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Your Worst Wedding Regrets
The Worst Wedding Regrets
By Frank Kermit
Weddings can be overwhelming.
So much to do, so many details to take care of, and so many choices. It is very easy to end up making choices that seem like a good idea in the moment, but that end up being your worst wedding regrets.
I asked some wedding professionals to share some of the biggest regrets their clients experienced to help give you all some cues.
Allison Plachcinski, a wedding planner with A Belle Affair Weddings says that brides tell her that one of their biggest wedding regrets was putting too much emphasis on the look and feel of the bridesmaid dresses. As a result, the brides and the bridesmaids get into heated arguments to the point where some have fallen out of touch because of all the drama. This included one maid of honor who dropped out of the wedding party because she did not have any choice in the bridesmaid dress.
Angela Skinner of Mobile Bartending by Linen and Lace, says that one of the biggest wedding regrets she hears from brides were from the ones that purchased a wedding dress that did not fit as a means to have the motivation to lose weight before the big day. She also states that couples who choose a very small, intimate venue too early on in the planning tend to be in for a shock when they finally tally up the full number of guests being invited to the wedding.
Wedding Planner
Natalka Gach Lee a wedding planner, says that some end up with regrets when it comes to hiring a DJ. Lee says that couples should insist on a meeting with the DJ (especially if the venue is supplying the DJ) to make sure that the DJ has the music the couple requires, will come dressed appropriately for the occasion and who will respect all music requests
Wanda Malfara, photographer and head of SIAM Productions says the mistakes people make when it comes to wedding photography is when the bride and groom think they can have friends and relatives take the best photographs. "When it is all said and done, the dress has yellowed, flowers wilted and the only thing left are the memories - the photographs are forever and are so much more important than people realize in the excitement of an amazing wedding day" says Malfara.
James P. Correia, also a wedding photographer, states that it is becoming more common to have an "unplugged-wedding". This means that neither digital cameras nor phones are permitted. This "allow all guests to enjoy themselves more, take in the meaning of the day, and truly observe a magical moment." Correia believes that, "our generation too often buries our heads in our gadgets...and we are starting to miss out on a lot."
In addition to what these photographers said, when I was doing the research for this article, there are actually some couples that want to be the first to distribute photos from the wedding on social media after the event, and not have it done for them by the wedding guests, throughout the event.
Caryn Lim, Designer and Wedding Planner at A Timeless Celebration warn brides and bridesmaid against attempting to make their own invitations. "The costs come out to roughly the same, however the do-it-yourself method comes with a whole lot more headaches." Says Lim.
Florist Helen Mandrozos, creative director of Studio Floral Ermis offered some very insightful advice. "Bigger is not always better!" Brides have told her that they regretted ordering a big bouquet that was too heavy to carry throughout the day and how it overpowered their wedding dress, even though it was the bouquet the bride had set her heart on. Also, she has often received phone calls from frantic wedding participants the night before the wedding asking to hire her services to help with their flowers at the very last minute after failed do-it-yourself projects.
Remembering Dagmar Daghofer
Finally, no wedding preparation is complete without planning to honeymoon.
Travel agent (the late) Dagmar Daghofer of the Vision 2000 Travel Group who helps couples book honeymoons strongly suggests not waiting too long to book anything because the resort they want may have either gone up in price or is no longer available. Waiting until last minute might force the couple to end up in a family oriented hotel as opposed to something more romantic. Simply put, you cannot take back a low class honeymoon.
Good or bad, your wedding will be one of the most memorable days of your life, and thus it is important to be mindful to take whatever precautions are necessary to ensure the memory of your wedding is a pleasant one.
Frank Kermit
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Ways to make your wedding unique are highlighted in this contributed post.
wedding shoes https://tinyurl.com/n5ggsat
One of the things that makes a wedding day the perfect wedding is how unique it is, how personalized and heartfelt. This is your wedding day, it is the day your wife has been planning since she was six and a half years old and first learned what the word wedding meant. It is that day you will have everlasting memories of, no matter how much champagne. It is a day that will define you and your love, it is a day that will be forever spoken of and etched into the memories of your nearest and dearest.
Luckily, there are hundred of little ways in which you can get creative and make your wedding that much more special and personal, and you can do so without breaking the bank too (whatever breaking the bank actually means?).
Here’s how:
Luckily, there are hundred of little ways in which you can get creative and make your wedding that much more special and personal, and you can do so without breaking the bank too (whatever breaking the bank actually means?).
Here’s how:
wedding inviations https://tinyurl.com/kxkoce5
The Save The Date Invite That Oozes You
The first thing that is going to get excitement buzzing around the air like a swarm of honey bees is your engagement, the day when she said, “yes”. But the thing that ups the ante is your 'save the date' invite because this is when the anticipation gets to manifest into a countdown. What makes it extra important, though, is that your invite is what tells your guests what sort of wedding it is you are having. The look, the style, the vibe; it all comes from this invite, so put your stamp on it. Make it something that is true to you. Have an invite that, when it is opened, a knot gets tied tighter. Put old school 3D goggles inside to help the decode the message. Send them a balloon they have to blow up in order to find out the details. The choice is yours.
The first thing that is going to get excitement buzzing around the air like a swarm of honey bees is your engagement, the day when she said, “yes”. But the thing that ups the ante is your 'save the date' invite because this is when the anticipation gets to manifest into a countdown. What makes it extra important, though, is that your invite is what tells your guests what sort of wedding it is you are having. The look, the style, the vibe; it all comes from this invite, so put your stamp on it. Make it something that is true to you. Have an invite that, when it is opened, a knot gets tied tighter. Put old school 3D goggles inside to help the decode the message. Send them a balloon they have to blow up in order to find out the details. The choice is yours.
wedding ring https://tinyurl.com/kg3xrch
The One Ring To Bind Them All
There can be nothing more personal than exchanging rings that you designed, or rings that are bespoke to you. It doesn’t have to be a crazy design or anything like that. It could just be that you get your Tacori engagement rings engraved with something special, like the chat-up line you used to land your first date. The date of your first date. That romantic film line your soul mate absolutely adores. The name of your first song. There are so many endless ways to make your rings personalized without leaking money, and what makes this extra special is the fact that your rings stay with you forever.
There can be nothing more personal than exchanging rings that you designed, or rings that are bespoke to you. It doesn’t have to be a crazy design or anything like that. It could just be that you get your Tacori engagement rings engraved with something special, like the chat-up line you used to land your first date. The date of your first date. That romantic film line your soul mate absolutely adores. The name of your first song. There are so many endless ways to make your rings personalized without leaking money, and what makes this extra special is the fact that your rings stay with you forever.
wedding planner https://tinyurl.com/kuh593b
Crazy, Quirky Transport
The thing that often gets overlooked is the transport. People often go for practical over personal and so they just speak to a minibus company about handling that side of the ceremony. Some people go a bit out there by hiring a London double decker bus or a limo or something, but that has all been done. What we are thinking is way more personal than that. We’re thinking about hiring a bunch of scooters or bicycles and everyone riding to the next destination together. Maybe you could convince a local store to lend you a bunch of hoverboards or Segways. Maybe there is a hire company that has four or five classic VW campervans that people can squeeze - and we mean - squeeze into. It is these teeny-tiny personal things that are going to last forever in people’s minds and will make you smile when you look back through your photo album.
The thing that often gets overlooked is the transport. People often go for practical over personal and so they just speak to a minibus company about handling that side of the ceremony. Some people go a bit out there by hiring a London double decker bus or a limo or something, but that has all been done. What we are thinking is way more personal than that. We’re thinking about hiring a bunch of scooters or bicycles and everyone riding to the next destination together. Maybe you could convince a local store to lend you a bunch of hoverboards or Segways. Maybe there is a hire company that has four or five classic VW campervans that people can squeeze - and we mean - squeeze into. It is these teeny-tiny personal things that are going to last forever in people’s minds and will make you smile when you look back through your photo album.
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The Wedding Toast Speech
By Frank Kermit
Remember this day, your wedding day.
Not for the parties,
not for the extravagance,
nor the dinner and dancing,
but remember this day, your wedding day
because of the reasons you chose to marry your spouse.
Remember who is it that you picked to marry on this day,
and why you picked this person
over all other choices available.
Remember the reasons why you chose to get married
and how it fits in with your plans,
life goals
and why you decided
that the person that you wanted
as your spouse
was a reflection of everything you felt
is important to you enough
that you wanted to make him or her
part of your family.
Remember this day, your wedding day
That the ritual of the wedding
is more than just a celebration
of your new union.
It is to mark the change in your lives
as individual "I"'s
to a unified sign of a "we".
As a "we",
you call on all those people closest to you both
to witness and be a part of your togetherness,
in the hopes
that not only will they be celebrating your endeavor;
they will also be employed
in the ongoing support
of your new and future family.
Remember this day, their Wedding Day
To you: the wedding guests,
please know and remember
that your role in being present,
is more than the gifts you offer,
your toasting their happiness,
and your boost to start the new couple
in their new life together.
Your role as participants
in a wedding audience
is that you have also accepted a role
in the ongoing support
of the new couple
to help keep this new family together
through the hardships and triumphs
that life can
and will force upon us.
For better or for worse,
isn't just a saying.
It is a reminder.
Life gets very real
when you have someone else
to care for and think about.
If and when you are blessed with children,
the realness
of every decision you both make
is even more intense;
Remember this day, your wedding day,
as you both pledge
to do your best
to suffer them together,
and support each other,
even when either of you
happen be at your worst.
Remember this day, your wedding day
Because you BOTH
Will Make Mistakes
There will be times
you both will make mistakes,
when you both will etch
an emotional scar,
when you will have to deal
with financial worries,
mental health concerns,
new limits on your physical abilities,
accidents,
the challenges of well meaning people who love you,
who interfere more than help you,
having to move and change with the times,
and in the death
and passing of people close to you.
Remember This Day, Your Wedding Day,
As you both pass
into the next stage of your lifespan,
up to and even past the point
of being present for
the possible weddings of your own children
and grand children.
Remember this day, your wedding day,
Remember every reason you had
to make the commitment
to start this journey together,
knowing that life together
would NOT be easy
but that you still wanted
to go through with it.
Remember this day, your wedding day
because it was the event
you chose to create.
Remember the love
that brought you together,
the willingness to stand together,
and the drive behind
making your intent
to build a future together a public decree.
When either of you
are overwhelmed by life,
and it is likely to happen
more often than not
over the course of your lives together,
remember this day, your wedding day
to remind you
why you chose to make it happen.
Remember this day, your wedding day,
to help you build
and create a better future for the two of you,
through each and every new day
you decide to stay together
and honor the promise
as best you can
everyday.
So, Remember this day, your wedding day,
when some days are better,
when some days are worse,
and take it one day at a time.
-Frank Kermit
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Learn how to pick a wedding theme in this contributed post.
There are blue skies above, which means that wedding season is about to hit the ground running. If you’re planning a wedding in the coming months, you may be thinking about whether to have a themed celebration or not. Wedding themes appeal to some couples, but you don’t have to have a theme for your big day. If you do like the idea, here are some tips to help you choose the perfect theme for your wedding.
Seasonal themes
The seasons play an important role when it comes to choosing a theme, and many couples take inspiration from the weather, the surroundings, and the time of year. If you’re getting married in the holidays, for example, winter wonderland and Christmas themes are always a big hit. If it’s summer, and you’re having a beach wedding, something more tropical and exotic may appeal. If it’s fall, you may choose to use the colors of the leaves for your table decorations, or you may go for golds, rich reds or burgundy shades for your bridesmaid dresses, for example.
Seasonal themes
The seasons play an important role when it comes to choosing a theme, and many couples take inspiration from the weather, the surroundings, and the time of year. If you’re getting married in the holidays, for example, winter wonderland and Christmas themes are always a big hit. If it’s summer, and you’re having a beach wedding, something more tropical and exotic may appeal. If it’s fall, you may choose to use the colors of the leaves for your table decorations, or you may go for golds, rich reds or burgundy shades for your bridesmaid dresses, for example.
wedding planner https://tinyurl.com/lwpxdxk
Heritage and culture
Many people like to celebrate their heritage when it comes to planning a wedding. This could be reflected in the addition of dragons to the table centerpieces or choosing the color red for an invitation for a Chinese wedding or in the outfits you choose to wear for a Scottish celebration. If you’re marrying somebody from a different culture, using your heritage is a theme is a great way to bring everyone together and create a day that involves both sides of the family.
On-trend themes
If you’re getting married soon, you’re probably aware of what’s hot and what’s not in the world of wedding themes. Like fashion catwalks, trends change every year, and there is always a collection of ideas, which seems to reflect what everyone wants. A couple of years ago, vintage fayres and shabby chic were all the rage, and this year, al fresco gatherings are stealing the show. Informal ceremonies are becoming increasingly popular, and more and more people are shunning the traditional wedding breakfast in favor of more sociable and less formal options like barbecues, buffets, and grazing platters.
Many people like to celebrate their heritage when it comes to planning a wedding. This could be reflected in the addition of dragons to the table centerpieces or choosing the color red for an invitation for a Chinese wedding or in the outfits you choose to wear for a Scottish celebration. If you’re marrying somebody from a different culture, using your heritage is a theme is a great way to bring everyone together and create a day that involves both sides of the family.
On-trend themes
If you’re getting married soon, you’re probably aware of what’s hot and what’s not in the world of wedding themes. Like fashion catwalks, trends change every year, and there is always a collection of ideas, which seems to reflect what everyone wants. A couple of years ago, vintage fayres and shabby chic were all the rage, and this year, al fresco gatherings are stealing the show. Informal ceremonies are becoming increasingly popular, and more and more people are shunning the traditional wedding breakfast in favor of more sociable and less formal options like barbecues, buffets, and grazing platters.
romantic wedding vows https://tinyurl.com/mstbbwa
Passions
It’s common for couples to use their passions and interests as a source of inspiration when it comes to planning a wedding. Perhaps you’ve traveled the world together, and your table names are named after your favorite places. Maybe you love jazz, and you’ve gone for a retro Hollywood theme with live music. Or maybe you’re massive fans of Star Wars, Harry Potter or Game of Thrones and you’ve asked everyone to dress up for your big day. If you do have a shared passion, this is an excellent way of personalizing your ceremony and making it memorable.
If you’re in the middle of planning a wedding and you’re considering potential themes, think about what interests you, and what kind of event you want to create. Celebrate what makes you special, be creative, and plan a day that’s unique and personal.
It’s common for couples to use their passions and interests as a source of inspiration when it comes to planning a wedding. Perhaps you’ve traveled the world together, and your table names are named after your favorite places. Maybe you love jazz, and you’ve gone for a retro Hollywood theme with live music. Or maybe you’re massive fans of Star Wars, Harry Potter or Game of Thrones and you’ve asked everyone to dress up for your big day. If you do have a shared passion, this is an excellent way of personalizing your ceremony and making it memorable.
If you’re in the middle of planning a wedding and you’re considering potential themes, think about what interests you, and what kind of event you want to create. Celebrate what makes you special, be creative, and plan a day that’s unique and personal.
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Q&A: Secret Past! Tell Him About Sex Tapes?
Secret Past! Does He Need To Know About Her Sex Tapes?
Q&A: Question and Answers
Dear Frank,
For almost 4 years I was involved with a man and we participated in BDSM. He was my master, and I his submissive. We had a very documented love life (he loved to record everything) especially when we played with others; more like when he let a number of others play with me. Anyways, that was a long time ago. I now live with my fiancé and he knows nothing about my past. He knows that I had one major relationship but does not know anything about the group sex, the BDSM or the videos. I ended up with most of those videos and photos I think, but not all (my Master still has a few). Also, I was blindfolded most of the time during group play, and although my master assures me that no one was was recording anything, there were times when it happened. I live with the secret fear that my fiancé might find my box of tapes and pictures and stuff. He is way conservative and would not understand. Can you suggest any place that I might store this so that he will come across it at home?
-Submissive Sindy
Dear Sindy
I knew a woman once that was in a similar situation. She was a swinger with her ex, and had exactly the same situation with videos and pictures, afraid that her husband would find them. She ended up giving her collection to a male friend of hers to hold on to so that she could get it back anytime she wanted, but it was not where her husband could get to it. Ironically, life being what it is, her and and the male friend have lost touch, and now she doesn't even have access to her videos and photos.
Q&A: Question and Answers
Dear Frank,
For almost 4 years I was involved with a man and we participated in BDSM. He was my master, and I his submissive. We had a very documented love life (he loved to record everything) especially when we played with others; more like when he let a number of others play with me. Anyways, that was a long time ago. I now live with my fiancé and he knows nothing about my past. He knows that I had one major relationship but does not know anything about the group sex, the BDSM or the videos. I ended up with most of those videos and photos I think, but not all (my Master still has a few). Also, I was blindfolded most of the time during group play, and although my master assures me that no one was was recording anything, there were times when it happened. I live with the secret fear that my fiancé might find my box of tapes and pictures and stuff. He is way conservative and would not understand. Can you suggest any place that I might store this so that he will come across it at home?
-Submissive Sindy
Dear Sindy
I knew a woman once that was in a similar situation. She was a swinger with her ex, and had exactly the same situation with videos and pictures, afraid that her husband would find them. She ended up giving her collection to a male friend of hers to hold on to so that she could get it back anytime she wanted, but it was not where her husband could get to it. Ironically, life being what it is, her and and the male friend have lost touch, and now she doesn't even have access to her videos and photos.
As I teach it during my pre-marriage coaching sessions as well as in my coaching workbook for women I'M A WOMAN, IT'S MY TIME EBOOK I would suggest that the BEST thing you can do is to tell your fiancé about your past BEFORE you get married.
Just as you would want to make an informed decision about who you are marrying, you owe your husband-to-be the same opportunity to make an informed decision.
You have a very simple, but difficult, choice to make.
If you are certain he would not marry you if he knew your past, end the engagement immediately. If he wouldn't marry you if he knew your past, do not marry him. A Broken Engagement is Better Than A Happy Divorce!
If there is a chance he might be able to handle and accept your past, tell him and give him the opportunity to accept you fully, and even though it may be a shock for him, it is better to do it this way.
At least if he knows about it, and it comes up from someone else in the future, he will not be caught off guard and made a bigger fool for you not telling him.
At some point, the chances are that it will come up.
No such thing as a happy divorce
If you have any friends that knew what you were into, it will come up (just like what started to happen to the lady I mentioned earlier that was previously involved with the swinger culture. She had friends from those circles that stayed in touch or would re-connect with past lovers, or just had platonic friends that knew the details of her past. She had to start cutting ties with everyone because some of her contacts were getting careless about what they mentioned around her and her new family.
Also as you mentioned in your question, you were blindfolded most of the time, and thus there are chances that there are videos and photos of you out there in the hands of people you do not even know. In fact, they might already be on the Internet as you have no control over what your ex (or others from the group activities) will do.
Bottom line is that, you cannot build a life with your new fiancé with this threat constantly hanging over you.
In the meanwhile, there are storage companies available (with the note that unless they are packaged and sealed, even the people storing them could view them. Make sure the photos and videos are labeled inconspicuously. There is always the option of destroying the material (burning would be best as you can not guarantee where just tossing them in the trash will land them).
I would not suggest giving them to any of your friends. Friendships come and go, and you might lose touch with them and not be able to retrieve your momenteos (just like the lady from swinger culture I mentioned earlier).
In this case, honesty really is your best policy if you want to build a solid foundation for a marriage. If this marriage could not handle honesty, it is not the marriage for you. Also, if you desire to ever explore this fetish and lifestyle again in the future, putting yourself in a marriage that could not allow it, would be a mistake.
-Frank Kermit
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Relationships: Acceptance at Worst, Loving at Best
A Relationship is:
Acceptance at the Worst, Loving at the Best
By Frank Kermit
At a workshop I hosted I issued one of my famous Frankisms that seemed to really resonate with the attendees. I was trying to convey the importance of sticking to your own rules and boundaries when you are in a relationship, to the point where, you may very well have to walk away from someone you care for deeply (maybe even love) if you are unable to accept the worst parts of your partner.
Frankism: "If you are unable to accept your partner at his or her worst, then it does not matter how much you love your partner at his or her best."
Sometimes we end up dating people, and fall into committed relationships without meaning too. We start dating casually, not really sure if there is any real future, but being with somebody is better than being with nobody. Then you show up at a party together, and someone puts you both on the spot asking if you are a couple yet or not...and not wanting to sound pathetic or inappropriate, you both confirm that you are in fact a couple (regardless that neither of you spoke about it beforehand)...and there you have it!
You are now in a relationship that really hasn't got there on its own merit. But again, being with somebody is better than being with nobody. Maybe if you get more serious, you will end up liking each other more and your partner will change all the things he or she does that you hate. Sounds plausible, right? Wish it were as plausible as it sounds my dear reader.
It is easy to base the success of your relationship on all the things you love about your partner. That is where most people start to fantasize (er, um, we mean plan right? Right? Planning, not fantasizing right?) about the kind of future you can build with your partner.
The reality is that loving what is best about your partner is not where the success of your long-term relationship solely grows from. The success of your long-term relationship is just as rooted (if not more so) in being able to accept your partner at his or her worst.
So, what is the worst thing about your partner? Does your partner forget to bathe regularly? Does your partner refuse to take better care of his or her health? Does your partner get annoying on purpose because of the "fun" way the veins pop out in your neck? Is your partner unable to keep a job? Is your partner a nail biter? Does your partner get snarky to the point of being abusive when feeling under the weather? Does your partner act like a people pleaser and then blow up at you unexpectedly in public? Is your partner simply unable to be sexually faithful to you? Does your partner drink excessively, or is a drug addict of some kind?
Forget about what is great about your partner; Find out what is the worst of the worst in terms of what you will have to deal with if you continue seeing your partner. If you have any doubt about what you can handle, stay out of a serious relationship with that person.
A broken engagement is better than a happy divorce.
A part of the workshop also covered the topic of how:
"Understanding does not Equal Acceptance".
Just because you can understand that your partner may treat you poorly because your partner had a rough upbringing does not mean that it makes the abusive behaviors any more acceptable. You can intellectually understand the source of your partner's pain and the roots of the bad repeating behavior patterns, however, that does not demand that you fully accept it, and invite that aspect into your life through your life partner.
When the worst, is worse than the best-of-the-best you are getting, then the end result of the relationship is that it is still worse to stay with your partner than it would be to find someone better
If you want to learn more about how to understand and master your dating and relationship skills: Learn more about self awareness and self actualization by checking out the coaching workbooks
For Men: I'M A MAN THAT'S MY JOB WORKBOOK EBOOK
For Women:
I'M A WOMAN, IT'S MY TIME EBOOK
Learn the Complete The Emotional Needs Mastery System
Check out the Benefits of COACHING Video
Acceptance at the Worst, Loving at the Best
By Frank Kermit
At a workshop I hosted I issued one of my famous Frankisms that seemed to really resonate with the attendees. I was trying to convey the importance of sticking to your own rules and boundaries when you are in a relationship, to the point where, you may very well have to walk away from someone you care for deeply (maybe even love) if you are unable to accept the worst parts of your partner.
Frankism: "If you are unable to accept your partner at his or her worst, then it does not matter how much you love your partner at his or her best."
Sometimes we end up dating people, and fall into committed relationships without meaning too. We start dating casually, not really sure if there is any real future, but being with somebody is better than being with nobody. Then you show up at a party together, and someone puts you both on the spot asking if you are a couple yet or not...and not wanting to sound pathetic or inappropriate, you both confirm that you are in fact a couple (regardless that neither of you spoke about it beforehand)...and there you have it!
You are now in a relationship that really hasn't got there on its own merit. But again, being with somebody is better than being with nobody. Maybe if you get more serious, you will end up liking each other more and your partner will change all the things he or she does that you hate. Sounds plausible, right? Wish it were as plausible as it sounds my dear reader.
It is easy to base the success of your relationship on all the things you love about your partner. That is where most people start to fantasize (er, um, we mean plan right? Right? Planning, not fantasizing right?) about the kind of future you can build with your partner.
The reality is that loving what is best about your partner is not where the success of your long-term relationship solely grows from. The success of your long-term relationship is just as rooted (if not more so) in being able to accept your partner at his or her worst.
So, what is the worst thing about your partner? Does your partner forget to bathe regularly? Does your partner refuse to take better care of his or her health? Does your partner get annoying on purpose because of the "fun" way the veins pop out in your neck? Is your partner unable to keep a job? Is your partner a nail biter? Does your partner get snarky to the point of being abusive when feeling under the weather? Does your partner act like a people pleaser and then blow up at you unexpectedly in public? Is your partner simply unable to be sexually faithful to you? Does your partner drink excessively, or is a drug addict of some kind?
Forget about what is great about your partner; Find out what is the worst of the worst in terms of what you will have to deal with if you continue seeing your partner. If you have any doubt about what you can handle, stay out of a serious relationship with that person.
A broken engagement is better than a happy divorce.
A part of the workshop also covered the topic of how:
"Understanding does not Equal Acceptance".
Just because you can understand that your partner may treat you poorly because your partner had a rough upbringing does not mean that it makes the abusive behaviors any more acceptable. You can intellectually understand the source of your partner's pain and the roots of the bad repeating behavior patterns, however, that does not demand that you fully accept it, and invite that aspect into your life through your life partner.
When the worst, is worse than the best-of-the-best you are getting, then the end result of the relationship is that it is still worse to stay with your partner than it would be to find someone better
If you want to learn more about how to understand and master your dating and relationship skills: Learn more about self awareness and self actualization by checking out the coaching workbooks
For Men: I'M A MAN THAT'S MY JOB WORKBOOK EBOOK
For Women:
I'M A WOMAN, IT'S MY TIME EBOOK
Learn the Complete The Emotional Needs Mastery System
Check out the Benefits of COACHING Video
Couple Coach
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The Best Way To Guarantee A Divorce Is...
How to Guarantee A Divorce
By Frank Kermit
When wedding season is upon us, I get couples coming in for some pre-marital coaching. This process, usually in private couples coaching, but sometimes as a group class is to get couples to ask one another very important questions, the answers to which may even end their engagement.
The goal is to build a rock solid foundation for the marriage so that when tough times trouble the couple, the couple has the best possible odds to stay strong and steady until the storm passes.
One of the components that I teach in my coaching workbooks for men and women, "I'm A Man, That's My Job" and "I'm a Woman, It's My Time" in this process is the rule of putting a life partner ahead of your own extended family and friends.
In dealing with couples on the verge of a break up or divorce, as well as, separated and divorced individuals who are starting over, a remarkably clear pattern became identifiable.
One of the key components that the individual asking for the break listed as a primary reason for ending the relationship was a feeling that a partner put the wants and needs of extended family members and friends ahead of the needs of a spouse and even their children.
It is important for new couples getting married to understand that the number one person in your life is your spouse:
If you end up in the middle of a conflict between having to choose what it best for your spouse or what is best for anyone else, you better choose your spouse if you want your marriage to survive as you must be able to trust in your spouse that your spouse would choose for you.
In the most basic of terms, it is you and your spouse against the world. You come together in marriage to form a partnership to build a common future, a family unit, and to have each other's best interest in mind because it is expected that the two of you have already discussed and agreed upon achieving similar life goals.
These conversations should have covered family planning, careers, retirement, lifestyle and coping with any known and potential obstacles to those plans as well as agreed upon sacrifices necessary to make all of those goals happen.
If you haven't given any thought to these core goal oriented communications, you will be thinking about them while you are in the process of splitting up.
Ironically, the very questions you are asking yourself about your partner during a divorce are the same one you both needed to talk about during your engagement.
There is only one exception to this rule...if you already have young kids when you are getting married.
At that point, your kids who rely on you and have no one else to depend on take priority over your new spouse.
Your spouse is an adult that got to choose to be with you and must accept your priority to be a parent to your children.
However your children did not have the choice of having you as a parent and you may be the only person your children have to give a damn about giving them a decent start to life.
In the future I will write an article for child-free adults who date single parents and how to navigate realistic expectations of step-parenthood.
Check Out The Benefits of Frank Coaching and Sign Up (Especially if you just got Engaged!)
By Frank Kermit
When wedding season is upon us, I get couples coming in for some pre-marital coaching. This process, usually in private couples coaching, but sometimes as a group class is to get couples to ask one another very important questions, the answers to which may even end their engagement.
The goal is to build a rock solid foundation for the marriage so that when tough times trouble the couple, the couple has the best possible odds to stay strong and steady until the storm passes.
One of the components that I teach in my coaching workbooks for men and women, "I'm A Man, That's My Job" and "I'm a Woman, It's My Time" in this process is the rule of putting a life partner ahead of your own extended family and friends.
In dealing with couples on the verge of a break up or divorce, as well as, separated and divorced individuals who are starting over, a remarkably clear pattern became identifiable.
One of the key components that the individual asking for the break listed as a primary reason for ending the relationship was a feeling that a partner put the wants and needs of extended family members and friends ahead of the needs of a spouse and even their children.
It is important for new couples getting married to understand that the number one person in your life is your spouse:
- It is not your parents,
- it is not your siblings,
- and it is not your nieces, or nephews,
- not your uncles, or aunts,
- not your cousins,
- not your grandparents
- and NOT your friends.
If you end up in the middle of a conflict between having to choose what it best for your spouse or what is best for anyone else, you better choose your spouse if you want your marriage to survive as you must be able to trust in your spouse that your spouse would choose for you.
In the most basic of terms, it is you and your spouse against the world. You come together in marriage to form a partnership to build a common future, a family unit, and to have each other's best interest in mind because it is expected that the two of you have already discussed and agreed upon achieving similar life goals.
These conversations should have covered family planning, careers, retirement, lifestyle and coping with any known and potential obstacles to those plans as well as agreed upon sacrifices necessary to make all of those goals happen.
If you haven't given any thought to these core goal oriented communications, you will be thinking about them while you are in the process of splitting up.
Ironically, the very questions you are asking yourself about your partner during a divorce are the same one you both needed to talk about during your engagement.
There is only one exception to this rule...if you already have young kids when you are getting married.
At that point, your kids who rely on you and have no one else to depend on take priority over your new spouse.
Your spouse is an adult that got to choose to be with you and must accept your priority to be a parent to your children.
However your children did not have the choice of having you as a parent and you may be the only person your children have to give a damn about giving them a decent start to life.
In the future I will write an article for child-free adults who date single parents and how to navigate realistic expectations of step-parenthood.
Check Out The Benefits of Frank Coaching and Sign Up (Especially if you just got Engaged!)
P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree?
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- Published on
Valentine's Day is OK to Be Single
It's OK to be Single on Valentine's Day
By Frank Kermit
Valentine's Day can be a day of reflection for some people. A number of new relationships start on Valentine's day because some individuals mark the day to push themselves to take a chance asking out who they have adored secretly.
Other relationships come to an end on Valentine's because as some reflect on their relationships on Valentine's, some do decide they would be better off without a relationship. However, in all the kafuffle, one particular group is either ignored, or possibly pitied on V-day: The Single People who go into V-day single and remain single.
It is OK to be single on Valentine's Day.
Single people do not need to be in a relationship to be happy, nor do they merit being felt sorry for. There are those people who are in fact, Happily Single! Many singles enjoy the freedom of single life, and have more than enough affection, friends, family and love.
Being single does not mean being alone, celibate, nor in a state of relationship-envy. It is actually more than likely that many people, who feel "stuck" in an unhappy relationship, may actually envy the lifestyle of a seemingly carefree single.
However, it is equally important for happily single people to remember not to tarnish Valentine's Day celebrations for those couples who wish to commemorate the day celebrating their togetherness.
Promoting an anti-Valentine's Day attitude in the face of happy couples is just as unpleasant for the couples as it is for couples to make happily single people feel shame or guilt for "missing out on something".
The best sentiment anyone can offer one another, whether single or a couple, is for people to celebrate what they are happy to be currently experiencing.
Can Valentine's Day be classified as a "Hallmark Holiday"? Sure. Has the promotional marketing machine pushing Valentine's Day purchases, getting a tad too tasteless? Possibly. Can individuals who are coupled up be made to feel a pressure to perform some gigantic romantic feet of epic (budgetary) sweetness? I would say so.
Can individuals who are single on Valentine's Day be made to feel excluded from the lovey-dovey frenzy? Yes, I believe it could.
But it does not have to be that way.
As human beings, we have the empowered right to choose how we react to outside factors. We can choose to take the commercial endeavors of the market in stride.
We can choose how much or how little we celebrate V-day, if we choose to celebrate it at all (some people do not acknowledge Valentine's Day and elect to be loving, giving and romantic at random moments throughout the calendar year).
We can choose how to celebrate Valentine's Day with a partner that has more to do with the spirit of the couple, instead of trying to outdo other members of our social circles. We can choose to acknowledge what Valentine's Day means to one person does not carry the same meaning for other people.
We can choose to use Valentine's Day to celebrate our non-romantic connections to people (our family ties and our friendships). And for happily single people, we can choose to own and accept our single status and take pride in our passion and contributions to life.
Happy Valentine's Day whatever you love
Check out The Benefits of Frank Coaching and Sign Up!
#feb14 #feb15 #february14 #feb14th #february14th #valentinesday #bemyvalentine #valentineday #vday #singlelife #single #singleawarenessday #sad #heartbroken #heartbreak #broken #hurt #imissyou #breakup #depressing #lovequotes #alone #hearts #heart #cupid #cupidsarrow #marriageproposalideas #marriageproposalfails #engagementseason #gethitched
By Frank Kermit
Valentine's Day can be a day of reflection for some people. A number of new relationships start on Valentine's day because some individuals mark the day to push themselves to take a chance asking out who they have adored secretly.
Other relationships come to an end on Valentine's because as some reflect on their relationships on Valentine's, some do decide they would be better off without a relationship. However, in all the kafuffle, one particular group is either ignored, or possibly pitied on V-day: The Single People who go into V-day single and remain single.
It is OK to be single on Valentine's Day.
Single people do not need to be in a relationship to be happy, nor do they merit being felt sorry for. There are those people who are in fact, Happily Single! Many singles enjoy the freedom of single life, and have more than enough affection, friends, family and love.
Being single does not mean being alone, celibate, nor in a state of relationship-envy. It is actually more than likely that many people, who feel "stuck" in an unhappy relationship, may actually envy the lifestyle of a seemingly carefree single.
However, it is equally important for happily single people to remember not to tarnish Valentine's Day celebrations for those couples who wish to commemorate the day celebrating their togetherness.
Promoting an anti-Valentine's Day attitude in the face of happy couples is just as unpleasant for the couples as it is for couples to make happily single people feel shame or guilt for "missing out on something".
The best sentiment anyone can offer one another, whether single or a couple, is for people to celebrate what they are happy to be currently experiencing.
Can Valentine's Day be classified as a "Hallmark Holiday"? Sure. Has the promotional marketing machine pushing Valentine's Day purchases, getting a tad too tasteless? Possibly. Can individuals who are coupled up be made to feel a pressure to perform some gigantic romantic feet of epic (budgetary) sweetness? I would say so.
Can individuals who are single on Valentine's Day be made to feel excluded from the lovey-dovey frenzy? Yes, I believe it could.
But it does not have to be that way.
As human beings, we have the empowered right to choose how we react to outside factors. We can choose to take the commercial endeavors of the market in stride.
We can choose how much or how little we celebrate V-day, if we choose to celebrate it at all (some people do not acknowledge Valentine's Day and elect to be loving, giving and romantic at random moments throughout the calendar year).
We can choose how to celebrate Valentine's Day with a partner that has more to do with the spirit of the couple, instead of trying to outdo other members of our social circles. We can choose to acknowledge what Valentine's Day means to one person does not carry the same meaning for other people.
We can choose to use Valentine's Day to celebrate our non-romantic connections to people (our family ties and our friendships). And for happily single people, we can choose to own and accept our single status and take pride in our passion and contributions to life.
Happy Valentine's Day whatever you love
Check out The Benefits of Frank Coaching and Sign Up!
#feb14 #feb15 #february14 #feb14th #february14th #valentinesday #bemyvalentine #valentineday #vday #singlelife #single #singleawarenessday #sad #heartbroken #heartbreak #broken #hurt #imissyou #breakup #depressing #lovequotes #alone #hearts #heart #cupid #cupidsarrow #marriageproposalideas #marriageproposalfails #engagementseason #gethitched
Find Your Soulmate in 26 Hours
- Published on
how long to wait for marriage proposal
Dating 8 Years Not Married
By Frank Kermit
There are times when people will come to me for coaching, feeling very frustrated that they are in long term relationships, but as yet, are still not married to the person they are involved with.
Sometimes it is a matter of the person promising that they will get married at a particular point in the future (when the kids are in college and out of the house), but then once that time point arrives, there is no future planning on getting married.
Other times I have seen people who told the partner that they do not believe in marriage and never plan to get married to which the partner says, “I understand”, only to have the same partner be frustrated because they secretly hoped that he or she would change their mind in a few years.
Finally, there are those cases where someone is too afraid to bring up the topic of wanting to get married out of a fear of potential conflict, so they stew in their frustrations of waiting for the other to bring it up. When the other does not bring up it, the person finds themselves erupting out of frustration and having a major fight that threatens to end the relationship.
None of these situations is acceptable.
Let me be frank with you and make it clear that if getting married is important to you, then it is best to find someone that already thinks the same way you do and to screen every date you have to find someone that is compatible with your beliefs.
In today’s society the resistance to getting married actually makes sense. Depending on your income level (the higher income partner risks alimony and child support payments), your status (if you are previously divorced and financial compromised), and your history of being a lousy judge of character, or a repeating behavior pattern of self-sabotage, then the risks of getting married can be very real. Not everyone aims to get married, even if they want to date, live together and even have children.
If you happen to be dating someone that tells you that they will marry you once a certain point of time happens, it comes down to whether or not you trust your own judge of character if you believe the person. I often mention that even if you have to wait for marriage, you do not necessarily have to wait to get engaged. This conversation tends to lead to any others reasons that someone might be holding back, and can be a very effective tool to finding out if the person means it, or is just using it as an excuse.
The bottom line is this: If you want to get married by a certain deadline, be sure to communicate that deadline to the person you are involved with. There is nothing wrong nor demanding in saying that if you are not married by (insert # of years of being together) then you will end the relationship. The key is to stick by your own words when you issue any ultimatum. If you do not stick by your own ultimatums, then why should your partner take you seriously about anything else you might claim is important to you? You cannot have it both ways. You cannot complain that something you want is not happening and then refuse to take action when what is so important to you is not being fulfilled.
Speak up for yourself, and be clear about your needs and expectations. Otherwise, you will not get what you want, and the only person you can blame is yourself.
To learn about the Hierarchy of Dating and Relationships and learn where and how marriage fits in: Click here to buy a copy of the Coaching Workbooks
For Men : I'm a Man, That's My Job
For Women : I'm a Woman, It's My Time
By Frank Kermit
There are times when people will come to me for coaching, feeling very frustrated that they are in long term relationships, but as yet, are still not married to the person they are involved with.
Sometimes it is a matter of the person promising that they will get married at a particular point in the future (when the kids are in college and out of the house), but then once that time point arrives, there is no future planning on getting married.
Other times I have seen people who told the partner that they do not believe in marriage and never plan to get married to which the partner says, “I understand”, only to have the same partner be frustrated because they secretly hoped that he or she would change their mind in a few years.
Finally, there are those cases where someone is too afraid to bring up the topic of wanting to get married out of a fear of potential conflict, so they stew in their frustrations of waiting for the other to bring it up. When the other does not bring up it, the person finds themselves erupting out of frustration and having a major fight that threatens to end the relationship.
None of these situations is acceptable.
Let me be frank with you and make it clear that if getting married is important to you, then it is best to find someone that already thinks the same way you do and to screen every date you have to find someone that is compatible with your beliefs.
In today’s society the resistance to getting married actually makes sense. Depending on your income level (the higher income partner risks alimony and child support payments), your status (if you are previously divorced and financial compromised), and your history of being a lousy judge of character, or a repeating behavior pattern of self-sabotage, then the risks of getting married can be very real. Not everyone aims to get married, even if they want to date, live together and even have children.
If you happen to be dating someone that tells you that they will marry you once a certain point of time happens, it comes down to whether or not you trust your own judge of character if you believe the person. I often mention that even if you have to wait for marriage, you do not necessarily have to wait to get engaged. This conversation tends to lead to any others reasons that someone might be holding back, and can be a very effective tool to finding out if the person means it, or is just using it as an excuse.
The bottom line is this: If you want to get married by a certain deadline, be sure to communicate that deadline to the person you are involved with. There is nothing wrong nor demanding in saying that if you are not married by (insert # of years of being together) then you will end the relationship. The key is to stick by your own words when you issue any ultimatum. If you do not stick by your own ultimatums, then why should your partner take you seriously about anything else you might claim is important to you? You cannot have it both ways. You cannot complain that something you want is not happening and then refuse to take action when what is so important to you is not being fulfilled.
Speak up for yourself, and be clear about your needs and expectations. Otherwise, you will not get what you want, and the only person you can blame is yourself.
To learn about the Hierarchy of Dating and Relationships and learn where and how marriage fits in: Click here to buy a copy of the Coaching Workbooks
For Men : I'm a Man, That's My Job
For Women : I'm a Woman, It's My Time
Coach For Singles
- Published on
This is a contributed post.
Starting a family and getting married can all come at you so fast. It’s a good thing to question whether you’re ready to make such a big commitment in your life. If you don’t question these things and whether now is the time for you to push ahead, you might make the wrong call for you. That’s the last thing you need, so don’t let it come to that.
Instead, be honest with your partner and discuss the practical challenges that the pair of you are likely to face when starting a family and tying the knot. These practical areas of concern might not be romantic, but it’s the practical things that will hit you hardest later on.
Timing
First of all, you need to think about the timing of all this. Is now the right time for you to be starting a family and settling down with a partner who you aim to stay with for the rest of your life? Questioning that is nothing to be ashamed of; it’s perfectly natural. We all have to find our own way, and you don’t have an obligation to anyone if you’re not ready to do something yet.
There are other ways in which timing should be considered too. For example, if you are entering middle age and you still want to have children, you will have to think about biology. Of course, there are things you can do to have children later in life now, but it’s something that is worth keeping in mind. You don’t want to regret things later.
Instead, be honest with your partner and discuss the practical challenges that the pair of you are likely to face when starting a family and tying the knot. These practical areas of concern might not be romantic, but it’s the practical things that will hit you hardest later on.
Timing
First of all, you need to think about the timing of all this. Is now the right time for you to be starting a family and settling down with a partner who you aim to stay with for the rest of your life? Questioning that is nothing to be ashamed of; it’s perfectly natural. We all have to find our own way, and you don’t have an obligation to anyone if you’re not ready to do something yet.
There are other ways in which timing should be considered too. For example, if you are entering middle age and you still want to have children, you will have to think about biology. Of course, there are things you can do to have children later in life now, but it’s something that is worth keeping in mind. You don’t want to regret things later.
country date night https://static.pexels.com/photos/40525/pexels-photo-40525.jpeg
Financial Issues
Money is a big part of any long-term relationship. You need to find a way to make it work financially for the both of you. And looking at how the balance of financial obligation is going to work between you is key. Talking about these things openly and frankly is always the best way to do things. That way, everyone will know where they stand.
The other thing to think about is whether you should put a prenuptial agreement in place. Some solicitors or law firms can provide expert advice if that’s something you want to do. It will mean that if the marriage doesn’t turn out as planned, the finances will be clear and no one will have to argue over money. Finally, think about whether you have the money to start a family and maintain your lifestyle. Raising kids isn’t cheap.
gold coins https://static.pexels.com/photos/2116/money-gold-coins-finance.jpg
Career Concerns
Last but not least, you should think about how your family and marital plans fit in with your career. For many people, their jobs and careers are the most important things of all to them. And there is nothing at all wrong with that. But it can be challenging to keep your career on track while raising a family.
It could be a better idea to wait until your career is in a more stable place before starting a family if you feel like you are stilling growing fast in your job. That way, your career will be less hectic when the times comes to have children and take on fatherly or motherly responsibilities for the first time.
Last but not least, you should think about how your family and marital plans fit in with your career. For many people, their jobs and careers are the most important things of all to them. And there is nothing at all wrong with that. But it can be challenging to keep your career on track while raising a family.
It could be a better idea to wait until your career is in a more stable place before starting a family if you feel like you are stilling growing fast in your job. That way, your career will be less hectic when the times comes to have children and take on fatherly or motherly responsibilities for the first time.
corporate ladder meme https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2014/02/09/13/58/career-262793_960_720.jpg
