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understanding the suicide mind
UNDERSTANDING THE SUICIDE MIND
by Frank Kermit
May 28, 2016, updated on April 19, 2018
In order to try and understand why someone may consider suicide an option, you must first enter the mindset. A person contemplating suicide is not taking the easy way out.
The person is simply in so much pain, in such a head space, that suicide seems like the only way to escape that pain.
To give you an idea of how a suicidal mind distorts perception, a suicidal person has the belief that all those people who love him or her, would actually be better off without them. It does not make logical sense.
THAT IS THE POINT!
It is NOT going to make sense. That is just one of the ways the suicidal mind distorts the perception of reality.
Here is another to help you understand:
When you are feeling down, it is still possible to remember a time when you felt happy.
When you are in a suicidal mind state, the distortion on reality is that you can NOT remember a time you ever felt happy.
That is, in part, what contributes to someone feeling suicide is an option.
Divorced and single people, according to Stats Canada, commit suicide more often than married people. Partly because those who are divorced suffer greater losses than those who are simply alone. But in both cases, a very real factor is at play.
A person who is having a suicidal mindset needs someone OUTSIDE OF THEIR OWN MIND (another person outside him or her self) to help break the suicidal mind state.
Even then, depending on the degree of mental illness, it still may not be enough for certain individuals.
I am writing this because I see many people right now in mourning.
Anger, resentment and bitterness is PART of the mourning process.
That is normal.
However, COMPASSION is part of the HEALING process. You have a choice, you can either show COMPASSION or you can DISPLAY anger to the person who committed suicide.
And in the event you can not find it in yourself to show COMPASSION, because it is simply not an option for you, then you fully understand the mindset of a suicidal person...because that same inability to change your perspective, is exactly what that suicidal person went through.
I wish you all peace and healing.
Frank Kermit
Did you know that Frank Kermit contemplated suicide? He reached a point where he had to make a choice. Either he was going to finally figure out dating, sex, love and relationships, or he was going to kill himself.
That was his breaking point.
Read about his life adventures about the horrible experiences that led to his breakdown, and what he did to turn his life around to living a love life that most people only dream of!
From getting stood up at the prom to having a poly date on Valentine's Day. From losing his ex-fiance to his best friend to getting his ex back 7 years later! From 5 years of no sex, to having 5 lovers and girlfriends at the same time.
From Loser To Seducer.
From Zero To Hero
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Tired of being single?
CJAD Anniversary
May 2016, updated April 20, 2018
by Frank Kermit
In the youtube video below, Frank Kermit and Dr Laurie Betito talk about what singles can do, if they are tired of being single.
My first appearance on the radio program Passion on CJAD.com 800 AM, created and hosted by Dr Laurie Betito happened some time in 2009. In May of 2010, I was invited by Dr Betito to join her for a Monthly feature called Dating Dilemmas. This week (2016), when I appear on Passion's monthly feature Dating Dilemmas, I will be celebrating 7 YEARS as a monthly co-host.
2010 to 2011, 2011 to 2012, 2012 to 2013, 2013 to 2014, 2014 to 2015 and 2015 to 2016...yup this month marks the beginning of 7 YEARS together (8 years in total if you count 2009 appearances that were not Dating Dilemmas shows).
Being on CJAD.com has been a privilege, and more importantly, working with Dr Laure Betito has been a joy. Live on air, on mainstream media, where listeners can tune in and send in questions via phone, text or email, and doing rapid fire Q&A on the spot, never having pre screened the questions myself as they come in Live....has been some of the most rewarding and exciting experiences for me over the last 7 years.
I do not know what the future will hold.
Sometimes, I have to remember that just a few short months ago, I did not even know if I was going to recovery fully from my surgical mishap that has since left me...a little different than I used to me, and was not even sure I would have been able to continue doing media as frequently as I did.
All I know is I am still here, and at least for now, I am still on CJAD once a month, and continue to get audience feedback that they are happy to hear me.
Dr Laurie and I do not always agree on air (or off air for that matter) about some of my views on dating...but that is OK. She has always been respectful of my position and I of hers. It does make for entertaining listening though!
So in celebration of this being the beginning of my 7th year of Dating Dilemmas on Passion with Dr Laurie Betito, I thought a youtube video of our first dating dilemmas would be in order, just to give people a glimpse of how amateur I sounded on air, to get an idea of what a wonderful learning experience Dr Laurie as afforded me over the years.
Oh, one more thing...when we go on air this Wed night, May 25th at 10 pm EST LIVE on CJAD.com (or 800 AM on the radio broadcast dial for those in Montreal), it will also mark the very first episode of Dating Dilemmas to be SPONSORED.
Yes, you read that correctly. Dating Dilemmas, for the first time ever, as a sponsor. We Welcome Fritz-Gerald of Elite Speed Dating who will sponsor this episode of Dating Dilemmas!
Pretty Awesome way to break in the 7th year anniversary of Dating Dilemmas. I guess 7 is a lucky number after all.
Remember to tune in every last Wed of the month at 10 pm EST
Call in, text or email your dating questions!
Yes, you read that correctly. Dating Dilemmas, for the first time ever, as a sponsor. We Welcome Fritz-Gerald of Elite Speed Dating who will sponsor this episode of Dating Dilemmas!
Pretty Awesome way to break in the 7th year anniversary of Dating Dilemmas. I guess 7 is a lucky number after all.
Remember to tune in every last Wed of the month at 10 pm EST
Call in, text or email your dating questions!
Tired of being single?
DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
Sign up for Frank Coaching of the emotional needs of women and men.
Learn what makes a man commit and what makes a woman fall in love!
This program will change your life forever! Read the reviews and tell me how great this works! No guess work. Follow the simple formula of what people respond to and learn how to make people fall madly in love with you.
DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
Sign up for Frank Coaching of the emotional needs of women and men.
Learn what makes a man commit and what makes a woman fall in love!
This program will change your life forever! Read the reviews and tell me how great this works! No guess work. Follow the simple formula of what people respond to and learn how to make people fall madly in love with you.
Stop Being Single
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Social development with CPSTD and Depression
Originally published May 17, 2016, Updated on April 20, 2018
Dear Friends,
Regularly I will receive emails from past clients sending updates, or current clients keeping me informed in between client sessions. Such a client wrote in to talk about how he is identifying some of his challenges and coming to terms with his abusive pasts.
“HP” is a former adult male virgin that I coached to get into the dating world after emancipating himself from his past by teaching him the Frank Kermit Emotional Needs Analysis system.
With his permission, I am posting this under a pen name for him, to protect his identity, because we both agree that many other people may benefit from his writing. I have invited him to write more articles for my blog as he deems it appropriate.
-Frank
SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT WITH CPSTD AND DEPRESSION
From my experience as someone who is recovering from child abuse, religious cult mind control, depression and complex PTSD. I believe that those conditions can completely stop a person’s social development. Do they have to? Absolutely not!
With persistence and patience a person can develop great social skills. But these conditions will inhibit the development. For that reason it is in the person’s best interest to do everything they possibly can to recover from these conditions as fully as possible.
Before I dive into how these problems have affected my social development, I feel it is necessary to give a brief description of how my upbringing was so destructive.
First of all my family is highly religious and is highly female dominated. My mother is a low functioning narcissist who must have control over everything.
She also has chauvinistic views on males. She subjected me to things such as treating me less than because I am a male, gas lighting, constant shaming, and shunning me when I did not do what she said.
My father is a man who is severely damaged. He is very passive and risk adverse. He is controlled by my mother and he believes masculinity is evil and violent. He did not teach me about the social order or how I could find my place in society.
The area I grew up in is also very dysfunctional. The children I went to school with did not accept me for some reason. I was subject to constant verbal and sometimes physical abuse. That stayed constant for the entirety of my grade school years.
I was three years out of high school. I met up with a religious group called the ****. I ended up joining the group, which turned out to be a religious cult. To be honest it was a step up from the home I grew up with and my grade school situation as well. In that group I was subject to cult brainwashing and gained a view of sexuality that if expressed anyway other than marriage would lead to social rejection.
After nine years of being in that group I finally left at the age of 32. A month after leaving the **** all the damage that was collecting over the years finally came out. I was hit by a serious case of severe Depressive Disorder and Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Now I’ll explain how those conditions affected my social development.
When a person is developing socially by learning about the social arts and gaining experience, they will develop an inner compass and feelings that will empower them to have more success.
But depression creates an inner numbness and pain that snuffs all that inner energy out. It is like a big uncomfortable blanket that covers the soul.
While the person may know what to do and may see some success the energy and feelings of confidence will be completely snuffed out. The person will not feel like they are making any headway at all.
On top of that depression is a complete motivation killer and when the person makes an effort to get out there and make new friendships it often comes across as forced and unenthusiastic.
That energy that connects with others will be missing from the equation. It’s like a big wall that disconnects a person from the outside world.
Now PTSD and Complex PTSD makes the situation even more complicated. Those disorders fill a person with the trauma pain that could have been afflicted years ago, these disorders require special treatment to heal.
So if someone is 35 years old and saw intense prolonged emotional abuse as a child; Those feelings will stay with a person permanently until they get professional help to resolve them.
The way PTSD affects social development is that those feeling of rejection and fear of abandonment will stay with a person while they are learning and much like depression will negate any feelings of confidence and the developing inner compass with anxiety and often deep phobias.
The combination of Depression and PTSD will lead to a very frustrating sense of depression and anxiety. Now throw in the fact that the person is highly motivated to meet new people you now have a deeply conflicted individual.
That is what life is like when you are trying to grow with Depression and CPTSD.
Social development is possible but often slower that with a person who is emotionally healthy starting out. To reach the fullest potential a person I believe a person needs to heal these conditions.
With hard work, perseverance, and patience (in reality it takes a lot time to heal from 30+years of intense abuse) I believe a person can make a suitable recovery to get the life that is waiting or him.
-HP, Dallas, Texas
Dear Friends,
Regularly I will receive emails from past clients sending updates, or current clients keeping me informed in between client sessions. Such a client wrote in to talk about how he is identifying some of his challenges and coming to terms with his abusive pasts.
“HP” is a former adult male virgin that I coached to get into the dating world after emancipating himself from his past by teaching him the Frank Kermit Emotional Needs Analysis system.
With his permission, I am posting this under a pen name for him, to protect his identity, because we both agree that many other people may benefit from his writing. I have invited him to write more articles for my blog as he deems it appropriate.
-Frank
SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT WITH CPSTD AND DEPRESSION
From my experience as someone who is recovering from child abuse, religious cult mind control, depression and complex PTSD. I believe that those conditions can completely stop a person’s social development. Do they have to? Absolutely not!
With persistence and patience a person can develop great social skills. But these conditions will inhibit the development. For that reason it is in the person’s best interest to do everything they possibly can to recover from these conditions as fully as possible.
Before I dive into how these problems have affected my social development, I feel it is necessary to give a brief description of how my upbringing was so destructive.
First of all my family is highly religious and is highly female dominated. My mother is a low functioning narcissist who must have control over everything.
She also has chauvinistic views on males. She subjected me to things such as treating me less than because I am a male, gas lighting, constant shaming, and shunning me when I did not do what she said.
My father is a man who is severely damaged. He is very passive and risk adverse. He is controlled by my mother and he believes masculinity is evil and violent. He did not teach me about the social order or how I could find my place in society.
The area I grew up in is also very dysfunctional. The children I went to school with did not accept me for some reason. I was subject to constant verbal and sometimes physical abuse. That stayed constant for the entirety of my grade school years.
I was three years out of high school. I met up with a religious group called the ****. I ended up joining the group, which turned out to be a religious cult. To be honest it was a step up from the home I grew up with and my grade school situation as well. In that group I was subject to cult brainwashing and gained a view of sexuality that if expressed anyway other than marriage would lead to social rejection.
After nine years of being in that group I finally left at the age of 32. A month after leaving the **** all the damage that was collecting over the years finally came out. I was hit by a serious case of severe Depressive Disorder and Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Now I’ll explain how those conditions affected my social development.
When a person is developing socially by learning about the social arts and gaining experience, they will develop an inner compass and feelings that will empower them to have more success.
But depression creates an inner numbness and pain that snuffs all that inner energy out. It is like a big uncomfortable blanket that covers the soul.
While the person may know what to do and may see some success the energy and feelings of confidence will be completely snuffed out. The person will not feel like they are making any headway at all.
On top of that depression is a complete motivation killer and when the person makes an effort to get out there and make new friendships it often comes across as forced and unenthusiastic.
That energy that connects with others will be missing from the equation. It’s like a big wall that disconnects a person from the outside world.
Now PTSD and Complex PTSD makes the situation even more complicated. Those disorders fill a person with the trauma pain that could have been afflicted years ago, these disorders require special treatment to heal.
So if someone is 35 years old and saw intense prolonged emotional abuse as a child; Those feelings will stay with a person permanently until they get professional help to resolve them.
The way PTSD affects social development is that those feeling of rejection and fear of abandonment will stay with a person while they are learning and much like depression will negate any feelings of confidence and the developing inner compass with anxiety and often deep phobias.
The combination of Depression and PTSD will lead to a very frustrating sense of depression and anxiety. Now throw in the fact that the person is highly motivated to meet new people you now have a deeply conflicted individual.
That is what life is like when you are trying to grow with Depression and CPTSD.
Social development is possible but often slower that with a person who is emotionally healthy starting out. To reach the fullest potential a person I believe a person needs to heal these conditions.
With hard work, perseverance, and patience (in reality it takes a lot time to heal from 30+years of intense abuse) I believe a person can make a suitable recovery to get the life that is waiting or him.
-HP, Dallas, Texas
H.P. did a GREAT JOB is battling his personal demons and conquered a big part of his social development.
He WAS an adult male virgin when he came to me, and signed up for my Adult Male Virgin Coaching Program.
Be like H.P. and sign up now for the Adult Male Virgin Coaching Program. If he can do it, you can do it. Do it now! Working with Frank Kermit is easy, his system works quickly and you can sign up for it right now, Today!
Help for Adult Male Virgins
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What if it were your kids going to that school too ?
Frank Comment on Karla Homolka
By Frank Kermit MA
April 27, 2016, updated on April 18, 2018
When the news story broke in 2016 that Karla Homolka was found to be living in Chateauguay, Quebec, with a legally changed name, married with 3 young children and thus was regularly on the grounds of an elementary school where she took two of her oldest, I started to think.
One of my first thoughts was did her new husband know of her past before he had children with her, or was that information hidden from him and he was duped? After all, given the fact that she is a convicted serial killer who helped target her own younger sister, along with two other teenage girls, that simply cannot be something a person could easily overlook while falling in love.
As it turns out, her husband is the brother of her lawyer, and I would personally assume he knows even more details about what happened than the public does. Maybe I am wrong.
Another question I had was whether or not the news media did any disservice to her children by revealing the exact house they live in. Although the young kids are not responsible for the sins of their mother, would these very young children now be the targets of school bullies as well as any adults in and around the school who may take on the mantle of social justice, to justify abusive actions against these children that happen to be just as innocent as Homolka’s original victims?
Even if other school children, the school staff, and the parents of the other children in the school make it a point not to target those little kids, could revealing the exact location of the home in that neighborhood, ignite an individual vigilante who seeks to make more innocent children suffer in an effort to appease social justice’s call of an-eye-for-an-eye?
But the final question I had was what if it was my child was going to school with the children of a convicted serial killer?
I thought about this question the most. What would I do? It seems that after serving her sentence there is no legal action that can be taken to force her to remove her children from that school, and I do not know if isolating her children is an answer I would be comfortable with. Again, I would not want to punish the children for the actions of a parent.
One of the thoughts that came to my mind is that my kids could already be going to school with the children of convicted criminals and I simply do not know it. Just because it does not appear on the news media does not mean it does not exist.
The fact is, we really do not intimately know our neighbors, and that includes the neighbors we actually do know.
Every family has secrets they do not share with the neighbors.
So where does that leave us with what to do, when you are concerned for the safety and well being of your children?
Many years ago, on our first date my wife and I talked about a hypothetical situation of what we would do if it turned out one of our children was being so severely bullied at school that it started to affect their mental health. We both agreed that we would take every measure possible to protect our children including modifying our day-to-day work lifestyles and make whatever sacrifices were necessary to pull our child out of a brick-and-mortar school where our child was being victimized, and simply do whatever it took to home-school our kids.
As we may not legally be able to expel the other kids who torment our children, we always have a choice about whether or not we send our children to a school in order to meet the educational requirements of the government.
That conversation with my wife was one of the reasons I knew I was going to marry her, as we both felt very strongly about protecting our children and we both had the same vision of how we wanted to parent.
So, I guess that is what I would do.
From what I gather in the media follow-up stories, neither the school, nor the government is forced to remove Homolka’s children from any elementary school regardless of her criminal past.
It has nothing to do with rehabilitation, as it seems it has to do more with the deal she and her lawyers struck with the prosecution, and the fact that she completed her 12-year sentence.
Again, maybe I am wrong.
What I do feel confident in stating, is that if it were my children in the position of so many other kids going to school where I did not feel my kids were extra safe I might very well put the home-school plan into action.
According to http://thecanadianhomeschooler.com/canadian-homeschool-laws-quebec/, a student who receives home schooling and benefits from an education experience which according to an evaluation made by or for the school are equivalent to what is provided at school, are exempt from compulsory school attendance.
For more information about home-schooling and how to transition your child from going to a brick-and-mortar school, to schooling your own kids at home, please contact the Home School Legal Defense Association http://www.hslda.ca/
I really do not mean to offend anyone with this article.
I just see people being very concerned about what they should do, and before anyone takes any actions they are going to later regret or feel terrible about, I thought it would be wise to at least cover other options that are available.
I wish you all peace and healing.
Every Family Has Secrets
If you like Frank Articles like this one, then you need to get a copy of Frank Talks Volume 1: 100 of the best Frank Articles on Love, Sex, Dating and Relationships.
collection of articles
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Stay Friends After Sex
From Lovers To Friends
By Frank Kermit
April 27, 2016, Updated on March 1, 2018
Most of the time, I get asked by clients how to go from being just friends with someone, to actually dating them. In fact, it is so popular a question that I have written a book: 'From Friends To Lovers: Stop Being Her Emotional Cookie Man' and have recorded a 2-hour MP3 lecture on the subject.
Occasionally however, I do get the reverse. A person that asks how to stop being lovers, but still stay friends?
This can be somewhat challenging as the nature of going from lovers to just friends, is very dependent on the kind of sexual relationship that existed previously.
If the two of you were just casual lovers or friends-with-benefits, and there was never any expectation of things getting into a more serious commitment, then transitioning from lovers to friends might be a simpler process.
If the two of you were dating more seriously with the hopes of it becoming a committed long term relationship, staying friends after ending your sexual involvement may not even be a good idea, depending on how attached or hurt one or both of you are after the break up.
There are times, when going from lovers to friends may require a period of no-contact, to help with personal healing and breaking attachment patterns.
So, becoming friends may still happen, but likely only after a period of not being actual friends, but still remaining on “friendly” terms. (Usually this means that although someone is hurt or feeling rejected, they do not resort to attacks on your character just because of the break up).
The best way to manage becoming friends after being lovers is to manage the friendship from before you become lovers in the first place. If you make it clear between both parties before starting a physical relationship, that there is no desire or expectation of something more serious later on, it will be easier to remain friends afterwards.
Part of managing those expectations is to also make it clear to both partners that this arrangement is a time limited involvement. You start off by being clear this can and will end at any time.
Even in cases where someone develops feelings for the other, it is still easier to remain friends in the long run, if you are both honest about the meaning (or lack thereof as the case may be) your sexual relationship actually has.
If you are in a more committed relationship and you want to stop being lovers and demote each other back to friends (sounds kind of harsh doesn’t it?), the best way to break up is to focus on all the reasons you are both incompatible for a future long term relationship.
If your long term plans are in conflict (for example, one of you wants to raise a family in the country, while the other wants to live in the city), then using that as a basis for ending the relationship has the greatest chances of salvaging a friendship after sex.
Simply acting on a lack of attraction, or feelings lost will not garner feelings of friendship. Yes, losing those honeymoon phase feelings does happen, even in the best of couples and lovers, but that alone does not have to mean the end of being lovers (as many successful long term couples will attest too).
Even the best of connections can hit an attraction slump on the road of pleasure.
If you stop being lovers because of your long-term incompatibilities, and not based on your moment-to-moment feelings, there are less hurt feelings, less feelings of rejection, and a lot more understanding.
Even if you aren’t able to become the best of friends, at the very least, you are more likely to end up on “friendly-enough” terms. In an age of social media, that is a grand option.
If you think your lover is getting bored and is going to tell you that they just want to be friends, grab a copy of this book and give them the most adventurous sex they ever dreamed .
This book has easy to use suggestions that you can put to work fast. The ideas listed in this book are designed to keep your lovers guessing what you are going to do next, and will make you the most adventurous lover they ever had.
how to be a better lover
social circle dating
Having Social Circle Sex is something you have to learn to manage, otherwise, each time you have sex with someone in your social circle, you risk losing your entire social circle. No one wants to be a lonely loser, and chances are you have friends in your social circle that you always wanted to date, and then stay friends with after sex.
This book will teach you simple easy steps to managing your social circles, and how to engage with lovers in each social circle, in a way that you get both get sex with your best friends as well as, grow your social circle experience by staying friends after sex.
This book will teach you simple easy steps to managing your social circles, and how to engage with lovers in each social circle, in a way that you get both get sex with your best friends as well as, grow your social circle experience by staying friends after sex.
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Attention does not always equal love
When it's All About Attention
By Frank Kermit
April 26, 2016, updated on April 18, 2018
Attention does not equal love.
Attention does mean you get noticed more, however, even if the entire room notices you, that still does not guarantee that you will earn love that way.
In fact, depending on how you attempt to acquire that attention could get you the kind of attention where everyone wants to know about you, but no one wants to get to know you personally.
One of the issues I see in my coaching practice is trying to explain to some people that their attention seeking behaviors are hampering their initiatives to find love.
For example, when writing an online dating profile, trying to be too general so that you potentially attract the maximum amount of attention may get you more first dates, but will cause you to end up more alone in the long term.
When writing an online profile to be more specific to your realistic (not fantasy ideal) needs, you will likely attract less attention, but of the attention it does attract, it creates the best possible odds to find a legitimate connection.
Trying to get lots of attention from everyone, means you are potentially going to get less attention from the very individuals that could be your greatest loves.
Attention is not a bad thing.
Attention can be a great thing if it is the kind of attention that supports you, encourages you, empowers you, and brings you up.
Good attention can do those things, such as bringing attention to a great work you have done, or a strong endeavor that you are behind that is trying to get off the ground, or even getting attention as a means of appreciation for your good deeds.
Attention can also be a means of self-sabotage, when a person seeks attention so desperately, they are willing to settle for bad attention instead of no attention.
For example, the teenager who is neglected at home and not getting enough good forms of attention to the point of feeling ignored (no attention) may start acting out in destructive ways to get bad attention (attention to misdeeds).
It can be important to take a moment and ask yourself about what type of attention you are currently seeking?
Are you seeking good attention that will attract the kinds of people in your life to move you forward?
Are you seeking bad attention, just for the sake of getting any attention, regardless of the consequences?
Are you trying to keep yourself hidden away so that you are able to avoid attention, and reject any of the attention that you may get through happenstance?
Are you trying to get all the attention possible and hoping that by increasing the amount of attention you get, you also increase your chances of getting something at all?
Put your focus, not on getting all the attention you can in general, but rather, on getting the particular attention of those individuals that make all the work you put into attention getting worth it.
date coaching for men
If you are trapped in a repeating behavior pattern of seeking attention, and it is ruining every great love you ever had (you know, the ones you remember as the best thing that ever happened to you that you just had to screw up, then sign up for COACHING with Frank Kermit and fix this issue once and for all!
date coaching for women
- Published on
Are your friends keeping you single?
Sabotage Between Friends
By Frank Kermit
April 8, 2016, updated on April 19, 2018
From what I have observed in my practice over the last 15 years, one of the most consistent external factors that will keep a person single, are the friends of that person.
I have seen so many people experience sabotage from their friends; specific actions that those friends took, that directly resulted in someone ending up single.
Here are some examples I have encountered over the years.
A young man feels his best male friend is spending too much time with his new girlfriend, so he manipulates their social circle to put pressure on his best male friend to break up with her, by claiming she is changing him when she is not.
A married woman is being coaxed by her recently divorced friends to come out to a club for a girls-night-out, and actively encourage her to cheat on her husband by pushing her to occupy the attention of the odd-man-out of the circle of males that have shown interest in the group of girls, in a subconscious attempt to have her lose her marriage and rejoin her girlfriends in the single world.
A man meets a new girl that he really likes and wants to date, but his friends all tell him he could do so much better than her, and his need for their approval costs him what could have been a very compatible partner, when they just do not want to lose their drinking buddy.
A girl jealous of all the male attention that her friend is getting from having lost weight starts to spread rumors that are designed to turn the guys off, and keep the guys focused on herself for more titillating information.
This is just a small sample of what actually happens.
Just to be clear, for the purposes of this article, jealousy is the feeling when someone feels threatened of losing something they feel they already have.
It does not matter if it is a real threat (like someone writing love letters to your partner and demanding that your partner leaves you), or if the threat is imaginary (you assume your partner is cheating when there is no evidence to support that theory and in fact your partner is faithful). Whether the threat is real or fantasy, the effects on your nervous system is still the same.
This is different from envy (which your friends can experience as well). Envy is when a person does NOT have something that someone else does have, and covets it.
A true friend is someone that wants to see you happy. Even if that happiness means you will be spending more time doing the things you love, and spending more time with a serious romantic partner, and less time with your friend.
If you are searching for love, it is best to keep in mind that your future long-term romantic partner is likely to replace your best friend if you seek to make a long-term relationship successful.
A true friend is OK with this.
Putting anyone, ahead of your life partner and children, even if that person has been your best friend since forever, is a predictor that the relationship will eventually end.
Friendship is important. It is just as important to know at what point you are not willing to have your long term happiness and success be sabotaged all in the name of maintaining a friendship.
Give a piece of your heart to your closest friend, but never to the point where that piece of your heart will cost you peace of mind for your future.
If you want to learn how to be a good friend, to properly help encourage the people you care about to move forward in their love lives, then you need to study How To Be The Ethical Seducer (or Seductress).
The program will teach you how to stay out of the way of others finding love, and more importantly will help you spot those of your so called "friends" that are actually manipulating you. There are many signs that you are being played for a fool. Learn them and never be taken advantage of, or for granted again.
The program will teach you how to stay out of the way of others finding love, and more importantly will help you spot those of your so called "friends" that are actually manipulating you. There are many signs that you are being played for a fool. Learn them and never be taken advantage of, or for granted again.
symptoms of seduction
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Asking "So, Where is this Going?"
So Where Is This Going?
The What Are We Relationship Talk
By Frank Kermit
Mar 22, 2016, Updated on April 18, 2018
“So where is this going?” That is a question on the minds of many people who have started to date someone new and things are going well. However, it is also one of the most intimidating questions that people fear asking because they may not like the answer they are going to get, or they are afraid that it may turn off the other person.
If you are dating someone right now, and have been for some time, let’s use for example four weeks, it is perfectly OK to ask the person where this is going. Asking for clarity about where you stand with someone is normal and only an issue is you feel there is an issue in asking. More often than not, it is a person’s own discomfort with asking where they stand, rather than the question itself, that turns people off.
So ask!
- If the person sees a potential future with you, at least you know.
- If the person does not see a potential future with you, at least you know.
- If the person wants to move to the next level and make your dating together exclusive and not date anyone else, at least you know.
- If the person wants to date you but still date other people at the same time until things get even more serious, at least you know.
- If the person still does not know, because it is too soon for them, well then, at least you know.
In truth, there is nothing wrong with someone only wanting to date you causally for a limited time, or wanting something more serious with you, or not knowing what they want at all.
Because the core of the question: “So where is this going?” has less to do with the other person and has more to do with you.
It is about what you want.
It does not matter if the other person only wants a casual fling or something exclusively serious. If what the other person wants is not compatible with what you want, then it is up to you to be the person to move on.
What I find very sad in my practice is the number of people that focus more on what someone else wants rather than focusing on going after what they want in dating.
First you have to know what you want, and communicate what you want from the other person. Set a timeline if need be, such as, we can date casually for 7 weeks but at that point we have to make a choice about whether or not we get exclusive. If the other person is not interested in what you want, better to find out sooner than later.
The worst thing anyone can do is wait for the other person to come around to his or her way of thinking. If what you want, and what someone else wants are not compatible, then move on to find someone new to date. The way to find out where you stand with the other person is to ask that person directly.
When you ask, make sure you ask in a manner that is about gathering information. There is no need for insults or name calling just because the person you are dating does not want the same things as you. There is no need for accusations and trying to guilt the person into changing his or her mind.
There are so many people that you can date in the world, and it is more than likely you will find someone that wants you the way you want him or her.
Settling out of fear is no way to build a foundation to anything long lasting.
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If you are Struggling to start conversations when dating, go pick up this audio program on The Emotional Needs of Men and Women so no matter what you want to say for you, you never have to feel awkward again to have basic conversation skills. And Bonus, have the person you want to date think you are the hottest, most attractive person in the room by just saying simple statements they are already programmed to respond to sexually.
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