Heavy Hearted Holidays
By Frank Kermit
 
The holidays come with wonderful expectations of joyous celebrations, family gatherings, and time spent reconnecting with loved ones. Images of happy times celebrating love surround us in holidays sales announcements and media.
 
However, there is a side of the holidays that doesn't always get the attention it merits. Truth be told, it is the one time of the year, which
 
I keep my availability to clients on a 24/7 basis, because for a significant number of people, the holiday season is not about joy, but a melancholy reminder of loneliness and loss.
 
Spending my holidays consoling the lonely and broken hearted, gives me an incredible sense of gratitude for my own wife and son, and cherishing the fact I can share my non-working hours with them.
 
Right now, some people are going into the holidays newly single from of a divorce they did not see coming, and will experience their first holiday away from their own children.
 
Yet others will realize they are alone again for the holidays, because they forgot to make finding someone special to share it with a priority earlier in the year.
 
There are also those experiencing the new normal of entering the holiday season with one less significant person in their lives due to death.
 
Whether widowed, experiencing the passing of a family member, or grieving the loss of a friend (or job, or even good health for that matter) sometimes the holiday season becomes a crossroads of reflection, and the memories of some missing element from our lives, consume our thoughts.
 
Some will choose to stay in, not take part in rambunctious merry making, and instead enjoy some quiet time nursing their sorrow.
 
Some people use the holidays as a time to make a life plan to restructure their journey and set goals. Then there are those who feel so overwhelmed by it all, they unfortunately turn to self-destructive behavior patterns.
 
In the holiday spirit, I implore everyone reading this to keep in mind that each of us copes with loss and loneliness differently and to be supportive of one another.
 
You do not have to agree with how someone copes. What you need to evoke within yourself is your sense of compassion. Compassion is one of the most powerful comforting gifts human beings have to offer and exemplifies some of the best in humanity.
 
In fact, it is very possible to equate that compassion IS the holiday spirit we were meant to indulge in at this time.
 
So if you are struggling to let your heavy-hearted holiday be a happy one, at the very least, aim to keep yourself alive and healthy through it.
 
I wish you all peace and healing at this time, whatever you celebrate, and whoever you are. As long as there are individuals in the world who share compassion, no one is ever truly alone.
 
Frank Kermit

Thank You Holiday Workers
By Frank Kermit
 
The holidays tend to conger up picturesque images of people gathering together, leaving no one out or left behind.  At the best of times, this can be true for a number of families.
 
However, each year there are families that are incomplete at gatherings because while some people get the time off from work or duty, there are others that are required to keep at it during the holidays in order to keep the systems running for the rest of the people.
 
So that this time, I want to publicly reach out to the number of people that do not get time off for the holidays to be with their families and friends. 
 
No words can truly acknowledge their sacrifices, but if enough people who are off, can take just a moment to remember those who work so that others do not have too, it can make your own holiday just that much more to appreciate.
 
Take a moment to think about all the people who keep us safe. From military personal, to police officers, fire fighters, coast guard, all the way to the security guards putting in 12 hour shifts overnight, as well as the doctors, nurses, paramedics and other hospital staff that allow for the rest of us to have a little merriment.

Take a moment to think about all the people that keep our systems running like the people who keep our water and sewage systems in check, electricity and other support technicians, call centre workers, gas station attendants, social care caregivers, home care workers, public transportation drivers and staff, tow truck drivers and dispatchers, the licensed taxi drivers keeping drunk drivers off the roads, animal rescue and guardians, news related personnel, the transport drivers whose deliveries of goods we all depend on, and the many other people taken for granted at this time of year.
 
Take a moment to think about all the people who work retail jobs, restaurants, hotel, hospitality and catering staff, service orientated industries, professional sport athletes and their support service teams, and entertainers, who work harder this time of year, because more demand is put on them, with little-to-no thanks.
 
Take a moment to think about all the people who work suicide hotlines and other emotional support ventures, and those who volunteer to help people less fortunate who spend their time over the holidays with the lonely and the destitute.
 
Take a moment to think about all the people who work the holidays that I omitted from this list and thank them too.
 
Take a moment, and just be thankful.

 With the holidays upon us, office holiday parties are underway. It is a time to be a little more social with the people you work with, in an atmosphere that is a little less work intensive. It can be a time to get to know your co-workers more personally, and employees at all levels of the organization can come together to share a little cheer.

And what could be wrong with that?


For the most part, it is a great idea. Some companies offer employees the chance to enjoy an afternoon off of work to intermingle during work hours (usually on work premises). Other companies want all employees to return to the job site in the evening, or they reserve a space at a local restaurant or other such venue. It is a nice gesture on behalf of the employer.

However, whether you are single, dating someone very new, or in a serious relationship there are certain holiday office part etiquettes to adhere to. They all revolve around one key principle: You Are Still At Work.

For everyone:

Do not get drunk. Just because it is an open bar does not mean you have an excuse to over-indulge. “Free” does not mean drinking to the point that you cannot walk straight. Know your limit, or just refuse to drink alcohol. You will have to work with these people the rest of the year. An embarrassing drunken incident could be held against you. With that said about alcohol, keep in mind that it is the season for colds and infections. Keep that in mind if you are taking an anti-biotic or other medication. Some medications react with alcohol. Remember you are still at work.

Leaving early is OK. If the holiday office party is taking place outside of normal work hours, it is OK to leave early. Not everyone has the same resources available, and if you are dependent on public transit, or you can only afford your babysitter for so long, or if you simply are not the kind of person that celebrates the holidays and want to leave before things get too uncomfortable for you, there is nothing wrong with excusing yourself early. Although some employers may push for you to stay out later than you can, it is up to you to do what is best for you and find a balance between your obligations to your employers and having your other needs met.


For singles:

Do not look at a holiday office party as an opportunity to get closer to someone that you are interested in at the office. An office holiday party is not a time to make a pass at anyone, nor should you aim to have a make out session in the corner at last call. This is not just another night out with your friends. Remember you are still at work

Do not dress up like you are trying to score at a club. You are not there to bring in the New Year in with a kiss with one of your co-workers. Dress like you would for the office, or just a step above. This is not time to highlight your sex appeal. Remember you are still at work.


For those just starting to date someone new:

If you have just started to date someone new during, or right before, the holidays, it is not a good
idea to bring your newest partner to any office holiday parties. The newer you are as a couple, the less ideal it is to bring your new partner to holiday office parties. You really may not be able to predict how your date will interact and react to your co-workers. Your co-workers may share information about you to your date that you have not yet shared which could make for an uncomfortable situation. Depending how newly you have started dating, your date could end up flirting with and going home with one of your co-workers (I have heard stories about it happening in my coaching practice). Keep this separate. Do not bring a new date just to show off to your co-workers, as this isn’t a juvenile social contest. Remember you are still at work.


For those in serious relationships:

Some offices try to involve the long-term life partners and spouses to office parties for various reasons (some of which may be to try to dissuade employees from fraternizing in ways that would be too inappropriate for the work place). If your office party is inviting partners and spouses, make sure that you and your partner are on the same page. If there is a co-worker that is toxic, make sure your spouse knows who it is, so that the toxic co-worker does not try to get information from your spouse to use against you. If there is a co-worker that has made advances towards you that you have rejected, talk to your spouse ahead of time to make sure you both can handle any potential awkwardness with maturity. Depending on the career, how a spouse can support a person’s career social environment could be a major factor in the motivation to get into a serious relationship. Office holiday parties are a good example of why you both need to be on the same page. Remember you are still at work.


At best, a holiday office party can be a good memory of sharing joy with the people you work with. If you can’t manage that, at least make it something memorable enough for the right reasons. If you can’t manage that, then attempt to avoid making it memorable for all the wrong reasons. If you can’t manage that, you might be exploring your options in the New Year while on employment insurance. Happy Holidays! Remember you are still at work.

Frank Kermit

Let the Holiday Headaches Begin!
By Frank Kermit

You have been dating your new partner for a few weeks now, and your timeline has stumbled upon the holiday season. The holiday season means parties. Family parties, company parties, client-related parties, friends-traveling into town for dinner parties…should you bring your new relationship partner with you? Or should you go solo and wait until next year?

The answer is: It Depends.

The criteria you need to consider before you bring your new partner to meet your friends, co-workers and especially your family at a function is if you are ready to go public with the nature of your relationship. That’s it. If you are not prepared to introduce your partner as “your partner”, you do not bring your partner along. And before the label-haters (those people that can not stand putting a label on their romantic exchanges) start gunning down my throat, consider this: It will be easier on you, your partner, and everyone that your partner will be introduced too.

If you are not going to introduce your partner as your actual partner, then do not bring him or her. The worst thing you can do is to bring your partner to a function and introduce your partner to everyone there as your “friend”.


First of all, introducing your partner as “your friend” makes it awkward for everyone. You are not fooling anyone. People will make three assumptions:
 
(1) you are dating but do not want to admit it because there is something wrong with your relationship,
 
(2) one of you wants to date the other but the other is not interested enough, or
 
(3) you are both just pathetic because you would rather hang out with a platonic friend instead of making the effort to actually find your own legitimate partner.
 
Which would you prefer? Personally, I have been in all three situations, and I can tell you from experience that none of them make you feel good at the end of the night.
 
One of the stories I often hear during my coaching is about the person who brings a “friend” they are interested in to a function, like a work party, and end up having to bite their tongues when co-workers start to flirt, hit on and aggressively try to attract “the friend”.
 
After all, if you aren’t willing to admit that you are more than “just friends” (or that you would want to be), then your “friend” is fair game. Do not put the focus of your affection into a potentially compromising social position.


If you are still at the point of having to introduce your partner as “your friend” at any functions, then do everyone a favor: Wait until next year, and bring your partner along to the future holiday functions if you are still together, and publicly open as a couple.


Frank Kermit 

 It's "Time" For The Holidays:
Broke For The Holidays?
Give The Gift of Time
By Frank Kermit
 
One of the reasons that people site as legitimate cause to stay out of dating going into the holidays is the awkwardness of buying a holiday gift for someone that you just started seeing.
 
Some people even site that the enormous cost of a gift for a significant other is enough to push off any potential new partner until after the start of the New Year.
 
The presupposition of course is that a gift for someone you are dating must be expensive. Although individuals may feel such a pressure, and some new partners even communicate having this expectation, there is no written rule that a holiday gift for a new partner (or a more established partner) need be an expensive endeavor.
 
In fact, whether new relationships or ongoing long-term relationships, some of the best gift ideas are centered on sentiment, not expense.
 
Your time is the greatest gift you can offer someone you love. Forget expensive toiletries, accessories or knickknacks. Offer a home made coupon for one night in, heated left over's, watching a movie, and a relaxing foot massage. If you find someone that appreciates that gift as much as you appreciate giving it, you might also be able to figure out that you have a keeper.
 
The idea of your Time being possibly the greatest gift for the holidays applies to all relationships, not just the romantic ones.
 
When it comes to kids, expensive toys can be nice and a novelty. However, with a little imagination, sometimes the box it came in turns out to be more fun.
 
Grab some crayons, markers, modeling clay (yes, that means you pull yourself from the computer, phone or broadcast episode of whatever), and let those kids teach you the magic of turning an empty box into a castle-pirate-ship-school-bus-that-flies-through-outer-space.
 
Younger kids may not fully remember everything you did or said at the time, but on some level, they might just remember how you made the kids feel.
 
On a more serious note, if you share custody of your kids, give some thought about arranging for your kids to spend time with both parents so that your kids can enjoy some family time with both of you without having to be split.
 
This may not always be possible, depending on the circumstances of the break up.
 
However uneasy it may be for one, or both parents, toughing it out for just a little bit of time, even just a couple of hours, can mean the world to a child especially if your kids are really hurting from the split this holiday season. Of course, this is taking into account that your situation may not make this possible for a variety of reasons; but if you do have the possibility to make something like this happen without ending up fighting in front of the kids, you might think about taking the opportunity.
 
Sometimes the time you can gift isn't about you spending time with the recipient of your gift, but to allow the recipient to be able to spend time with someone else.
 
A home made babysitting voucher to watch the kids to give parents some time for a break and a date-night can be more welcomed than any popular item on sale at the shopping mall.
 
Do you know someone that is working through most of the holidays, or stuck in a hospital room, someone in mourning, or living in a special care facility?
 
A trip to spend enough time to have a cup of coffee and catch up on conversation can warm hearts: yours and the person you are giving some time too.
 
It is easy to get caught up in the gift-frenzy of the holidays. It is also easy to feel that you might be letting some people down if your budget it tight and couldn't afford the nicer items on everyone's gift list.
 
Time is a gift that most people often overlook as being a valuable gift, until one day they wake up and realize there isn't any left. Make the most of your time and make the most of your holidays.
 
Frank Kermit

Gift Giving Guide
For The Stages of Dating
By Frank Kermit
 
The holiday season tends to also be a time of gift giving for many cultures. Shopping for just the perfect gift for your loved ones can be challenging enough.
 
However, what if the person you are shopping for is someone that you just started dating? 
 
Perhaps someone you are dating casually and have no plans of introducing the new love at a holiday function.
 
Perhaps it is someone you are dating in secret without any plans for it to last beyond a few weeks.
 
Perhaps you had a weekend fling with someone during the year, and although nothing serious came of it, you remember that person fondly.
 
Are there appropriate gifts for such people? 
 
There is also the dreaded circumstance of wanting to get a gift for an ex of yours, with whom you have remained friends with, or at least are civil with, for the sake of co-parenting or maintaining a social circle.
 
Gifting has the potential to be as complicated as the people and relationships we have with them.
 
So to make your holiday gift giving a little easier, here are some tips.
 
Dating someone regularly, where you see a potential future, requires some thought and planning.
 
Since this is the person you will likely bring to your holiday parties as your partner, choose a gift that serves two purposes.
 
First, it should be a gift that shows you have been listening and paying attention to what your partner has been saying.
 
Second, it would be a good idea (but not necessary) to get a gift that your partner can wear when presented to your family and friends.
 
For example, if your partner has an affinity for a particular animal, a pendant, broach, or cufflinks related to that animal that your partner could wear when meeting your friends and family may be a good gift.
 
It makes for a great conversation piece. With that in mind, it could also time to go all the way with an engagement ring (after all, it ‘tis the season).
 
Dating someone casually, or dating in secret where you will not be presenting him or her to family and friends, calls for a more social gift.
 
A gift certificate to outings that you both like to frequent usually works well for these relations.
If the two of you spend time together watching movies, then movie gift certificates or online movies to watch at home, are fine choices.
 
If you are looking for a gift idea for someone that you only shared a short-term dalliance with, keep the gift inexpensive and simple.
 
A dollar store greeting card is more than enough.  (I discourage e-cards, because they often end up in spam folders).
 
Holiday cards are also great gifts for the ex because although it is a nice gesture, it is nothing so grand that might wrongly communicate a desire to reconcile.
 
In both cases where you are no longer involved with a person, but still want to share a wish of peace, a standard greeting card is more than perfect.
 
It really is the thought that counts.
 
Just do not over think it.

Getting into brand new relationships is tricky enough, but when new relationships start around the holidays, it can be even trickier. In fact, there are even people who boycott dating just before or during the holiday season because they do not want to deal with extra challenges.
 

One of the challenges that new relationships face during the holiday season is trying to figure out how appropriate it is to attend a holiday gathering, be it an office work party, or a holiday family dinner. It is not always easy to navigate whether or not you need to invite your new relationship partner.
 

Bringing a new partner to a holiday gathering of any kind is an outward sign to everyone around you that your relationship (no matter just how new it is) is getting more serious. That will be the automatic assumption for most people.
 

Where this may get unpleasant is when one partner in the new relationship is looking forward to sharing the holiday gatherings together, and the other partner feels that it may be too soon to attend such events as a couple.
 

Although it is good to know exactly where each of you stands, especially if you both have different views of your status, it can also be disappointing to find out that you and your partner do not seem to agree on the level of commitment that exists.
 

As a coach, I have been asked if it is wise to bring a new partner to a holiday gathering and to introduce your new partner as -just a friend-. I always advise against this. If you are going to introduce your new partner as just a friend, one of two things is likely to happen.
 

The first is that people may assume that you are actually involved and wonder what must be wrong with the two of you for not admitting it (perhaps assuming that your partner is already married and cheating?).
 

The second is that those people who actually believe the two of you are -just friends- may unknowingly make a pass at your partner, in your presence, because they assume that as -just friends-, your companion must be single.
 

After all, if your companion weren’t single, that person would be out with a significant other, and not hanging with another friend at a holiday gathering.
 

When trying to resolve this dating dilemma, the issue is not actually how long you have been dating, but rather the level of commitment of your relationship. It does not matter if you only started dating two weeks prior to the holidays, two months prior to the holidays or have had been seeing each other for two years prior to this holiday season.
 

How long you have been involved is not a deciding factor when choosing to bring your partner to a holiday gathering. It has everything to do with how serious your commitment is to one another and if you are intending to build a future together.
 

A couple that has only been dating for two weeks but is already secure in the idea of getting married and growing old together should attend holiday functions as a couple. A couple that has been seeing each other dating casually for over a year with zero intention of making any sort of long term commitment should not involve one another into holiday gathers.
 

If either of the partners in this new relationship is not fully prepared to accept how attending holiday functions together will be interpreted by family, co-workers and friends as a sign of a more serious commitment, then the ethical choice is not to attend them together, until such a time as you get more serious.
 
Frank Kermit

 Everybody‘s Holiday Happy, Except You
By Frank Kermit
 
Do you hate it when everyone around you seems to have something extra to celebrate this year for the holidays, except for you?
 
You aren’t alone.
 
Sometimes, it can be a little frustrating when holiday announcements from your friends and families seem to leave you feeling a little less merry because somehow, you could end up feeling somewhat, left behind.
 
It is not always easy to celebrate with others, when whatever it is they are joyous about, is a little reminder that your own life may not be where you thought it would be by now.
 
In fact, one of the reasons that some people hate the holidays is because of how much they are reminded of just how unhappy they really are.
 
Did your closest friends introduce you to their newest relationship partner? Great! Makes you one of the last of your group to the single for the holidays.
 
Did someone in your family use the holidays to announce a new baby on the way? Great! Makes you doubt if the same thing will eventually happen to you before you feel like quitting after trying for 2 years and still not having a kid.
Did a friend of yours just announce that they start a new job after the holiday season?  Great! That reminds you that you really should update your resume again because your employment insurance is running out and the pressure is mounting. 
 
Did someone make it out of the hospital, or return from active military duty, to be home for the holidays? Great!  You have to be sure to go over and say hello, after a quick trip to the cemetery to pay your respects to the person you lost this year.
 
The holidays are not always fun for everyone.
 
For some, it is a time when a person finally gets a massive break in life and a chance to find real joy.
 
For others, the only massive break they are pre-occupied with is nursing a massively broken heart.
 
If you are fortunate enough to have something wonderful to celebrate this year, please do.
 
Enjoy your moments and share them accordingly.
 
Just don’t throw them in the faces of people that you know are struggling right now. 
 
Show those people a little compassion when you can. Invite them to join in with you, but fully understand if they are not able too.  
 
If you are unfortunate during this holiday season, remember that someday in the future you very likely will have something amazing to share, and will want to celebrate with the people you most care about.
 
When the people around you are asking you to share in their joy, make the effort to be happy for them, and if you cannot do that, excuse yourself so you do not risk tainting the mood.
 
In the long term, you will be glad you did.
 
Happy Holidays. Congratulations on your good fortunes, and hang in there whatever your struggles.
 
Frank Kermit

 Holidays and Inter-Faith Families
By Frank Kermit
 
The number of interfaith families is growing. It is likely that you or someone you know has been involved at some point in an inter-faith relationship. Love may be blind, but the challenges some couples face in inter-faith marriages can be very real.
 
According to Dr Sheila Gordon, president of Interfaith Community, religions aren’t really set up to accommodate people creating households where there are two different faiths. She suggests that parents should discuss with each other, their goals of the religion as it regards their children and what aspects of the religion they want to practice, and what they want to get out of practicing their faiths before bringing their children into it.
 
Some couples face what has been called the December Dilemma, where multiple faiths have days of celebration around the same time. 
 
Some families try to celebrate each holiday separately on their respective days, but allow for decorations of both holidays to be present the entire holiday season (this avoids the December Dilemma of deciding, for example, if they should put up a Christmas tree or a Menorah). 
 
One inter-faith couple told me that they celebrate both sets of holidays and will let their children decide what faith to follow in the future.
Some families just celebrate all the holidays at once in their own interpretation of mixing traditions together.
 
Finally, other families make a firm decision that the children will be brought up with one faith and one set of traditions, and the parent from the other faith either gives up a faith, or celebrates the holidays more privately, or with less emphasis even if the children are involved.
 
Basically, it is important for the couple to decide ahead of time, as much as they can, what they believe would be best, not only for them, but for their kids as well. It is important to keep in mind that managing different holiday celebrations and how to incorporate them into your family’s life is a yearlong process.
 
One thing that many inter-faith relationships face is a lack of acceptance from family and friends.
 
An old colleague of mine used to be very out spoken about his stance against inter-faith marriage to the point where he would refuse to attend the weddings of his friends and families if they married outside his religion. This eventually led to a lot of abandonment. 
 
Everyone has an opinion about inter-faith relations, and it may not always be in favor of the loving couple.
 
If you are entering into an inter-faith relationship, and believe it is heading in the direction of an inter-faith family, be sure you are ready to face opposition that you may not have known you had.
 
Personally, I find it sad when family and friends are accepting of inter-faith friendships, but not accepting of inter-faith romances. 
 
In fact, in my own practice, the biggest challenge to inter-faith couples is not the couple’s inability to work out the role of religion in their lives and the lives of their children; their biggest challenge is getting close family members on board to support them as they would any same faith relationships.
 
If there could be just one message I could relate to those parents and other family who abandon a loving inter-faith couple it is this:
 
The taint of your abandonment will never be removed even if you reconcile later.
 
More often than not, abandoning family re-enter that couple’s life again in the future, and it usually is because you want to see the children of the new inter-faith family. 
 
Think long and hard before you do something that will never be forgotten. I have yet to meet any abandoner that later claimed it was the right thing to do.
 
Happy Holidays whatever you celebrate!

When Love Ends At The Best of Times
Heartbreak for the Holidays
By Frank Kermit


As the holiday season approaches there are a number of things most people can count on. Time off, shopping, spending time with family and friends (including the ones you may not be particularly fond of), bad weather, exams if you are a student, end of the year projects at work that need to get done, the pressures of holiday get-togethers, worse weather, bad drivers, holiday parties, trips to the clinic, feeling overwhelmed, traveling, even worse weather, travel delays, resolutions, less day light, longer commutes…did I mention the weather? But if you are lucky enough, you might just have that kind of holiday season where you get a glimpse, a tiny reminder of what makes it all worth it. The holiday season brings about a sense of reflection for many people. It is a time, when we look back on all the things we have done or accomplished in the past year (or didn’t). And that is why holidays bring about the end of many relationships.

The holiday times can be super challenging if you have a lot going on. It is easy to feel pressure and exhaustion, as if you are being pulled in too many different directions. When this pressure hits, and you start questioning if the relationship you are in is worth it…that means only one thing: you-are-normal.
 
Holidays have a reputation of bringing out the best in humanity…it can also bring out the worst too. Not everyone can handle the holiday times, and if you are having any issues with the person you are dating, the holidays are ripe to exploit even your most minuscule doubts and have them cause cracks in the foundation of your relationship future.

It may not be until the holiday’s approach that some people take the time to ask if this is the relationship they really want to be in. It may not be until the holiday’s approach that some people must now decide if they are going to introduce the new partner to their family. Holidays can force issues like commitment-talk, future-talk, family-planning-talk, and even the dreaded, so-what-are-we-exactly-and-where-is-this-going-?-talk. (Yeesh! And you thought that people just drank too much over the holidays to make merry…)

And those are only the challenges if you are monogamous. When dating multiple people during the holidays, it can be a bit tricky because there are only a couple of nights that you have to spend with your someone special that have important meanings to it, and if you have more than one someone special in your life, choosing only one person to spend that special night with, usually means that the others will dump you. If you can’t bring all of your partners together to celebrate with you (and hey, that could happen), you might not get to spend it with anyone.
 
The reverse can happen as well if your preferred partner is seeing more than one person, and happens to choose someone else to share that midnight New Years kiss with, instead of choosing you. It can be easier than you think to end up alone on a major holiday. Being polyamorous doesn’t protect you from the same risks as being monogamous.
 
Think of the holiday season as a test. Can your relationship survive the holiday hazards? Is the person you are dating understanding about the time you need to prepare for your exams (exams that can change the course of your life)? Is the person you are with just adding to your holiday aches? Are you the one that is making things worse for your partner because the holidays are fueling the fires of your own unresolved issues? It is a pretty safe bet that if your love life cannot withstand the handful of weeks leading up to, and including the holidays, it is likely that the person you were dating would not have been a reliable life partner for you anyways. So the good news about a holiday break up is that you found out before you got more committed or attached.

That still does not change the fact that the end of a relationship heading into, or during the holidays, just royally sucks. It is going to hurt. There is never a “good time” for a relationship to break up. There will always be reasons to stay, even when the most important reason (the fact that you do not want to be in a relationship with that person) says that you need to go. Holidays notwithstanding, if the relationship ended, you are still going to have to deal with the heartache.

If you do end up in heartbreak for the holidays, take every opportunity to make merry and spread cheer with the people you care about (except the one that dumped you), and enjoy the company of people that care about you. Take the time you need to mourn the end of your relationship, but not at the expense of the focus you need for those things (like study time to pass your exams) that WILL stay with you for the rest of your life. The pain is temporary.
 
There will be plenty of time to focus on the things you want, after you focus on the things you need to do first. And when you do mourn, remember what you LEARNED from your last relationship. If you can find the correct lesson to learn, so that you do not end up in exactly the same situation again, that is the path of finding your relationship redemption.
 
That is the way to forgiving the most important person you need to forgive in a break up…yourself. Have a safe holiday season everyone.

Frank Kermit