If You Can't Handle Me At My Worst Meme

4/28/2017

If you can't handle me at my worst meme

Dangerous Memes
by Frank Kermit

"If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"

This meme has been floating around the Internet for some time. It is usually attributed to the late Marilyn Monroe 1926-1962 (muse for the song "Candle in the Wind" by Elton John).

Marilyn Monroe (born Norma Jeane Mortenson) was an American actress and model. Famous for playing comic "dumb blonde" characters, she became one of the most popular sex symbols of the 1950s, emblematic of the era's attitudes towards sexuality.

I do not know for sure if it was Marilyn Monroe who actually made the statement.

What the Meme was Intending to Say

Essentially, the meme tries to communicate that there is a price to everything.

If you want someone for all the great things that person offers then you have to accept that each person is a human being.

A human being is imperfect.

A human being has faults.

There will be things you LOVE about a person

and there will be things that you will not be able to stand about that SAME person.

Do you want someone that has many of the qualities you are looking for?

You will also have to accept all of the attributes
that likely went along
to helping that person develop those qualities.

Do you want someone who has a very prestigious profession?

You will also have to handle that such a person is likely not going to be around much
for birthdays, holidays and the off time most other people get.

Do you want someone who is very health, fit and attractive?

You will also have to handle that such a person is likely not going to tolerate
your unhealthy habits, and is going to sacrifice time to maintain that level of status;
time that could have been spent with you.

Do you want someone who is sweet, considerate and puts your needs first?

Then you are going to have to handle that such a person
might not be the most assertive person,
and that you may have to step up to protect that person
from others who use people pleasers.

You cannot just want the good in a person
without accepting the whole person,
and that includes all the things about the person
that you do not like.

Why this Meme is Dangerous

What makes this meme dangerous

is that for some people,

it has gone from a reminder to take the good with the bad,

to become an excuse, practically a rallying cry,

for people to excuse their own bad behavior.

When I am coaching someone that I have this quote/meme
thrown at me,

it isn't from someone that is trying to present a balanced perspective,

nor is it from someone that is even trying to be a better partner.

It is being used by people that KNOW they are being abusive

and justifying their abusive behaviors by saying they do other things to compensate.

The woman that admits in couples coaching that she spits on her husband
when they argue
and then uses that meme to justify it
because she is a good mother to their kids
never apologizing for the bad behavior
and not even trying to be a better person.

The man that admits to putting his girlfriend at risk with unsafe adulterous sex
and then uses that meme to justify it
because he financially supports her lifestyle.
never apologizing for the bad behavior
and not even trying to be a better person.

That is what makes this meme so dangerous.

As A Coach

The work that I do is a privilege.

I see the best and worst of humanity.

I see the best and worst of individual people.

What would l like to see more of?

People who give more of their best
instead of justifying their worst.

Here is a final bit of frank advice for you, from the coach:

If your worst is pushing people away
then maybe your best really isn't all that good enough.

-Frank Kermit

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