Are you tired of being on the singles train? Read 5 great tips to help you find the partner you desire.
Are you forever standing alone on the (figurative) platform while all around you, other people are holding hands, embracing one another, and gazing at each other with nothing but love?
Do you feel as if you are on the track to a life alone instead of a life with another?
We have some advice in this article if so, as you don't have to resign yourself to a one-way journey to singledom forever.
Consider the following suggestions, and let them lead you to more dates, the possibility of romance, and ultimately, the final destination that is marriage (if that is what you are looking for).
#1: Give online dating a go
Chances are, you have probably tried online dating already. Especially if you are living a busy lifestyle, or if you are uncomfortable mingling with others in bars and clubs, online dating is a relatively easy way to see who is out there. From websites such as Match.com and Elite Singles to dating apps such as Tinder and OkCupid, there are all kinds of online avenues to explore. So, if you haven't already done so, give it a go and use these profile tips to give you greater opportunities for success when registering with a site or app online. And if you are already online, but haven't had a lot of success thus far, you might also use the linked tips to improve your online profile.
#2: Be courageous and talk to people
Sometimes, you need to instigate a connection with another person. This can be done online, but remember too that you are surrounded by people on a daily basis. It could be somebody sitting opposite you on your train journey to work. It could be a colleague sitting in the next cubicle to you at the office. And it might be somebody browsing the books you like when you're next at your local bookstore. Rather than staying silent, and wishing you had the courage to open your mouth to the people you find attractive, actually say something. Just say hello, or ask them how their day is going. Should they reply, a conversation might start to flow, and while it might lead nowhere, it might also open up opportunities for further things.
So, think about the people you might already know or see regularly and plan to speak to them the next time you're around them. Perhaps role-play conversations with a trusted friend if you lack confidence in what to say, and consider using mobile chat lines to hone your communication skills with others. Of course, with this latter idea, you might use also chat lines to find romance too, so check out the previous link for some useful tips.
#3: Attend local Meetup groups
Not only are local Meetup groups a great way to meet new people, but they also afford you the opportunity to meet the people who are into the same hobbies as you are. And by having common interests, you shouldn't have too much difficulty instigating and having conversations with others, as you should both have much to talk about. Visit Meetup.com for local hobby groups in your area, or use the platform to start a group of your own.
#4: Let other people play matchmaker
Think about the people who know you the best, and ask them to recommend or introduce you to other people they know who might be a good fit for you. And to make life easier for you, perhaps ask your friends or family members to invite you both to a social gathering where you will be able to meet and talk to each other in a natural and easy-going setting. You might then hit it off with that other person and arrange a time to spend more time together away from the company of others.
#5: Find other ways to meet people with shared interests
If you have a particular passion for a local cause, you might want to volunteer at a charity group near you. If you are a fan of a particular movie, TV show, or music group, you might want to visit the appropriate fan conventions. And if you have always wanted to go back to school to learn something new, you might want to register for courses at a college near you. These are just some of the ways to be with people who have similar interests to you, and these are just some of the places where you might then find the courage to talk to the people you find interesting and attractive.
So, what do you think? Are these ideas useful to you? By following our suggestions, you might finally have the opportunity to hop off the singles train and into the arms of somebody new. And hey, even if you don't, you might still make new friends, and they could lead you into the path of the person who could be 'the one' for you.
Read 5 confidence building tips to help you boost your confidence in no time at all!
Sometimes our confidence levels can take a bit of a knock. It might be in the workplace, at home or in a relationship. When confidence is at its lowest, it can often have you feeling down and even feeling symptoms of low mood and anxiety as you start to question your actions and life choices. Sometimes we don’t even realise that our confidence has taken a knock, and this can start to have a negative impact on our lifestyles.
However, confidence is one of those things that is taught and isn’t a natural aspect of who you are. We have to realise that we can always build ourselves back up, whether that means feeling confident in the workplace or generally making more positive choices in our life that can give us the push to move forward. So if you feel that your confidence is at an all time low then don’t despair, try these techniques that could have you boosting your confidence in no time at all.
It is all in the mind
When it comes to confidence, it is important to understand that a lot of what you feel is in your mind. You are controlling your thoughts and therefore if you feel anxious and unconfident then what you are thinking is playing a vital role in that. Switch the thought process around and start thinking positive and confident. Even if it does feel like you are faking it. It can make a world of difference to how you act and eventually you will believe in yourself more and have the confidence. What we feel can be portrayed into thoughts, what we think can then be turned into actions, so it is important to start managing your emotions and feelings from wishing, which in turn can help you to change your mindset. It is time to think about what you want to feel and not be controlled by it.
Think about what you wear
When it comes to the clothes you wear, think about how you wear them and dress to your body shape but also dress for the occasion. You may be surprised to read that actually having clothes that not only enable you to suit your personality, but also work within the environment, can give you a huge boost in your confidence. This is especially important if you have a particular routine and a certain type of attire to wear each day, such as heading to work. Take a high powered sales job,for example, you may want to look into wearing custom high end mens suits so that you feel able to approach the situation. This can then give you confidence because you know that you look the part. Feeling good in the clothes that you're in can instantly lift your confidence levels.
Put on a happy face
It may sound very simple but just put on your happy face and smile. Smiling can work wonders for your confidence and as you smile out and about you will begin to notice that the world will smile along with you. This can then help you to feel better about life and change your outlook from a negative one into a positive one. Sometimes this simple action can actually be one of the hardest things to do each day, so it is understandable that if at first you start to struggle with the mentality of just smiling. Even when you feel scared, anxious and afraid to do so. However, it is all to do with mindset, and the action can help turn a negative situation into a positive. Faking it until it starts to feel more natural.
Take better care of yourself
Sometimes it can mean that your just need to take better care of yourself when it comes to your appearance and also how you feel. From exercising more regularly and eating the right things, to getting a good night's sleep and spending tie with people that make you feel good rather than bring you down.
Celebrate the victories and small wins
Finally, don’t forget to celebrate the victories and the small wins that you will have daily. It may sound crazy, but celebrating the fact that you did well in something can boost your confidence to feel better about life in general. The small win might just be getting through a hard day at work, walking somewhere or completing a project on time, but they are your victories to celebrate. Being your own champion can really help boost confidence levels.
Let’s hope that these tips help you to start boosting your confidence levels.
Breaking up doesn't have to break you!
Learn 7 tips to help you rebuild your confidence after a break up.
The breakdown of a long-term relationship is never pleasant. Some relationships have a better ending than others, with agreement, mature decision making and amicable reasoning. Perhaps even lasting friendships. While others are messy. There’s arguments, custody battles, disagreements over money, property and possessions. Of course, there are also breakups that aren’t mutual. Where one part is shocked and considerably more hurt than the other.
However your relationship has ended; it’s a significant change. You have to get used to living your life without that person by your side. You might have to learn how to do things for yourself, and simply how to be alone. A messy breakup might also mean that you are dealing with feelings of hurt and anger. The emotions that we go through during a breakup are very similar to those of grief, and why shouldn’t they be? A part of your life is over, and it very much feels like something has died.
This can have a huge effect on your confidence, which can be even worse If you’ve been dumped. Feeling lost, and like you don’t know how to live alone can be terrible for your self-esteem. But, it doesn’t have to be. There’s nothing to stop you coming out of a relationship strong, confident and eager to meet new challenges. Here are some tips to help you rebuild your confidence.
Get the Hard Stuff Out of the Way
Part of why breakups are so upsetting isn’t the breakup itself but all of the things that come with it. Hunter Perret talks about the difficulties of telling parents and in-laws. You might have to break the news to friends and even children. You might have to have difficult conversations about legal proceedings, dividing assets and other practicalities of moving on.
It can be tempting to put these problematic tasks off until you are feeling better. But, you’ll struggle to do that while they are hanging over you. Looming as something that needs to be done. Generally, the anxiety that we feel before we do something unpleasant is worse than actually doing it. So, make a list of what needs to be done and get on with it. Only then will you be free to heel and move forward.
Get Out of Bed
You might feel as though all you can do is hide under your duvet and cry, which once or twice is fine. A good cry can help you to exorcise some of your emotions and start to process. But, at some point, you need to draw a line under your wallowing and get out of bed. Set an alarm and leave your phone in another room so that you have to get up to turn it off. Then, start your day. Go to work if you need to. If not, head to the gym or into town for lunch. Getting out and about can be a huge mood boost, even if you have to force yourself to do it.
When you’ve been hurt by someone you love, you need a little TLC. Your friends and family might offer comfort and support, but if you want a confidence boost on top, spoiling yourself can be the answer. Treat yourself to some new clothes or a fancy lunch. Book an appointment at the salon or get a massage. Just spend some time watching your favorite TV show with snacks and drinks if that’s what makes you feel good.
Exercise is probably one of the best confidence boosts going. It helps you to feel as though you are taking control and doing something good for yourself. While also releasing serotonin and adrenaline which will improve your mood. Go for a run, head to the gym, take a class or just start going for walks once a day and you’ll soon start to feel good about yourself.
Take Care of Yourself
When you’re sad, it’s only too easy to neglect your needs. Are you eating well, getting plenty of sleep and spending time with your loved ones? If your relationship has been on the rocks for a while, it’s possible that your needs have been neglected for a long time. Start taking care of yourself, giving your body and mind what they need to stay healthy.
Find Out Who Single You Is
You won’t be the same person as you were when you first met your partner, especially if you’ve been together for a long time. But, you might not be who you were when you were with them either. Our hobbies and interests often change to fit with each other. So, take some time to learn more about who you are on your own. Try new hobbies, watch new TV shows, make new friends and think about what you enjoy doing.
Make a Plan
Making plans for your future can help you to see that you’ve got one. Plan a holiday, or write a list of places that you’d like to visit in the future. Set yourself fitness goals, or even book a big event like a race so that you’ve got something to build towards. It could also be a great time to tackle some jobs around the house, or even take on a big move. Start some DIY, and redecorating, to turn your home into your own.
It’s also a great time to focus on your career. Sit down with your manager, or set yourself some goals going forward. You might even want to make a five-year plan, or start planning something big like a career change or starting your own business.
While all of these things will help you to grow, and to become more confident, that doesn’t mean that you have to feel better straight away. Grieving for a relationship is ok. It’s alright to be sad, and it’s absolutely fine to have setbacks and sad days even when you are starting to feel better. Rebuild your confidence and find ways to help yourself to feel better, but don’t put pressure on yourself. If you feel sad, let yourself be sad. Just don’t let these negative feelings take over your life.
Your opinion matters. Read more to learn how to make sure your voice is heard in your relationship.
While relationships are a place to love that person and share life with them, they can run on power dynamics over time. There’s usually one person who takes charge, or who is meant to at least. Sometimes, it’s a pure democracy. Ideally, both are assertive in their own manner, and is willing to discuss anything with the other person. This is why people often say ‘opposites attract,’ because if you imagine two puzzle pieces fitting together snugly, you need one person of a certain shape to best connect to someone of another.
However, it might be that despite being an assertive person, you usually err too much on the side of the ‘democratic ideal’ whenever you’re connected to someone in this manner. It might be that learning techniques to be more ‘positively assertive,’ can be more than worthwhile, and help the relationship flourish once more. We’re not talking of the need to boss the other around, because that will only breed animosity. Rather, it’s important to consider how you could be more playful, decide more things, and perhaps actualize yourself more in the relationship instead of letting the other do all the work.
Here’s what that might look like:
A Token Of Appreciation
Words can often be a great idea when trying to communicate your love, but often, actions speak louder. A token of appreciation could be many things, but for the most part, it is best embodied in gifts and experiences. For example, check out Tacori’s limited edition jewelry collection to ensure your partner feels amazing during their upcoming birthday celebrations. Something handcrafted can often work brilliantly too, as it emphasizes someone willing and ready to work on the love you both share. Simply giving a gift, sometimes at random, sometimes in a targeted fashion can show you’re always willing to win their approval and know that even after marriage, sweeping them off their feet is never a finished thing.
Often, the worst thing to say is ‘I don’t know, what do you want to do?’ It might be that your partner is tired of choosing where you eat, what movie you see, or what you do for the evening. Being a little more assertive and actually more truthful to that you wish to do can help you take charge, and that’s exciting for the other person. After all, they want to know what helps you enjoy life, and they wish to share your personality. If you leave everything up to them, you’ll struggle to make any progress at all.
Don’t Skirt Around Topics
It can often be quite easy to just jump around topics and sweep them under the rug. But actually, being more assertive means tackling them head-on. Perhaps your partner embarrassed you in front of their friends, and you wish to let them know you don’t appreciate that. Perhaps you are tired of always doing something their way. Perhaps you want them to help out more around the house. If you bottle feelings, you’re just going to have them explode out later in an unhealthy manner. To this end, you might find yourself worried. It’s always best to just communicate well. This way, bad relationships will end and good relationships will bloom.
With these tips, you’re sure to be more positively assertive in your relationships.
Are you in a possible toxic relationship?
Are you looking to help someone who is in a toxic relationship? What is a toxic relationship?
Learn more in this contributed post.
The compulsion to explore whether you’re in a toxic relationship could be due to; your own perception of your relationship or your concern over someone else's, the suggestion by another that you are in a bad relationship without your awareness, or even the thought that you may be the perpetrator, the victim or that both of you in the relationship are accomplices in being abusive to one another. This post sets the foundation for how we can stop violence against women and men, by gaining an understanding of how we interpret toxic relationships, identifying some of the common mechanisms of an abusive relationship, to having faith in your own self-awareness and taking steps to prevent, stop abuse or leave a relationship entirely.
How Do We Determine A Toxic Relationship?
For a person to define a relationship as healthy or toxic, is for a person to judge based on their own morals, values, beliefs and their acceptance of the law that governs their state to determine what is proper behavior and actions in a relationship and what is wrong. However, no two peoples beliefs, values, upbringing and experience of seeing and being in relationships are exactly the same. Furthermore, toxicity doesn’t arrive wrapped in the same packaging for everyone to define it as something that’s immediately obvious. It creeps up in all shapes and forms, sometimes unnoticed such as the gaslighting effect, manipulation, and mind games other times tragically obvious, such as forcing substance misuse, murdering or raping of a partner. In other cases, it’s difficult for someone who is prone to being the victim, to see that they might also contribute in being abusive themselves. For some of the signs that distinguish whether you may be involved in a bad relationship, preview the next section.
Common Traits Of Toxic Relationships
Part of this post is to explore beyond the us and them view, “they are the abusers, and I am the victim,” it’s also to create a sense of self-awareness on whether we may unknowingly actually be abusive ourselves. By previewing the signs below, this may trigger whether you may be the culprit, accomplice or victim of a toxic relationship.
This is a non-exhaustive list of how abuse might occur between two people.
Self Awareness In Relationships
With the above mentioned it may be difficult to define whether some of these situations you have endured could be interpreted as abuse, or you may convince yourself that although some of the above mentioned may have happened in your relationship, that they’re not severe and won’t lead to any other toxic behavior. When we’re in a relationship, it’s difficult for us to see things objectively. Moreover, when we’re outside of a relationship, we may fail to see the whole picture and what actually occurs behind doors. However, if you feel you may be inflicting or have inflicted harm on someone else you can seek professional help to prevent violence in your relationship and any issues escalating into irreparable damage that could affect you or another person both physically and psychologically. Never doubt your feelings if you think you are being mistreated, or that you are hurting someone close to you. Your emotions and gut instinct will give you an indication that something isn’t right in your relationship. To prevent falling victim to or being part of the abusive pattern in your relationships, there are preventative measures that can be taken.
Don’t make way for abusive behavior by consciously pushing your moral boundaries back to allow for abuse. Don’t discount your feelings towards abuse as unimportant. Don’t fall into an oblivion of believing normalized abuse portrayed by the media on tv, films and social media is what love entails. Protect yourself as you would your own children, be protective of your mind and body and seek family, friends and professional support from organizations such as https://www.thehotline.org/help/ to enable you to take steps to solve or end your relationship problems. More than anything, don’t wait and hope it won’t happen again.
Are you lacking confidence in relationships?
Read 5 tips that can help you be more confident in this contributed post.
Being self-confident in a relationship is not always easy, especially if you have been hurt in one before. Being self-confident can improve a relationship though as well as being better for your overall well being. Life throws enough stresses at us without you worry about the state of your relationship.
Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy
No one will make you feel more worthless than you. You should value your own worth, as this will make you feel and look better. If it helps, have a new hairstyle or change the color of your hair. Anything that helps you feel more confident is good. It is very easy to be your own worst enemy and that has to stop right now!
Be An Individual
You should not let yourself become an extension of your partner. You are an individual with your own dreams and aspirations. People who have lived on their own for a while are often better at this because they are used to considering just themselves. Although no one would ever suggest you should be selfish, you do sometimes have to put yourself first.
It can be great if you have a shared interest, but it is also good to have an interest of your own. Apart from keeping you mixing with other people, it is something else for the pair of you to discuss.
You should also make sure you stay in touch with friends that you knew before you met your partner. It may well be that they socialize with both of you, but you should still have an occasional evening for just you and your friends.
Tell your partner a secret about yourself that no one else knows. Sharing secrets or things you are ashamed of from your past can help to establish a feeling of intimacy between you. Self-disclosure can help to build your confidence in each other. For instance, if in the past a sex therapist has helped you over a problem, or you once dated someone who turned out to be a drug taker and you almost got involved in them too, your partner will be pleased that your problems were solved and that you have the confidence in them to be honest about your past.
Don’t Settle For Second Best
Do not let your self-esteem drop so low that you put up with someone who is constantly criticizing you and does not show you any respect. Manners cost nothing and there is no excuse for them behaving in this way. You deserve better than this, so don’t settle for second best. Walk away from the relationship, as there is no doubt that someone better will come along one day. Yes, it can be hard, but it will benefit you both in the long-term.
Make sure you have fun together sometimes at least. Laughing together is a great help for any relationship, and yours will be no different. It could be at a film you are watching or maybe playing some sort of game. Having a fun element in any relationship is vitally important if it is to succeed.
How to talk to your teenager about sex, love and romance? Read more in this contributed post.
Parents everywhere know exactly what it means to dread their kids growing into teenagers. Firstly, they remember what it was like for them to be teenagers. They remember the angst, the insecurity and the desperate need to fit in with the crowd. They know that their teenagers have all this to come and today, it’s so different compared to a few years ago. The world has changed so much when it comes to sex and relationships and this is not a bad thing. More complicated, perhaps, but not a bad thing.
Same sex relationships two decades ago were not as openly spoken about compared to today. Romance and sex wasn’t splashed across social media for all to see. The ‘selfie’ in the smartphone era had not yet been invented for people to critique and roast online. Life and love and relationships are entirely different now. Asking a girl or boy to go out to the school disco is easy to discuss for some parents, whilst trying to advise on a chat with gay guys may be a little harder to do. It’s not ignorance; it’s just not the same as it was before. However, we now live in a time where parents are swotting up on how things work for teenagers today and not basing how they talk about sex, love and romance on wooing each other back in the Eighties. Times have changed, but talking about healthy relationships and self-respect hasn’t.
Teenagers now are still full of angst and uncertainty and it’s important that they know that you are going to be open, non-judgemental and there for them when they need you. Broaching the subject? That’s not the easy part, because teenagers don’t want to talk about themselves directly. However, as a parent you can figure out their favourite series or film and discuss the dynamics of those relationships instead and talk about the red flags to watch for in terms of gaslighting and abuse, which are very much talked about today. Teenagers need to hear that they are worthy of themselves as they are, that they don’t need to be pressured into sex when they know that they can pace themselves until they are ready. They also need to hear that their feelings are valid and valued, and that those friends who don’t listen to those feelings aren’t friends to be worrying about.
Sex and love are both a normal part of life, and the more you broach this subject with your teenagers, the easier it will be to get it through to them that they are in charge of their own bodies and feelings. It’s okay to love whoever they want to love, have sex when they feel ready and not pushed - and SAFELY - and you will be there for them no matter what. Teenagers will make their mistakes: we all have, and as long as they know that you are going to be a shoulder to cry on, a non-judgemental ear to talk to and a safe haven, you can be confident that they will do their best to make good choices.
5 dating tips to help you find love in your twenties and thirties are explored in this contributed post.
There will come a time in your life, it could be now, in your late twenties, thirties…. where you finally want to find someone who can settle down with you for life. Finding the love of your life is no mean feat and it will involve a lot of dedication and searching, but when you do, you’ll be treated to a relationship full of love and laughter.
It is always the first thing people will say when you come to looking for dates, but it is true. If you try to be someone else on a first date to impress someone you aren’t letting your real personality out and this can have a massive effect on your ability to find someone right for you. You want someone who loves you for all of your quirks and despite all of your floors. Be yourself and this will allow you to find them.
Don’t force it
If you think a date is going ok but you don’t feel any sort of romantic spark, this doesn’t mean you have to carry on stringing it along for a while to try and find that fizz of attraction. When it comes to love, when you know you just know. Don’t force a feeling of attraction and affection on yourself and someone else because it simply won’t work. If you wait long enough you will eventually find that special someone.
If you struggle to get the confidence to talk to new people in person, you can always try to speak to people on the phone on a service such as Fonochatlatino.com or online on a dating app first. It might seem a little pointless but it will build up your confidence and it will allow you to meet and speak to a whole range of different people. You can share a common interest and learn how best to keep a conversation flowing ready for a real date.
Go to parties
If you never leave the house you will never find the one. If your friends ask you out for a night out or to a party, just say yes. You never know when your missing link will show up to an event and it can take you a long time to find them if you never go out in public. Get out there and allow people to approach you for a chat and see if any sparks happen to fly.
Don’t worry about commitment
Commitment is a big buzzword with relationships and of course everyone eventually wants to be able to commit to the right person. However, when you start to date people just go with the flow, don’t think about the long term until you can see it going somewhere and just enjoy the present moment with your new love. If it is meant to be it will be, and if not, you can learn from the experience for your next relationship. Learning and using your past experiences is a good way to find the one for you.
Are you shy and don't feel comfortable dating?
Read this contributed post which has 4 dating tips for shy guys who want to overcome their dating anxiety.
There’s a common misconception that being shy has to get in the way of and ruin your dating life when that isn’t the case. Being shy doesn’t have to impact your dating success or be seen as a bad thing - we each have our own, very unique personalities and if being shy is part of yours, you need to learn to make it work for you.
Perhaps you don’t know how to talk to people who you’re attracted to? Maybe you’ve tried to make a relationship work in the past while hiding your feelings and it’s all ended in one big mess? What it’s important to remember is that your shyness is not your whole identity, it’s just one part of who you are as a person.
The good news is that if you take note of the tips below, you can make dating that little bit easier (and more enjoyable) for yourself.
Understand that just because you’re attracted to someone that doesn’t mean they’re not a normal person
Regardless of how attractive someone is, they are just normal people. That’s the thing to remember because there’s no need to be shy when talking to just another person, is there? Picture this, you’re in a supermarket, you see someone cute in the aisle but are lost for words about how to introduce yourself, but when you’re at the counter with the cashier you’re happy to chat away. These two people are no different from each other - that’s what you need to understand.
Make friends who are extroverts
You’re an introvert and that’s cool but make friends with people who are extroverts. Studies have shown that it’s easier to relax when you’re around louder people who like to be the centre of attention because that takes the pressure off of you. You’ll find chatting with people that you’re attracted to, far easier in this kind of setting.
To build confidence in yourself, spend some time online dating and using services like https://www.guyspyvoice.com/phone-free-trial/gay-male-chat-coverage to meet people. Dating can be daunting but the more people you chat to, either online or over the phone, the more your confidence should grow. As your confidence grows, you should start to feel less shy when it comes to talking to people who you’re attracted to.
Let go of the bad
If you've had bad dating experiences in the past, you need to stop holding onto them and let them go. If you don’t let go of the bad experiences that you’ve had, they will haunt your dating life forever and make you shyer than you were before. It’s important to realise that everyone has bad dating experiences but that they don’t have to define your future of dating.
When you’re a shy guy, dating is not always an easy task, but if you take note of the tips above and implement them in how you date, you can make landing yourself a partner a slightly easier task.
In my book “Mastering The Emotional Needs of Men: Ally vs. Enemy” I teach that one of the Emotional Needs of men is Masculine Identity.
This is how each individual man defines his own masculinity.
An Emotional Need is what a person emotionally responds to, NOT what they think.
This means that while a man might intellectually understand that he is more than just his hair, his emotional reaction can cause him to withdraw or lose his sense of confidence from hair loss.
For many men, having hair is part of their Masculine Identity Emotional Need.
When Monty had hair he never cared what people thought about him. He was confident, arrogant, willing to make the first move, and loved to pursue women. He was envied by men, and sought after by women. He was sure of his Masculine Identity.
After his hair loss, Monty felt like he didn’t know himself anymore.
He became afraid, as he was convinced that people were looking at him, talking about him, and laughing at him. He could hardly bring himself to leave his home because of his fears. He felt that he had lost his Masculine Identity with the loss of his hair.
Now let’s go back to your story. How does this relate to YOU? You are attracted to Suzie and would like her to go out on a coffee date with you, but fear your genetic predisposition to male pattern baldness or total hair loss will keep you out of the running.
THE TRUTH IS THIS:
It was not Monty's hair loss that caused him to lack confidence, just like it is not about your receding hairline that is stopping you from asking Suzie out.
It does not matter that Monty had a reputation for being a “ladies man” and the experience to back it up.
It does not matter what you have going for you.
If you have a hard time accepting yourself, it will be even harder for you to put yourself out there and risk rejection, when you express your interest in someone who might not want you back.
Women Who Reject Balding Men
Are there women who find balding men less attractive?
There are also women who say that bald men are sexy.
There are studies that show that some women prefer balding men, and other studies that show that women love a man with a full head of hair. Many of these studies are tied into selling products, so buyers beware.
No matter what the issue is: whether it is baldness, height, weight, finances, etc. there will be women who love it, women who are not bothered either way as long as their other criteria are met (sense of humour, honesty etc.), and there are women who will hate it to the point where no matter what else you have going for you, it will never be enough to compensate for what you are “lacking” in their eyes.
In my program, “The Art of Calibration Program: From Creepy To Charisma”
I discuss this concept and assign a percentage to make it easier to understand.
So now to explain further, we will examine the topic of hair loss in men and apply randomly chosen percentages of 15%, 70% and 15%.
For the 15% of women out there who love bald or balding men:
There is nothing for you to worry about. These women are ready to love you for the way you look right now. Be enthusiastic to meet them, and when you do focus on addressing her Emotional Needs.
At the same time, you will be challenging her to address your Emotional Needs as a man.
The women that already were attracted to Monty loved him for being Monty (not because of his hair) and would have continued to want him if Monty had only continued to purse them.
Just like if Suzie already likes you, then all you have to do is make your move and ask her out.
For the 70% of women who are neutral about bald or balding men:
This is the group that you can influence the most.
They will look to you to set the example of how you want to be treated.
If you fully accept yourself and you ACT like your hair condition (whatever it may be) is not an issue for you, they will follow your example, and not make it an issue for them.
If however you do not fully accept yourself, and act like your hair loss is a big issue, they will also react to you as if it were a big issue.
Monty would have lost this group and it would not have been because they cared about his hair. Monty let his hair loss affect him so much, it was to the the point that he was no longer open to female attention, and the women picked up on that message.
That is why he would have lost this group.
Just like YOU who are too preoccupied with your thinning hairline!
Suzie is going to sense that you are not really present with her, and she is going to feel (your lack of being present) enough not to go on a date with you, if you ask her.
For the 15% of women who already dislike bald or balding men:
Your best bet with this group is to cut your losses and move on.
The person Monty was before his hair loss never cared what this group of women thought because he was too focused on having fun with the 85% (15% plus 75%) of women out there (the majority) that either already liked him, or that he could influence into liking him for a date!
He didn’t care about the women that would never accept him, until he reached a crisis moment in his life where HE stopped accepting himself.
If Suzie (or any other woman) really hates bald or balding men balding, then it is best to find out as soon as possible. Move on to someone who either loves it, or is neutral about it.
Never is the real issue hair loss, or going bald, or considering yourself to be the newest member of the follically challenged community.
The issue is NOT your hair loss.
The issue is how you deal with it that matters.
Dealing With Going Bald
The Franktalks.com coaching philosophy is this:
IF THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF
THAT YOU DO NOT LIKE
YOU MUST OWN IT
To OWN it, means to either:
A) Accept it as part of who you are. If it is not going to change, work around it as best you can and do what you want to do with as little compromise as possible
B) Do something directly about it to change it.
A) Accepting Hair Loss
Accepting hair loss comes in different forms:
For some men accepting hair loss means learning to be okay with it, accepting the fact that some women will have a problem with it, and being okay with that.
For some men, accepting hair loss means they shave their heads and feel they are taking an assertive step towards the situation, rather than let the hair loss and possibly eventual balding happen on it's own.
For some men, accepting hair loss means never letting it stop them from doing the things they would have done if they had the hair.
Hair loss is an opportunity to self-actualize (self reflection) of what going bald means to you.
If hair loss or going bald means that you see yourself as no longer young, virile, or adept at attracting women, it will influence the way you feel about yourself, likely in a negative way.
The way you feel about yourself is a key element in the world of attracting a partner.
If hair loss or going bald holds a different meaning for you such as:
*The privilege of growing older (When you appreciate your age as you begin to attend funerals of those close to your age)
*A sign of wisdom that comes with maturity
*You just don’t have to care anymore what other people think about anything you do.
It will influence the way you feel about yourself, most likely in a very positive way.
The way you feel about yourself is a key element in the world of attracting a partner.
Being okay with something by not letting it turn into a problem that hinders you from doing the things you want to do with your life.
By accepting you find a way to get your needs met, even if you cannot have everything you want.
It has nothing to do with giving up.
B) Making Some Changes
If you have accepted that this is your situation, and instead of working around it, you want to try to change your situation, the next step is to look at the options available to you.
This requires research and some experimenting to find what works for you. Just as not every person can follow the same diet plan, not every person will want to follow the same hair loss solution.
There are many causes of hair loss, and one possible cause is stress. If you feel that your hair loss is from stress, it may be time to re-evaluate your lifestyle and seek ways to make it less stressful.
This might mean some sacrifices that you did not anticipate making.
For example: It might mean a change of employment for you to something less stressful, but that also might mean a drastic pay cut. Looking at hair loss causes is just one step in the process. This is one possible solution if you are suffering hair loss from stress.
Next, have a look at other solutions that may work for you. Some men opt to wear a wig, an artificial hair piece (toupee), or other methods.
When it comes right down to it, the opinions of others do not matter (including the opinion of this author). What matters is that YOU are comfortable with the solution you seek, and you are comfortable with the risks of being exposed if you keep some of these methods a secret.
Currently there is no cure for baldness (at least none that I know of, and if someone reading this article has knowledge of such, please leave a comment to share that knowledge with men who may want it.)
Knowledge Is Power
Do NOT be in denial of what is happening to you.
Denial instead of acceptance tends to lead to poor choices. Denial of any issue that is affecting a man's emotional well being will cause him to make questionable decisions in many areas of his life, including what to do about hair loss.
A man works a job in an area of industry that is declining. He is in denial about the longevity of his employment. He decides to increase his expenses and in turn acquires debt. Contrast this with another man who also works a job in an area of industry that is declining, but who has accepted the truth of his situation. He wisely curbs his spending while seeking out knowledge on alternative sources of income.
Your inability to cope with your hair loss will result in your eventual violation of a woman’s Emotional Needs.
The longer you date the same woman, the more she will get to know the real you. At that point, the truth will be harder to deny.
The truth about your hair loss is sure to come up and she will be concerned that you kept the truth from her. This may make her wonder what else you are not telling her.
The issue is trust not hair loss.
How To Make Balding Look Good
If you are in the position where you are in the process of balding, whether you have vertex baldness, a receding hairline, or you are anticipating hair loss and want to take proactive self-care steps,
there is nothing wrong with seeking out some advice on the subject.
Hair loss and confidence are tied together for many men who see it as part of their Masculine Identity emotional need.
True confidence develops as a result of the actions you take.
If your appearance is what you are worried about
(and you consider your hair to be part of your appearance)
then take action!
Put work into your overall appearance.
Look your best and carry yourself in a way
that displays your pride.
There have been studies done on men’s online dating profile photos. The studies found that the photos of men, which received the MOST likes, were the photos in which the men expressed PRIDE in their faces.
The facial expression of feeling proud was interpreted as CONFIDENCE.
For over 15 years I have coached men about dating and relationships. In that time the message that I have received over and over again is that men really do not feel they should ask for help.
It is part of many male cultures to be an independent achiever. What we as men must remember is that even the most accomplished men have a team of coaches, mentors and advisers.
Clients who have taken action and asked for help have achieved great success in their lives.
In 90 days Adult Male Virgins who were never able to admit they even had problems with sex and dating, found themselves with multiple girlfriends!
They found confidence through their actions. They developed pride in their appearance (and yes many of these men did have hair loss concerns).
If YOU are embarrassed about your thinning hair, don’t be.
Take action! Ignoring what is happening to your hair, and being in denial does not help you in the long term.
The worse thing you can do is try to hide your concerns,
and end up trying untested methods
which could harm your remaining hair,
and possibly your health.
Accept your hair loss situation.
Love yourself regardless of it.
Be PROUD of your appearance as it is,
and know that you can do something about it
if you want to change it.
Seek out some those who can help you
to keep your confidence up.
It took a little longer than expected, but with the proper coaching and guidance Monty was willing to go out in public again.
Eventually he remembered everything that he still had going for him before he lost all of his hair. Monty took action and found the pride in himself that he had lost.
He even went back to his playboy lifestyle for a time until he met a woman he really adored. The married and today they have a family together.
Monty now plans to teach his son everything he learned.
Now back to YOU.
Do you want to take action?
Find your PRIDE and CONFIDENCE.
Work on what is holding you back
and find the confidence to ask out your "Suzie"
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