The Plight of The Mistress Mindset
By Frank Kermit
The women who enter into affairs with married men behind a wife’s back seem to take on the wrath of society. When the genders are reversed and it is the wife cheating, society tends to take a more compassion view towards the cheating wife wondering what unfulfilled needs caused her to seek out an extra marital affair.
Yet when it is a husband cheating on his wife, it seems to trigger a societal rage, and some of that rage gets directed at the mistress involved. If the marriage were an open relationship where the wife was aware and consenting to the extra martial relationship, it would no longer be an affair, and there would not be as much cause for the raw hatred because the core issues of trust and abandonment are not being violated.
In that case it is likely, as with a number of open relationship couples, that the wife would also have the awareness and consent of the husband to pursue her own paramours.
But the plight of the mistress is not all enveloped in the wrath of fury thrust upon her by the people affected by such an affair. It is not her potential broken heart from unfulfilled promises or ending up alone when a husband decides to work things out with his wife.
It is not even how her friends and family may distance themselves from her if and when her role as a mistress comes to light.
The true plight of a mistress is the danger of the repeating behavior pattern she is enforcing when she enters into a relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner.
The longer any person continues to develop attachment and experience in emotionally unavailable relationships, the stronger the predisposition of her mindset to repeat that behavior pattern.
The best way to safeguard herself from getting stuck in that repeating behavior pattern is to break it before it starts either by refusing to date a man who seeks to cheat on his wife, or to end things immediately when she discovers that the man she was dating was in fact married and hiding it.
In the latter example, it is unfortunate to report that many women continue to see him, regardless of being lied too, because of how she already feels attached to him. The advice of how she feels cannot be the most important thing, when in the process of trying to break a repeating behavior pattern, is simply unpopular with such women and is part of the reason she is likely to continue repeating it.
Like any unhealthy addiction, the longer we do something that is not good for us, the harder it becomes to stop doing it.
Being a mistress becomes normalized the longer you do it, to the point where, single men who would be interested in a serious relationship with you, would turn you off.
This is why many mistresses actually end up losing interest in their married lovers once the wives dump those men after the affair becomes public. Part of the attraction is all the intrigue and emotional range from biting forbidden fruit, the naughtiness of having something you aren’t suppose to have, the drama of anticipating the next spontaneous secret rendezvous and so on.
Eligible single male candidates who are not cheating on anyone simply aren’t as alluring for women trapped in the repeating behavior pattern of the mistress mindset.
My hopes are that any mistresses who are reading this will see herself and seek out some form of therapy, counseling or coaching to help break the repeating behavior pattern of the mistress mindset.
You obviously have lots of love to give, and the world definitely needs people with love to give. It is just a matter of healing and learning to give love to the right people.
FRANK KERMIT MA
EXPERT RELATIONSHIP COACH
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