Relationships are not a race! Read this contributed post to see if you doing things that might mean you are rushing yours.
When you think you’ve found the right person for your heart, your soulmate, it seems foolish to waste any more time. Indeed, when you are sure in your heart that you love your partner, you know that you need to act fast to move your relationship to the next level. Right? Well, in reality, you want to be cautious. Going too fast could be damaging for your couple. Of course, it’s a good thing to be enthusiastic about your relationship. But you need to make sure that you’re not rushing things faster than they should go. Both partners need time to establish themselves in a relationship, so that if you choose to speed up things too abruptly, your partner might feel like you’re stepping on their toes. While there’s no saying how fast is too fast, there are certain signs that can help you to adjust your pace to your partner’s.
Meeting is not the same than getting to know someone
Love at first sight is an aberration. Of course, you might meet someone you find interesting, but it’s impossible to know them and appreciate them for who they are when you’ve just met. The same argument is valid for online dating tools, such as Grindr for PC and Mac. Take the time to get to know someone before you allow yourself to think you’re in love. The process of understanding someone takes time and effort, but it is worth every second of it. As you do, you can get to grow your feelings for each other and create new memories. In short, if you fall in love at first sight, you are already going to fast!
How long before you should pop the question?
Relationships take work all the time. While it doesn’t mean it’s hard work, it would also be a mistake to take your couple for granted. But as you work to make your couple grow, you might come to realize that you want the spend the rest of your life with that person. You want the house, the children and the pet that goes with it. You are ready for the full package. There is no right or wrong as to when you should pop the question, but you need to make sure your partner is on the same page. In other words, it doesn’t help to plan an engagement proposal if you haven’t had a serious conversation about your future first.
Are you actually going to hurt yourself?
Are you so exciting about your relationship that you may not notice that you’re acting a little over the top? For instance, if you find yourself celebrating weekly anniversaries, then you might put your partner in an awkward position. OTT romantic gestures can be risky at the beginning of your relationship, especially as it can be used as a manipulation tool by an unscrupulous partner. Additionally, if your relationship isolates you from your circle of friends and relatives, it’s time to slow down and try to make it work in the real world.
In conclusion, the secret to a happy relationship is to go steady instead of fast. Taking the time to know and understand each other without creating overly romantic settings from Day One is the secret of making it work in the long term.
HAPPY CANADA DAY
TO ALL MY CANADIAN CLIENTS!
Here is a little something to make you laugh, and part of my contribution to Canadian Culture:
Frank participates in the great Canadian game of Bum Darts!
Would you like to learn how to take your relationship from dating to something more serious? The 5 steps explored in this contributed post may help you with that.
Relationships take work. We all know that. Men and women are so different, that when you’re trying to make a relationship work, you know that you’re going to have to compromise. By now, you should also know that trust, honesty, and communication, are all important too. But when you’ve fallen in love, you’re able to get that right, and you feel as if you’ve found someone that you can make a life with, you may be ready to move forward. If you want marriage, children, and everything that goes along with it, do you know how to get it? Do you know how you’re going to take that leap from dating to something more serious? Here are five steps that will help you to do that.
1. Make Sure You’re On The Same Page
Before you jump in with the idea of moving forward, you’re going to want to make sure that you’re both thinking along the same lines. Because you may be ready to make the next step, but she might not be thinking the same. So don’t just assume. Make sure that you have that conversation. Be sure to be frank and stay how you feel and what your intentions are. When you know that you’re both on the same page, then point two is a great next step for you both.
2. Move In Together
If you’re not already living together, then this is often a good first step. You’d be surprised by how many couples think that they’re perfect for each other. But when they live together, they realize that they go that so wrong! So make sure that you spend some time living together and getting to know each other's habits and quirks before you make a more permanent commitment. Although you should be able to work through any issue, that isn’t always the case when you know you’re not meant to be.
3. Plan The Engagement
When you’re happy that things are going well, and you still feel the same way after months of living together, it’s time to plan your proposal. Take an idea from something like https://www.shutterfly.com/ideas/proposal-ideas/ if you need inspiration. Just make sure that your engagement plans are suitable for you as a couple and will be something she loves.
4. Shop For The Diamond
This is something that you can do before the proposal, or after. Find a jeweler or diamond supplier, such as https://diamondexpert.com/blue-nile-review/, that you think will create the perfect ring. She will wear this forever, so this step is always crucial.
5. Start The Wedding Preparations
And finally, now that she’s accepted and you’ve put a ring on it, then you’re going to want to start thinking about planning the wedding. This is something that she might want to take full control of. Because a lot of women have dreamt about their weddings days for a long time. And if you’re impartial to what happens on the day - let her do what she likes. Whether you plan this for a year, less, or more, just make sure that it’s right. There’s no need to rush, because now you’re already moving forward and you know you’ll spend the rest of your lives together.
10 Tips For Young Adults Starting Out In Life
The following is some Frank Advice that I would give a young adult starting out in life:
1. Start a Life Plan
Identify things like when you want to retire, places you want to live during the different stages in your life, factor in the health history of your bloodline relatives (if the last two generations of your family were forced into early retirement due to health issues then make sure your life plan takes that into account).
Your life plans will likely change over time, but you will still be moving forward, and it gives your life some direction
2. Do Something Worthwhile With Your Life
Fun is important, but fun is not ultimately fulfilling.
Focus on offering value to the world whether through the way you make a living or through your other efforts of making the world a better place.
Every person that I have ever coached that participated in scams for most of their life are blocked for forming real connections with other human beings and have an emptiness and loneliness that simply cannot be healed.
3. Make Understanding Money A Priority
Learn about the personality types required for the different ways to earn money.
The traits of a great employee may get in the way when becoming a great entrepreneur.
The traits of a great investor may get in the way of someone that seeks a career change into an independent contract self employed professional.
Knowing yourself in this regard is going to save you years of experimenting and poverty to figure it out.
4. Stay Out of Bad Debt
As much as possible, stay out of bad debt. Work to pay off everything in a timely fashion, and if you cannot afford it on cash, do not put it on credit.
Even school loans can be paid by reduced course loads and working part or full time to pay tuition as you study.
Live within your means, and be mindful of how interest in bad debt is designed to keep you in bad debt.
5. Get the Necessary Education
Get the necessary education. No one has the obligation to teach you anything. Get a formal education if you want a career path that requires a license/degree/or association membership, and best get it while you are young.
No matter what anyone tells you, not everyone is able to go for education when older as we cannot predict what obstacles will be there.
A lack of health as you get older or increased family responsibilities as you move into the next stages of your life may simply not allow for the time or resources needed for an education.
If you cannot get a formal education for any reason, then educate yourself on your time, with your own research. Just because you weren’t able to go to college or university does not mean you stop your education. Pick a direction in life, and learn everything you can about it.
Also, there is little value going into 50K in debt for a career that pays minimum wage, that you can break into without a degree. Make sure the amount you invest to get the education can be easily paid back with what you earn.
6. In Love, Choose Wisely
Do not commit to the wrong person. When it comes to your love life, there are people that you just date for fun and there are people that can best support your future life plans that must earn your commitment.
If you get these two mixed up, you may lose everything. Everything you have ever earned, everything that gives you peace of mind, and even your very freedom.
7. Take Care Of Your Health
You never know when being healthier makes things easier until you lose your health. Physical health, mental health and emotional health are all important.
If you need help in any of these areas, seek the help. Find a motivator, a therapist, a coach and make it part of your life plan.
8. Never Count On Being Saved By Others
Never be fully dependent on someone to save you. It is up to you to save yourself. It is great when you have people to count on, but your goal is to build up your life so that you aren't dependent on any one particular person or system.
This includes expecting your government to save you as well. The more you can be independent, the more you can fully enjoy the life you build without fear of anyone taking it away from you.
It is OK to ask for help when you need it, but it is not OK to ever assume that anyone is automatically your safety net if things do not work out.
9. Always Plan Long-Term
Consider things in terms of your best long-term interest. Today you may want to take revenge on someone who hurt you (short term) but is it worth jail time (long term)?
Today you may really want the cool entertainment system for the party this weekend (short term), but is it worth the risk that you do not have an emergency fund to pay the rent in the event you are too sick to work later in the year (long term)?
Today you may really want to travel over the holidays to another country to meet that potential new partner that you met online (short term), but is it worth the loss of prep time for the entrance exam for the next stage of your life (long term)?
10. Never Act Cruel
I think above all else, this may be the most important. You do not have to be overly nice, but never be cruel.
Never say mean things just to hurt another person. Respect people’s rights to live in peace, tolerate their differences, and act as encouraging to others as you want them to be to you.
Never shame anyone because you think they could do better. You do not know their stories and struggles.
Never hate someone just because they are different.
Never make jokes at another person's expense and never be someone's bully.
Charisma is defined in my works as a person who leaves a positive impression of themselves while at the same time makes other people feel good about their selves too.
5 Steps To Figure Out Your Prepper Needs
(This is detailed in my autobiography From Loser To Seducer).
So I started on my journey to learn how to attract a woman. I took an experimental approach to learning. I learned what did and did not work, embarrassed myself a number of times along the way, and was frequently taken advantage of by men who claimed to be mentors, and women who used me, BUT I KEPT GOING.
There is an ANSWER; and I AM going to give it to you.
The incel that inspired me to write this article was quoted as saying he was concerned about being slapped in the face for trying to meet women and unintentionally saying the wrong thing.
Perhaps you also are afraid of being slapped for approaching a woman and asking her out on a date. Are you saying that you have tried being social, and have gotten slapped? Or, do you want to try being social but are so worried about getting slapped, that you hold yourself back?
If you are not taking any actions
that got you slapped,
you might be letting your fear of rejection
unnecessarily influence you.
If you are holding yourself back from being social with women because you fear rejection, (i.e. getting slapped) or you fear hurting women, that is normal. No one likes to risk rejection.
Rejection never feels good.
If you want an active sex life,
you are going to have to
risk some rejection.
If women have slapped you in your attempts to approach and connect with them, perhaps it is not something you actually said, but something in the way you came across non-verbally, that would merit a slap.
It should be noted that I do not condone violence, and I don’t think that violence in the form of a slap is acceptable.
However, when feeling threatened, many people resort to violence as a means of self-protection.
If you were my client, we would work together to do an analysis of your overall approach and behaviors.
There are times when a professional outside view is required in order to examine what you are doing, and how you come across to others.
It is a way to bring to your attention things about your non-verbal, and sub-communication that you may not even be aware of.
If women slap you, you need to see what it is you are doing, (or not doing) that is making women feel unsafe with you.
that trigger a woman to be afraid of you.
When you stop the behaviors that trigger
unsafe feelings in women,
and instead, learn to address her Emotional Needs,
you will be in a better position to connect.
Some men I have coached have had no problems getting first dates. They are often blessed with great genes (very good looking), and they are physically fit, and yet they have lots of first (and only) dates but very few second dates, and no steady girlfriends to ever speak of.
I had a client who was a 44-year-old virgin by the time he reached out to me, and as you can imagine he was at his wits end! One of his frustrations was that he had no idea why it was so easy for him to initially attract women, but then they would find excuses to end the dates early, or avoid his calls all together when he tried to set up a second date.
We worked together to analyze his behavior and communication skills.
I often will have clients go through a “mock” date with me, so I can study their communication skills.
What was revealed with this client was that he was acting in a way that scared women.
Here are 5 examples of how he scared women:
- He was very nervous having conversations with women he found attractive. Without realizing it, when felt nervous his eyes became intense with his eyebrows forming a deep scowl on his face.
- He would forget to smile, (smiling would have indicated he was having a good time). Not smiling made him seem uninterested in the date.
- The combination of the scowling brow and lack of smile made him look angry.
- When he attempted to make small talk, the majority of the topics coming out of his mouth were complaints about his own life, and his overall negative attitude about dating in general.
- He asked his dates questions to get to know them, but because of his nervousness, he sounded like he was interrogating them instead of taking a genuine interest in learning about her likes and dislikes.
In addition to these 5 points, there were some other aspects going on in his conversation and behavior skills that violated the Emotional Needs of the women he was with.
To learn more about the
Emotional Needs of women
you can go to my
ENA Mastery System at:
Did this man get help and change his life for the better?
He had to work at it but in 90 Days he lost his virginity!
He went on to have a regular friends-with-benefits following the rules of casual sex relationships
Check out this link to learn the rules of Friends-With-Benefits
Or you can watch this video on
The Rules For
Friends With Benefits
The greatest success story of a man losing his virginity was this one guy that, as an adult, did not want to reach his next birthday and still be a virgin.
So he decided to give up his 2 week vacation from work, and instead of going on a trip to somewhere warmer, he stayed home, and studied my materials for adult male virgins, 10 hours a day for the entire 2 week vacation.
He filled out the work books, tweaked and re-tweaked his online dating profiles, wrote out his personal stories, practice them in front of the mirror as well as whatever women he would correspond with online, and as he learned more, he went back and re-checked his communications.
On the 14th day, the last Sunday before returning to his full time job on Monday, he met up with a girl that afternoon that he met online, spent the day with her addressing emotional needs, and that night, he lost his virginity to her and she became his girlfriend.
Yes, he was lucky enough to meet her at the right time, but he also created his own luck by working hard and being prepared for those moments in your life, when the world puts opportunity in front of you.
Every now and then, the world WILL give you such opportunities. It is up to you to be ready for them; ready to recognize them and ready to make the most of them.
Watch This Youtube Video where a number of Frank's incel (adult male virgin) coaching clients tell their stories.
All of whom lost their virginity.
Now then, for anyone reading this who thinks I am down playing how dangerous incels can be, I assure you, I know all too well. I have helped a lot of men what were adult male virgins, some of whom identified as incels on the verge of giving up all hope and doing something dangerous just to have some measure of self-reflective significance. I have also been the target of incels that have threatened to do me harm.
When certain individuals are entrenched in their world view, no matter how miserable they may feel, it can be too scary to step away from that world view, as the world view has become intertwined with their sense of self-identity.
At that point, they would reject any measure of healing because the healing would interfere with their sense of security; a security based on their sense of knowing how the world works and knowing their place in it (which as horrible and lonely a place it actually is, feels more comfortable, than having to change their world view, and thus challenging their established self-identity as victims.
like any system of oppression,
can be like a big security blanket
as the devil you know and hate,
can still be comfortably wrapped around you,
from the UNKNOWN.
This UNKNOWN could be heavenly salvation,
or just worse level of hell.
Those that seek a path out of hell,
must venture through the UNKNOWN,
whether or not
they are ready to make that journey.
To the incels that just want regular casual sex,
here is where you start:
Question: How do we make connections for casual sex?
Consider the following questions:
- Do you know what it takes to manage a casual sex relationship?
- Have you done any research about what the best rules are to manage a friends-with-benefit? (See above)
- Do you know if you want a series of one night stands with strangers, or if you would rather have an on-going series of causal encounters with the same person?
Focus on what you have to offer before focusing on what you want to get.
- Do you have the logistics for regular casual sex?
- That is do you have your own apartment or home where the two of you can be alone? Do you live with roommates or at your mother's house with no privacy?
- If you have your own place and live alone, is it clean and seductively enticing such that women would want to be there and would enjoy spending time there?
Watch this short tutorial video with different ideas about how you can create a seductive space that will make women want to come
and visit with you
There is more to having a full sex life
than just learning how to approach women.
It is a lifestyle that requires effort.
Have you invested in the work that this lifestyle requires prior to you finding a sex partner?
For example, you will need extra toothbrushes, clean towels, and other toiletries for overnight guest lovers. Did you think of that, and stock up?
Does your place have candles and other items to enhance a romantic atmosphere?
Investing the work into making your home presentable and seductive will help you feel more confident about what you offer, and help you in your initial conversations and approaches.
Put the time in to prepare yourself for future sex encounters.
Study sex-education materials to make you a better lover.
Do you know the anatomy of a woman's body and how to stimulate her sexually?
Do you know how to communicate with your future sexual partner to find out what she does and does not enjoy during foreplay?
Have you learned how to give a relaxing massage for foreplay?
Once you have completed the above tasks,
you are now ready to start seeking out sexual partners.
Question: Where do you meet women for Casual Sex?
It is easier to find people who are already like minded, rather than trying to convert people to your way of thinking.
If you only want a series of casual encounters, you need to reach out to place where people who seek casual encounters go.
- An old mentor of mine once suggested hotel bars near airports, or where conventions are held as a great spot to meet people seeking one night stands. There are people who are staying at such hotels for just a few nights and are looking for short-term companionship during the evenings. They will often hang out in the hotel bar looking to connect with someone immediately, instead of being upstairs in their hotel room alone.
- Dating sites and apps that are geared towards an interest in casual encounters is another good place to start.
- Lifestyle clubs that cater to, or are open to non-monogamists (for example: Fetish events and Swingers clubs) might be places to consider visiting. Some Swinger clubs have regular information nights where you are permitted to come in and learn about what goes on, and how to conduct yourself if you want to be accepted by the membership.
- Research through social media and see if you can find open-minded online groups of people that are sex-positive and encourage meeting in person. You will find many of them, and most will require you to be ushered in by someone already in the group that can vouch for you. These same groups also tend to have in-person meet-ups semi-regularly to meet new people wanting to be part of their communities. That is where you can start to meet them, let them get to know you and be invited in.
- See who you can meet locally to test your conversational skills. Keep in mind the more conservative the area you live in, the more close knit the communities will be, and it’s likely that the different women you reach out to will already know each other
- If you still struggle to find such groups and communities, consider starting your own, once you complete the above research.
In every single case you will be expected to follow the rules of the event or space in terms of how you interact with the existing membership.
Follow the rules (provided they match with your own personal moral code). If they are counter to your own moral code, then it is best to find another group, or start one of your own.
If you want to be part of any particular community, take the time to research what that community has and see if you actually want to take part.
Sometimes, you can know simply by doing the research required.
Sometimes, you need to have conversations with people that are active participants to see if it is for you.
Sometimes, you just need to go and see it for yourself.
Do you know yourself?
Do you trust yourself to be open to learning the different ways a person can experience a casual sex lifestyle?
You need to know what you want.
While coaching, many men I have coached have struggled with getting sex, never mind getting a girlfriend.
During the process of working with them, they often get to the point where they finally have the opportunity to have exactly what they want, and then they self-sabotage.
I had a client who insisted that he only wanted anonymous one-night stands. One evening, (Feeling confident after his coaching with me), he met a very pretty woman interested in having a one-night stand with him. He was finally presented with the opportunity he had desired.
He quickly made up an excuse that he was not attracted to her (a lie), and left before anything happened!
He discovered that although he did want sex, he hated the fact that he did not know her at all, so he lied to her because he didn’t want to admit that after everything he professed about just wanting sex, in the end, what he wanted more than sex was actually a girlfriend that would tell him she loved him when he lost his virginity with her.
Do not be that guy.
Do not be the guy that lies to himself, and then lies to women (telling her that he is not attracted to her when he was) to get himself out of situations he was not ready to handle emotionally.
Take the time to really figure out what you want out of an active love life.
There are a lot of choices available to you. From a series of one-night stands, friends-with-benefits, casual girlfriends, serious girlfriends, and different relationship structures: from the strictest monogamous rules, to the most open and rule-free non-monogamous (and a number of levels of commitments in between).
The power of all this choice, without the skills to know what to do with it, can lead you back to the same kind of misery that is pushing you to seek out the sex to begin with.
To figure out what kind of sex and sexual life you want, you start with learning about yourself, and I am going to help you do that, so that you do not waste your time by being taken advantage of would-be mentors like I was.
Why I do Not Advocate Street Approaches
Approaching women whom you find attractive who are walking on the street is unlikely to yield you any satisfactory results.
They are strangers to you and you don’t know anything about them. While it is true that daytime (day game) approaches tend to be better received than approaching women at night who are out about town, if the person has activities scheduled during the day (e.g. working a day job or going to school) a daytime approach to a stranger is unlikely to yield immediate results.
In addition, if you are looking for something specific like a series of casual encounters, you will have to play a numbers game until you find a woman that wants what you want, is just as attracted to you as you are to her, and who is sexually available.
Even some of the most successful day game artists out there, only get a 3% success rate. That means they have to engage 100 women to get 3 of them to agree to meet again, and then there is still no guarantee of sex.
It is not calibrated to make a direct street approach to strangers in public to state that you are looking for sexual encounters.
That type of behavior is creepy.
There is nothing wrong with you as a human being having a desire for sex, but because there are already designated spaces for you to meet like-minded people, this sort of direct approach will most likely not be received well.
If you were to take an indirect approach instead, such as talking about the weather (and other non-sexual topics) and you also attempt to get a woman’s contact information, you still have to gauge their interest in the kind of casual, sexual relationship you seek. As she may not be interested at all, it is not the most efficient means of meeting women.
To sum it up my opinion, conducting mass amounts of street approaches to strangers is not the most efficient means of meeting partners for casual sex. And if you are socially awkward, you might end up making your situation worse, if you say and or something really inappropriate (and depending where you live and what the laws are, even illegal).
There are too many other ways to meet new people, that you do not have to resort to mass street approaches, at least until you can trust yourself to behave in a manner that will not make your situation worse.
Just to be clear, I do not advocate street approaches to ANYONE just starting out. Street approaches are the LAST thing to attempt for anyone on this journey (incel or not).
There is nothing wrong with them, it is just not the most efficient means of meeting new sexual partners (because just being able to approach is not enough).
There is still having to be able to attract someone, screening if they are someone you would be into, and being able to keep their interest after you are not speaking with them.
Question: What NOT to Say?
You have a right to feel hurt, angry, frustrated, and deprived.
However, if you let your negative emotions control your communication and behavior this much, you are communicating in a way that will turn off the very people that would want to either help you, or have sex with you.
The most unattractive thing a nice guy can do is to complain about everything he is not getting because he is a nice guy.
Focus your communication on what you have to offer, and what’s in it for her, instead of how horrible people are for not seeing what you have to offer to begin with.
I want you to know I hear you.
It is my hope that you reached out and read this because you want to try to find a solution, instead of allowing your frustration to turn into resentment, and then having resentment turn to hate, and having hate turn into despair because of the deep rooted fear that nothing will ever change and will continue to be like this forever.
I am not trying to sound like a Jedi Master here, but negative emotions left unchecked will grow and fester into something monstrous.
There is an ANSWER; and I AM going to give it to you.
I am hoping you will reach out because deep down inside, there is a part of you that does NOT want to become that misogynist monster.
Somewhere under the deprived frustration of your situation is still a good man that just wants answers and to feel confident with women.
In honor of that, I want to offer you, and all men like you something.
Here is a FREE eBook to help you get started on your journey to help you learn about yourself, and learn how to get ready to set up the love life you have been wanting for so long, but were too much of a social misfit to build.
This eBook covers how to set boundaries for yourself so that women cannot abuse nor take advantage of you.
This eBook will teach you how to learn about your own base life philosophies and explains to you how they are important to making sure you never feel this hurt and alone ever again.
This eBook will give you the tools so that you can judge for yourself, without anyone else having to tell you, how to conduct yourself in public so that you can get the things you want from life.
It is my nearly 600 pages, coaching eBook workbook for men.
It is for men just like you.
"I'm a Man, That's My Job"
Go to this link to sign up and get the eBook:
Here is a review from a former incel that I helped.
A Review of How the Frank's system prevented a mass shooting:
During some of my worst years in high school, I planned out scenarios to go down in history in a blaze of gunfire somewhere like my school, taking as many women with me as I could who rejected me. Even during college I questioned doing the same.
If I had not discovered
(Frank Kermit's Emotional Needs Analysis material),
I may have done just that
and shot a group of women I did not know.
Before I started studying with Frank
(direct coaching for having confidence
and reading the emotional needs material),
I remember just feeling a lot of low self worth at that time, and even after having had sex a few times it was still something that floated around. I had a lot more anger towards women back then, and I think a lot of it was just my own self-hatred really coming out and being misdirected at hating women.
I feel like the Emotional Needs Analysis coaching system helped me realize what was actually going through the heads of women, and understood why they were rejecting me. I couldn't be so resentful towards women anymore when I could understand their perspective, and how they were looking at the world.
When I would be rejected before I would often
feel like women as a whole were at fault.
After the Emotional Needs Analysis I understood
that I was the one who was turning them off.
I traded in my anger so I could
date multiple women at the same time,
and have experienced a lifestyle that back
then I could only dream of.
Today I am in an open relationship
with a hot goth girl who is perfect for me.
She adores me and she likes to have sex with women
as much as I do.
I never thought this would be my real life now.
Thank You Frank! I bet you saved a lot more lives that you think.
-Review from "Clyde", former MGTOW INCEL
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
I wish you peace, healing and amazing sex.
Here are some tips to help your family transition from a life in the city to a prepper lifestyle.
For couples that have young children, it is possible to move from the rat race in the city to living a different life as preppers in the future.
1. Start working online.
If you are currently tied to a job that keeps you living in the city, do an assessment of the value of your employment in terms of what expenses are covered by your job, so you know exactly how much money you need to be making.
Some things to consider are:
Are you and your partner both working?
Do your job/s offer benefits that you have become dependent on?
One of the ways to make the transition is for at least one of you to look for some kind of work that you can do online from home. It may require some training time, and it would be best to start it part time before you give up a full time job, but the goal would be to transition from a full time job (with no benefits) to a full time job online working from home.
If you work online from home, that means that you can work from anywhere in the world as long as you are able to maintain an Internet connection. You are no longer tied to any particular location and moving to a more remote area is going to be easier.
At the very least, it can help you move to an area that is less expensive and save money for other things.
2. Your kids education.
If you have children, see about using the summer months to get them ahead for the upcoming school year.
For example: if your child just passed the year for Grade 9, use the summer months to have your child start studying Grade 10 material. This will give your child an advantage during the upcoming school year and teach them the mindset of preparing for the challenges to come.
Another thing for you to consider is If official summer school is available so they can pass a full course in 2 months of summer, as that would bring high school graduation one step closer.
Why is it something to consider?
Well for one thing, a child that has an easier time in school is less stressed and allows for the family to focus on other issues (like the transition).
For a second thing, it is a good way to test the waters to see if home schooling is an option for your family, which may be necessary if you have the opportunity to live your prepper lifestyle sooner.
Lastly, many families hold off making the transition to a prepper life until the youngest children graduate high school. This can be an opportunity to get the kids graduating sooner, or at least get as many courses out of the way sooner, so that in their last year or two of high school they would only have half a course load, which gives the family more time to prep the kids for college life and or a prepper way of life.
3. Start a family night.
This is to increase the communication within the family and exploring shared interests. It is not always easy to get kids into prepping, so a family night catering to common interests will at least allow you to see where your common interests exist, and how those interests can be encouraged. Make learning about your new way of life a family project.
Family night might include
playing board games together
Wildcraft: An Herbal Adventure Game.
How about a family night using Legos and construction paper to build an underground bunker? Sometimes movies that are not about prepping, but about transitions from city life to country life might also spark some good questions about the transition. With that said, there are many YouTube videos that that you may want to watch with your family (please check for age-appropriate materials before viewing with children).
Not everyone is going to have the exact same interests, so use that to your advantage as a prepper family.
For example: one person may be interested in hunting and trapping, another finds interest in learning about security and ways to keep a homestead safe. Another wants to focus on cooking and preserves, while another might be interested in raising livestock or gardening. There is something for everyone to explore, without making anyone in the family feel they have to do something they are not as interested in. Family night is a good way to explore a variety of interests in a fun way.
There are a lot more things that families can do to help them start their journey to moving out of the rat race of the city and closer to the kind of prepper related lifestyle they want. Use these suggestions as a starting point for your would be prepper family to explore the survivalist movement and lifestyle.
I hope this helps.
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Use a matchmaking service – There is only one place to begin, and this is by using a matchmaking service to suit you up with your date. You can find out more information about this here: https://macbeth-matchmaking.com/dating/professional-dating/. Why should you use such a service? Well, you do not want to go on a blind date with just anyone. If you do, then all of the worries mentioned in the introduction may come to life. However, with a matchmaking service, you can be certain that you are going to be going on a blind date with someone you are compatible with.
Leave your insecurities at home – You need to bring the most confident version of yourself to the table. Leave your insecurities at home. It does not matter if your date isn’t into you; we were not put on this planet to be attracted to everyone that we meet.
Throw out your expectations – One of the biggest problems when it comes to blind dates is that people go in there with expectations. There is no quicker way to kill your date then to conjure up an image of what the other person is going to be like. If they do not match this image, you end up ruling him or her out without giving them a chance.
Prepare some questions – Think of some questions in advance that you can ask if it goes a bit quiet. Of course, you do not want it to sound like you are interviewing the person, and stay away from boring questions like what is their favorite color. Instead, why not ask what they would do if they won the lottery.
Wear something you are comfortable in – Yes, it is important to dress to impress. Nevertheless, you need to make sure you are comfortable. If you are not, it will show. You can find advice on what to wear on a date here: https://uk.match.com/pages/advice/dating-advice/dating-advice-women/dating-tips-how-dress-date/. Yes, those high heels may look amazing, but they don’t look good if you appear like you are going to topple over with every step that you take.
Hopefully, you now feel more prepared for your blind date. If you follow the advice that has been provided above, you can make sure that everything goes as smoothly as possible. From being the real you to ensuring you fix up a date with someone you are going to be compatible with, follow the steps above with care.
Are You Emotionally Faithful?
Guys weigh in.
by Tom Matlack (originally published June 12, 2010)
With the recent indiscretions of Brett Favre, Tiger Woods and other famous philanderers, the question of what constitutes infidelity is on our minds. And, surprise surprise, men and women don’t always agree. Does having a special friend of the opposite sex at work count as cheating? How about looking at porn? Striking up conversations with an old flame on Facebook?
According to an ongoing infidelity poll of over 8,000 women conducted by WomanSavers, 69 percent of women believe that viewing porn is emotional cheating. In a similar WomanSavers poll, 92 percent of all women felt that online affairs constituted infidelity. (Granted, the readers at WomanSavers, a site where you can do a background check on a guy before going on a date, might not reflect women everywhere.)
But suffice it to say, there are many views on emotional fidelity. We would love to hear yours. As a guy, what do you think is important for a fulfilling relationship? What’s OK and what’s not? Do you have the urge to stray emotionally or physically? How do you deal with those urges?
This is an interesting gray area, since most men probably can’t even define the term “emotional fidelity,” and would be unlikely to engage in it unless they were being physically unfaithful at the same time. From the male perspective, it seems like a package deal, so I’m not sure how useful it is to try and make a distinction between the two types of cheating.
—Tom Perrotta, author of “The Abstinence Teacher” and “Little Children”
Our biology has its own imperatives and we can recognize and respect that without believing that those feelings represent our true self. It’s similar to the way we behave when drunk; the old phrase is “in vino veritas,” but we know today that the uninhibited self isn’t the “true” self, but only another facet of our personality. The problem is when we think that that’s who we really are, and either beat ourselves up over it or use it as an excuse to choose to behave badly. Desires are a product of our bodies, just like indigestion, and these momentary urges don’t have to mean anything more than indigestion does — unless we make them more important through our thoughts or actions.
—Dylan Wittkower, ethicist
One point of view that often gets dropped out this conversation is that of the growing number of Americans who are polyamorists. These people have solved the paradox of wanting both long-term committed relationships and multiple partners by being honest about it. Fidelity for polyamorists means being honest about their feelings for others, instead of trying not to have them. I have been in polyamorous relationships since 1967. I have been with the woman I am married to since 1961, and I have several other relationships that have lasted for decades.
If women want men to be cool and in control of ourselves, to tamp down on and corral the intensity of our desires, that costs something: a measure of warmth and openness that we bring to any relationship; it also potentially stokes a toxic brew of resentment.
—Donald Unger, lecturer, Massachusetts Institute of Technology and author of “Men Can: The Changing Image & Reality of Fatherhood in America.”
I hear about this every night on my radio show. Emotional fidelity is something men can do but his needs must be met — just like a woman. When a man is not getting what he needs, he may start looking elsewhere for someone to take care of his desires. If we have a good lady at home, then we’re going to resist any sort of temptation. And it’s easy for a woman to keep a man interested by being a true friend who’s got his back, providing support and tearing it up in that bedroom. Simple.
—Jerry “The Loverman” Wade, syndicated talk show host
If a man’s emotional needs are addressed, he feels respected and that elicits a bonding trust within him toward the woman who best addresses his particular combination of emotional needs. His emotional needs would include protecting his reputation, giving him his quiet time and supporting the lifestyle he works to achieve. Depending on what is most important to him as an individual, even the most notorious player can be emotionally faithful if his emotional needs are met. One of the differences between men and women is the emotional impact that the act of sex has on the genders. For women, the act of sex can potentially address most of her emotional needs. For men, the act of sex is an emotional need; thus, since it only addresses one emotional need, great sex alone will not make a man emotionally faithful.
—Frank Kermit, relationship coach
As a man you have to be willing to put all cards on the table. I believe a relationship works when both partners inspire each other, as well as feel fully expressed. If someone in the relationship is stifled or unhappy with anything else in his or her life, it will chip away at the relationship. Also, if you’re not getting what you want in a relationship, don’t be afraid to say: “I love you, but I’m not happy in this relationship.” Honesty is key.
—Jason Silva, founding producer/host for Current TV
To suggest that men cannot be faithful, when 60 percent of married women cheat on their husbands, is preposterous. In addition, women lie about their fertility and use of birth control (which is maternity fraud), as well as the actual men who fathered their children (paternity fraud). AshleyMadison.com, a noted dating website for married people, reports a significantly increased enrollment of women the day after Mother’s Day. Fidelity has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with integrity, maturity and stability.
—Marc H. Rudov, author and Fox News personality
Emotional infidelity is a lot harder to quantify than sexual infidelity. Where’s the line? What if it’s only one-sided? I bet a lot of guys think of it as a loophole in cheating — “Hey, we’re not touching.” But I bet that if men imagined their wives emotionally straying, they’d be as alarmed, if not more so, than if their wives slept with other men. You know damn well if your wife is lying in your shared bed or someone else’s, but you’ll never really know where her emotions point.
Communicate. Speak up when something is wrong. If a relationship is healthy, you won’t need to look outside of it to feel loved. And include. If you’re growing close to some woman — someone at work, or someone you met through a friend, or whatever — invite her (and her boyfriend/husband) to join you and your girlfriend/wife for dinner, whatever. Bring a relationship out into the open, and make it part of your public life, and it no longer feels like a secret space to stash your feelings.
—Jason Feifer, editor, Men’s Health
A man must be emotionally present to his wife in order for emotional faithfulness (whatever that might actually be) to even be an option. If a man is indeed emotionally present, then he can be truthful — to himself and to her. It seems to me that any type of “emotional infidelity” must be a result of emotional disconnection (absence) with one’s spouse. I suspect that if a man is truly emotionally present and authentic, then the whole issue of emotional faithfulness just sort of dissolves. If he is emotionally present, then he is truly in the relationship. The marriage is alive.
—Justice Marshall, creator of The Hero Principles, theheroprinciples.com
Many men have no concept of being emotionally faithful — they feel that physical faithfulness is enough of a “sacrifice.” While a man would flip out if his wife was “emotionally” involved with another man, he often do not recognize or care that he is emotionally involved with another woman. Many men also think that having a relationship with another woman that does not involve sex (of course it usually ends up involving sex of one sort or another) but is rather a way of “sharing feelings” is somehow OK. Men can be anything they choose to be — it is making the right choices that makes a good man.
—Pablo Solomon, artist
The best way to explain emotional fidelity is to explain what constitutes emotional infidelity. Technically, this is when you choose not to or you’re unable to share your emotions, thoughts and feelings with your significant other, yet you share them with someone else of the opposite sex. Although you’re not having a physical affair, you are being emotionally intimate with someone other than your partner.
Emotional infidelity is not simple flirting. But, it can begin with flirting, as that is how many relationships develop. That casual banter with a co-worker may turn in to flirting and something more serious and emotionally involved as time goes on.
To be emotionally faithful is to not betray your partner. You know your partner better than anyone else; what her needs are and how she feels about everything. If you’re sharing special thoughts, feelings, ambitions or dreams with someone other than her, then you are knowingly being emotionally unfaithful and trust has been broken.
—Paul Falzone, Chief Executive Officer, eLove.com
I always liked the saying, “The definition of character ... is doing the right thing when no one is watching.” I think this applies to relationships as well.
—Ted Wayman, news anchor
Men fall in love with women other than their spouses all the time, and I would bet it happens in reverse. It doesn’t have to be a big deal: a crush, a friendship that flows and then ebbs in intensity. This is harmless if key lines aren’t crossed. That’s the crux of it for me and my wife: defining what those key lines are. We’ve decided they are: sex, revealing personal secrets/exposing some sacred trusts, and allowing too much time to be taken away from our relationship. They are not flirtation or infatuation or attraction. I mean, come on: Cupid only shot his arrow through my heart — or my wife’s heart — once in our lifetimes? That seems pretty naïve to me. Better to admit the fact that a wide variety of people are going to appeal over the decades of a committed relationship, and focus on what the lines are that are not to be crossed.
—Stuart Horwitz, senior editor, BookArchitecture.com
It seems to me that the journey to emotional honesty is first a journey to understand one’s feelings. If I understand what I am feeling, how my fears color my feelings, then I may have a shot at being emotionally honest — if I can find the words and the courage to express them.
—Joe D’Ariggo, business executive
Infidelity isn’t a “capacity” problem; it’s a “choice” problem: Do I choose to grow up, be responsible, and embrace the requirements for loving rather than remain detached and ungrounded as a “flying boy” in search of Never Never Land? Granted, there’s a complex relationship between fidelity to one versus desire of another. What is undeniably in our nature is a lust for novelty, some modicum of freedom and separateness while in passionate pursuit of its polarity — belonging to some “one” and committing to a person that expands our sense of ourselves.
Infidelity is not so much about the sex as it is about the deception, both toward our self and our partners. So let’s get honest. Men have the ability to be both intimate and faithful. It’s not that men are commitment phobic; it’s that they’re frightened by the requirements for loving someone because it asks us to evolve. Are we willing to become who we must to live up to what love and a real relationship demand of us? It’s time to choose.
—Dr. Jay Ferraro, licensed clinician and relationship expert
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