Photographs

The most obvious way of capturing memories is using the medium of photography. Wedding photographers are now dab hands at capturing the most candid of moments using a documentary style of photography. Images of the groom pulling up his lucky socks and the mother of the bride weeping as her daughter enters the church can evoke strong memories of the day.

You could also use a specialist company like Booth Boy to hire a photo booth, capturing another level of wedding day memories. With your friends and family adorning props and having their photos taken in unique ways, you’ll be able to harness the fun of your day.

For another candid approach to preserving memories, you could put disposable cameras on each table for the wedding breakfast and invite your guests to take photos. You can then collect these cameras in at the end of your incredible day, and you have another ready made photo album of moments.

​

Guest Books

Setting up a guest book at your wedding reception is a fantastic way of recording each guest’s thoughts and seeing them write you a message for the future. You can sit on your sofa and look back at these messages with a tear in your eye as your wedding video is playing in the background. For those who enjoy something a little more unconventional, you could also set up a time capsule, with your guests predicting where you might be in ten years time. Keep it somewhere safe and open it up on your ten year anniversary to see how accurate the predictions were.

​

Clothes
​
People tend to wear their wedding attire once and then sell it on or return it to the hire shop. You may also want to pass on your outfit. However, you should try and keep at least one aspect to your ensemble. This could be your shoes or a piece of jewellery. By preserving this and keeping it locked away, you’ll be able to whip out your pair of white kitten heels in the future to show your children. You never know, your daughter may end up wearing them for her special day a few years down the line.

Don’t just think it’s all about the traditional photographic memories when it comes to remembering your special day. By following these inspirational tips, you’ll be able to refer to your wedding day at any point in the future and relive the moments of your perfect day.

5 Financial Tips for Starting a Family
​By: Daniel Enayatzadeh

Are you thinking of starting a family?

If you and your partner are exploring the possibility of having children, it’s important to prepare for the financial impact your new little one will bring!


The following are a few key points to keep in mind:



1. Maternal and parental benefits:

In my experience, the very first decision couples tackle with is how they're going to adjust their lives and schedules to accommodate the new addition to their family. In some cases, the income they’ve been accustomed to may decrease, please see my points #2 and #3 for more. Gaining a solid understanding of the Quebec maternal and parental insurance plan is the first step in a plan for the future. Please see the following link which includes a benefits calculator. It can provide a good idea as to how much money you can expect to receive. http://www.rqap.gouv.qc.ca/ 



 2. Understanding your budget:


Whether or not you’ve been following a detailed budget, you can pretty much throw it out the window! Just joking! Hold onto it because you will likely need to adjust it. Have a sit down with your partner and determine what your pre and post baby costs are. This is an important step in creating a game plan, as well as knowing what you can expect, especially when your incomes may experience a temporary adjustment. 



3. Emergency fund:

Children come with all kinds of unexpected expenses. Setting aside some cash, that’s not invested anywhere and available at a moment’s notice will provide you with the peace of mind to tackle the unexpected.




4. Tackle your credit card debt:

You can also consider speaking to your bank or a mortgage broker about consolidating your loans. 




5. Talk to a friend:

Before you go on a shopping spree for all those baby accessories and items, talk to a friend who’s been through it and ideally bring them with you shopping. It can help narrow down the necessities. 


​

Last but certainly not least,
book a meeting
with your financial advisor!
 
-Daniel

​How to Find the Right Toy for a Couple
By Dr. Stacy Friedman
 
 
Whether you’re a beginner or more advanced in using adult toys, knowing what toy to bring into your relationship may be confusing. 

Some people may feel that they are less of a lover or not capable enough to please their partner if they need or want to use toys,



​but that can’t be further from the truth! 


Toys are great if you want to spice things up! 

​They can enhance any relationship and can even help with difficulty in having orgasms. 

​
The plug is a great prostate stimulator so anyone can enjoy anal play. Give some oral or have intercourse and then feel the intensity of your orgasm! 


Don’t knock it until you try it! 
​
​

About The Author

Dr. Stacy Friedman, DHS, CSC
 
Dr. Stacy is the founder of Creating Intimacy Coach, Inc. She got involved in the field of Clinical Sexology because of her passion for helping people learn to experience the best sexual intimacy with themselves and with their partner(s). She holds a Doctorate degree in Human Sexuality, a Masters in Clinical Sexology and is a Certified Sex Coach. Dr. Stacy is a member of WASC (World Association of Sex Coaches), and of the ACS (American College of Sexologists), which shows she has earned top credentials in her field. She also has a BA in Psychology and a Registered Diagnostic Medical and Vascular Sonographer.
 
Sex Coaching is designed to help women, men, and people of any sexual orientation or gender address their concerns about sexuality, sexual function and sexual expression. Additionally, since 2006, Dr. Stacy has been a consultant selling adult novelties and has coached and educated many people in a fun, positive approach to love, romance and in all aspects of sexuality. Her education and personal, spiritual and sexual journey, including life experience uniquely enables her to help people to face the challenges that may lie ahead and to achieve their goals.
 
If you would like to discuss a concern in greater detail, you may contact Dr. Stacy at 561-899-7669 or by email at [email protected] for a complimentary consultation. Dr. Stacy works with all aspects of sexuality and specializes in women’s issues, low libido, couples with mismatched sex drives and LGBTQ concerns. Coaching sessions are available by phone, Skype (international coaching is offered) and in office sessions located in South Florida, US.
 
 www.DrStacy.org  Your Creating Intimacy Coach
www.facebook.com/DrStacySexCoach
Twitter- DrStacySexCoach
LinkedIn- DrStacy


“My passion is to help you create yours” - Dr. Stacy xo

One of the things that makes a wedding day the perfect wedding is how unique it is, how personalized and heartfelt. This is your wedding day, it is the day your wife has been planning since she was six and a half years old and first learned what the word wedding meant. It is that day you will have everlasting memories of, no matter how much champagne. It is a day that will define you and your love, it is a day that will be forever spoken of and etched into the memories of your nearest and dearest.

Luckily, there are hundred of little ways in which you can get creative and make your wedding that much more special and personal, and you can do so without breaking the bank too (whatever breaking the bank actually means?).

Here’s how:
​

The Save The Date Invite That Oozes You
​
The first thing that is going to get excitement buzzing around the air like a swarm of honey bees is your engagement, the day when she said, “yes”. But the thing that ups the ante is your 'save the date' invite because this is when the anticipation gets to manifest into a countdown. What makes it extra important, though, is that your invite is what tells your guests what sort of wedding it is you are having. The look, the style, the vibe; it all comes from this invite, so put your stamp on it. Make it something that is true to you. Have an invite that, when it is opened, a knot gets tied tighter. Put old school 3D goggles inside to help the decode the message. Send them a balloon they have to blow up in order to find out the details. The choice is yours.
​

The Power of the Yoga Community and the Drive-By Divorce
 By Carrie Joyner
 
The main idea when I created my yoga and fitness studio was to build a community of like-minded people; people who loved yoga, people who wanted to get healthy and fit and strong…mind, body and soul.


I had no idea how important this community would become to me until about 2 weeks after opening the doors and had just experienced a drive by divorce.


If you have ever started or owned a business, you probably know how stressful it is.


You bet it all on red, dedicate months or years (in my case it took about 2 years of planning, financing and finding the perfect location, location, location) to even get to the point where you could actually consider it being “in business”.


Add on to that the end of a marriage that involved a 4 year old son, and it was a recipe for disaster.
 

So what is a drive-by divorce?

 
It’s getting a text from your husband asking you to come outside at lunch time.

I told him to just come into the studio, I had a pole dancing class going on and wanted to make sure all went well.

Then it’s getting another text saying “please, it’s really important…”, so I went outside.

I was greeted by the black Mercedes SUV, opened the door, got in and found my now ex-husband staring at me with red eyes and tear stains on his custom fit Armani suit.

He didn’t say much as he drove literally to the other end of the parking lot, where he parked the car and looked at me and said “You aren’t in love with me anymore, and I am not in love with you…we are getting a divorce.”


Simple as that.


The conversation was a bit of a blur.

I remember it not being a conversation, more of a speech.

I asked him what his next move was, and he said it was to go home and get his stuff.

He was moving into a  near-by hotel, it’s just over.


My only concern at this point was not me, but our son. I said “What about Shane? What do we tell Shane?” “Nothing”, he said, “tell him I am on a business trip until I figure it out.”


I got in my jeep and drove far, far away- not wanting my clients or staff to see me crying.
I headed to my best friends house on auto-pilot. She wasn’t there, so I headed back to the studio and did a few more hours of work like a robot.


I couldn’t think, move, feel….breathe.


It was a sucker punch to the heart.

I thought things were getting better, he said they were.

Apparently not.


The next few days were a blur.

I was in shock but trying to act like things were normal for my son, who was totally out of the loop.

Every morning I woke up, took my son to daycare, went to the studio and tried to get through the day.


Working on and at the studio proved to be the perfect distraction.



I was an open door kind of girl, and anyone- staff, client, teacher, etc. knew that they could always pop in and say hi or talk to me. This revolving door of mostly females became my tribe. Literally. I would tell them what was going on if they had the intuition or inclination to ask, and I would repeat the story a million times over.


Not only did I find women who had been through the same or a similar situation and even some men, but I found a sounding board and it became like therapy to me.


Between emotionally fuelled lawyer visits to trying to be zen and teaching my yoga classes, my studio became more than a studio.


It became my happy place.



When we were under construction, I wanted a big executive office in the back room with cameras and an intercom-but I ended up putting my tiny desk in a tiny closet right off the lounge and reception area, so I actually sacrificed luxury for the benefit of hearing every conversation, every client at the desk and being 10 feet away from my staff at any given time.
 


Which leads me to Merissa.

 
I heard a woman freaking out at the desk about a canceled Pilates class.

We used Mind Body software, which allowed us to see who had registered for what class, so if there was a cancellation for whatever reason, we could contact them to notify them of the cancellation. She did not register, but showed up at the “regular” time and was livid that the class had been cancelled.

I think the teacher was sick and we couldn’t find a sub. Whatever the case was, I decided to go out and talk to her. I asked her if she wanted some tea.

We sat in the lounge and sipped on tea as she vented about how far she’d come expecting to do her class and go home and make dinner.

I apologized, things happen sometimes that are out of control.

I guess she saw that I wasn’t my normal bubbly self and asked if I was alright.


I said no, not really.


I was a little overwhelmed with what had happened. I explained what I was going through and in the blink of an eye she went from an angry client to a person with the best words of advice I have yet to hear.

She told me about one of her best friends who had been married to a pilot, and he did the same thing.

In this case, there was another woman involved.


What she told me next wouldn’t change my life, but it did change my outlook on everything.


 
She said “the best thing you can do right now is take care of yourself and your son.

Get yourself into the best physical shape you have ever been in, focus on being happy and spoiling yourself.

Don’t do this to make him feel bad, do it to make you feel amazing and not sit there thinking about the why’s and the poor me’s.”



This did not make everything better. It did not change the situation or my grieving process.


But after Merissa, I talked to literally hundreds of women, of every age, who had similar stories.


I stopped feeling like I was the only person this had ever happened to.


I started to let go of the blame and anger and I started to feel really, really connected to every person who walked through my doors.


We all have a story.

 
We do.


Once we learn to embrace the fact that everyone is going through, has gone through, or will go through a life altering struggle- we become one.



That community that I started building became my pillar of strength in a trying time.


They say everything happens for a reason. I believe it. 


-Carrie Joyner

​

Often, during BDSM events, we meet people, men and women, that have a vanilla spouse that cannot satisfy their BDSM needs, but are their life partner with whom they are very much in love.

These people go "outside" their relationship to find a partner for their "other" needs and they do this with the acceptance of their spouse.

How do they do it?

​They negotiate the limits of what they can do with their spouse. 

​

BDSM is based on a consensual relationship.

To force someone to become involved in BDSM is NOT consensual and will create huge tensions within the couple.

It is widely known that during a public party, if you approach somebody new to play with, if that person says no, no means no and you must not insist. The same goes for your spouse, if they say no, no means no. 
​

​AUTHOR BIO:

​The BDSM Circle is led by Pierre and Catharine. They live as a couple with values that include Domination and Submission as way of life for them. Pierre is a Dominant while Catharine also a Dominant is aka "Katy" who is Pierre`s Submissive; and together they oversea a small group of Submissives. They also have a bilingual website called BDSMCircle.com. Catharine and Pierre are featured as part of the 2004 season of the award winning television series KINK.  Today they are featured on CJAD 800 AM radio on the Dr Laurie Betito show monthly feature 50 shades of passion.   Learn more about them at their website  http://www.bdsmcircle.net/
​

​
​Towards Polyamory? A Personal And Unfinished Journey
By Ken
 
Polyamory is a new term and concept for me. 
 
It has arisen in my consciousness as the result of an ongoing search for meaning in my life, and as a term that represents a new way of looking at relationships, commitment, fidelity, sexual freedom and personal values.
 

For me it encompasses feelings of fear and insecurity, but also feelings of belonging, connectedness and liberation from old patterns and stifling conventionalities.

 
I am thinking about polyamory, among a number of relationship options, as a viable and possibly joyful form of intimate engagement with others.
 

First, a bit of background. 


I am a 64 year old gay man. 

I came out in my late 40s – a late bloomer by any definition. 
 
I had a good (sometimes very good) 27 year marriage with a loving woman, and together we raised two daughters.

 
However (and I suppose this is “a tale as old as time”, as the song goes) there were increasingly protracted  periods of depression and frustration as it became clearer to me that this identity was untenable, and I left my marriage.

 
I set out on a new path.

 
In the meantime, I retired and moved from Saskatchewan to my place of birth, Nova Scotia. 
 
Of course, leaving my identity in Saskatchewan as a heterosexual family man, as a worker and more recently as a member of a GLBTQ community, had its challenges and adaptations, but today I am in an almost 4 year relationship with a loving man.

 
However, there are still stirrings of discontent and frustration.

 
I am still on a journey of discovery, unpeeling layers of personal history - genetics, upbringing, the aging process - and within that context attempting to carve out a life that represents who I am.

 
Who, in fact, am I, and what do I want?

 
My partner and I introduced the idea of non-monogamy into our conversation about two years ago.

 
In those two years we have experimented, including others in our sexual lives, both separately and as a couple.
 

My partner wanted the experience of variety, and I wanted to find a less rigid and conventional means of expressing my sexuality.

 
We have stopped and started this process a couple of times, due primarily to my discomfort. We have very different views about sex.

 
For my partner, sex is sex, a recreational activity whose goal is mutual pleasure.
 
Nothing more.
 
It does not involve emotion or any level of commitment (other than the potential for FWB: Friends-with-benefits).
 

For me, sex is about connection and belonging, intimacy and meaning. Sex is about love and friendship and commitment.
 

So we come to polyamory, the concept of experiencing more than one intimate partner, of sharing lives in a deep and meaningful way with multiple participants, and of enlarging and engaging with one’s notion of relationship.

 
For me this is a fraught process.

 
The very idea of engaging intimately with someone other than one’s partner, and other than in fantasy, has been utterly foreign to me.

 
The process of expanding my sexual contacts has pushed so many buttons – insecurity, confidence, value judgements, fear, anxiety, aging and sexual performance, abandonment, aloneness, jealousy, social censure.


 
On the other hand, I firmly believe that we should never expect one person to satisfy all our needs – a huge responsibility to place on another’s shoulders, and an abrogation of our own responsibility for our own lives.


 
This part of my personal journey, undertaken at a time when many people are questioning the meaning of their lives as they settle into old age, remains unfinished.

 
In my worst moments, I feel a sense of extreme anxiety, and sadness and loss at the discarding of values and beliefs by which I was raised and to which I subscribed throughout my life.
 

In my best moments I look forward with optimism and excitement to the expansion of possibilities in relationship and connection.


 
 
Author Bio:

Ken was born and raised in Nova Scotia, and after working in Western Canada for almost 30 years, retired and returned home to the Halifax area. He is a painter, gardener, reader and cat herder.

Secret Past! Does He Need To Know About Her Sex Tapes?
Q&A: Question and Answers

Dear Frank,

For almost 4 years I was involved with a man and we participated in BDSM.  He was my master, and I his submissive.  We had a very documented love life (he loved to record everything) especially when we played with others; more like when he let a number of others play with me.  Anyways, that was a long time ago.  I now live with my fiancé and he knows nothing about my past.  He knows that I had one major relationship but does not know anything about the group sex, the BDSM or the videos.  I ended up with most of those videos and photos I think, but not all (my Master still has a few).  Also, I was blindfolded most of the time during group play, and although my master assures me that no one was was recording anything, there were times when it happened. I live with the secret fear that my fiancé might find my box of tapes and pictures and stuff. He is way conservative and would not understand.  Can you suggest any place that I might store this so that he will come across it at home?
-Submissive Sindy

 
Dear Sindy

I knew a woman once that was in a similar situation.  She was a swinger with her ex, and had exactly the same situation with videos and pictures, afraid that her husband would find them.  She ended up giving her collection to a male friend of hers to hold on to so that she could get it back anytime she wanted, but it was not where her husband could get to it.  Ironically, life being what it is, her and and the male friend have lost touch, and now she doesn't even have access to her videos and photos. 

You have a very simple, but difficult, choice to make.

If you are certain he would not marry you if he knew your past, end the engagement immediately. If he wouldn't marry you if he knew your past, do not marry him. A Broken Engagement is Better Than A Happy Divorce!

​Also as you mentioned in your question, you were blindfolded most of the time, and thus there are chances that there are videos and photos of you out there in the hands of people you do not even know.  In fact, they might already be on the Internet as you have no control over what your ex (or others from the group activities) will do.

Bottom line is that, you cannot build a life with your new fiancé with this threat constantly hanging over you. 

 
In the meanwhile, there are storage companies available (with the note that unless they are packaged and sealed, even the people storing them could view them.   Make sure the photos and videos are labeled inconspicuously.  There is always the option of destroying the material (burning would be best as you can not guarantee where just tossing them in the trash will land them).

I would not suggest giving them to any of your friends.  Friendships come and go, and you might lose touch with them and not be able to retrieve your momenteos (just like the lady from swinger culture I mentioned earlier).

In this case, honesty really is your best policy if you want to build a solid foundation for a marriage. If this marriage could not handle honesty, it is not the marriage for you.  Also, if you desire to ever explore this fetish and lifestyle  again in the future, putting yourself in a marriage that could not allow it, would be a mistake.

-Frank Kermit


It is time to Take The Luck Out Of Love and sign up for Coaching.
 

P.S.  Do you Agree With This Article?  Disagree?  Have something to Add?

Write your thoughts in the comments below and SHARE this article to see how many of your friends think like you.​
​

Making Monogamy Work: Monogamy Must Be Earned
By Frank Kermit

*This is an excerpt of my Ebook: FRANKTALKS VOLUME 3: MONOGAMY AND NON-MONOGAMY EDITION EBOOK
 

Monogamy can be easier than open relationships, because the rules are simpler but the application of the rules of monogamy is not as easy.
 
Monogamy works for monogamous people however:

the power of choice and the self entitlement of our current societal structure is making it more challenging for the chances that monogamous people have, of making their relationship structure work for them.
 

The Rules of Monogamy:
 
1-The first rule of monogamy is that you only have sex with one other person. The first rule of monogamy is very much what most people understand monogamy to mean. It is simple to understand. Most people assume it stops there, but it does not. The second rule, is even more important, and challenging, than the first rule.
 
2-The second rule of monogamy is that you never do anything that would even just potentially threaten rule #1.
 
And in those two rules chaos ensues for the wannabe monogamous couple that is not sure what a real threat to their monogamy is.
 

The chaos comes from not being sure what a potential threat is.

Now an obvious threat: someone is sexually interested in being with the person that you are monogamous with, or someone is sexually interested in being with you when you are in a monogamous relationship. That is a threat. What about a potential threat? Potential threat means you do not put yourself in a situation where the likelihood of temptation already exists.
 
The bottom line, when you are in a monogamous relationship, any time that you are out for social reasons and extra-curricular reasons with people that you are attracted to, who have already expressed a sexual interest in you, it is a potential threat to your relationship. At the very least, it is a potential threat to your monogamy.

 
As monogamists, you must figure out how you define a potential threat. Threats to the monogamy will not always be so obvious.

Some couples may feel that using sex toys  as “marital aids” help aid a challenge in the marriage  while other couples may view using sex toys  as a threat to their relationship. It is up to the couple to work things out, communicate and deal with their individual insecurities. BTW, you can learn more about using Sex Toys with a new lover in my Ebook  NOW WHAT? UNIQUE WAYS TO CATER TO HER SEXUAL E.N.A. EBOOK


There are going to be times when your partner is going to come up to you and say, "Listen, I do not want you hanging out with so-and-so anymore." Their reason is, "That person threatens our monogamy." They might not word it that way, but that is essentially what they are getting to. If you believe in the principle of monogamy, you have to listen to your partner's concern, and hopefully you can come to some sort of consensus as to what the best action is to take.  
 
I cannot tell you to completely eliminate all potential threats, because at that point, neither of you will be socializing with anybody. If you are not interacting with anyone, then that cannot be emotionally healthy either.




As I teach it, you do not kill what you are trying to protect. Just as you must have realistic expectations of the relationships structure you get into, you must you have realistic perspectives on the potential threats to your monogamy.
 

When it comes to potential threats to your monogamy, you must never be afraid to express to your partner that you see a potential threat to the monogamy of your relationship. Never be afraid to say, "That person that you are hanging out with wants to have sex with you."
 

As monogamists, you must be ever so aware of the potential threats to your monogamy. Yes, you are going to be accused of being jealous, and yes, you are going to accused of being insecure, and yes, you might even be accused of not trusting your partner.
​

So what?


I personally feel that I would rather be accused of all those things and do what is necessary to project the monogamy of my relationship, when our intent is to be monogamous. I personally feel that a monogamist person has every right to do what it takes to protect the monogamy of their relationships. To what degree you see a potential threat is up to you. Keep in mind that no one is going to care about the importance of your monogamy in your relationship as much as you and (hopefully) your partner do.
 
Monogamy is a work in progress, it is not a given, and can not be taken for granted One of my principles of monogamy is that Monogamy Must Be Earned. Part of the reason that monogamy must be earned is that you want to make sure you know what you want, and that you are sure that the person you are choosing is capable of giving it to you.

 
A very big point here is that monogamy is a lifestyle.


As I teach it in my 4 hours audio program lecture,  MAKING MONOGAMY WORK - WHEN ONE IS ALL YOU NEED AUDIO   you do not make the mistake of thinking that monogamy is just a relationship structure; think of it as a lifestyle because it permeates a lot of the decisions that you are going to make. Being monogamous means that you might even make a change in the type of profession that you choose.
 
For example, one of the reasons that some people become unfaithful, even thought they entered a monogamous relationship with the best of intentions, but down the road they become unfaithful, is because one of the people in the monogamous relationships, or both of them, are in professions where they are working anywhere form 12 to 14 hours a day apart from each other. They just do not have the time to spend together. Over the course of year-after-year, feeling alone, being pursued, maybe feeling angry or resentful for having to work so hard to support your partner which could lead to an unhelpful sense of entitlement to having earned the little extras and then being faced with temptation can lead an originally well intentioned individual to justify getting something from an affair that they feel is no longer there for them at home.

Both men and women are susceptible to going though this. It is not gender specific.
 
If monogamy is very important to you, consider it a lifestyle that you have to support. That might mean choosing a different profession, maybe making less money, or making money is a different way so that your lifestyle does not threaten your monogamy.
 
Frank Kermit 

Learn about The Hierarchy of Dating and Relationships (and how to Transition to Monogamy as a Couple) in the Coaching Workbooks:
I'm A Man, That's My Job       and      I'm A Woman, It's My Time

If you have any questions about managing the monogamy of your relationship  sign up for a couples session.

A Relationship is:
Acceptance at the Worst, Loving at the Best
By Frank Kermit
 
At a workshop I hosted  I issued one of my famous Frankisms that seemed to really resonate with the attendees. I was trying to convey the importance of sticking to your own rules and boundaries when you are in a relationship, to the point where, you may very well have to walk away from someone you care for deeply (maybe even love) if you are unable to accept the worst parts of your partner.
 
Frankism: "If you are unable to accept your partner at his or her worst, then it does not matter how much you love your partner at his or her best."
 
Sometimes we end up dating people, and fall into committed relationships without meaning too. We start dating casually, not really sure if there is any real future, but being with somebody is better than being with nobody. Then you show up at a party together, and someone puts you both on the spot asking if you are a couple yet or not...and not wanting to sound pathetic or inappropriate, you both confirm that you are in fact a couple (regardless that neither of you spoke about it beforehand)...and there you have it!
 
You are now in a relationship that really hasn't got there on its own merit. But again, being with somebody is better than being with nobody. Maybe if you get more serious, you will end up liking each other more and your partner will change all the things he or she does that you hate. Sounds plausible, right? Wish it were as plausible as it sounds my dear reader.
 
It is easy to base the success of your relationship on all the things you love about your partner. That is where most people start to fantasize (er, um, we mean plan right? Right? Planning, not fantasizing right?) about the kind of future you can build with your partner.
 
The reality is that loving what is best about your partner is not where the success of your long-term relationship solely grows from. The success of your long-term relationship is just as rooted (if not more so) in being able to accept your partner at his or her worst.
 
So, what is the worst thing about your partner? Does your partner forget to bathe regularly? Does your partner refuse to take better care of his or her health? Does your partner get annoying on purpose because of the "fun" way the veins pop out in your neck? Is your partner unable to keep a job? Is your partner a nail biter? Does your partner get snarky to the point of being abusive when feeling under the weather? Does your partner act like a people pleaser and then blow up at you unexpectedly in public? Is your partner simply unable to be sexually faithful to you? Does your partner drink excessively, or is a drug addict of some kind?
 
Forget about what is great about your partner; Find out what is the worst of the worst in terms of what you will have to deal with if you continue seeing your partner. If you have any doubt about what you can handle, stay out of a serious relationship with that person.

A broken engagement is better than a happy divorce.
 
A part of the workshop also covered the topic of how:

"Understanding does not Equal Acceptance".
 
Just because you can understand that your partner may treat you poorly because your partner had a rough upbringing does not mean that it makes the abusive behaviors any more acceptable. You can intellectually understand the source of your partner's pain and the roots of the bad repeating behavior patterns, however, that does not demand that you fully accept it, and invite that aspect into your life through your life partner.
 
When the worst, is worse than the best-of-the-best you are getting, then the end result of the relationship is that it is still worse to stay with your partner than it would be to find someone better

If you want to learn more about how to understand and master your dating and relationship skills: Learn more about self awareness and self actualization by checking out the coaching workbooks

For Men:  I'M A MAN THAT'S MY JOB WORKBOOK EBOOK

For Women: 
I'M A WOMAN, IT'S MY TIME EBOOK

Learn the Complete  The Emotional Needs Mastery System


Check out the Benefits of COACHING Video

 The 7 Weird Words That Help Define Relationships
 By Frank Kermit
 

There are 7 certain words that catch many people off guard when it comes to relationships.


They are: Lust, Love, Sex, Dating, Commitment, Marriage, and Monogamy. At their most literal meanings, these commonly used words are very understandable. Intellectually, most people have no problem grasping their mental understanding of those words.

 
Lust can be defined as the sexual desire that someone may experience when attracted to someone. To enjoy lust even better check out Now What? Unique Ways to Cater To her Sexual ENA

 
Love can be defined as an emotional attachment someone feels for another person. To make someone full in love with you learn to master their emotional needs.

 
Sex is a physical act between people and usually refers to the act of intercourse. If you never had sex, talk to me about how to lose your virginity.

 
Dating can be understood to refer to the process of two people spending time together with a romantic intention. Check out the NEW rules of dating.

 
Commitment is an obligation that you make a promise to fulfill. There are ways to check if your relationship is commitment ready.

 
Marriage can be considered a legal status you enter to define your legal standing with another individual. Before you get married, sign up for marital coaching.

 
Monogamy is a term to describe a dynamic where you have sex with only one particular person and refuse to have sex with others.  Learn the basics of monogamy and non-monogamy.
 

The issue with these particular words is that people may directly associate a word on the above list to be the equivalent of one, or more, of the others words.
 
Even though we can define each word differently, we may make emotional connections with these particular words that cause us to substitute one word on the list for the other words.
 
For example, a person may feel that marriage is the exact same thing as monogamy. A person may feel that having sex with someone means having someone's love. A person may even feel that simply dating someone for a few casual coffee dates automatically implies a deep commitment. A person may assume that the more lusty attraction they feel for someone, the more they are in love with that person.

This is what makes these certain 7 words intriguingly weird. These words, which intellectually can be understood to be clear and separate, get muddled through multiple shades of gray on deeper emotional levels.
 
It is the realistic person that does not assume commitment when dating, until that commitment is earned and publicly stated. It is the emotionally mature lover that grasps that having sex or lust for someone is not necessarily an expression of any loving attachment beyond the attraction nor physical act. It is the millions of happily married couples in the swinger lifestyle who will attest that being married does not equate monogamy.
 
The understanding that each of these words is unique and separate from the other words is a key ingredient to the beginning stages of getting your love life in order. It is a part of the self-actualization process and achieving clarity in relationships that a person must come to terms that each word does not mean exactly the same thing as any of those other words.
 
One of the best ways to fully grasp this first step concept is to ask yourself if you can experience any one of those terms, without experiencing any other of those terms. For example, is it possible to be in a marriage that is devoid of lust, love, sex, having dated, commitment, or monogamy? The answer of course is yes.
 
There are loveless marriages, sexless marriages, arranged marriages that never involved dating, marriages of convenience where the couple are married but simply are not commitment to each other beyond some kind of materialist exchange, and there are married couples that are non-monogamous where the couple, individually or together as a couple, engage in open consensual sex with other people.
 
This is not about infidelity nor cheating, as there is neither deception nor lying, as both partners of the couple are involved and consenting in the extra-marital sex. Marriage can exist completely independently of all those other terms.
 
This is an example of the clarity that is required to properly handle your relationship mismanagement behaviors. If you want to fully figure out where you might be making incorrect word associations when it comes to your relationship expectations, go through each word and write out if the one word could exist without any of the other words in association. This exercise can be a revelation to some people, and reality shattering for others.
 
You must never assume that other people will interpret those 7 words the same way you do; that is what makes them weird. These words are some of the most commonly misunderstood words when wrangling with relationships, and at the same time these are the same words that are significantly used in correlations to define what is a relationship.
 
If you want to learn more about how to understand and master your dating and relationship skills: Learn more about self awareness and self actualization by checking out the coaching workbooks

For Men:  I'M A MAN THAT'S MY JOB WORKBOOK EBOOK

For Women: 
I'M A WOMAN, IT'S MY TIME EBOOK

Learn the Complete  The Emotional Needs Mastery System


Check out the Benefits of COACHING Video

How to Guarantee A Divorce
By Frank Kermit
 

When wedding season is upon us, I get couples coming in for some pre-marital coaching. This process, usually in private couples coaching, but sometimes as a group class is to get couples to ask one another very important questions, the answers to which may even end their engagement.


The goal is to build a rock solid foundation for the marriage so that when tough times trouble the couple, the couple has the best possible odds to stay strong and steady until the storm passes.


One of the components that  I teach in my coaching workbooks for men and women, "I'm A Man, That's My Job" and "I'm a Woman, It's My Time" in this process is the rule of putting a life partner ahead of your own extended family and friends.
 

In dealing with couples on the verge of a break up or divorce, as well as, separated and divorced individuals who are starting over, a remarkably clear pattern became identifiable.


One of the key components that the individual asking for the break listed as a primary reason for ending the relationship was a feeling that a partner put the wants and needs of extended family members and friends ahead of the needs of a spouse and even their children.
 

It is important for new couples getting married to understand that the number one person in your life is your spouse:

• It is not your parents,
• it is not your siblings,
• and it is not your nieces, or nephews,
• not your uncles, or aunts,
• not your cousins,
• not your grandparents
• and NOT your friends.

If you end up in the middle of a conflict between having to choose what it best for your spouse or what is best for anyone else, you better choose your spouse if you want your marriage to survive as you must be able to trust in your spouse that your spouse would choose for you.
 

In the most basic of terms, it is you and your spouse against the world. You come together in marriage to form a partnership to build a common future, a family unit, and to have each other's best interest in mind because it is expected that the two of you have already discussed and agreed upon achieving similar life goals.


These conversations should have covered family planning, careers, retirement, lifestyle and coping with any known and potential obstacles to those plans as well as agreed upon sacrifices necessary to make all of those goals happen.

If you haven't given any thought to these core goal oriented communications, you will be thinking about them while you are in the process of splitting up.


Ironically, the very questions you are asking yourself about your partner during a divorce are the same one you both needed to talk about during your engagement.

 

There is only one exception to this rule...if you already have young kids when you are getting married.


At that point, your kids who rely on you and have no one else to depend on take priority over your new spouse.

​
Your spouse is an adult that got to choose to be with you and must accept your priority to be a parent to your children.


However your children did not have the choice of having you as a parent and you may be the only person your children have to give a damn about giving them a decent start to life.


In the future I will write an article for child-free adults who date single parents and how to navigate realistic expectations of step-parenthood.


 
Check Out The Benefits of Frank Coaching and Sign Up (Especially if you just got Engaged!)

Dating 8 Years Not Married
By Frank Kermit

There are times when people will come to me for coaching, feeling very frustrated that they are in long term relationships, but as yet, are still not married to the person they are involved with.
 
Sometimes it is a matter of the person promising that they will get married at a particular point in the future (when the kids are in college and out of the house), but then once that time point arrives, there is no future planning on getting married. 
 
Other times I have seen people who told the partner that they do not believe in marriage and never plan to get married to which the partner says, “I understand”, only to have the same partner be frustrated because they secretly hoped that he or she would change their mind in a few years. 
 
Finally, there are those cases where someone is too afraid to bring up the topic of wanting to get married out of a fear of potential conflict, so they stew in their frustrations of waiting for the other to bring it up. When the other does not bring up it, the person finds themselves erupting out of frustration and having a major fight that threatens to end the relationship. 
 
None of these situations is acceptable.
 
Let me be frank with you and make it clear that if getting married is important to you, then it is best to find someone that already thinks the same way you do and to screen every date you have to find someone that is compatible with your beliefs.

In today’s society the resistance to getting married actually makes sense. Depending on your income level (the higher income partner risks alimony and child support payments), your status (if you are previously divorced and financial compromised), and your history of being a lousy judge of character, or a repeating behavior pattern of self-sabotage, then the risks of getting married can be very real. Not everyone aims to get married, even if they want to date, live together and even have children.

If you happen to be dating someone that tells you that they will marry you once a certain point of time happens, it comes down to whether or not you trust your own judge of character if you believe the person. I often mention that even if you have to wait for marriage, you do not necessarily have to wait to get engaged.  This conversation tends to lead to any others reasons that someone might be holding back, and can be a very effective tool to finding out if the person means it, or is just using it as an excuse. 

The bottom line is this: If you want to get married by a certain deadline, be sure to communicate that deadline to the person you are involved with. There is nothing wrong nor demanding in saying that if you are not married by (insert # of years of being together) then you will end the relationship. The key is to stick by your own words when you issue any ultimatum. If you do not stick by your own ultimatums, then why should your partner take you seriously about anything else you might claim is important to you?  You cannot have it both ways. You cannot complain that something you want is not happening and then refuse to take action when what is so important to you is not being fulfilled.

Speak up for yourself, and be clear about your needs and expectations. Otherwise, you will not get what you want, and the only person you can blame is yourself.
 
 

To learn about the Hierarchy of Dating and Relationships and learn where and how marriage fits in: Click here to buy a copy of the Coaching Workbooks

For Men : I'm a Man, That's My Job
For Women : I'm a Woman, It's My Time
 

The Plight of The Mistress Mindset
By Frank Kermit
 
The women who enter into affairs with married men behind a wife’s back seem to take on the wrath of society. When the genders are reversed and it is the wife cheating, society tends to take a more compassion view towards the cheating wife wondering what unfulfilled needs caused her to seek out an extra marital affair.
 
Yet when it is a husband cheating on his wife, it seems to trigger a societal rage, and some of that rage gets directed at the mistress involved.  If the marriage were an open relationship where the wife was aware and consenting to the extra martial relationship, it would no longer be an affair, and there would not be as much cause for the raw hatred because the core issues of trust and abandonment are not being violated.
 
In that case it is likely, as with a number of open relationship couples, that the wife would also have the awareness and consent of the husband to pursue her own paramours. 
 
But the plight of the mistress is not all enveloped in the wrath of fury thrust upon her by the people affected by such an affair. It is not her potential broken heart from unfulfilled promises or ending up alone when a husband decides to work things out with his wife. 
 
It is not even how her friends and family may distance themselves from her if and when her role as a mistress comes to light.

The true plight of a mistress is the danger of the repeating behavior pattern she is enforcing when she enters into a relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner. 
 
The longer any person continues to develop attachment and experience in emotionally unavailable relationships, the stronger the predisposition of her mindset to repeat that behavior pattern.
 
The best way to safeguard herself from getting stuck in that repeating behavior pattern is to break it before it starts either by refusing to date a man who seeks to cheat on his wife, or to end things immediately when she discovers that the man she was dating was in fact married and hiding it. 
 
In the latter example, it is unfortunate to report that many women continue to see him, regardless of being lied too, because of how she already feels attached to him.  The advice of how she feels cannot be the most important thing, when in the process of trying to break a repeating behavior pattern, is simply unpopular with such women and is part of the reason she is likely to continue repeating it.
 
Like any unhealthy addiction, the longer we do something that is not good for us, the harder it becomes to stop doing it. 
 
Being a mistress becomes normalized the longer you do it, to the point where, single men who would be interested in a serious relationship with you, would turn you off.
 
This is why many mistresses actually end up losing interest in their married lovers once the wives dump those men after the affair becomes public.  Part of the attraction is all the intrigue and emotional range from biting forbidden fruit, the naughtiness of having something you aren’t suppose to have, the drama of anticipating the next spontaneous secret rendezvous and so on.
 
Eligible single male candidates who are not cheating on anyone simply aren’t as alluring for women trapped in the repeating behavior pattern of the mistress mindset.
 
My hopes are that any mistresses who are reading this will see herself and seek out some form of therapy, counseling or coaching to help break the repeating behavior pattern of the mistress mindset.
 
You obviously have lots of love to give, and the world definitely needs people with love to give. It is just a matter of healing and learning to give love to the right people.
 
Frank Kermit