one of the topics of discussion that tends to come up
is the wedding list of guests.
One of the questions I ask is:
Have either one of you had an intimate relationship with any guests,
that your partner (the one who is marrying you)
does not know about?
I think the majority of couples would be surprised by just
how often it turns out that some of the wedding guests
turn out to be secret past lovers of either member of the couple
getting married, that the other partner did not know.
What turns out to be worse, is when that secret lover,
actually made it to the actual wedding party
(either a bridesmaid, or an usher/groomsman)
Sometimes, having someone who has a sexual past
with a wedding partner attend your wedding as a guest
can be taken as an insult to the other wedding partner.
Usually, the invitation of a past lover
to a wedding can be handled,
but it is the secretive nature of the information
that causes the bigger issue.
The other partner starts to wonder
what other information has not been volunteered
that will continued to be "hidden" until the correct
direction question is asked.
That is no way to start a wedding guest list.
As a general rule, ex-lovers and weddings do not mix.
And in the event one of your secret ex-lovers
has been invited to your wedding
make sure you TELL YOUR PARTNER
The worst thing that can happen,
is that the information is reveal
at the wedding, when everyone is celebrating
and secrets come out unintentionally.
It is a time people become emotionally,
and sometimes intoxicated,
which always spells trouble for secret-keeping.
I have seen this happen from direct experience
and those of my client base.
Plan for your wedding to be spectacular, not a spectacle.
If you are a couple that wants to get more serious but are worried you will end up divorced, or an individual trying to figure out if you have found the right person, consider signing up for my 12-hour pre-marriage coaching program.
- Published on
Coping with Loss at a Wedding
Remembering the Dead at a Wedding
by Frank Kermit
Sometimes, couples who marry want to do something
at the wedding in memory of the people who passed away.
This happens, especially when the death was recent.
At my wedding, my wife and I did a little ceremony at the reception
where we lit a candle and read an inscription, announcing it was
in memory of various relatives that had died, who would have
wanted to attend. It was very short, but it did bring us come
comfort, and it was also comforting to some of the attendees
who were still in mourning.
We all cope with loss differently.
It is important for the wedding couple to also remember,
that not everyone will appreciate your efforts
to pay tribute to your lost loved ones.
One of the biggest mistakes I see people make,
is they try to tell someone else that how they grieve is wrong.
For example, this story is of a wedding I attended:
A father dies a few months before his son is set to be married.
At the wedding, a special tribute is made in honor of the late father.
The groom and his mom dance to a song that was in memory of his dad.
All the guests were invited on the dance floor to circle them.
Then it happened...
at one point, the groom and his mom started to cry a little.
It was not a hysterical cry at all, but the tears were evident.
Everyone around them formed into a circle continued to move to the music.
...except one man.
He started to raise his voice to tell the DJ to stop the music.
He was an uncle in the family, and felt that the song and tribute
was making them cry and that it was wrong.
So he made a fool of himself trying to stop the tribute.
Luckily, the DJ and the rest of the guests ignored him.
The uncle was not comfortable with seeing, or dealing with, grief.
He tried to "protect" everyone else from grief as well.
That was the worst thing he could have done, and lucky for
everyone at the wedding, the DJ was smart enough not to listen to him.
Make sure that you let the DJ, or other wedding professionals involved know about any potential trouble-makers, and let the wedding professionals also know exactly what your wishes are
in case a wedding guest decides to act out.
If you can predict who might be the kind of person to act out,
at your wedding,
it might be a good idea to let that person know ahead of time
what you are planning.
This is not about getting that person's permission.
It is more about letting that person know,
so the shock of surprise
in combination of the grief and mourning
does not motivate that person
into doing something
that will turn your wedding
from spectacular
to a spectacle.
-Frank Kermit
Couples Coach
If you are a couple that wants to get more serious but are worried you will end up divorced, or an individual trying to figure out if you have found the right person, consider signing up for my 12-hour pre-marriage coaching program.
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Learn To Dance For a Wedding
Look Stunning and Surprise Your Guests
by Patty Contenta (Guest Blogger)
It wasn’t so long ago that a couple’s first dance,
as special as it was, was only an effervescent memory
– a fact that was no small blessing for couples
who didn’t know how to dance.
Now with the advent of recording technologies,
a newlywed couple’s first dance is almost always
recorded for viewing through the years.
Here are some points you’ll need to know
to make your wedding dance the best memory ever!
Don’t wait until the last minute:
Remember that your schedule will get very hectic
as your wedding day approaches.
Dance instructors recommend starting six to eight months earlier
to allow more time for practice,
especially if you are a newcomer to dancing.
All dances are popular at weddings:
Besides the Waltz and other traditional dances,
the Mambo, Salsa, Swing and even the Hustle
are all popular at weddings today.
Do you wish to use a special song for your first dance?
If you plan to dance to a special song at your reception,
feel free to bring a recording of it to your dance lessons
so you can work on it with your teacher.
Don’t forget to coordinate with your wedding videographer
to get the best “coverage” of your special dance.
Remember that dance lessons
can actually be a stress reliever:
Dancing is good exercise.
And, dance lessons pull you out of the hustle and bustle of the day
allowing you to spend time with your intended,
having fun and working together productively at the same time.
Learning a new skill that you can use together for a lifetime.
Learning to dance for your wedding is a special gift
that you and your fiance can give to each other.
Feeling confident and poised when you dance together
will ensure that your first dance together
as a married couple will be a memory you will cherish forever.
Hope to see you at a dance studio.
They have a team of great teachers
that will ensure you have a fun and easy experience!
In Joy and Enjoy!
Patty Contenta
www.SensualitySecrets.com
- Published on
Many years ago, when I aspired to work in Television, I produced about 15 half hour episodes at a local community university Television closed circuit station. It was called the "Paradites" (a word I created derived from the word "Parody") and heavily inspired by The Muppets, and The Simpsons. It was an incredible time of experimentation with the medium of Television, attempting to do things like sing, perform and see what we could do on a shoe string budget. I am sharing only a few selected clips from those 18 months of production.
Dr Medicine sings No One Like Me
In this clip, Frank Kermit performs his patented character Dr. Medicine. And yes, that is Frank singing.
Campus Canada Magazine covers The Paradites
Date: February 1995, Title: Campus Canada Magazine
Campus Canada Magazine, a nationally published university magazine did a feature story on university student television stations. One of the people interviewed was Frank Kermit who produced, directed and starred in a puppet comedy show.
Campus Canada Magazine, a nationally published university magazine did a feature story on university student television stations. One of the people interviewed was Frank Kermit who produced, directed and starred in a puppet comedy show.
Campus Canada Magazine from February 1995
