Blog of Frank Kermit of Frank Talks

How To Get Back Into Dating After A Long-Term Relationship

11/21/2018

Read these dating tips to help you get back into the world of dating in this informative contributed post.

Dating Doesn't Have To Be Scary

Dating is tough, and if you're just getting back into it after being in a long-term relationship, it can be seriously daunting and downright scary at times. Not only do you feel like you're supposed to have all this behind you, but you may still be struggling with being single after the realization of your relationship not working actually sets in.

Add to this all the new rules and trends in dating, plus the pressure that seems to be on people in the dating world, it can just all seem like too much and make you want to run and hide under your duvet.

However, with this post, we want to offer some reassurance that dating, although it may take some awkward encounters, it doesn't have to be so scary, and nowadays with so many options available for finding love, then it can actually be quite fun and can lead you on some amazing adventures with people who you'd never have imagined you'd meet - as with everything it's all about the mindset you approach it with.

So, to help you navigate the new dating world, we've offered up some hopefully useful tips that you can use on your search for love.

Get Clear About What You Want And Don't Want:

One of the biggest mistakes that people make with dating is that they approach it with no plan. They get on Google to find free gay chat lines or download the latest dating apps when feeling lonely, sad and frustrated with their lack of relationship, but they don't really take any time to sit back and consider what kind of relationship they'd like to have and what kind of person they'd like to meet. Making sure you do this will save you time and heartache down the road, but if you know what you're looking for and what you won't tolerate, then you're boosting your chances of finding a suitable match all the quicker.

Spend Time On Your Profiles:

One thing you'll find when you look on dating apps is that, although someone may look great, they've spent very little, or absolutely no time in creating their profile. Nowadays your profile is the first contact any potential suitors are going to have with you and if you want to have a date with someone, then make sure they don't just go after you for your looks, spend time on your profile and help them get to know a bit more about the real you.

Start A Conversation:

Again, a big problem with dating apps is the amount of people who just gather matches but don't reply to messages or even start a conversation. In order to increase your chances of finding love, you're going to have to put some effort into it and this involves actually talking to people.

Be Yourself:

It may sound awfully cliche, but a cliche is usually one because it's the truth. Yes, it's always good to put your best side forward on a first date and when getting to know someone, but this doesn't mean being fake. Be yourself if you want someone to like you for who you are.

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Is Moving In With Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend A Good Idea Right Now?

10/26/2018

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There are many factors to consider when deciding to live together with someone, Do you know what they are? Read this contributed post to find out more.

There Are Factors To Consider When Deciding To Move In Together

The title of this article sounds judgemental, but it’s really not. Asking yourself this question is absolutely a necessity no matter how in love or well supported you are with your lover. Of course, there are some circumstances where moving in together with your boyfriend or girlfriend might be a no-brainer, depending on your current situation. For example, you might decide that since you have a child on the way, it’s best to set up that personal family home in a secure, stable manner, and really try to make a go of things. Many people have done this, and many people have succeeded in crafting a beautiful family home, even though it perhaps wasn’t as planned as it could have been.

But of course, this is a highly specific circumstance, and it may or may not apply to you. If you can, it’s always best to consider deeply when the potential of moving in together comes up. If you manage to simply take the time to consider your position, you can either move forward with your plans enjoying greater confidence or potentially avoid a mistake until you once again consider it.

Consider our simple list of advice to try and decide whether or not this is a good personal decision to make:

Financial Handling

What is the financial history and handling like within your relationship? How has this been in the past? Perhaps a stumble here or there isn’t too worrying as we all experience problems from time to time. However, if your other half has been evicted at any time in the last five to ten years, or if they regularly overspend or miss their rental payments, there is no way that tying your financial history to this person is worthwhile.

If you are the person without this sense of financial reliability, it might be that you’re going to struggle to do so in a relationship. Couples often spend MORE when together, not less, and it’s often easy for bad habits to become twice as echoed if you both share them. It might even be that you only have a middling lack of financial handling in the recent past, but if your other half hasn’t challenged you on this (especially if you’re close enough to consider moving in together,) it might be that they aren’t quite the fundamental rock you expect them to be to help you manage your spending issues, nor should you expect them to be.

Financial untying yourself from someone else and vice-versa, especially when two names are on a lease or two contracts become one can become messy if the agreement dissolves. If you’ve ever seen Judge Judy, you’ll know that lawsuits between jaded ex-lovers who moved in together two quickly and shared each and every asset they owned is perhaps 90% of the lawsuits brought to the Judges panel.
It’s neither smart, romantic or clever to throw away your potential financial security to proceed with moving in. You can live semi-permanently with someone without having to tie yourselves together on one lease, or moving together in an apartment signed by both of you.

Of course, if you both have good credit, a history of on-time and well planned financial decisions, and you trust the other person, you can progress with greater confidence. We’d recommend knowing the person and their financial behaviours for at least two years before moving in, although more is often better. Once taking the decision to move forward, take another six months to verify everything financially, assessing and reassessing your eligibility for this life situation. Just like the waiting period after deciding on a tattoo design, time can often bring a refreshed sense of clarity in the long-term if we give ourselves enough time.

Relationship Stability

Of course, financial stability is one thing, but it’s nothing without the emotional glue that holds a relationship together. Young couples often think that love will last forever, but often it’s maturity that tempers the fires of love and helps retain that sense of rationality at the end of the day, even through tumultuous times. If your relationship often falls into an on-off form of connectivity, then perhaps fusing yourselves together with the financial responsibility of a home is not quite the best idea, even if focusing on a humble apartment at this stage.

It does seem to be somewhat of a cultural attitude that most couples fight and go through long, down periods, but that’s not true at all. Small grievances and annoyances are normal, but they must be talked through. If yourself and your partner have large blowouts, even one a year, it’s a sign that the relationship might not deal with the strain of maintaining and sustaining the funding of a household, no matter how humble.

It’s easy to see that having a child to ‘fix’ a relationship is an absurdly stupid move for most people, but moving in together can be nearly as toxic for both involved. If you haven’t had an argument or large disagreement in your relationship you haven’t worked through immediately, and you trust each other even in the harder times, it might be that you are suitable to consider this step more appropriately.

Emotions vs. Cold Hard Logic

While young love or even mature love can feel like a river of emotions you love to become swept in, this is never the right time to make life decisions that can impact you both. This isn’t to say you need to feel completely detached and mechanical in your decisions for the future, but you do need to temper the positives of your relationships with the worries of the future if you hope to make a good decision. It also cannot be done out of a sense of hurried pacing.

A good analogy is to imagine what you’re like when taking care of your weekly grocery purchases. If you head to the store while hungry, it’s likely you’ll purchase much more than you need. There are clinical studies performed that prove this resoundingly well, but the common sense of this situation is hard to argue in the first place. Consider how this might apply to your current situation, and you’ll have a good idea of what we mean.

Appropriate Plans

Considering the appropriate plan can be worthwhile for now. HDB flats for couples are often the best starting, stepping stone on your path to joining the property market together. It’s best to stay humble. If you can both stay aware of your responsibilities and can temper your expectations to begin with, it might be that drawing up a long-term plan could be very appropriate to do.

Start small. Appreciate what you have. Focus on working together to better your career and financial situations instead of spending on the highest and most comforting residence you can right now. When pooling an income you may be able to achieve something nicer than you would have solo in the first place. Of course, a couple will only need one bed, so it might be that someone moving into the other’s apartment could be a better and cheaper alternative than to simply find a new place together.

Consider compromise. How might both you working commutes be affected? Did you want to live abroad for a certain amount of years? Where are both of your families? Do you have anyone else aside from the relationship participants to turn to for help if you’re struggling a little? Drawing up a set of rough plans of what life will be like on a daily, practical level can help you understand that which you’re getting involved in, giving you the red, amber or green lights to either stop, stay cautious and patient, or proceed with your decision. When contextualized like this, it’s often easy for couples to retain a sense of rationality about their potential timeline of moving, and that’s only ever a good thing.

With these tips, you’re sure to enjoy a more informed decision, no matter your final analysis.

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Sex, Love & Romance: Talking To Your Teens About Relationships

10/23/2018

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How to talk to your teenager about sex, love and romance? Read more in this contributed post.

Parents everywhere know exactly what it means to dread their kids growing into teenagers. Firstly, they remember what it was like for them to be teenagers. They remember the angst, the insecurity and the desperate need to fit in with the crowd. They know that their teenagers have all this to come and today, it’s so different compared to a few years ago. The world has changed so much when it comes to sex and relationships and this is not a bad thing. More complicated, perhaps, but not a bad thing.

Same sex relationships two decades ago were not as openly spoken about compared to today. Romance and sex wasn’t splashed across social media for all to see. The ‘selfie’ in the smartphone era had not yet been invented for people to critique and roast online. Life and love and relationships are entirely different now. Asking a girl or boy to go out to the school disco is easy to discuss for some parents, whilst trying to advise on a chat with gay guys may be a little harder to do. It’s not ignorance; it’s just not the same as it was before. However, we now live in a time where parents are swotting up on how things work for teenagers today and not basing how they talk about sex, love and romance on wooing each other back in the Eighties. Times have changed, but talking about healthy relationships and self-respect hasn’t.

Teach Your Teenager What A Healthy Relationship Is Like.

Teenagers now are still full of angst and uncertainty and it’s important that they know that you are going to be open, non-judgemental and there for them when they need you. Broaching the subject? That’s not the easy part, because teenagers don’t want to talk about themselves directly. However, as a parent you can figure out their favourite series or film and discuss the dynamics of those relationships instead and talk about the red flags to watch for in terms of gaslighting and abuse, which are very much talked about today. Teenagers need to hear that they are worthy of themselves as they are, that they don’t need to be pressured into sex when they know that they can pace themselves until they are ready. They also need to hear that their feelings are valid and valued, and that those friends who don’t listen to those feelings aren’t friends to be worrying about.

Sex and love are both a normal part of life, and the more you broach this subject with your teenagers, the easier it will be to get it through to them that they are in charge of their own bodies and feelings. It’s okay to love whoever they want to love, have sex when they feel ready and not pushed - and SAFELY - and you will be there for them no matter what. Teenagers will make their mistakes: we all have, and as long as they know that you are going to be a shoulder to cry on, a non-judgemental ear to talk to and a safe haven, you can be confident that they will do their best to make good choices.

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Finding Love In Your Twenties

10/10/2018

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5 dating tips to help you find love in your twenties and thirties are explored in this contributed post.

Finding The Love Of Your Life Requires Dedication And Searching

There will come a time in your life, it could be now, in your late twenties, thirties…. where you finally want to find someone who can settle down with you for life. Finding the love of your life is no mean feat and it will involve a lot of dedication and searching, but when you do, you’ll be treated to a relationship full of love and laughter.

Be yourself

It is always the first thing people will say when you come to looking for dates, but it is true. If you try to be someone else on a first date to impress someone you aren’t letting your real personality out and this can have a massive effect on your ability to find someone right for you. You want someone who loves you for all of your quirks and despite all of your floors. Be yourself and this will allow you to find them.

Don’t force it

If you think a date is going ok but you don’t feel any sort of romantic spark, this doesn’t mean you have to carry on stringing it along for a while to try and find that fizz of attraction. When it comes to love, when you know you just know. Don’t force a feeling of attraction and affection on yourself and someone else because it simply won’t work. If you wait long enough you will eventually find that special someone.

Chat online

If you struggle to get the confidence to talk to new people in person, you can always try to speak to people on the phone on a service such as Fonochatlatino.com or online on a dating app first. It might seem a little pointless but it will build up your confidence and it will allow you to meet and speak to a whole range of different people. You can share a common interest and learn how best to keep a conversation flowing ready for a real date.

Go to parties

If you never leave the house you will never find the one. If your friends ask you out for a night out or to a party, just say yes. You never know when your missing link will show up to an event and it can take you a long time to find them if you never go out in public. Get out there and allow people to approach you for a chat and see if any sparks happen to fly.

Don’t worry about commitment

Commitment is a big buzzword with relationships and of course everyone eventually wants to be able to commit to the right person. However, when you start to date people just go with the flow, don’t think about the long term until you can see it going somewhere and just enjoy the present moment with your new love. If it is meant to be it will be, and if not, you can learn from the experience for your next relationship. Learning and using your past experiences is a good way to find the one for you.

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Partner Hunting: Maybe You Need To Sharpen Your Aim

9/29/2018

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How do you meet the partner for you? Follow these dating tips to sharpen your aim to find your love match in this contributed post.

We don’t often think about it or even acknowledge it because it's just normal. We don’t want to limit our choice of partner so we leave the door open to many possibilities. We go out there onto the dating scene, hoping to find someone that we can be with for the rest of our lives. But stop, don’t you think that’s casting the net our rather wide? You’re just ‘hoping’ to meet someone that you can not only like, but love? Very rarely do relationships last where you are making a choice to cope with someone that you know, deep down you don’t like. Alas, many of us have fickle hearts and we believe or hope that we can change the person more into being like us in the future. That is ridiculous, you can’t change a tiger’s stripes. We need to accept people for who they are and not try to change them just to suit us and our feelings. So how on earth do you find someone that you can love? Well, for a start you should sharpen your aim.

Sharpen Your Aim When Looking For Your Love Match

Photo Credit: Randy Gon

Networking circles from work

That old saying of, ‘if you’re single, go ahead and mingle’ is true of many public social gatherings. We always network at work, we need to. Meeting new people from our line of work and talking about things that mean a lot to us professionally is a great way to meet a potential lover. In fact, that’s how most relationships start off. You’re at work and suddenly someone who you considered a colleague or even as part of another company, make your heart race every time you see them. Well, rather than going out on the dating scene, how about start looking for someone who does the same thing as you for a living? You’ll have much more in common immediately and lots to talk about on the first date. The tension is also less because you know what they’re talking about and you can engage with them on a deeper level.

Try Meeting Someone Who Has Some Of The Same Interests You Do

Take an interest seriously

Those that take their hobby seriously, will end up having to mingle with new people eventually. Especially in sports, if you take it seriously enough you’ll end up wanting better equipment and a better place to play that sport. Take archery for example. If you take it seriously enough, you’ll want to join a club. At this club there will be people who have the exact same interest and have the same issues of improvement and equipment as you do. You’ll end up meeting someone that you would like and want to become more than just friends with. However the tension is already broke because you have been around each other a lot and focus on a joint or shared goal in the sport you play. There are dating websites that are specific in their outreach such as Muslim Dating. Such tools are great for finding people that are into the same thing as you and can narrow down what kind of interests you may have in common.

Instead of aiming broadly at a wild forest full of different people, why not just cut to the chase? Look for a potential partner in interests and professions that you yourself have love or like of.

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How To Know They're The One

9/4/2018

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Finding the one person for you feels amazing! If you are not sure, consider these signs in this contributed post that they are the one for you.

There Are Signs That You Have Met "The One" For You

We all hope for the feeling of knowing for sure that the person we’re dating is the one. Not all relationships get to this point, but the ones that do can feel amazing. ‘The one’ also means different things to different people. It might mean something different at age 25 than it does at 30. It might not come to you until you reflect on the person you’re with through and through. Of course, thinking someone is the one may not be returned to you, so we’re often hesitant to apply that label until we’re absolutely sure.

Just like any matter of faith, instinct will often lead you to the right answer. There is no shame in falling in love with someone multiple times during your relationship, in fact this shows that life with this person could be truly novel! It may not be long before you’re comparing metal or silicone wedding rings, and walking over the threshold of your home as newlyweds. Until then, consider these signs they are the one for you:

Trust

If you can trust your partner, you have one of the vital pillars of a strong relationship already constructed. Without this, nothing else functions. You need to trust your partner to be true to you, to keep you aware, and to help you become your best self. In return, you must do the exact same for them. However, trust is not only found in the ways we imagine. For example, trusting a partner could be knowing they can speak to you authentically, that they will not filter their words around you. This could mean telling you when you’re acting out of line, or when they’re worried about you. Just as you expect a close friend to be candid with you, a lover will find a manner to build you up from your flaws, and to help you see them yourself rather than constantly remind you of them. If you trust in your partner 100%, perhaps more than you do yourself, they might just be ‘the one’ material.

Responsibility

If you can trust them to be responsible with their affairs, and to stand on their own two feet, and to put as much into the relationship as you do, and to keep building a life together with that as their main priority, then it could be that ‘the one’ is within your grasp. We often idealize love with spontanaeity, and for good reason. But sometimes, a little responsibility can help ease us, and know that this is the person we wish to build our life with.

Fresh

While deep, burning and passionate love can be sustained for long periods of time, it does take work to do. What matters is that this person feels fresh whenever you see them, even after years. If you still get butterflies, if you still wish to impress one anohter with surprises, or if you find yourself trying to be the best you can for the sake of both of you and you’re sure they’re doing the same, you may have just found the one,

With these mature and sensible yet loving tips, you may identify the one sooner rather than later.

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Dating Tips For Shy Guys

8/30/2018

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Are you shy and don't feel comfortable dating?
Read this contributed post which has 4 dating tips for shy guys who want to overcome their dating anxiety.

There’s a common misconception that being shy has to get in the way of and ruin your dating life when that isn’t the case. Being shy doesn’t have to impact your dating success or be seen as a bad thing - we each have our own, very unique personalities and if being shy is part of yours, you need to learn to make it work for you.

Perhaps you don’t know how to talk to people who you’re attracted to? Maybe you’ve tried to make a relationship work in the past while hiding your feelings and it’s all ended in one big mess? What it’s important to remember is that your shyness is not your whole identity, it’s just one part of who you are as a person.

Shyness Is Not Your Whole Identity, It's Just One Part Of Who You Are

The good news is that if you take note of the tips below, you can make dating that little bit easier (and more enjoyable) for yourself.

Understand that just because you’re attracted to someone that doesn’t mean they’re not a normal person

Regardless of how attractive someone is, they are just normal people. That’s the thing to remember because there’s no need to be shy when talking to just another person, is there? Picture this, you’re in a supermarket, you see someone cute in the aisle but are lost for words about how to introduce yourself, but when you’re at the counter with the cashier you’re happy to chat away. These two people are no different from each other - that’s what you need to understand.

Make friends who are extroverts

You’re an introvert and that’s cool but make friends with people who are extroverts. Studies have shown that it’s easier to relax when you’re around louder people who like to be the centre of attention because that takes the pressure off of you. You’ll find chatting with people that you’re attracted to, far easier in this kind of setting.

Date online

To build confidence in yourself, spend some time online dating and using services like https://www.guyspyvoice.com/phone-free-trial/gay-male-chat-coverage to meet people. Dating can be daunting but the more people you chat to, either online or over the phone, the more your confidence should grow. As your confidence grows, you should start to feel less shy when it comes to talking to people who you’re attracted to.

Let go of the bad

If you've had bad dating experiences in the past, you need to stop holding onto them and let them go. If you don’t let go of the bad experiences that you’ve had, they will haunt your dating life forever and make you shyer than you were before. It’s important to realise that everyone has bad dating experiences but that they don’t have to define your future of dating.

When you’re a shy guy, dating is not always an easy task, but if you take note of the tips above and implement them in how you date, you can make landing yourself a partner a slightly easier task.

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7 Steps To Dating Heaven When You’re In A Long-Term Relationship

8/22/2018

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Inject some excitement into your relationship with these 7 tips to great date nights. Read this contributed post to find out more.

Being in a committed long-term relationship is one of the greatest things in the world. However, the natural spark of romance will inevitably fade over time, which can make date nights feel a little stale. Fear not; it is possible to inject the excitement back into those dates.

Follow these seven pointers below, and those future dates will be even more breathtaking than when you first dated.

Bring The Spark Back To Date Night

Break Away From The Norm

The reason that many of your dates as a long-term couple feel stale is that everything feels too similar to normal life. Learn to switch things up, and the dates will become fresh and exciting once more.

This needn’t be a difficult challenge. Renting a car from RYDE for the day or weekend can turn a cruise around the city into a luxury experience for both of you. Alternatively, staying at a local hotel can work wonders without taking on the costs or time of taking a holiday abroad.

Even something as simple as having one of you turn up to ‘collect’ your date from home can change the mindset. Embrace it.

Do Something That Makes The Future Look Exciting

When you first start dating, the thoughts of what may await in the future is enough to give you butterflies. You needn’t lose those sentiments just because you’re in a long-term relationship. You just need to look for alternatives.

You needn’t be engaged to know that your relationship is heading towards marriage. It may seem a little odd, but a day of looking at potential wedding venues can be a lot of fun even if the big event isn’t on the horizon for some time.

Aside from the excitement, it shows that you are both still committed to each other for the long haul.

Or Reconnect With The Past

Alternatively, you can do the complete opposite by traveling back to the start of your relationship. Reliving the first date is undoubtedly one of the best ways to recapture that early dating magic. The excitement will return in an instant.

Recreate the photographs you took on that do to see how far you’ve come as a couple. Honestly, that’s one of the most exciting things of all, and should be cherished by both of you.

Create A List Of Date Ideas And Pick One At Random

Be Spontaneous

The harsh reality of life is that you probably have more responsibilities today than you did when you first started dating. You have careers, a home, and potentially children to consider. So, date nights are a commitment that may need to be planned.

Once they start, though, you can let the spontaneity flow. Create a list of date ideas and pick one at random. It might be great; it might be a washout. Either way, it’ll be memorable while giving you a chance to have fun and celebrate your love.

Start A Joint Hobby

Hobbies play an incredibly important role in our lives. While having something to enjoy with friends is great, a regular activity with your partner is a great way to keep the romance alive. Not least if you choose dance classes or something that can actively aid your sexual attraction.

This is better than a one-off date too as it is a continued commitment to each other. You’ll have a date night every week and won’t need to break the bank for it.

Face Your Fears

Facing your fears is a lot easier when you have a supportive partner by your side. So, heading off on special adventures can be a great option for your next date day. If nothing else, it’s a cheat to help get your heartbeats racing.

Theme parks are among the best options, not least because there are so many other things to see and soak in. Disney World tickets can be bought online at a cheaper rate than on the day while it’ll save you lining up. This is the type of date that will last in your memories forever.

A Special Date Will Last In Your Memories Forever.

Alternatively, real adrenaline junkies can try to organize a tandem parachute jump or bungee. For a few moments of a fear, you’ll gain a lifelong memory.

Go To A Show

Special events like sporting events or music gigs are a great way to embrace the energy of a crowd to inject magic into your life. You’ll also want to look nice without feeling the need to be as formal as you would at a restaurant.

When attending gigs, there are two great options. Either book tickets for an artist you love and that plays songs with sentimental value, or go to the local open mic night. This can be great fun while the sense of not knowing what you’ll hear makes it fresh and exciting too.

Ultimately, if you do something you love with the person you love, date nights will remain fun and exciting.

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Tips for Your Dating Criteria Checklist

8/2/2018

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Tips for Dating Criteria Checklists

Tips for Your Dating Criteria Checklist
by Frank Kermit

When coaching someone that wants to STOP BEING SINGLE, it is important to examine that person's dating criteria. Sometimes, the reason that someone is forever stuck being single is the criteria itself.

Here are some tips to make sure that your criteria is not holding you back:

1-Criteria that is Firm

If you are firm in your criteria that you will not waiver on, then right or wrong, you should be explicit in expressing your criteria.

This means if you are online dating, make sure your criteria is in your online dating profile.

If you are discussing setting up a first date, express your criteria before you actually meet, so that you do not waste your time, or the time of the other person.

Note: You will always have to screen and filter when dating. Even if you make your criteria clear, it does not always stop people from wanting you to give them a chance.

2-Is the Criteria Relevant?

Next would be to explore if your criteria is actually relevant.

Is it a matter of initial attraction? Lust?
Is it relevant to a long term life plan?

To help you figure out if your criteria is actually relevant; ask the question:

Under what circumstances would that criteria not be important (if any)?

If the criteria would not matter under a number of circumstances, then it is not a relevant criteria.

3-Is the Criteria Counter-Productive?

Would her having such criteria turn off your potential target audience? Some people will be offended to your "fetish".

For example, the members of the amputee community want relationships like any other people, but some resent being with a partner that has an amputee fetish.

Would your criteria potentially turn off the very people that embody that criteria? Then you need to be ready to face a little more rejection in the process of dating until you find someone that appreciates your interests.

4-Is the Criteria Hypocritical?

Do you get resentful if you get rejected when someone uses the same kind of criteria against you?

If so, you need to rethink your criteria, because being a hypocrite can get in the way of your finding love when dating.

For example, if you reject someone because they make less money than you, would you be upset if someone rejects you because you make less money than them?

If you reject someone for their body type, would you be upset if someone rejected you because of your body type?

If so, the best way to attract more open minded folks is to be more open minded. (You would be amazed how offended some people get in coaching when confronted about their hypocrisy)

5-Is the Criteria Reciprocal?

Just because you have an ideal partner in mind, that does not mean that the person you seek, is seeking you.

One of the hardest questions a coaching client must face, is if you are "worthy" of the affection of the person you are seeking.

So, ask yourself if your ideal partner would be attracted to you. If the answer is "No", then it may be time to re-evaluate your goals in the next coaching session.

6-Is Your Criteria Demographic Realistic?

Based, on your collective criteria, is there enough of a demographic for you to actually find someone to be with?

When you put all your criteria together, does the composite person you are seeking even exist? Is there a large enough pool of candidates for you to date from? If not, get real. Get very real, very fast, or the only thing that you will guarantee is that you will continue to be single.

Lets use a fun example:

Let's say you have the criteria that you will ONLY date:

-a working architect
-currently living in your small town (you refuse to move and you refuse to engage in a long distance relationship)

and then we do analysis of that demographic and find out:

-there are only 3 architects in your small town,
-one is retired (so not currently working)
-one is married (not available)
-one is of a sexual orientation that would not be attracted to you

then your criteria for what is out there would not be realistic, and we can predict that you will continue to be single

7-Is Your Criteria Just An Excuse?

And finally is this criteria actually a means to make it impossible for you to find someone?

Some people have fears of intimacy that mask themselves as ridiculous criteria.

Could this be your case here?

It is easier to be thought of as "too picky" instead of "incapable of a relationship."

When your criteria list is more vast than your list of skills that represent your ability to attract a partner, that is often a sign of some kind of fear of intimacy.

It could be a fear of emotional intimacy, being vulnerable, a fear of physical sex, or even the fear of the responsibility that comes with getting romantically involved with others.

If you are using your criteria as a means to keep people away, then definitely sign up for an hour of Coaching to see what Frank can do for you.

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Are You Going Too Fast With Your Relationship?

7/6/2018

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Relationships are not a race! Read this contributed post to see if you doing things that might mean you are rushing yours.

When you think you’ve found the right person for your heart, your soulmate, it seems foolish to waste any more time. Indeed, when you are sure in your heart that you love your partner, you know that you need to act fast to move your relationship to the next level. Right? Well, in reality, you want to be cautious. Going too fast could be damaging for your couple. Of course, it’s a good thing to be enthusiastic about your relationship. But you need to make sure that you’re not rushing things faster than they should go. Both partners need time to establish themselves in a relationship, so that if you choose to speed up things too abruptly, your partner might feel like you’re stepping on their toes. While there’s no saying how fast is too fast, there are certain signs that can help you to adjust your pace to your partner’s.

gold wedding rings with heart shaped box, red heart ring box, wedding rings

Have A Serious Conversation About Your Future Before You Get Engaged

Meeting is not the same than getting to know someone

Love at first sight is an aberration. Of course, you might meet someone you find interesting, but it’s impossible to know them and appreciate them for who they are when you’ve just met. The same argument is valid for online dating tools, such as Grindr for PC and Mac. Take the time to get to know someone before you allow yourself to think you’re in love. The process of understanding someone takes time and effort, but it is worth every second of it. As you do, you can get to grow your feelings for each other and create new memories. In short, if you fall in love at first sight, you are already going to fast!

How long before you should pop the question?

Relationships take work all the time. While it doesn’t mean it’s hard work, it would also be a mistake to take your couple for granted. But as you work to make your couple grow, you might come to realize that you want the spend the rest of your life with that person. You want the house, the children and the pet that goes with it. You are ready for the full package. There is no right or wrong as to when you should pop the question, but you need to make sure your partner is on the same page. In other words, it doesn’t help to plan an engagement proposal if you haven’t had a serious conversation about your future first.

Are you actually going to hurt yourself?

Are you so exciting about your relationship that you may not notice that you’re acting a little over the top? For instance, if you find yourself celebrating weekly anniversaries, then you might put your partner in an awkward position. OTT romantic gestures can be risky at the beginning of your relationship, especially as it can be used as a manipulation tool by an unscrupulous partner. Additionally, if your relationship isolates you from your circle of friends and relatives, it’s time to slow down and try to make it work in the real world.

In conclusion, the secret to a happy relationship is to go steady instead of fast. Taking the time to know and understand each other without creating overly romantic settings from Day One is the secret of making it work in the long term.

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