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Are you shy and don't feel comfortable dating?
Read this contributed post which has 4 dating tips for shy guys who want to overcome their dating anxiety.
Read this contributed post which has 4 dating tips for shy guys who want to overcome their dating anxiety.
There’s a common misconception that being shy has to get in the way of and ruin your dating life when that isn’t the case. Being shy doesn’t have to impact your dating success or be seen as a bad thing - we each have our own, very unique personalities and if being shy is part of yours, you need to learn to make it work for you.
Perhaps you don’t know how to talk to people who you’re attracted to? Maybe you’ve tried to make a relationship work in the past while hiding your feelings and it’s all ended in one big mess? What it’s important to remember is that your shyness is not your whole identity, it’s just one part of who you are as a person.
Shyness Is Not Your Whole Identity, It's Just One Part Of Who You Are
The good news is that if you take note of the tips below, you can make dating that little bit easier (and more enjoyable) for yourself.
Understand that just because you’re attracted to someone that doesn’t mean they’re not a normal person
Regardless of how attractive someone is, they are just normal people. That’s the thing to remember because there’s no need to be shy when talking to just another person, is there? Picture this, you’re in a supermarket, you see someone cute in the aisle but are lost for words about how to introduce yourself, but when you’re at the counter with the cashier you’re happy to chat away. These two people are no different from each other - that’s what you need to understand.
Make friends who are extroverts
You’re an introvert and that’s cool but make friends with people who are extroverts. Studies have shown that it’s easier to relax when you’re around louder people who like to be the centre of attention because that takes the pressure off of you. You’ll find chatting with people that you’re attracted to, far easier in this kind of setting.
Date online
To build confidence in yourself, spend some time online dating and using services like https://www.guyspyvoice.com/phone-free-trial/gay-male-chat-coverage to meet people. Dating can be daunting but the more people you chat to, either online or over the phone, the more your confidence should grow. As your confidence grows, you should start to feel less shy when it comes to talking to people who you’re attracted to.
Let go of the bad
If you've had bad dating experiences in the past, you need to stop holding onto them and let them go. If you don’t let go of the bad experiences that you’ve had, they will haunt your dating life forever and make you shyer than you were before. It’s important to realise that everyone has bad dating experiences but that they don’t have to define your future of dating.
When you’re a shy guy, dating is not always an easy task, but if you take note of the tips above and implement them in how you date, you can make landing yourself a partner a slightly easier task.
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How to keep your bridesmaids happy and supportive on your wedding day is the focus of this contributed post.
When you choose your bridesmaids, you want to make sure you pick the women or girls (and maybe even the occasional man!) who you want to be stood next to you on your wedding day. It's not just about who you love and who will look pretty, but also about who will support you. Your eight-year-old cousin might not be much help when you're planning your wedding, but your sister or your best friends can be there for you. While it's an honor to be a bridesmaid, it's also important to remember that you're asking them a big favor too. So treating them right is essential.
Let Them Have Some Control Over Their Outfits
One of the best things that you can do for your bridesmaids is to allow them to have some element of control over their outfits. You don't have to let them wear anything they want, but it can be a good idea to pick a color or style and then allow them to choose what suits them, what they feel comfortable in, and what they can afford. If you go here, you can see several dresses in the same style but available in different colors. You can easily mix and match different blue or pink dresses in different lengths too.
Let Them Have Some Control Over Their Outfits
One of the best things that you can do for your bridesmaids is to allow them to have some element of control over their outfits. You don't have to let them wear anything they want, but it can be a good idea to pick a color or style and then allow them to choose what suits them, what they feel comfortable in, and what they can afford. If you go here, you can see several dresses in the same style but available in different colors. You can easily mix and match different blue or pink dresses in different lengths too.
Allow Your Bridesmaids To Chose The Style That Makes Them Comfortable
Don't Ask Them to Spend Too Much
When you're thinking about outfits and other things that your bridesmaids might have to spend money on, keep their budgets in mind. It's not fair of you to ask them to spend too much, so try to resist insisting on anything too expensive. In some cultures, it's normal for the bride to pay for the bridesmaids' outfits - you could offer to if you're feeling particularly generous. Keep money in mind for other things too, from your bachelorette party to any other events.
Remember That They're Your Helpers - Not Servants
Everyone has heard nightmare stories about bridezillas who have let the power and stress get to them. And everyone swears that they won't be like that. However, planning a wedding can be hugely stressful, and it can get to you without you even realizing it. It's essential to remember that while your bridesmaids are there to help, they're not your slaves. If you're unsure about whether you could end up stepping out of line, appoint a strong-willed friend who can take you aside if they think you're getting too power-mad.
Thank Them
You must remember to thank your bridesmaids at every opportunity. Yes, you have invited them to be part of your special day, and they will probably thank you too. But they are ultimately doing you a favor and supporting you as you plan your wedding, and through your big day. As well as making sure that you say thank you in the run-up to your wedding and on the day (in your speech if you give one), you might want to give them each a gift.
Treat your bridesmaids right, and they will be there to support you when you need them most.
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Inject some excitement into your relationship with these 7 tips to great date nights. Read this contributed post to find out more.
Being in a committed long-term relationship is one of the greatest things in the world. However, the natural spark of romance will inevitably fade over time, which can make date nights feel a little stale. Fear not; it is possible to inject the excitement back into those dates.
Follow these seven pointers below, and those future dates will be even more breathtaking than when you first dated.
Follow these seven pointers below, and those future dates will be even more breathtaking than when you first dated.
Bring The Spark Back To Date Night
Break Away From The Norm
The reason that many of your dates as a long-term couple feel stale is that everything feels too similar to normal life. Learn to switch things up, and the dates will become fresh and exciting once more.
This needn’t be a difficult challenge. Renting a car from RYDE for the day or weekend can turn a cruise around the city into a luxury experience for both of you. Alternatively, staying at a local hotel can work wonders without taking on the costs or time of taking a holiday abroad.
Even something as simple as having one of you turn up to ‘collect’ your date from home can change the mindset. Embrace it.
Do Something That Makes The Future Look Exciting
When you first start dating, the thoughts of what may await in the future is enough to give you butterflies. You needn’t lose those sentiments just because you’re in a long-term relationship. You just need to look for alternatives.
You needn’t be engaged to know that your relationship is heading towards marriage. It may seem a little odd, but a day of looking at potential wedding venues can be a lot of fun even if the big event isn’t on the horizon for some time.
Aside from the excitement, it shows that you are both still committed to each other for the long haul.
Or Reconnect With The Past
Alternatively, you can do the complete opposite by traveling back to the start of your relationship. Reliving the first date is undoubtedly one of the best ways to recapture that early dating magic. The excitement will return in an instant.
Recreate the photographs you took on that do to see how far you’ve come as a couple. Honestly, that’s one of the most exciting things of all, and should be cherished by both of you.
Create A List Of Date Ideas And Pick One At Random
Be Spontaneous
The harsh reality of life is that you probably have more responsibilities today than you did when you first started dating. You have careers, a home, and potentially children to consider. So, date nights are a commitment that may need to be planned.
Once they start, though, you can let the spontaneity flow. Create a list of date ideas and pick one at random. It might be great; it might be a washout. Either way, it’ll be memorable while giving you a chance to have fun and celebrate your love.
Start A Joint Hobby
Hobbies play an incredibly important role in our lives. While having something to enjoy with friends is great, a regular activity with your partner is a great way to keep the romance alive. Not least if you choose dance classes or something that can actively aid your sexual attraction.
This is better than a one-off date too as it is a continued commitment to each other. You’ll have a date night every week and won’t need to break the bank for it.
Face Your Fears
Facing your fears is a lot easier when you have a supportive partner by your side. So, heading off on special adventures can be a great option for your next date day. If nothing else, it’s a cheat to help get your heartbeats racing.
Theme parks are among the best options, not least because there are so many other things to see and soak in. Disney World tickets can be bought online at a cheaper rate than on the day while it’ll save you lining up. This is the type of date that will last in your memories forever.
A Special Date Will Last In Your Memories Forever.
Alternatively, real adrenaline junkies can try to organize a tandem parachute jump or bungee. For a few moments of a fear, you’ll gain a lifelong memory.
Go To A Show
Special events like sporting events or music gigs are a great way to embrace the energy of a crowd to inject magic into your life. You’ll also want to look nice without feeling the need to be as formal as you would at a restaurant.
When attending gigs, there are two great options. Either book tickets for an artist you love and that plays songs with sentimental value, or go to the local open mic night. This can be great fun while the sense of not knowing what you’ll hear makes it fresh and exciting too.
Ultimately, if you do something you love with the person you love, date nights will remain fun and exciting.
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Mental Health Recovery and Dating
Mental Health Recovery & The Roller-Coaster of Love
by Elodie Bruton
If there’s one thing that can make us feel crazy:
it is love.
So what happens when you have a mental health problem and are looking for love?
I am a community mental health worker at Centre Bienvenue and want to share how love relates to recovery.
Suffering from a mental illness, being hospitalized, having to stop working, dropping out of school and accumulating multiple crisis or setbacks drastically shapes a person’s confidence and self-worth.
When a person is going through a crisis or is at the beginning of dealing with their mental illness, life can feel like it's coming to a stop.
And when the initial shock is over, often the main focus is trying to remain stable, taking care of oneself and not rock the boat.
What follows is a feeling that your dreams have been shattered.
That you will never be the person you wanted to be.
This translates into despair, discouragement and a general feeling that suffering from a mental illness means never having a family, a job, a ‘normal’ life.
And here we have the image of:
- a person watching life go by.
- A person who lost hope.
- A person who is frozen in their life without any capacity to inherently try new things, to take risks.
However, dating, falling in love, and meeting your soulmate requires taking a risk.
Mental health recovery means emerging from this crisis by redefining oneself, finding new interest, discovering your strengths, trying new things, finding you have talent in those things and slowly rebuilding your self-confidence.
Recovery does not necessarily mean being cured but rather living beyond the illness.
Where the illness does not define your life anymore.
Therefore being able to have a relationship with a partner is an important part of overcoming the illness and getting back the feeling of normalcy and of being an active part of society.
Unfortunately the importance of being in a relationship can often be overlooked by a persons treating team.
Dating is not seen as a priority in their stability.
Also when mental stability is the main focus of their treatment, the high and lows created by love can even seem counter intuitive.
There is a perception that the person is at a high risk of becoming unstable because of an incapacity to regulate emotional upheavals.
This is scary for mental health workers trying to stabilize a patient to prevent re-hospitalization or suicide attempts.
But it is also scary for the person suffering from a mental illness, as well as for family and friends.
Dating requires us to engage in a range of emotions:
- the high of being in love,
- the lows of the heartbreak,
- the insecurities,
- self-doubt,
- the uncertainty of the other’s feeling,
- the pressure to perform
- or the fear of rejection.
But learning to overcome this fear, finding tools to deal with emotions and gaining enough self-confidence to take that risk is what mental health recovery is all about.
Support Mental Health Recovery
About The Author
Elodie Bruton
Elodie Bruton is a community mental health worker at
Centre Bienvenue.
She organizes therapeutic adventure groups,
a support group for voice hearers
and a recovery group.
Elodie Bruton is a community mental health worker at
Centre Bienvenue.
She organizes therapeutic adventure groups,
a support group for voice hearers
and a recovery group.
- Published on
Do you know how to find the perfect venue for your wedding day? This contributed post has some great ideas to help you decide.
What do you think the most important part of a wedding day is? I’m sure that most brides will say that their wedding dress is their number-one priority, though most couples will also agree that their venue is equally as important. After all, it will be the setting for the entire day and will also feature heavily in the background of your wedding photography. So, there’s no wonder that getting the wedding venue is something that couples focus on when they are ready to start organizing their big day.
Are you ready to search for a brilliant wedding venue for your special day? Here are a few things that you should look for.
It Includes Catering
Some wedding venues will also cater your event as well as simply host it. Even though some couples prefer to hire a separate catering company to take care of the food, this still means that you will be paying for two firms to come and work on your wedding with you. So, it could be more economically viable for you to find a venue that will include all the food and catering with the venue hire.
It’s Within Your Budget
If there is one word that most people would use to describe a wedding, I’m sure that most people would use “expensive”! And it’s true, the cost of organizing a whole wedding day can be extremely high these days. Before you start looking for a venue, it is really important that you consider your budget and find one that you will be able to afford. After all, if you go for something too expensive, then you might end up needing to restrict your spending on a different area of your big day.
It’s In A Convenient Location
Next, it’s important to consider the location of your potential venue. Sure, rural venues will look super pretty in all of your wedding pictures, but they could be quite difficult for some of your guests to get to, especially those who don’t have a car. If you do want to get married in a very rural or hard-to-get-to location, it’s worth thinking about putting on some transport for all your guests so that they don’t struggle getting to your wedding.
If there is one word that most people would use to describe a wedding, I’m sure that most people would use “expensive”! And it’s true, the cost of organizing a whole wedding day can be extremely high these days. Before you start looking for a venue, it is really important that you consider your budget and find one that you will be able to afford. After all, if you go for something too expensive, then you might end up needing to restrict your spending on a different area of your big day.
It’s In A Convenient Location
Next, it’s important to consider the location of your potential venue. Sure, rural venues will look super pretty in all of your wedding pictures, but they could be quite difficult for some of your guests to get to, especially those who don’t have a car. If you do want to get married in a very rural or hard-to-get-to location, it’s worth thinking about putting on some transport for all your guests so that they don’t struggle getting to your wedding.
Consider Your Wedding Location
Image courtesy of Image Studio Photography
The Capacity Suits Your Needs
Do you have an idea of how many wedding guests you’d like to invite? Well, this may all hinge on how many guests can fit in your venue! Each venue will have a limited capacity, so it’s important that you find this out before you book. Otherwise, you may end up limiting your guest list a lot more than what you had initially planned. If you are happy to have only a few guests with you on your wedding day, then this point may not be such a big deal when it comes to organizing the venue.
So, as you can see, there are quite a few factors that go into making a wedding venue such a special place. Hopefully, this blog post will help you find the perfect one for you!
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Follow the advice in this contributed post to ensure you have the breathtaking photographs you desire on your wedding day!
Your wedding day is a day of firsts. It’s the first time you stand in front of an altar and say “I do.” It’s the first time you kiss as a married couple. It’s your first (and hopefully only) wedding ceremony. So, it’s vital that everything goes to plan, and that includes the photographs. After all, you want to document the big day and look back at a later date.
Unfortunately, hiring a photographer and asking him or her to do their best isn’t the way forward. To get breathtaking shots, you need to follow this advice.
Ask For Permission
From the church. A large percentage of ceremonies take place in churches because it’s classy and traditional. Sadly, religions aren’t famous for their flexibility, and some prohibit photographs inside the building. Yes, this rule applies on your wedding day too, so they’ll be zero shots of your first moments as a married couple. Now that you know this is a problem, you can ask the leaders if they will allow cameras inside. Most will say yes, but they may include a few caveats. For example, only the official photographer can take pics and not the guests. This is a compromise which isn’t too much of an issue so agree and warn your friends and family.
Choose A Different Location
Lots of photo albums include the same style of images. This is because of two reasons: photographers share techniques, and destinations are the same. To snap breathtaking pics, you need yours to stand out from the crowd and to do this, a new location is necessary. It depends on your style. Are you a traveler? If you are, see here for ideas. If you’re an adrenaline junkie, then these may be more suitable. Or, perhaps a beach wedding will make you happy. Whatever the destination, try and make it as incredible as possible.
Sanction Action Shots
There will be plenty of pics and vids where everyone is stood in position with their best smile. As nice as this is, it’s not real, and the best photos are genuine. With this in mind, speak to your photographer and tell them that you want lots of action shots throughout the day. In simple terms, this means you need them to take photographs of the guests while they’re not focusing! That way, they’ll capture the atmosphere and the experience of the day. Sometimes, posing can be boring and a little stale.
Involve The Guests
Quality shots come from the professionals most of the time, but that’s not to say your loved ones don’t have their moments. The truth is some guests know how to take a good photo, while others get lucky. Either way, it doesn’t matter who snaps it as long as it looks amazing. Therefore, give everyone at the party a Polaroid or an instant camera and let them go crazy. It takes some effort to sift through them all, yet it’s well worth the effort.
Come on – don’t you want memories which last a lifetime?
- Published on
Forget basic! Step up your game and throw your friend a bachelor party he will never forget (and for great reasons, not because he was too drunk to remember it) Read more in this contributed post.
Bachelor parties are, by nature, wild. But if the bachelor’s already a wild guy with high demands then there’s even more pressure on the best man or the bachelor’s group of friends to throw an insane party. Forget strip clubs or bars. That’s the stereotypical formula for a bachelor party, and it’s too basic. You need to step up your game. If you want to leave your party-animal friend speechless then you need to give them a night that’ll almost top their wedding day itself. Here are some crazy ideas to give you some inspiration.
Keep The Destination A Secret
A road trip.
This is the perfect option for the indecisive party planner. If you’re struggling to think of a single thing that’ll make your bachelor buddy happy on their bucks night then why not do everything? You could even surprise them by only telling them this once you get in the car. They’ll ask where you’re going, and you can tell them you’re heading out on the open road. Try to keep each destination secret so as to make it even more special when you see the surprised look on their face as you arrive at different places.
You could even hire a cool car for the trip. Maybe you could get an RV if you’ll want to be able to crash into bed at the end of a long night/morning. Or if you think your buddy will want to look cool as you cruise from destination to destination then you could hire a sports car. Whatever the vehicle, the point is that you and your buddies will head off on a fun journey together. With snacks in the car and great tunes on the radio, you’ll have the makings of a great party before you’ve even reached any destinations.
A boat party.
Why drink beers in a bar or a club when you can drink them on a boat? Your friend will expect you to go big or go home when it comes to organising their last night as a free man. There’s no better way to do that than by hiring a boat for the evening and having a wild time out on the ocean, a lake, or even a marina. You might want to check out local charter options for bucks parties in your area. The cooler the boat, the cooler the evening. You could have a night of playing poker, drinking, or even enjoying entertainment that you hire for the boat (that doesn’t have to involve a stripper, of course).
This is the perfect option for the indecisive party planner. If you’re struggling to think of a single thing that’ll make your bachelor buddy happy on their bucks night then why not do everything? You could even surprise them by only telling them this once you get in the car. They’ll ask where you’re going, and you can tell them you’re heading out on the open road. Try to keep each destination secret so as to make it even more special when you see the surprised look on their face as you arrive at different places.
You could even hire a cool car for the trip. Maybe you could get an RV if you’ll want to be able to crash into bed at the end of a long night/morning. Or if you think your buddy will want to look cool as you cruise from destination to destination then you could hire a sports car. Whatever the vehicle, the point is that you and your buddies will head off on a fun journey together. With snacks in the car and great tunes on the radio, you’ll have the makings of a great party before you’ve even reached any destinations.
A boat party.
Why drink beers in a bar or a club when you can drink them on a boat? Your friend will expect you to go big or go home when it comes to organising their last night as a free man. There’s no better way to do that than by hiring a boat for the evening and having a wild time out on the ocean, a lake, or even a marina. You might want to check out local charter options for bucks parties in your area. The cooler the boat, the cooler the evening. You could have a night of playing poker, drinking, or even enjoying entertainment that you hire for the boat (that doesn’t have to involve a stripper, of course).
A Camping Trip Can Be A Fun Creative Party Spot
Go camping.
Away from the bright lights of the city with its loud bars and clubs, you might think that there’s no way you could throw a wild bachelor party in nature. But the best parties only need a group of close friends (and maybe a few packs of booze). That’s why you should organise a camping trip for your friend’s big night. Forget the smartphones and all other aspects of the modern world. Have a tipsy night in a forest. You could play drinking games around a fire, tell each other funny stories, and just have a great night.
Away from the bright lights of the city with its loud bars and clubs, you might think that there’s no way you could throw a wild bachelor party in nature. But the best parties only need a group of close friends (and maybe a few packs of booze). That’s why you should organise a camping trip for your friend’s big night. Forget the smartphones and all other aspects of the modern world. Have a tipsy night in a forest. You could play drinking games around a fire, tell each other funny stories, and just have a great night.
- Published on
Hidden Trauma of Niceness
Learn about the hidden trauma behind nice guy behaviors in this contributed post
The Hidden Trauma of Niceness
by JR from Austin
As a recovering nice guy spending plenty of time in therapy, research and self-reflection I have noticed that one of the serious causes of my nice guy behavior is complex emotional trauma.
Growing up in my highly controlled home I learned how to be nice through punishment for doing the wrong thing.
Instead of being properly corrected I was punished physically or through shame (i.e.: the doghouse).
Since the home was controlled through a narcissistic matriarchy I was punished when I would stand up for myself or saying anything that challenged my mother's viewpoints.
Niceness was reinforced through coercion.
Because of that I developed CPTSD and have constant flashbacks.
Flashbacks are emotional responses that are triggered by sensitive events that would send a person emotionally back to the time they were being abused.
With proper treatment and acknowledgment of these issues a person can minimize or even completely remove the emotional charge of these flashbacks.
Now where this all ties in with Complex Trauma is that the man has been conditioned from his formative years to associate assertive behaviors with rejection and abuse.
He will cling to his nice guy behavior like a glove since consciously he will think it is the right thing to do.
(A lot of the time nice behavior is the right thing to do)
On a deeper subconscious emotional level though he will cling to it since he has been programmed to believe assertive behavior will lead to abuse and rejection.
When abuse and rejection happen it will often cause him to flashback to when he was a child and was getting abused.
Because the flashbacks are so horrible he will cling to the nice guy behavior to avoid them at all costs.
This will cause the nice guy to cling to cowardly behaviors in situations when assertiveness is absolutely necessary.
Behaving in an attractive manner with women is something that comes to mind here.
Now is this condition hopeless?
Absolutely not.
The more a person has been traumatized the more time and effort they will need to work through the damage.
First and foremost the traumatized person would need to go see a qualified therapist who understands complex trauma as it relates to the person's individual need.
A female therapist who specializes in helping women who have been abused by past lovers would probably not understand the needs of a man who has been emasculated etc.
Second the person would need to be driven to work on the problem on his own as well. He can learn new skills and understand how the bullying tactics were used against him.
Learning that will help him find a new sense of empowerment.
Third, the situation tends to be highly ingrained into the psyche so the person would have to be patient with the process. It can take years for someone with CPTSD to heal.
With this hard work and patience the traumatized nice guy can build a far better life and start winning instead of just breaking even.
By no means is this article comprehensive. It is worth checking out Pete Walker's book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. That book gives a very thorough look into CPTSD.
by JR from Austin
As a recovering nice guy spending plenty of time in therapy, research and self-reflection I have noticed that one of the serious causes of my nice guy behavior is complex emotional trauma.
Growing up in my highly controlled home I learned how to be nice through punishment for doing the wrong thing.
Instead of being properly corrected I was punished physically or through shame (i.e.: the doghouse).
Since the home was controlled through a narcissistic matriarchy I was punished when I would stand up for myself or saying anything that challenged my mother's viewpoints.
Niceness was reinforced through coercion.
Because of that I developed CPTSD and have constant flashbacks.
Flashbacks are emotional responses that are triggered by sensitive events that would send a person emotionally back to the time they were being abused.
With proper treatment and acknowledgment of these issues a person can minimize or even completely remove the emotional charge of these flashbacks.
Now where this all ties in with Complex Trauma is that the man has been conditioned from his formative years to associate assertive behaviors with rejection and abuse.
He will cling to his nice guy behavior like a glove since consciously he will think it is the right thing to do.
(A lot of the time nice behavior is the right thing to do)
On a deeper subconscious emotional level though he will cling to it since he has been programmed to believe assertive behavior will lead to abuse and rejection.
When abuse and rejection happen it will often cause him to flashback to when he was a child and was getting abused.
Because the flashbacks are so horrible he will cling to the nice guy behavior to avoid them at all costs.
This will cause the nice guy to cling to cowardly behaviors in situations when assertiveness is absolutely necessary.
Behaving in an attractive manner with women is something that comes to mind here.
Now is this condition hopeless?
Absolutely not.
The more a person has been traumatized the more time and effort they will need to work through the damage.
First and foremost the traumatized person would need to go see a qualified therapist who understands complex trauma as it relates to the person's individual need.
A female therapist who specializes in helping women who have been abused by past lovers would probably not understand the needs of a man who has been emasculated etc.
Second the person would need to be driven to work on the problem on his own as well. He can learn new skills and understand how the bullying tactics were used against him.
Learning that will help him find a new sense of empowerment.
Third, the situation tends to be highly ingrained into the psyche so the person would have to be patient with the process. It can take years for someone with CPTSD to heal.
With this hard work and patience the traumatized nice guy can build a far better life and start winning instead of just breaking even.
By no means is this article comprehensive. It is worth checking out Pete Walker's book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. That book gives a very thorough look into CPTSD.
YOU HAVE A CHOICE
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some coaching to learn how to be Assertive for Dating,
Sign up for Single No More Coaching Right Now!
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Fights don't mean the whole marriage has to crumble. This contributed post examines whether there are really any insurmountable hurdles in a marriage.
Every couple fights. Most couples have at least one or two (if not more) fights that go deep and shake your confidence in a relationship. If you’re married, these cracks can be even scarier. But that doesn’t mean you have to let the whole thing crumble. Here, we’re going to look at disagreements, wrongdoings, and fights, and whether there really are any insurmountable hurdles in a marriage.
Fights Don't Mean The Whole Marriage Has To Crumble
Differences and similarities
One of the biggest issues that tend to creep up in a marriage over time is when you start to notice that not all of your plans are the same as your partner’s. The practicalities of future life, employment, where you live, children, and the core principles that make you who you are aren’t easy to discover all at once. You have to make an effort to talk about the future with your partner. Talk about specific plans, greatest desires, ambitions, and more at length. Mishaps and small fights can be nothing but pebbles on the road to growing into a better understanding and respect of one another. However, if you don’t share a vision of the future that at least meets in the middle, tension is only likely to increase as time goes on.
Get a sense of perspective
Sometimes you can see the forest for the trees. The same can be said of a marriage. You cannot be impartial, and it is nothing more than ego to believe that you can. One of the biggest benefits of marriage counseling is the chance to involve someone who doesn’t have an emotional investment in the relationship. The impartiality and lower risk of bias can help you and your spouse view things with a little more distance from a new perspective. It can help you divorce yourself from the gut reactions that turn disagreements into fights and wrong-doings into vendettas.
Listen without blame
Social relationships involve a lot of give and take. We are naturally inclined to “keep tally”, whether it’s seeing who has the upper hand, who owes what, or to assert a moral high ground. In marriages, this is extremely dangerous. Even when you have been wronged, if you want to repair the relationship, you have to listen to your partner’s concerns. Even if they sound like excuses, even if it’s for a transgression as deep as cheating, communication is crucial. You have to listen, to share your own thoughts, and repeat. In time, with enough honesty on both sides, the conceits start to fall away, and you can address the fears and insecurities that often lie at the heart of the original transgression.
Though it may be easier than ever to back out of it, your marriage commitment represents more than just a relationship with another human being. It represents your ability to commit, period. Commitment involves sacrifice and hardship, not just agreeing to a long-term status quo. There are some insurmountable hurdles in marriages, that can’t be denied. But you have to try to surmount them before you can make that judgment in good faith.
One of the biggest issues that tend to creep up in a marriage over time is when you start to notice that not all of your plans are the same as your partner’s. The practicalities of future life, employment, where you live, children, and the core principles that make you who you are aren’t easy to discover all at once. You have to make an effort to talk about the future with your partner. Talk about specific plans, greatest desires, ambitions, and more at length. Mishaps and small fights can be nothing but pebbles on the road to growing into a better understanding and respect of one another. However, if you don’t share a vision of the future that at least meets in the middle, tension is only likely to increase as time goes on.
Get a sense of perspective
Sometimes you can see the forest for the trees. The same can be said of a marriage. You cannot be impartial, and it is nothing more than ego to believe that you can. One of the biggest benefits of marriage counseling is the chance to involve someone who doesn’t have an emotional investment in the relationship. The impartiality and lower risk of bias can help you and your spouse view things with a little more distance from a new perspective. It can help you divorce yourself from the gut reactions that turn disagreements into fights and wrong-doings into vendettas.
Listen without blame
Social relationships involve a lot of give and take. We are naturally inclined to “keep tally”, whether it’s seeing who has the upper hand, who owes what, or to assert a moral high ground. In marriages, this is extremely dangerous. Even when you have been wronged, if you want to repair the relationship, you have to listen to your partner’s concerns. Even if they sound like excuses, even if it’s for a transgression as deep as cheating, communication is crucial. You have to listen, to share your own thoughts, and repeat. In time, with enough honesty on both sides, the conceits start to fall away, and you can address the fears and insecurities that often lie at the heart of the original transgression.
Though it may be easier than ever to back out of it, your marriage commitment represents more than just a relationship with another human being. It represents your ability to commit, period. Commitment involves sacrifice and hardship, not just agreeing to a long-term status quo. There are some insurmountable hurdles in marriages, that can’t be denied. But you have to try to surmount them before you can make that judgment in good faith.
- Published on
Oliver Clearwater was out of shape, still a virgin and hit rock bottom when his ex left him. He made a decision to get his ex back, lose his virginity and change his life to become irresistible to women.
He did it.
This is his story.
He did it.
This is his story.
From Virgin To Married Man
The 5 Year Story of Oliver Clearwater:
From Virgin To Married Man
**Dear Friends,
Every so often I get the most wonderful review of how my work has changed the life of someone. Here is one of those stories. Oliver was an adult male virgin who got dumped by his girlfriend and he wanted her back. He studied with me and my materials. He got her back, got closure, got free of her, and then continued to manage dating multiple women until finding the one that he wanted to build a future together. The story of a man that turned his entire life around.
Enjoy!
-Frank
May 31, (circa. 5 Years Ago)
Frank, just want to say, I'm reading through your book From Loser To Seducer, and really getting a lot from it.
I'm 25. I'm overweight but not out of shape and on my way to really getting into shape.
My girlfriend broke up with me and she started dating our mutual friend.
Just want to say that I'm working on myself and getting out their and finding some real women and live that same dream life.
Thank you for your great book.
July 19, (circa. 5 Years Ago)
Frank, wanted to say, since going through your book From Loser to Seducer and starting to get everything in order.
I've dropped 20 pounds, and this week I had 3 dates with 3 different women, and have had about 7 or 8 dates in all with different women (since the end of May) (a few second dates as well).
I've gotten rid of my approach anxiety and I've been approaching women daily or any time I see someone interesting.
Thanks for the great book!
The Autobiography of Frank
August 30, (circa. 5 Years Ago)
Frank, My ex that broke up with me, has quite suddenly come back into my life in a very real way.
Since then, I've changed, when I was with her.
Then, I was weak, submissive, scared, and needy.
Now, I've dated up to 4 women at once, I went from virgin to having slept with 3 women.
I've gotten my career, my beliefs, and everything else in order.
Is considering pursuing a relationship with an ex a horrible idea when you're newer, better, and more ready?
Got a date tonight with a different woman. But I'll definitely set up a coaching appointment.
Frank, My ex that broke up with me, has quite suddenly come back into my life in a very real way.
Since then, I've changed, when I was with her.
Then, I was weak, submissive, scared, and needy.
Now, I've dated up to 4 women at once, I went from virgin to having slept with 3 women.
I've gotten my career, my beliefs, and everything else in order.
Is considering pursuing a relationship with an ex a horrible idea when you're newer, better, and more ready?
Got a date tonight with a different woman. But I'll definitely set up a coaching appointment.
Imagine life after coaching
September 3, (circa. 5 Years Ago)
I read through all your books again Frank. I have:
Last night while I was with the ex I just got back with, as I noticed her tests, and I found myself like you did when you were with your ex, realized I was slipping out of state, so:
And instead of her immediately saying,
"we should stop fooling around!",
she instead asked me, "What do you want to do?"
Since I knew at that moment I wasn't in state and I needed to keep control, I said, "I'll take responsibility, and I'll keep us from hurting each other."
She leaned in to kiss me and I didn't kiss her.
I said, "We need to know who we are and what we want and what we are before we pursue anything."
I left and told her I'd talk to her later.
She has since sent me a few texts that I haven't responded to, as I told her I wasn't going to be reachable when I left.
THANK YOU FRANK FOR YOUR EXCELLENT WORK.
Your work has taken me further with women in 3 months than 3 years of PUA (pick up artist/seduction) material.
I'm dating 4 women now INCLUDING my ex, who when she heard that I was dating two women, called it "wrong",
Now she's dating me as well!!!!
The first 5 months of our relationship, before she left me for another guy, she even wouldn't label it as "dating" (because she did not like me enough).
And now, JUST 4 DAYS back together, fulfilling her emotional needs and she's asking me what's going to happen 6 weeks, 3 months, or even next year down the road!!!
(SHE IS INTO ME NOW!)
Women that at once I didn't think would look at me, now interact with me and flirt with me.
I'm a Man, That's My Job.
Thank you FRANK! You rock!
I read through all your books again Frank. I have:
- From Loser To Seducer,
- Everything Out of Her Mouth Is A Test, and
- I'm A Man, That's My Job Coaching Workbook for Men.
Last night while I was with the ex I just got back with, as I noticed her tests, and I found myself like you did when you were with your ex, realized I was slipping out of state, so:
- I interrupted the behavior pattern,
- I interrupted her tests, and
- took control through distance by letting her know that I'll make decisions that are best for us.
And instead of her immediately saying,
"we should stop fooling around!",
she instead asked me, "What do you want to do?"
Since I knew at that moment I wasn't in state and I needed to keep control, I said, "I'll take responsibility, and I'll keep us from hurting each other."
She leaned in to kiss me and I didn't kiss her.
I said, "We need to know who we are and what we want and what we are before we pursue anything."
I left and told her I'd talk to her later.
She has since sent me a few texts that I haven't responded to, as I told her I wasn't going to be reachable when I left.
THANK YOU FRANK FOR YOUR EXCELLENT WORK.
Your work has taken me further with women in 3 months than 3 years of PUA (pick up artist/seduction) material.
I'm dating 4 women now INCLUDING my ex, who when she heard that I was dating two women, called it "wrong",
Now she's dating me as well!!!!
The first 5 months of our relationship, before she left me for another guy, she even wouldn't label it as "dating" (because she did not like me enough).
And now, JUST 4 DAYS back together, fulfilling her emotional needs and she's asking me what's going to happen 6 weeks, 3 months, or even next year down the road!!!
(SHE IS INTO ME NOW!)
Women that at once I didn't think would look at me, now interact with me and flirt with me.
I'm a Man, That's My Job.
Thank you FRANK! You rock!
September 5, (circa. 5 Years Ago)
Frank, after getting back with my ex, experiencing her, seeing her, I came to realize that we just will never work.
It's so fulfilling to know that she just doesn't feel the same way I feel about her. I thought maybe there was something, but, I'm just her emotional cookie-man, and she knows that I know her body.
I Completely Found Peace!
I know who I am as a man.
I know what I have to offer a woman.
And I had hoped she realized that what I had to offer is what she wanted. It's not. She's still who she is, but I'm not who I was.
It feels wonderful to know that I can walk away and I have all these other options and I can always get more.
I have a journal as per your coaching; I've been writing all this down day by day.
But thank you Frank.
December 8, (circa. 5 Years Ago)
Just bought your From Friends to Lovers audio and the Emotional Needs 101 Set, and these two programs are absolutely amazing.
You break it down in a way that shows me every mistake I've ever made with women and what were seemingly confusing reactions, now appear sensible.
Just bought your From Friends to Lovers audio and the Emotional Needs 101 Set, and these two programs are absolutely amazing.
You break it down in a way that shows me every mistake I've ever made with women and what were seemingly confusing reactions, now appear sensible.
From Friends To Lovers
TODAY
Dear Frank, If you look back at our talk, the last time I reached out to you for help was 5 years ago, having just gotten your From Friends To Lovers program.
Today, I've been married for a year to the most supporting, beautiful, and wonderful woman.
I still follow the Emotional Needs of Women, and, I must say, it's kept us from fighting, or arguing, which, we see our good friends who have journeyed into marriage during daily.
Before I met her four years ago, I--like your book--From Loser to Seducer, did my binge, where in an eight month period, I "met" a lot of women, going from a 25 year old with little experience to an incredibly experienced young man.
Including, getting back with and hooking up with the woman that had left and sent me on my Quintessential Journey to begin with.
You are an inspiration and your work is amazing.
I don't know where I would be today with relationships, had I not found your material.
Thanks a million.
I'll be making a donation to your son's education fund when I get paid next week.
-Review by Oliver Clearwater,
Massachusetts, United States
NOW, YOU HAVE A CHOICE!
If you made it this far reading Oliver's story,
you have a choice to make.
You can either sit there feeling sorry for yourself
Or you can BE LIKE OLIVIER
and LIKE HUNDREDS OF OTHER MEN
WHO LIKE YOU WANT:
-To Get Back Your Ex
-To Get The Girl
-To be Irresistible to a lots of Women Lovers
-To Find the One that you Want to Marry and Get Her To Say Yes
SET UP A COACHING SESSION NOW
1. Contact Frank to set an appointment time
by phone (1-514-680-3278) or email (frank@franktalks.com)
2. Once you set an appointment time, pay the Coaching fee to secure your spot via Payal or E-Interac to frank@franktalks.com
3. If you wish, e-mail Frank as much information about the dating situation you want a help with, otherwise, just write down everything you want to say to Frank prior to your session to make the most of your time
4. Have your appointment with Frank over the phone or over Skype and find out what you did right, what you did wrong and what to do next
5. After your session, follow through on the plan of action you will create with Frank,
and send Frank email updates of your progress
REACH OUT TO FRANK RIGHT NOW!
1. Contact Frank to set an appointment time
by phone (1-514-680-3278) or email (frank@franktalks.com)
2. Once you set an appointment time, pay the Coaching fee to secure your spot via Payal or E-Interac to frank@franktalks.com
3. If you wish, e-mail Frank as much information about the dating situation you want a help with, otherwise, just write down everything you want to say to Frank prior to your session to make the most of your time
4. Have your appointment with Frank over the phone or over Skype and find out what you did right, what you did wrong and what to do next
5. After your session, follow through on the plan of action you will create with Frank,
and send Frank email updates of your progress
REACH OUT TO FRANK RIGHT NOW!
