You can’t choose what stays and what fades - Florence and the Machine Bye Felipe by Carrie Joyner I’ll be honest. The trouble with love is that when you jump in, even if its half hearted and just on a free online dating site... you are still putting yourself out there-all jokes aside, you really are. There is your picture/s the yesses and the no’s, the snap judgements. the elation of a match (if it’s one you really wanted) and the devastation if it’s a match that you accidentally swiped right on cause you were just on a swiping tear and meant to swipe left (trust me, it feels bad ignoring those guys, it feels mean). Then you just feel bad not answering back to some people you just realize there is no connection with. There is seeing your exes on there that you can’t swipe left fast enough on...and then you see someone that you are like...hmmm....maybe, wait...yes. That right swipe meant a lot to me those days. (The right swipes were no longer just handed out for thrills...I just wanted it to be a good match.) So, Felipe and I (not his real name) matched. We chatted for about a month, which is unheard of on Tinder, even though most of our chatting was done on text or email after the first 2 days. He and I both have kids and tight schedules, so I found a hole in my schedule and asked him to meet me an hour and a half before my friend was supposed to show up for dinner at a restaurant. He quickly accepted. When I met him, he was waiting at the table on the terrace where we had agreed to meet... just as he had promised, tall, handsome and well, attractive. We sat down, had a drink together, a great conversation....it seemed perfect. Then my friend arrived, sat down, we all chatted politely together for a minute and soon he politely stepped away and said good bye. I hugged him inside and thanked him for a nice date- no kiss on the lips...he just wanted to know when we could see each other again. Tuesday made sense at the time so we set the date on the spot. Everything seemed to be going well, but when Tuesday rolled around and I had a huge presentation to prepare for the next morning, I thought he would be really upset if I cancelled. Quite the opposite- and this is where the red flags should have started going off. “Whatever I needed would work”...”No pressure”. I thought I met the perfect man, what a chill date. Wrong. Cut to us seeing each other for 5 weeks straight, I told him I got off Tinder (hint hint) and he just kind of swerves around that and asks when we are seeing each other again. (Red flag 2) The last time we saw each other was probably the best time, so what came next was a bit of a shock. A private facebook message from a friend came in who asked if I was still dating Felipe. I said, no, I don’t think so seeing as I haven’t really heard much from him since the night my dog was dying/died a few days ago. She said “oh, good”. I asked why? Did she mean because his teeth weren’t perfect? (She was my friend who met me the night he and I first met the first time). No! She said. He has been chatting/messaging one of her friends since a few days after he and I met. They are planning on meeting up soon. WOW. Now not to get into specifics, but when I tell a guy I got off a dating site, it’s because I consider us as dating/exclusive. Clearly this was not the case here. I get that dating on modern dating sites can be a grey area. However, when you are with someone for over a month, should there not be a mention of the fact that you are just one of possibly many? Then I started being thankful that he knew little/if nothing of my family, had never met my son...I had never met his family. Sometimes, the lord works in mysterious ways. This Thanks Giving, I know what I am grateful for. Honest relationships, true friendships and family. As for the rest....BYE, Felipe! -Carrie Joyner
0 Comments
Seeing Ghosts (the online Houdini’s are everywhere on Tinder) By Carrie Joyner The first time I heard the expression “ghosting” was when I was driving in the car, listening to a celebrity report on the radio about a famous couple where they said “rumors are that so and so has just been ghosted by so and so”. I remember thinking to myself “what the hell does that mean?” After a quick Urban Dictionary search (my go-to site for finding out what things like BBW, FWB and BBG mean and the likes), here is what I found: Top Definition Ghosting: The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just "get the hint" and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject's maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels. Example: Carmen: How was your second date with Kyle? Beth: I thought it went well, but I've texted him a couple of times since then and he's been ghosting me. Carmen: What? I thought he was more mature than that. #ignore #ignoring #igging #avoid #avoiding #ghosting #ghost I feel you, Beth. When it comes to the wonderful world of Tinder, there are certain things that you just can’t explain and really leave you scratching your head in the “ WTH just happened there?” kind of way. I am talking about conversations, however long or short, where the person just drops off the face of the Tinderverse. Their profiles are still active, sometimes they don’t even bother unmatching you- they just don’t want to communicate anymore. If the definition really means actually going on a date with someone and then just never hearing from them again, this applies to me, as well. The first 3 in-person Tinder dates seemed to go really well. They were sexy men, could hold a conversation, there seemed to be chemistry...but at the end of each of those dates came a request to come back to my place. Not really my style, so I would playfully decline and then POOF. They were gone. One of them went to the bathroom after the bill was paid and didn’t even bother to say goodbye. He texted me right after saying he thought I had left, so he left. Who does that? Then he asked to see me again, I said sure (he was a 10 hot)... giving him the benefit of the doubt, and then he “ghosted”. Why go to the trouble of asking for a second date if there was never any intention on actually setting one up? Trying to navigate the online dating (or arguably- the online hook up) world is at times confusing, tedious and well, to be brutally honest, hurtful. There must be some sort of Tinder behavior code, memo or manual that I never got to read. I can’t tell you how many hot guys I have matched with who a.) never bothered to say anything, or b.) say something super basic and then once they get a reply ...ghost. My favorite one was a guy who asked to connect on messenger, asked me if I wanted to go over to his place for wine and a massage, asked me for a full body pic, and when I said he could just go check on Facebook, he said “the fact that you won’t send me one proves my point”. I responded “the fact that you want our first date to be at your place, involve being naked contingent on seeing my full body pic, proves mine!” At least after I said “Good luck and BYE!” I got a reply...it was this: “CYA”. Perfect. That is not a ghost, just a jerk. The light at the end of my tunnel (no pun intended) is that for the past few weeks I have been seeing and really falling for a Tinder dude. He was walking up to my place yesterday and I actually got butterflies for the first time in a long time. We will see where it goes, but I am hoping he doesn’t one day just turn into a ghost, too. -Carrie Joyner
Frank Kermit makes his first appearance on the radio program Dr. Lizard and Deer Abby to talk about Online Dating and the Dating App Hater Dater on http://www.CJLO.com (Tune in Live Online) CJLO 1690 AM radio Date: Wednesday July 26 Topic: Online Dating Updated on March 1, 2018 10 Online Dating Tips By Frank Kermit Online (Cyber) dating can be challenging. Dating unto itself is a challenge. Meeting someone new that you have to get to know. Allowing them to get to know you. Finding out where you are, and are not compatible. It is not always a fun process for some people. Add to that mix having to meet through technology, where a person’s interpretations of communication get muddled, and dating can sometimes be unpleasant. I could write a book of advice on online dating, and I likely will one day. In the meanwhile, here are some quick tips for online dating that I share with my coaching clients to keep online dating as positive as possible.
There are many people that just like the attention that being on online dating sites affords them, and they have no actual interest in ever dating someone, so by following this tip you avoid having weeks (or months) of your time wasted by someone that never actually wants to date you. (Yes, attention mongers lurk on online dating sites). Also, there are stories of people posing as the opposite gender online that are either just having fun, or doing research on online dating practices. There are fake profiles designed to get people to sign up to online dating sites, but who have marketing teams behind them, not an actual interested person. In fact there are some dating services that will communicate on behalf of a client to arrange a date, so unless you see the person face to face to match up the voice with the face, it is possible that you are not even talking with the person you think wants to date you. Tip # 2 Never Send Anyone Money This may seem obvious, however it is important to keep in mind that professional “catfish” are very well trained and skilled in the art of manipulation. They fester online trying to get someone attached to an online dating profile. By using attractive profile pictures, and carefully worded texts in the profile description and other written communication (emails/texts), they achieve their goals to make their targets feel an emotional attachment. And when they feel the attachment is strong enough, they create a “crisis” moment where they require you to send them money to help them out. At that point, they have been actively studying every bit of your communication to see what kind of crisis you would most likely respond too. For example, if you mentioned that you suffered a death of someone close to you (death of a spouse or sibling), a crisis you may be presented with could be the person saying someone close to him or her has died, and they need money for the funeral or to pay off the dead person’s debts in order to claim the body. There is a very real science behind what these “catfish” manipulators use in order to properly target vulnerable people to get them attached to the person they THINK is on the other end of that profile. No matter the crisis, never send anyone money during “an online relationship.” BTW, this also means never send someone your credit card number, regardless of the reasons they state (such as, “prove you are a real person, send me your credit card number so I can check”), no electronic payment services, no loans, no investment opportunities, no gift cards…you hopefully get the idea. Note: The origin of the term “catfish” comes from the movie Catfish (2010). It is a story about a man named Nev Schulman who travels to America to meet a young woman that he fell in love with over social media, only to meet her in person and to find out she is older and married and nothing like her online profile. In the movie, the husband tells the story of how catfish were put in with the live codfish for long oversea travels in order to keep the cod fish swimming and moving, so that codfish would be a better quality meat. The catfish would nip the tails the codfish and keep the codfish active. The deceptive wife in the movie is compared to the catfish because her life would be dull and boring (like unhealthy codfish meat), if she did not have someone “nipping at her tail fin”. Tip # 3 It Is Not a Relationship Until You Meet In Person This is a tip that some of my coaching clients have found very upsetting. The idea that if you are interacting through texts, emails, phone calls, and even face to face technologies (ie. skype, facetime, etc…) it is still not considered a relationship. Sometimes the chemistry and connection that people feel through technology can make people believe that what they are experiencing is a real relationship. The feelings may be real, but the relationship is not (ok, go back and read that line again, as I know some of you may have to ponder that one a bit). Just because you feel something for someone, does not make what you have with that person a committed relationship. Relationships come with commitment (such as the expectation of not talking to anyone else online), but commitments are to be earned, not expected. It is unreasonable to assume anything has been earned when you have yet to meet a person face to face in the real world. (There is a lot more I could say on this topic, however it is best that we table this for now and move on to the next tip). Tip # 4 Keep Your Own Online Dating Profile Honest The new buzzword in online dating is “Kitten Fish”. The term means to make yourself out online to be very different from how you actually are in real life. The biggest culprit of “Kitten Fishing” is using good photos of yourself from the past that do not at all match how you look at the moment. It is important to present your best self in an online profile, but it is wrong to misrepresent yourself. Be honest in your profile. If you are only interested in casual dating, do not say you are looking for something serious because you think it makes you look like a better person. If you work in the mailroom of a prestigious company, do not try to pass yourself off as a partner in the business. If you have taken less than a handful of night courses at the local college or university, do not try to pass yourself off as a graduate. Kitten Fishing might get your more attention, even a few first dates that end quickly, but only someone Kitten Fishing as much as you did MIGHT want to give a second chance, but honestly, would you want to date a kitten fish yourself? Right. (Remember my point earlier about attention mongers who lurk online?) Tip # 5 Focus on Your Boundaries (Must Haves), Not Preferences One of the best ways to approach online dating is to use it as an efficient filter. Let’s say you normally have to go on about 9 lousy or semi-decent first dates in order to find a 10th person that you would actually like to have a second date with. (Don’t let the numbers scare you OK? Just play along). There are reasons those 9 first dates did not work out. What makes online dating profiles so efficient is that you can communicate all of your “Must Haves” (your boundaries) that you are looking for in someone that you would like to date more than once, and because of that eliminate having to experience those 9 actual dates, and just focus on every 10th date. If you take this approach, you will likely get less attention, but the attention do you get will be quality. (Remember what I said about attention mongers?) Preferences are things that you would like your date to have, but they are not necessary. If they are not necessary DO NOT LIST THEM. People reading your online profiles might mistake your preferences, as must-haves and might reject you before you ever get the chance to meet them in person. For example, if you have lung issues and cannot date a smoker, say so because it is a boundary. If you would prefer not to date a smoker but you wouldn’t mind it too much either, then do not mention it at all. Tip # 6 Know Your Sex-On-A-Date Rules I am often asked if someone should have sex on a first date when meeting online. My answer is it depends if you are already comfortable having sex after any first date. No judgments here. The key to sex and online dating is about finding someone that has compatible sexual values as you do. If you are comfortable with sex on a first date and the person you have sex with judges you for it, it is disappointing, but you probably would not want to keep dating that person anyway. If you are not comfortable with sex on first dates, communicate that, and PLEASE stick to your rules about sex whatever they may be. If you want someone to question whether or not they can trust you for things to get more serious, start breaking your own rules on a date like having sex when you initially said you were not going too. In fact, one of the most hypocritical things you can do is have rules about not having sex on a first date, when you already regularly take part in anonymous one-night stands. If you do connect with someone and date them for any length of time, you will likely share with them your values when it comes to sex (and how quickly you engage in sexual activity). If you behave in a way that is counter your actual sexual values when first dating, at best you might come across as manipulative. At worse, you could attract and end up in a relationship with someone that has the opposite sexual values you do. Can you say, “Things are likely to end badly here”? Tip # 7 Look for Contradictions In the Profile of Others When looking at the online profiles of others, something I coach my clients to do is to be on the look out for contradictions within an online dating profile. Those contradictions can be very telling about the kind of person you might end up dating and can help you decide if you should even bother. If one part of the profile contradicts another part of the profile, it is a warning sign. For example, if someone writes in their profile their family (their kids) is very important to them, but when it comes to listing 5 things they cannot live without, they do not list their kids in those top 5, that could be a warning sign. If someone talks about how easy going they are, but then talks about how they have rules about how a first date needs to happen in a fancy restaurant with certain high-end criteria, that could be a warning sign. If someone describes themselves as open-minded, but goes on in the profile about the kinds of people they hate, that could be a warning sign. Some profiles are so filled with contradictions (“I like to go out a lot but I also like to stay home”) that it makes a person wonder if you are dealing with a people pleaser, or someone that is so afraid to be honest about what they want, that they play it too safe by being on the fence. Just keep in mind that contradictions could be a big warning and at the very least are conversation topics to be covered on a first date if you make it that far. Tip # 8 Use A Decent Photo A good photo can change how much attention your online profile will get. I was presented with a study by a match making site that describes which profile photos get the most attention to your profile. Women may be encouraged to smile more, look happy, and show cleavage. Men may be encouraged display their pride (stand tall, chest out, appear confident), regardless of how happy they looked. Both may be encouraged include photos of them having fun, and having a profile shot focusing on the left side. That is what the data shows. However, the main thing is to use a CURRENT photo (see the tip on Kitten Fish above). My personal suggestion is not to use photos with your ex (still not over it eh?) no matter how hot your ex was, and not to use professionally photographed or touched-up portraits. Yes, you want to be your best online self, but the dating world wants your best-realistic self too. Also, if you use a photo that is slightly less flattering than your actual looking self, then when someone wants to meet you, it makes the first meeting much more of a pleasant surprise. Nice way to start a date. Tip # 9 Be Realistic About Who You Can Attract One of the biggest misconceptions I have to dispel amongst my client base is how some of them assume that just because they are going to try online dating that they can now raise their standards ridiculously higher. It is good to have standards (see my tip above about boundaries). However, having very high standards when dating online does not matter if you would not be able to attract such a person in real life. This is not about fulfilling your unmet fantasy. This is about finding a real person, who is a real human being, with some of the good qualities a human being can have, and having some of the not-so good qualities that a human being can struggle with. If you are holding out for perfection, you will be just as lonely dating online as you currently are dating in real life. And if you legitimately do want to find a better partner for yourself, the best place to start is to work on yourself to become a better dating candidate partner first. There are times where I have coached people for 3 months before they attempt another date, so that when they do get that next first date, the challenge isn’t trying to get a great person to like you; the mission is about you getting to screen how great the other person is that you like. See the difference? Tip # 10 Learn To Love Online Dating The worst thing you can do is approach online dating with a terrible attitude about it. It will come through in your communication (from your profile, choice of photos, texts, emails and if you make it far enough phone calls and first dates). People, who seek out to sabotage themselves in online dating, will kill every chance they get to meet someone who is a decent candidate. They are the easiest for manipulators to target online. Those with negative attitudes tend to fall for the fake profiles the most, because fake profiles promise the impossible: an ideal fantasy of the perfect match. It is not enough to be willing to try online dating. You have to take pride in the fact that you are putting yourself out there. You have to be proud that you want to date. Yes, it means you have to screen through fakers and manipulators (just like in real life). Yes, it means you have to put yourself out there and make yourself a little vulnerable (just like in real life). Yes, you may have to go through a numbers game (just like in real life). Yes, you may have to make the first move if you aren’t getting any attention (just like in real life). Yes, you have to take some precautions for safety (just like in real life). Yes, you may have to make building a love life a priority and put in lots of time (just like in real life). Stop whining. Stop complaining. Stop Self-Shaming. It is what it is. Learn to love it. Own it. Make it yours, just like you would any other great opportunity in life that you have to work at. A good solid profile, a great attitude towards meeting new people, and the willingness to take action can make online dating a great way to meet new people, if you are prepared to make the most of your online time together. -Frank Kermit Swiping Right by Carrie Joyner I always figured the next love of my life would happen organically. After 2 years of taking a break from the soul sucking world of online dating, I decided to jump back in because the old fashioned way of meeting men just wasn’t happening. Not the right ones, anyhow. The romantic notion of meeting Mr. Right in the frozen food aisle at the grocery store went out the window a long time ago since Steve Jobs put iphones in 90% of the populations hands. Human interaction is scarce these days. Eye contact is nothing short of a miracle. People would rather Snap Chat themselves with cartoon eyes and dog noses. -I don’t get it. -I don’t want to get it. I didn’t go hungry the past two years, don’t get me wrong. I just needed to kick start the process and increase the odds of landing a dream partner before I start thinking about getting a few cats and spending every night binge watching Million Dollar Listing and fantasizing about a career in high profit real estate. Putting yourself out there lends to some pretty deep self-analysis by being part of that online, fast food style relationship world. Don’t get me wrong, there are good men out there…but you have to cut through a lot of weeds to find a good one. With my iphone machete in hand, I began hacking away. Vessel of choice: Tinder I am tired of paying for the chance to meet someone who could ultimately end up wasting years of my life. I spent the better part of 2 years in 3 useless relationships because of that. Recently divorced and feeling the clock ticking in the last few years of my 30’s, I dropped the bar…forget raising it…and settled with three different men for the sake of being in a relationship. Mild levels of attraction led to a lot of time being complacent, at times anxiety-inducing and ultimately unfulfilling relationships. One was crazy, one was a jerk and one was just too nice. I just signed up two weeks ago, so about 50 matches later, 4 disappointing actual dates, I am taking a deep breath and getting ready for week three. The latest date was probably the strangest. A hot pilot who had been texting with me for about 24 hours before I found a hole in my schedule and asked him if he was free. He was, we set up a time and place to meet for a drink. He arrived 30 minutes late because he was stuck in traffic and took about ten minutes to establish consistent eye contact with me. This is where all that self analysis kicks in. The reality is that I am sitting in front of a total stranger. I don’t know if he has issues. I don’t know his back story or what really happened in his last relationships, or how hurt he had been in the past. The questions float around my head incessantly. -Is he not focusing because he is nervous? -Am I too good looking for him? -Am I not good looking enough? I finally hooked him in a topic that he was semi-passionate about and I had my eye contact at last. He didn’t want to leave, but I have to cut these things short unless there are fireworks. Plus, my dog needed a walk. He texted me after to make sure I got home safely, which was thoughtful. He asked if he could see me again and I said yes, because maybe that first encounter was just scratching the surface. I haven’t heard back from him all weekend and I am not going to reach out first …I am old school like that. Online dating is not how I imagined meeting my next boyfriend and hopefully husband, but it is the easiest way to start connecting to total strangers, some with good intentions, others not so much. It takes time, energy, thick skin and courage of steel to not cancel dates that seem like a good idea while couch surfing with chardonnay. Total exposure. But I guess you can’t win the lottery without buying a ticket, so let the games begin! -Carrie Joyner
(originally an article from the Frank Talks Adult Male Virgin Newsletter) Start Dating Someone That Already Wants You by Frank Kermit Once you and I starting coaching, you may be starting to remember some of those girls who were into you and wanted to date you, but who you never gave a fair chance. These women liked you enough, and you knew it. But you would not be open-minded enough. THIS is one of the reasons you are still a virgin. So here is your tip of the week: EVERY GIRL GETS ONE DATE WITH YOU. If she is into you, you go out on a date or two and GIVE HER A CHANCE. This will accomplish 3 things. If YOU aren't willing to give a girl a chance, then on some level, you will only focus on women just like you, who would NOT be open enough to give you a chance. However, if you give every girl that likes you a chance, you will start to focus on girls that WOULD give you your chance. -Frank Kermit Dating in the digital age... how to find your soul mate. Written by: Pillow Talk Gal Can anyone ever find their soul mate? Is there even such a thing as a soul mate? If there is, how do you find them? These are some of the many questions single gals and gents are faced with on a daily basis. If you are a believer in the fact that your happy ending depends on finding that one special person to fulfill you, then you are one of many that believes this depends on finding ‘’the one’’ (an expression that rom-coms have been using as their bread and butter for so many years).
Time When we’re younger we truly believe we have all the time in the world and are usually in no rush to settle down. As time marches on, we begin to feel like something is missing (this is often brought on by the fact that our friends or people in our inner circle, begin to settle down by choosing mates, getting married or having children). In some women, this is often the point where that infamous biological clock starts to chime so loudly you would swear it’s the default ringtone on your phone. At this point it becomes about finding someone to be with. You go on date after date, hoping to find the person you are supposed to be with. Time after time you put yourself out there (sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s really horrible and sometimes it’s just downright wrong/uncomfortable). Then, just when you tell yourself you are done looking, the most amazing thing happens. Love seems to find you! You know that saying: ‘’you will find love when you stop looking for it’’, well I can tell you for a fact that it does happen (it turns out rom-coms do get a few facts right). This is the scenario that sometimes happens when you let life runs its course. Now, what do you do if you’re not in your 20’s or 30’s anymore and you find yourself starting over? You want to go back out there and look for love again but dating seems so scary and juvenile. Where do you start? Well, that’s the beauty of dating sites! Technology is for once on your side because now that you have experience with love, you (hopefully) know what you’re looking for. Dating sites can really help you put yourself out there in a way that makes you feel less vulnerable than before (instead of having to either ask someone out or be setup on a blind date). Apps and sites can help you target exactly the kind of mate you’re looking for. Trust Although there is a certain comfort in picking and choosing from many different profiles, you still have the same uncertainty as with the more traditional methods: the trust factor.
This is where Internet dating and traditional dating resembles each other the most. You never really know until you meet and spend time with the actual person. Internet Dating Vs Traditional Dating So in the end, which method is best for finding your soul mate? The answer is either. In today’s society it’s so easy to just click a button and search for love, but ultimately it’s about the time and effort you put in that counts. No magic wands, no fairy god mothers just good old fashioned time, effort and of course faith that eventually love will ultimately find you (whether it’s digital or otherwise). Either way, love is out there and you just have to figure out what works best for you. – Pillow Talk Gal About Pillow Talk Gal Born and raised in British Columbia, she is a professional woman managing a career, marriage, and a teenager. Life can be challenging at times but she's a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason, and more often than not, she tries to understand those reasons. "Join me in my journey throughout life’s issues and I guarantee you’ll be left pondering an issue or two." - Pillow Talk Gal *Disclaimer: the views of the author do not necessarily represent the views of Franktalks.com. It is important to present different views/mindsets, and that includes material that may be deemed controversial in nature. ******** P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add? Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you. What if we could "PVR" our relationships? Written by: Pillow Talk Gal The other day I had a thought...what if we could use a PVR to manage our relationships. What I mean by this is, we could use all the features a PVR provides us with but apply those features to our daily lives and relationships. Here's a for instance, the moments that you just would rather forget (like the rude comment your significant other happened to make over breakfast that morning, or the terrible time you had on your date the night before) you could FWD (fast forward). You could just zip through the bad moments like they never even happened and go on with your life. Of course some would say this doesn’t solve anything but sometimes we just need to forget things and move on (a denial button is so much less appealing). Then there are the times you want to relish and hold on to forever. Your first date, first kiss or even the time your better half surprised you with a wonderful, romantic dinner out. These would be the special moments you could either RWD (rewind) or PAUSE. Who doesn’t want to remember the great stuff? Next are those moments you never want to end...for those, you could press "record" and watch them over and over again. There’s the first time you saw the love of your life, or the time you just fell asleep together watching a movie at his place. Even the time your had the flu and he took care of you by making you soup and giving you your medicine. Just press ‘’record’’ and relive those wonderful memories whenever you feel like it. If we could PVR our relationships, what happens the moment you've run out of memory and you need to start deleting things? How do we decide what to delete and what to keep? Sometimes by keeping certain memories alive we learn from our mistakes and make better choices in the future. That’s a memory worth making room for; it could come in handy at a later time. That brings up another interesting feature....more memory (RAM). Would this give us the unbelievable ability to remember all the good times, forget all the bad and delete the forgettable ones all together? When things get a little crazy, there is also the possibility of having to reboot your PVR entirely...which can be scary but at the same time could provide the opportunity for a clean slate in life (romantic or otherwise). Of course the rest of the time you could just let life cruise on "play" mode because you would know that if anything came up you have the nifty little features I mentioned, to do with as you please. With all the advances in technology these days I can't help but wonder....how long until I can PVR my life? -Pillow Talk Gal About Pillow Talk Gal Born and raised in British Columbia, she is a professional woman managing a career, marriage, and a teenager. Life can be challenging at times but she's a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason, and more often than not, she tries to understand those reasons. "Join me in my journey throughout life’s issues and I guarantee you’ll be left pondering an issue or two." - Pillow Talk Gal To read Pillow Talk Gal's last post, click HERE ********
P.S. Do you Agree With This Article? Disagree? Have something to Add? Write your thoughts in the comments below and share this article to see how many of your friends think like you. Dating: What do women really want? by Pillow Talk Gal Dating can be a veritable mine field, from how to dress, what to say and how to act. There is no exact science to dating, no how to manuals we can read. We are often left to follow our instinct and sometimes those instincts can be either bang on or dead wrong. As a woman I can only speak to men who are looking to find out what not to do if you plan on seeing a woman past the first date. Below are just a few personal tips that I hope will help to make the mine field a little less daunting. Tip #1 : Dress to impress. Most women will take note of a man’s appearance right away. While you are busy checking her out, she is actively doing the same but in a very different way. While you may be checking out her body, she is doing that as well, but in so much more detail. She is taking note of every little detail right down to the amount of facial hair you have and whether it’s been properly groomed. She is looking at your hands to see if your finger nails are dirty, she’s taking note on how much cologne you decided to put on (tip: less is more) and yes she is even checking to see if there is a tan line where a wedding ring might be. Some would say appearances don’t matter, not true. The old saying ‘’first impressions are important’’ is key! In life they say you have to dress for the job you want, well dating is really not that different. Women love it when a man makes an effort to look good, it shows they care, not only about their date but themselves as well. (this should be a given but it’s worth mentioning) A man who doesn’t have a good sense of style can be a complete turn off for some, where others can see it as a challenge (a fixer upper kind of guy). Either way, it’s best to play it safe and go with a nice collared shirt (no tie) and a dressy pair of jeans. You can never go wrong with business/casual style. Tip #2: Leave the past behind. Nothing is more off putting than a man that seems to not have moved on from his last relationship. We all have our relationship baggage to deal with, but dealing with it while you’re on a date with another woman is not that time (this lesson applies to women too). If you’re out with a woman who just happens to enjoy the same kind of music as your ex, or she happens to like the same kinds of food as your ex, whatever you do, don’t bring it up! Mentioning any kinds of similarities between a date and an ex can lead not only to insecurities on her part, but also make you look like you’re still hung up on your ex! Of course, if you were in a serious relationship and are back on the dating scene you might notice you have a specific ‘’type’’ you are attracted to, which is fine. There are bound to be some similarities, just don’t go out of your way to mention them, especially on the first date. She will lose interest in you faster than you can say ‘’when can I see you again?’’ Tip #3: Confidence versus arrogance. Women love a man who is confident, but not to the point of arrogance. It is a big turn on when we see that a man has confidence in himself but at the same time he is humble about that confidence. For example, there is nothing worse than being with a guy who is good looking and acts like he knows it. The turn on for us is, he’s good looking but thinks he isn’t (I know it’s weird but it’s true). Tip #4: Keep some thoughts to yourself. If you’re on a date with a woman whom you find very attractive, refrain from making awkward remarks about specific things you find sexy about her (especially on a first date). You might find she has a great body or sexy lips and that’s fine, but making a point about how you happen to find those traits sexy is just creepy. For example, your date happens to have very full sexy lips, don’t blurt out ‘’you have the most beautiful, sexy lips I have ever seen!’’. It comes off as if all you’re looking at are her lips, which leads a woman to think all you’re interested in are her looks and not getting to know her as a person. If the relationship progresses past a couple of weeks, then those kinds of comments most probably could be a turn on, as opposed to making her want to run screaming in the opposite direction. Keep your cool and instead of fixating on her looks, listen to her when she speaks. Really take an interest in what she has to say. A man who can have a real conversation with a woman is so sexy and believe me, she will notice if you’re not actively listening, so really put some effort into it. If the chemistry is good, you will find there won’t be much effort required. I wish you all happy dating and I hope my tips will have proven useful to at least a few people. It can be tough out there and sometimes a few tips can go a long way. -Pillow Talk Gal About Pillow Talk Gal Born and raised in British Columbia, she is a professional woman managing a career, marriage, and a teenager. Life can be challenging at times but she's a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason, and more often than not, she tries to understand those reasons. "Join me in my journey throughout life’s issues and I guarantee you’ll be left pondering an issue or two." - Pillow Talk Gal Past Pillow Gal Posts: http://www.franktalks.com/blog/sex-and-the-city-girl-talk-for-the-ages Making Monogamy Work: Monogamy Must Be Earned By Frank Kermit *This is an excerpt of my Ebook: FRANKTALKS VOLUME 3: MONOGAMY AND NON-MONOGAMY EDITION EBOOK Monogamy can be easier than open relationships, because the rules are simpler but the application of the rules of monogamy is not as easy. Monogamy works for monogamous people however: the power of choice and the self entitlement of our current societal structure is making it more challenging for the chances that monogamous people have, of making their relationship structure work for them. The Rules of Monogamy: 1-The first rule of monogamy is that you only have sex with one other person. The first rule of monogamy is very much what most people understand monogamy to mean. It is simple to understand. Most people assume it stops there, but it does not. The second rule, is even more important, and challenging, than the first rule. 2-The second rule of monogamy is that you never do anything that would even just potentially threaten rule #1. And in those two rules chaos ensues for the wannabe monogamous couple that is not sure what a real threat to their monogamy is. The chaos comes from not being sure what a potential threat is. Now an obvious threat: someone is sexually interested in being with the person that you are monogamous with, or someone is sexually interested in being with you when you are in a monogamous relationship. That is a threat. What about a potential threat? Potential threat means you do not put yourself in a situation where the likelihood of temptation already exists. The bottom line, when you are in a monogamous relationship, any time that you are out for social reasons and extra-curricular reasons with people that you are attracted to, who have already expressed a sexual interest in you, it is a potential threat to your relationship. At the very least, it is a potential threat to your monogamy. As monogamists, you must figure out how you define a potential threat. Threats to the monogamy will not always be so obvious. Some couples may feel that using sex toys as “marital aids” help aid a challenge in the marriage while other couples may view using sex toys as a threat to their relationship. It is up to the couple to work things out, communicate and deal with their individual insecurities. BTW, you can learn more about using Sex Toys with a new lover in my Ebook NOW WHAT? UNIQUE WAYS TO CATER TO HER SEXUAL E.N.A. EBOOK There are going to be times when your partner is going to come up to you and say, "Listen, I do not want you hanging out with so-and-so anymore." Their reason is, "That person threatens our monogamy." They might not word it that way, but that is essentially what they are getting to. If you believe in the principle of monogamy, you have to listen to your partner's concern, and hopefully you can come to some sort of consensus as to what the best action is to take. I cannot tell you to completely eliminate all potential threats, because at that point, neither of you will be socializing with anybody. If you are not interacting with anyone, then that cannot be emotionally healthy either. As I teach it, you do not kill what you are trying to protect. Just as you must have realistic expectations of the relationships structure you get into, you must you have realistic perspectives on the potential threats to your monogamy. When it comes to potential threats to your monogamy, you must never be afraid to express to your partner that you see a potential threat to the monogamy of your relationship. Never be afraid to say, "That person that you are hanging out with wants to have sex with you." As monogamists, you must be ever so aware of the potential threats to your monogamy. Yes, you are going to be accused of being jealous, and yes, you are going to accused of being insecure, and yes, you might even be accused of not trusting your partner. So what? I personally feel that I would rather be accused of all those things and do what is necessary to project the monogamy of my relationship, when our intent is to be monogamous. I personally feel that a monogamist person has every right to do what it takes to protect the monogamy of their relationships. To what degree you see a potential threat is up to you. Keep in mind that no one is going to care about the importance of your monogamy in your relationship as much as you and (hopefully) your partner do. Monogamy is a work in progress, it is not a given, and can not be taken for granted One of my principles of monogamy is that Monogamy Must Be Earned. Part of the reason that monogamy must be earned is that you want to make sure you know what you want, and that you are sure that the person you are choosing is capable of giving it to you. A very big point here is that monogamy is a lifestyle. As I teach it in my 4 hours audio program lecture, MAKING MONOGAMY WORK - WHEN ONE IS ALL YOU NEED AUDIO you do not make the mistake of thinking that monogamy is just a relationship structure; think of it as a lifestyle because it permeates a lot of the decisions that you are going to make. Being monogamous means that you might even make a change in the type of profession that you choose. For example, one of the reasons that some people become unfaithful, even thought they entered a monogamous relationship with the best of intentions, but down the road they become unfaithful, is because one of the people in the monogamous relationships, or both of them, are in professions where they are working anywhere form 12 to 14 hours a day apart from each other. They just do not have the time to spend together. Over the course of year-after-year, feeling alone, being pursued, maybe feeling angry or resentful for having to work so hard to support your partner which could lead to an unhelpful sense of entitlement to having earned the little extras and then being faced with temptation can lead an originally well intentioned individual to justify getting something from an affair that they feel is no longer there for them at home. Both men and women are susceptible to going though this. It is not gender specific. If monogamy is very important to you, consider it a lifestyle that you have to support. That might mean choosing a different profession, maybe making less money, or making money is a different way so that your lifestyle does not threaten your monogamy. Frank Kermit Learn about The Hierarchy of Dating and Relationships (and how to Transition to Monogamy as a Couple) in the Coaching Workbooks: I'm A Man, That's My Job and I'm A Woman, It's My Time If you have any questions about managing the monogamy of your relationship sign up for a couples session. |
Categories
All
Archives
May 2024
NDG Encore Singing Chorus **** Every Friday Night Dr. Laurie Betito Quotes
|