Burlesque is a poetic and sensual means of entertainment that typically includes striptease and comedy, generally performed in cabarets, theaters and clubs. As with music, each performance has a style, an emotion and a story of its own!

Burlesque, the title was originally founded in Europe in the early 1600’s: as a form of satire that was expressed in manuscripts. It was later picked up in theatrical works all through the 17th century until the Victorian era and then became widely popular in the 1860s to the 1940s, notably in Hollywood film between the 1930s and 1960s. 
Burlesque entertainment can be interpreted as ridicule, extravagant, sexy and daunting.

Every year, for the past twelve years, we have reinvented ourselves to offer the absolute best in burlesque because deep down inside, we believe that nothing is sexier than feeling at ease with ourselves, surrounded by like-minded people who are comfortable with their sensuality.

And while our stunning performers set the perfect example for that: self-acceptance, freedom and wild abandon, you are all invited to join our movement.

Don’t just watch Burlesque. BE Burlesque!
 

Dear Frank,

I remember reading in a Steve Harvey book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man where Steve insists men must be able to: Provide, Protect, and Profess their love in order to be in a healthy and happy relationship.
 
The biggest challenges I have had in my own relationships came when my partner wasn't feeling like he was contributing enough financially or also when I may have been resentful (unintentionally) when he wasn't contributing what seemed fair.
 
So when it comes to romantic relationships, do you think a man can truly be masculine and be happy when he is struggling financially?
 
I would love to hear your feedback! 

-Melissa 


Dear Melissa,

Short answer:

As I explain it in my Coaching Ebook, I'M A MAN THAT'S MY JOB WORKBOOK EBOOK, a man's masculinity is tied to his self identity (including his self worth) and how he projects that (as behavior or energy).


If making money is tied to his own sense of identity, then yes him struggling financially will factor into his masculinity. If he does not factor money into his masculinity, then no amount of financial struggle will affect his masculine identity.


Long answer:

There are men that have lots of wealth and resources that cannot get a date or keep a woman due to a lack of masculinity, and men that have no resources that women chase and give him money to keep him around.


With that said if a man is going through some kind of mental illness (such as depression or anxiety) because of the financial struggles it is THAT which could affect his masculinity. If it is mental illness then it falls into the "bad times" that married couples commit too (in good times and bad, in sickness and in health).


There are a number of examples of men with little to no financial resources that are able to attract and keep women interested (untapped musicians, struggling entrepreneurs, and the male partners of women who work in the sex industry aka street/suitcase pimps).


On the other side of this debate are women who factor in a man's wealth into his worthiness (at an extreme are the "gold diggers" and "sugar babies", women who have hypergamy (need a man at least at their status or better in order to feel turned on) and women that will put a certain lifestyle they want maintained and supported ahead of how they feel about a person, which I cover in my Coaching Ebook for Women,  I'm A Woman, It's My Time.


Each man and woman has emotional needs that will dictate what turns them on and off, and the issue can be a lack of compatibility and not necessarily a lack of caring.


PS. I LOVE Steve Harvey as an entertainer. He is great at what he does. However, it is reported that he had a ghost writer/book doctor named Denene Millner write (co-write?) his books on dating and relationships. It is not uncommon for a publisher to capitalize on someone's celebrity status for a buying target audience. Millner is primarily a sought after and accomplished career journalist, ghost writer and entertainment writer, and has some great content to offer.   However, keep in mind that  just like everything else in life, it is better to always go to a specialist than a generalist. If you need medical advice, contact a doctor. If you need legal advice, contact a lawyer. And when you need dating and relationship advice, contact a full time dating and relationship coaching expert like me. 


-Frank, Because I have to be

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The Most Romantic Songs List
by Frank Kermit

Dear Friends, A little while ago, I posted on social media asking people to name their favorite most romantic song and to tell me why if possible. That post received so much attention that I decided to make a blog post about it.  Here are (in no particular order) what people say are some of the most romantic songs they know.

Agree? Disagree?  Let me know in the comments below and post your favorite romantic songs.

 Frank Kermit says the most romantic song is Rainbow Connection as it was his and his wife's wedding song:

 Murray says This song is by Ween, a band not generally noted for their love songs called "Stay Forever",  is a perfect expression of the overwhelming joy of new love.

Carlo likes Ti Amo "Original Italian Version, Umberto Tozzi

 Barbra says More Than Words by Extreme, It may not be the most romantic song but the song itself says everything.

 Luc says L'été Indien by Joe Dassin...t'was my first slow dance at the tender age of 15

 Laura says 1000 Years - Love throughout many lifetimes - It doesn't get more beautiful than that!

 Chrystal says The look of love ❤️ by anyone who sings it well. It reflects what canot be said in words but seen through the eyes.

 Mary likes Have You Ever Loved a Woman, Bryan Adams.

Ivan likes All of Me by John Legend. He says: an ex girlfriend used to send me that song telling me it's how she feels about me. It reminds me of that purest "foolish" infatuation/love that the lost romantic in me still craves.

 Nick says Since I'm bilingual (Spanish and English) Bachata Rose Juan Luis Guerra.  Andy agrees saying: this is one of the most beautiful songs ever. bachata for life

This is a contributed post.

Is Your Fantasy Keeping You Single?
Holding Out for a Fantasy when Dating
By Frank Kermit
 

Fantasies can be fun. Imagining new adventures, exploring new life times, pretending to envision the effects of choices you could have or still can make, is a wondrous way to see what your life could be like.
 
In dating, however, those same warm, wonderful fantasies could be at the very source of why a person perpetually remains single.
 
Holding out for a fantasy is one of the mistakes that singles make that keeps them single. This is not to be confused with a person who has such high standards that he or she ends up just too picky to end their stay in the world of singledom.
 
Although both have roots in unreasonable expectations, the difference here is that a person with higher standards may have not yet made the interrogation of figuring out what they have as an absolute boundary, and what is merely a preference for their love life.
 
A person who is holding out for a fantasy is trapped in a dream world, clinging to the hope that a mere mortal human being will do impossible feats (such as agree with everything you say, and hang on your every whim, and only live to serve your needs).
 
The fantasy holder is willing to pass up real people who are good candidates for dating because of the real flaws that all humans have.
 
Some people who are trapped holding out for a fantasy may have been hypnotizing themselves for years (even from the time of their childhood) of what their future soul mate will look like, pegged that person’s career or social status, and have already planned out how they will meet, to the point where they scripted the entire perfect dialogue of what that person will say to ignite the ultimate chemistry.
 
(Evidently, a decently good-looking stranger approaching them in regular conversation saying they should hang out is just not good enough to merit a chat over a cup of coffee.)
 
The fantasy is like an award nominated story, turned into an award-winning movie with just the right mix of romance, suspense, drama, passion and of course, humor.
 
Almost brings a tear to the eye, at the euphoric climatic moment of the fantasy when the chance meeting turns into true love. Sadly, however, when fantasy comes crashing into concrete reality, reality tends to win.
 
There is no real human being that can win when in competition with an internal fantasy. Human beings, and for that matter real life, simply cannot beat a succulent well-crafted fantasy of dating love and romance.
 
Real human beings do real things like blow their nose, get nervous, sweat, and have their own unique idiosyncrasies that can be charming in their own right, but generally a potential turn off if unknowingly going up against a hot brash fantasy concoction.
 
Singles, who are drunk on their own fantasy potion, tend to remain single. 
 
Perhaps that is a good thing, as it takes a certain level of maturity to merit a serious long term relationship, and a person lost in a fantasy world of how dating is supposed to be, tends not to be the kind of partner that can be counted on, regardless of how well intention-ed their hearts might be.
 
Stay real people.


 
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The Mother-Lover Theory:
Understanding the Emotional Needs of Women
By Frank Kermit
 

A woman can only play one of two roles in a man's life.
She is either his mother or his lover. She cannot be both.

When a man addresses a woman's emotional needs, her mothering instinct is halted, and thus by default, she feels more of a pull to potentially being his lover.

When a man violates a woman's emotional needs, her mothering instincts kick in, and she feels more mothering feelings towards him, and feels pushed away from potentially being his lover.
 

For example, one of the emotional needs of a woman is the protection of her most important asset: her reputation. When a woman is around a man that hurts the reputation of other women when he is around her, she knows that she cannot fully let her guard down. She has to be the adult in the dynamic because the man is not mature enough to appreciate how un-calibrated (and possibly creepy) his behavior is. Since she feels the need to be the adult in the situation in order to make sure that she does not inadvertently say anything around him that he could repeat to others (in the same way he is speaking poorly about others in front of her), she is enacting a behavior that is akin to how a mother must be careful of her wording, least an infant repeats her words in an inappropriate manner.
 

When a man actively presents himself as a gentleman that does not kiss and tell, and that does not speak disparagingly of other women in front of her, she can let her guard down enough to feel comfortable with him to the point of being intimate with him, knowing her reputation will not be in any way tarnished by him. She does not have to be akin to a mother afraid of what an infant will repeat, because she recognizes that she is dealing with a man, not a little boy, that is mature enough for her to enter into mature relations with.
 

Male friends of women, specially those men that are in love with their women friends, but their women friends refuse to date them have actually violated her emotional needs. This is WHY male friends have been banished into the sexless friend-zone. If there was one common element that all "just friends" males have exhibited, it is that at some point, and usually in an ongoing fashion, these men make their female friends feel like they have to mother these guys. These nice guys, can be good friends (very giving friends at that), but they do not engender feelings that would make her want to be his lover, because he makes her feel like his mother. He likely tells her his problems, seeking the validation of her approval, and wants her to make the first move. All these behaviors force her into a mothering role in his life and that kills any potential of sexual attraction.
 
Men that are a challenge, to the point of being jerks at times, address women's emotional needs indirectly, which is why many women can not help but love those -bad boys-. Despite all the negatives that can be attributed to bad boys, the one thing that makes many bad boys so gosh darn appealing to women is the fact that bad boys do not tolerate any mothering behaviors from the women who love them. Bad boys will not ask their lovers for -mothering- advice; bad boys will do what they want to do without needing approval. Bad boys don't like listening to a woman's helpful suggestions, as they act out to stop her "nagging". In fact, the most notorious player type bad boys reject and even chastise their lovers for trying to do things for them (like cleaning the house or doing their laundry) because those bad boys interpret those actions as her trying to evolve some sort of control over him (she gets to check up on his stuff to see what he has been up to). Men who refuse to be controlled by the actions of women, even if those actions were meant as a form of courtesy and not control, constantly challenge her mothering instinct and thus she can not help but find him sexually appealing.

 
Long-term couples experience this issue but in a different way. At the beginning of the relationship, a man addresses a woman's emotional needs and she feels like being his lover. However, over the course of their long term relationship, they settle into a comfortable routine, where she finds herself becoming more and more of his mother, and feels less and less like his lover. Men tend to be oblivious to this effect, because part of the emotional needs of men is to identify femininity as women being courtesy. When courtesy is taken too far however, it becomes mothering. A man will not even realize this until a woman expresses how unhappy or resentful she has become in the relationship.
 

I am suggesting a message to all people that have women partners, especially to those relationships that have children where the woman spends most of her entire time being "mom" or "step mom". Make sure that you remind your lady that she is more than just her children's mother. She is also your lover. Make her feel like your lover by making sure that at least for one day, she does not feel like her partner's mother too.


Learn The Emotional Needs Mastery System

When To Listen To Your Heart
By Frank Kermit
 

Some time ago, a client whose love life was a little messed up, asked me why it was so, given that she always listened to her heart.
 
After all, isn’t that what people are supposed to do when it comes to romance relationships?  Isn’t listening to your heart the best way to find the correct and clear answers?
 
In my experience, the only honest response I could offer her was, “Well, it depends.”
 

The notion that a person’s heart will always lead them to what is best for them is a wonderful idea. In practicality however, it is nothing more than an intellectual construct. 
 

Not because the heart of a person would not know, but because it depends on what that heart happens to already know.
 

Just because something feels right, does not make it the right choice to make, if your heart hasn’t learned what is in your actual best interest. 
 

The heart wants what it wants. Just like a child that has yet to mature, and allow for life experience to take effect, to gradually teach the child (and the heart of a child) about what it should want for itself.
 

Basically, if your heart wants something that is actually the worst possible choice for you, your heart might not share that little secret, because your heart just does not know any better.
 

With that said, there are times when what your heart is telling you simply cannot be neglected. If your heart does not tell you directly, it may signal something to you intuitively.
 

That gnawing feeling that there is something you have to acknowledge, even if you are unable to articulate it. That kind of instinct can, when properly active, lead you to where you were meant to be. 
 

However, even if your heart intuition happens to be correct in one area of your life, for example, a career decision, an educational path, your health management, or the choice of a life partner and future parent of your children, does not automatically mean that your heart can guide you in any other particular area. 
 

No matter what your particular expertise and where you happen to have succeeded previously listening to your heart, it is not necessarily an indication that your heart knows best for the other areas of your life.
 

The best indicator of whether or not you should listen to your heart is your heart’s past performance in that particular area of your life. 
 

If your heart has always guided you well in financial areas in the past, you have evidence that you can likely trust your heart to guide you in the near future. 
 

If your heart has led you astray in your quest to find a loving relationship and stable commitment partner, then that is the tell tale sign that listening to your heart could be the last thing you should do at this point in time.


If you struggle to know when to listen to your heart,
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This is a contributed post.

Single and Celebrating Valentine’s
By Frank Kermit
 
It’s almost Valentine’s Day (V-Day), and you are single and that is OK. No, really. There is no sin to being single on any day of the year, V-day or not.
 
This is no time for individuals to belittle themselves, just because the people in relationships around them get a reminder to celebrate being a couple. In fact, just because people are involved romantically, does not guarantee they are any happier than those people who are single and loving it. Do not get caught up in any marketing campaigns that are designed to make you feel less of a person just because you are in-between relationships, or that you find yourself more content just being on your own. 
 
Valentine’s Day is a great day to remind couples to appreciate each other and to give them an excuse to show each other affection. (With that said, it is important to point out that many breakups actually occur on V-day because that same reminder also points out to some couples they are better off single). Valentine’s Day is also a great day to celebrate your love for yourself, and to make yourself happy for a day as well.
 
Being single on Valentine’s Day can be an adventure if you choose to make it such. Is there something you have been meaning to try, but never get around to doing it? Is there a new restaurant that you have been meaning to check out?  A movie still in theaters you couldn’t get anyone to go see with you? A gift for yourself that you wanted to buy but felt it was not the right time to acquire it? Are there places you have been eagerly tempted to visit, but were waiting for the right person to attend with you, just to share in the possible taboo? Well, stop waiting.
 
Do it today. Do it for yourself. Do it because you matter and you are worth it.  You do not need to be seeing someone else to do all the things you held off doing.  You are allowed to do it, now, today, being single, and just do it for you.
 
You always have the power of choice.
 
You can choose to let V-day get to you in the worse possible ways, and fall victim to the pity-party that has sparked so many Anti-Valentine’s Day sentiments…or you can choose to be happy for those who celebrate Valentine’s Day with someone they like, and be compassionate and nurturing to yourself, and make it a special  “I love me” day, whether or not you are looking for someone to celebrate Valentine’s Day with you next year.
 
Celebrate you! Celebrate being single! Just because it is V-day does not mean you have to feel down about yourself in any respect. It is a time when you must appreciate everything you’ve got going in your life, and to be positive towards yourself, single or not.


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