Dating Dilemmas 79, this is Frank Kermit's 120th appearance on Passion radio program. Airs on Montreal CJAD 800 's and Toronto Newstalk 1010 CFRB. Frank Kermit joins producer and host Dr Laurie Betito and Fritz-Gerald of Elite Speed Dating to talk about the Dating Dilemmas people face. What does a person go through starting over when dating? How does a person get over an ex, or move on from a break up? Is it good to get right back out there and date after a break up? What is some good speed dating advice? How does a person get over unrequited love? When your ex starts to date someone else before you do? Montreal, Toronto and Nova Scotia
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This is a contributed post. Embarking on a new relationship is always exciting. But, it can also lead to anxiety. You don’t know the other person yet, so it’s easy to misinterpret their actions and intentions. Through all the excitement, you may start feeling you don’t know where you stand. You may worry that the other person isn’t on the same page as you. And, you can’t ask without putting undue pressure on things. Besides, what’s to say they wouldn’t lie? If the other person lets you down or acts in a way you don't understand, it might be a sign that things aren't right. If you’re worried that falling in love is about to fall apart, it’s important you keep your head about you. But, how can you do that? Start by thinking about whether your expectations are leading to disappointments. If the issue is that he keeps standing you up, or doesn’t message for weeks on end, your suspicions may be right. But, if your disappointments are more abstract, it may be a case of expectation getting in the way. In a world filled with love stories, it’s normal to have certain expectations. But, remember that love doesn’t work like it does in the movies. Things aren’t that straight cut. He may not shower you with affection or buy you expensive jewelry, but that doesn’t mean he’s not into you. It’s also important to note that things don’t always move as fast as they do on television or films. Don’t worry if he takes a while to tell you he loves you. Real love takes a while to blossom. On average, most couples don’t get to that stage until 4-6 months into the relationship. It’s also important to untangle your feelings. Falling in love can be a confusing experience. That in itself can lead to misunderstanding. If you’re picking holes in your guy, it might be that you don’t feel the way you think you do. At the same time, if you’re too involved, you may become confused because he isn’t acting the same. In short, love can stop you from seeing things clearly. If you think that may be happening, turn to outside sources. Even if you don’t believe in horoscopes, take a look at pisces love information, or whatever your star sign is. The important thing here is to take note of how you react to what you read. If you jump on negative predictions, it's time to think about whether the relationship is worth pursuing. If you already expect the worst, there may not be a future for this guy. For the most part, the best way to decide whether a relationship is moving in the right direction is to listen to your heart. If you treat love like a checklist, you’re going to encounter problems. Every relationship is different because we are all different. Forget timelines and ideas of love. If this guy makes you feel good, he might be a keeper, irrelevant of how many boxes he ticks Protection of a Reputation: The most common emotional need
By Frank Kermit The protection of a reputation is one of the more common emotional needs that are shared by both men and women. Some emotional needs of women completely counter some of the emotional needs of men. There are other emotional needs that are better suited to one gender, which if active in the opposite gender could lead a person to seriously struggle on an emotional level. The protection of a reputation seems to be one of the emotional needs that can be very important to both men and women. In my practice, when I am teaching or explaining my emotional needs theories, the protection of a reputation is always the first I present. It is not because the protection of a reputation is the most important emotional need. In fact, which emotional needs take priority is a very subjective and individual undertaking. Although, as human beings we all have emotional needs, what we do not have in common is the importance that we each place on each emotional need we have. For one person an emotional need like protection of a reputation could be exceptionally high in value and importance. For another person, protection of a reputation may have little value. It really depends on things such as how important someone’s reputation as it regards their ability to make a living or find love. It can also depend on what stage a person is during their lifespan. For example, someone that is in a very public profiled career, the continued success of which is highly dependent on a solid reputation to keep him or her employed, is going to have a very high priority on the emotional need of the protection of a reputation. A different example is someone that makes a living in a way that would not be positively or negatively impacted by a ding to a reputation. That person will place a much lower importance on it. Just to be clear, I have often found that when helping people become more social, more attractive and even more seductive, that once they effectively learn to keep the protection of people’s reputations in mind, that it can occasionally be enough to weed out all the really unattractive traits a person may unknowingly exhibit. By using the “protect-a-rep” filter to modify their behaviors including what they say in private company, it helps to eliminate so many creepy behaviors that normally have would turned off potential partners. The protect-a-rep filter is simply is that powerful. A protected reputation is very powerful. It can speak for you when nothing else will. If you are ever accused of a wrongdoing, and you have no direct proof to prove your innocence, but have circumstantial evidence against you, what works strongly in your favor is a well-maintained reputation that will speak for you and help give you the benefit of the doubt. Depending on the circumstances, it could completely absolve you in the minds of the people around you. Here are some ways to protect your own reputation, as well as the reputation of others: 1-Be above reproach as much as possible, even when it may not be in your best interest. Don’t take bribes, don’t take advantage of someone’s good nature, and make every exchange you have with others be a value-for-value exchange. 2-When talking about an ex, never speak badly about an ex. It serves no purpose other than to expose your inability to choose people to date. Always focus on what it is you learned about yourself and about relationships in general. If your ex cheated on you, instead of saying that your ex was a cheating scum, focus on the fact that you learned you need to be more aware of reading red flags and that trust is a very important aspect for you in a relationship. 3-Learn how to answer questions that you would rather not, or should not have to, answer. Just because someone asks you a question about your private life or the private life of your lover, does not mean you are required to answer it. It is perfectly correct to say things like: “it is none of your business”, “I don’t talk about such things in public”, “that is a private matter”, “that is something I would only discuss with my partner”, “no comment”, “we are NOT having this conversation”, and if the person persists in breaking this expressed boundary, you can always terminate the communication with, “this conversation is over.” When you start to protect reputations, yours and the people you are connected with, you will find out very quickly who are the people that would use and abuse your trust, and who are the people that would appreciate your sense of privacy. Those that would use and abuse you will disappear from your life because they can no longer use you to get information to hurt both you, and the people you speak about. Those that would appreciate your sense of privacy are happy to respect the boundary and keep you in their lives, and maybe even share more of themselves with you in secret ways. Learn The Emotional Needs Mastery System The Mother-Lover Theory:
Understanding the Emotional Needs of Women By Frank Kermit A woman can only play one of two roles in a man's life. She is either his mother or his lover. She cannot be both. When a man addresses a woman's emotional needs, her mothering instinct is halted, and thus by default, she feels more of a pull to potentially being his lover. When a man violates a woman's emotional needs, her mothering instincts kick in, and she feels more mothering feelings towards him, and feels pushed away from potentially being his lover. For example, one of the emotional needs of a woman is the protection of her most important asset: her reputation. When a woman is around a man that hurts the reputation of other women when he is around her, she knows that she cannot fully let her guard down. She has to be the adult in the dynamic because the man is not mature enough to appreciate how un-calibrated (and possibly creepy) his behavior is. Since she feels the need to be the adult in the situation in order to make sure that she does not inadvertently say anything around him that he could repeat to others (in the same way he is speaking poorly about others in front of her), she is enacting a behavior that is akin to how a mother must be careful of her wording, least an infant repeats her words in an inappropriate manner. When a man actively presents himself as a gentleman that does not kiss and tell, and that does not speak disparagingly of other women in front of her, she can let her guard down enough to feel comfortable with him to the point of being intimate with him, knowing her reputation will not be in any way tarnished by him. She does not have to be akin to a mother afraid of what an infant will repeat, because she recognizes that she is dealing with a man, not a little boy, that is mature enough for her to enter into mature relations with. Male friends of women, specially those men that are in love with their women friends, but their women friends refuse to date them have actually violated her emotional needs. This is WHY male friends have been banished into the sexless friend-zone. If there was one common element that all "just friends" males have exhibited, it is that at some point, and usually in an ongoing fashion, these men make their female friends feel like they have to mother these guys. These nice guys, can be good friends (very giving friends at that), but they do not engender feelings that would make her want to be his lover, because he makes her feel like his mother. He likely tells her his problems, seeking the validation of her approval, and wants her to make the first move. All these behaviors force her into a mothering role in his life and that kills any potential of sexual attraction. Men that are a challenge, to the point of being jerks at times, address women's emotional needs indirectly, which is why many women can not help but love those -bad boys-. Despite all the negatives that can be attributed to bad boys, the one thing that makes many bad boys so gosh darn appealing to women is the fact that bad boys do not tolerate any mothering behaviors from the women who love them. Bad boys will not ask their lovers for -mothering- advice; bad boys will do what they want to do without needing approval. Bad boys don't like listening to a woman's helpful suggestions, as they act out to stop her "nagging". In fact, the most notorious player type bad boys reject and even chastise their lovers for trying to do things for them (like cleaning the house or doing their laundry) because those bad boys interpret those actions as her trying to evolve some sort of control over him (she gets to check up on his stuff to see what he has been up to). Men who refuse to be controlled by the actions of women, even if those actions were meant as a form of courtesy and not control, constantly challenge her mothering instinct and thus she can not help but find him sexually appealing. Long-term couples experience this issue but in a different way. At the beginning of the relationship, a man addresses a woman's emotional needs and she feels like being his lover. However, over the course of their long term relationship, they settle into a comfortable routine, where she finds herself becoming more and more of his mother, and feels less and less like his lover. Men tend to be oblivious to this effect, because part of the emotional needs of men is to identify femininity as women being courtesy. When courtesy is taken too far however, it becomes mothering. A man will not even realize this until a woman expresses how unhappy or resentful she has become in the relationship. I am suggesting a message to all people that have women partners, especially to those relationships that have children where the woman spends most of her entire time being "mom" or "step mom". Make sure that you remind your lady that she is more than just her children's mother. She is also your lover. Make her feel like your lover by making sure that at least for one day, she does not feel like her partner's mother too. Learn The Emotional Needs Mastery System The Secret Of Seduction is that it Happens in the Future
By Frank Kermit The future is where actual seduction takes place. That is the key and secret to seduction. It has very little to do with turning someone on when you see them. If you happen to run into someone that is already attracted to you for the way you look, the way you carry yourself, or your presumed status in that environment, that is not seduction. That is getting lucky. That person already liked you, and all you have to do is not screw it up by acting creepy, obnoxious or socially awkward. In fact, if someone already likes you enough just because of such factors, you end up getting a higher margin for errors in case you do act in an unattractive way. In those cases, you get the connection, not because of your unattractive qualities, but in spite of them. The principle behind the secret of seduction happening in the future is that if you can get the other person to create a future with you in their minds, you have begun the process of seducing that person. For example, when talking about your future hopes, dreams and goals it is seductive to also include the fact that you want someone to share that future with, and demonstrate the role that the person you are talking to (or a hypothetical someone else) could fill in your life. The more you can elaborate describing where someone can fit into your life, the more that person will build a future with you in their minds. That builds up attachment and attraction. The premise behind this is that although our conscious minds can differentiate between reality and fantasy, our subconscious mind does not. According to the subconscious mind your fantasy is as real as the reality of the situation, and your emotions react to your fantasies as if they were real. That is why, each time you remember something (whether a good experience or a bad one) you may also relive the emotions of it, and carry those emotions into your present day life. That is why one of the ways to get over someone is to break the pattern of imagining what your life would have been like if you had stayed together. Get it? This is not some kind of manipulative tactic. It is a way human beings process information and emotionally react to it. In fact, most of us do it to ourselves all the time. If you have ever fallen for someone that you did not even date yet, it is because of this principle. People seduce themselves. We get ourselves attached to careers we never tried, vacations we never had, and people we have never dated just because we spend so much time fantasying about what it is going to be like in the future, that we get confused between the fantasy future we build, and the reality that we have not even had the job interview, traveled to the location nor had the first date. This is why when you are interested in someone; the longer you wait to make a first move, the worse it is. If you spend your time day dreaming about dating someone instead of making your move, the fictional future you are creating will actually make being a real relationship with that person even more difficult. You will not only be distracted from getting to know that person, you will also have to battle your own unrealistic expectations that could cloud your objectivity. The reality of dating will never live up to the fantasy of dating, and you could end up disappointed and break away from an actual emotionally healthy love because you were too caught up in forcing that person to live up to the mold you created in your head. Now, can you imagine what it would be like to talk to this person, find common traits with this person, share personal experiences with this person, and have this person be an important part of your life even though you do not really know this person? If you can, I will see you in the future. Purchase the 10th Anniversary Edition of the Autobiography: FROM LOSER TO SEDUCER- THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF FRANK KERMIT Purchase the Audio Book based on the original edition of the Autobiography: AUDIO-BOOK FROM LOSER TO SEDUCER- THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF FRANK KERMIT Purchase the Audio Book on The Ethics of Seduction: HOW TO BE THE ETHICAL SEDUCER Purchase the Audio Book on how to decorate your Bachelor Pad (and see the awesome video presentation on that page!) PIMPING YOUR PAD This is a contributed post. Tarzan and Jane. Jack and Rose. Aragorn and Arwen. Nearly every famous and successful movie features a dreamy romantic couple who, despite the many barriers in their way, do everything they can to be together. Both men and women alike tend to fall easily for this stories, and can get quite caught up in them. But is it ever okay to use a relationship we see in a movie as the basis for our own? If you've ever watched a film, or even read a book that has a strong romantic plot, you may have found yourself lusting after one of the characters in said plot, or day dreaming about having a real life relationship reminiscent of the one in the story. While a little bit of harmless fantasy never caused anyone much trouble, you have to be aware of the dangers over-doing it can bring about. Movie relationships are often unattainable Many of the relationships we see being portrayed in films and in books are a caricature of real life - not real life itself. The characters in movies are usually placed in scenarios that rarely affect any of us in real life, such as being aboard a sinking cruise ship or living in a tropical rain forest! Therefore their actions are a reflection of the scenarios they find themselves in. Often, there is some kind of issue that gets in the way of them being together that they have to dramatically try to overcome. Real relationships are usually a lot more straightforward than this. You might consider that to be boring, but ask yourself if you genuinely could cope with the amount of drama you see in movie relationships. Paired with your other social responsibilities and a full time job, the prospect doesn't actually seem all that appealing! You lose sight of your current partner Many of us have harmless crushes on celebrities, or characters from books or films. But being so wrapped up in the idea of this character can potentially be destructive towards your real relationship. It means that your actual partner or spouse struggles to live up to the character you are coveting - because part of the beauty of the character is that they can do whatever you want them to in your imagination. This can make your real relationship seem dull in comparison. The number one thing to do is to work out how to bring excitement back to your real relationship, and to get some perspective on things with a service like Symmetry Counseling. You can go for the wrong kind of partner
Many relationships in movies revolve around a damaged man or woman that the romantic interest must then try and 'save' - just look at Harley Quinn and the Joker from the recent Suicide Squad movie. While this is all fun and games on screen, in real life, this kind of relationship can actually be very stressful - plus, there's no guarantee it will actually work out (unlike a film where the ending is already written). Real love is about comfort and support, not danger and suspense - so play your cards wisely! The 5 Extreme Effects of Valentine’s Day
By Frank Kermit Sometimes people will use Valentine’s Day as a catalyst for something significant. Some of those significant undertakings can be life changing, while others just re-confirm what human beings tend to forget or take for granted. Here are some examples of the extreme effects that Valentine’s Day can have on people, and the actions they are motivated to take. The Confessional: Valentine’s Day is notorious for people confessing their undying love to someone that has thus far been just a friend. At times it is a long drawn out secret-admirer type of communication with the admirer being revealed on Valentine’s Day. The problem with this method is that the anticipation of discovering whom it is overshadows the reality of who the admirer actually is. The build up is so high, that even a great date candidate might still not live up to fantasy built up in someone’s mind, and makes the climax of the secret revealed be a let down. Other times, it is a person who has been planning and rehearing a “You Mean The World To Me” speech. The intention is good but I strongly discourage such execution. This only works if the other person already likes you. There are a few people who would welcome this level of attention and reward it with a date to see where things go. However, most people do not react well from the extra pressure, and it can be a bit intimidating to get to know someone romantically that already has very strong feelings. More often than not (at least what I have seen in my coaching practice over the years), rejection is usually the response. Ask the person out for a date on Valentine’s Day if you wish, but confessing an undying love to someone that may not feel it is deserved or merited is more likely to scare the person off. The Break Up: Valentine’s Day is a day of reflection, and sometimes that means that people who reflect on the relationship they are in, or reflect on the person they are dating, and come to the conclusion that they should no longer be together. As great as Valentine’s Day can be touted as celebrating love between two people, it is just as equally destructive in ending dating and relationships. Getting dumped on Valentine’s Day is a real occurrence, precisely because it calls attention to elements between the two people, that people might sometimes ignore, or tolerate. When a person discovers they really wouldn’t mind not spending Valentine’s Day together, that realization can turn into the rational that they wouldn’t mind not spending ANY future time together. The Reminder: Sometimes Valentine’s Day does exactly what most people hope it will do. It is a reminder for each couple to focus on the reasons that they are happy that they are together. Instead of focusing on the day-to-day routine things that may annoy you about your partner, Valentine’s Day is a reminder for couples to take time out, recognize what it was about your partner that drew you in to begin with, and to show some attention, appreciation and love to your partner, in ways that makes your partner feel loved, special and respected. When appropriately done, Valentine’s Day can be exactly what saves a couple from a break up, and can be a reboot for the couple to get back to where they were on their path together, before the rest of life distracted them from what was really important in a relationship. In a time when the divorce rate is about 40-50%, I would suggest that anything, like Valentine’s Day that can get a couple back on track is an nice extreme effect. The Proposal: Ding-dong! Ding-dong! Wedding bells are ringing! There is nothing wrong with proposing on Valentine’s Day. In fact, in 2013, the American Express Spending and Saving Tracker consumer report surveyed Americans’ Valentine’s Day plans, and found that six million couples are likely to get engaged on Feb 14th making it a very popular day for proposals. However there is a difference between a surprise proposal and a marriage proposal that a couple knows is eventually coming. If you and your partner have spoken at length about a future together, and you both acknowledge that a proposal is coming, but just don’t exactly know when, it is a pretty safe bet that once the proposal happens, the person asking is going to get a resounding “YES”! If you know for certain, you are going to get a yes, then by all means, do propose. However, if you are going to use Valentine’s Day as your day to surprise your partner with a proposal that the two of you have not previously seriously discussed, then you are HOPING for a yes. That is not a time to propose. A proposal needs to be an expected surprise, not a “What the heck are you doing to me?” surprise. The Last Straw: When Valentine’s Day pushes people to utter the words, “Never Again!” is when Valentine’s Day initiates the last straw. It is what I tend to see in my coaching. Someone has the worst Valentine’s Day they ever had, and decides it is time for a change. Perhaps they just got dumped, suffered a third divorce, ended up alone for V-day for the 5th year in a row, or even proposed and got rejected. A very painful Valentine’s Day can be the breaking point that some people reach, in order to step up and take the steps necessary to begin the hard work that comes with changing. The last straw is when a person reaches a point where the pain of staying the way they are is less than the pain involved in changing their ways. It is when you realize that the common element in every problem in your love life is you, and it is time to fix you. It is a shame that as human beings we sometimes need to be slapped by life in order to be motivated to make changes in the way we do things. But reaching that extreme point can be one of the effects of the worst Valentine’s Day of your life. Check Out The Benefits of Frank Coaching and Sign Up. The 10 Do’s and Don’ts of Valentine’s Day
By Frank Kermit Whether you are totally single, sort-of-dating someone, or in a serious committed relationship, there are some Do’s and Don’ts that everyone can observe to make Valentine’s Day a better experience for all. The Top 10 Ten Do’s: 1-Do tell your partner what you want If there is something that you want to happen on Valentine’s Day, then Do tell your partner what it is. Forget about dropping hints or hoping they will surprise you with exactly what you were thinking of. If you have something specific in mind, say so. 2-Do show appreciation and be grateful If your partner does something big, or does something not as big as you may have thought, be sure to show appreciation for any efforts that anyone tries in order to make your Valentine’s special. 3- Do something for your partner It is a good idea to do something for your partner on Valentine’s. It does not have to be extravagant. In an ideal world, couples would not need to rely on a holiday to be reminded to show some love to one another; couples should be doing it regularly. However, if you are going to show some love eventually, you may as well on Valentine’s. 4- Do give someone a chance that asks you out If you are single and someone takes a chance on Valentine’s to ask you out on a date, give that person a chance and say yes to one date. Even if that person is not your type. That person was thinking about you on Valentine’s when no one else was, and that alone is reason enough to earn just one date. 5- Do make it a special day if you feel it is right If it is your first Valentine’s together, you may feel that it is right to make a big deal of it and that is OK as long as you both agree. For example, both of you taking the day off of work to spend it together might be something fun and adventurous. 6-Do make the effort to give your partner what your partner asks for If your partner asks for a card, give your partner a card. If your partner asks for you to read from a book of love-poetry, then give your partner what is asked of you. Giving what you want makes you happy, but giving someone what they want makes your partner happy. 7-Do try something new Valentine’s can be adventurous if you make the most of the holiday by trying something new with your partner that you have never tried before. It could be a new restaurant, or checking out a new movie that neither of you have seen. Be open to trying something new that you know your partner really enjoys. 8-Do Respect your Partner’s Boundaries It is easy to get caught up in our own ideas of what would be great to do on Valentine’s, but it is important that you respect any and all of your partner’s boundaries. If your partner is not comfortable doing something, it needs to be off the list of possibilities for the two of you. 9-Do Go OUT if you are alone on Valentine’s If you are alone on Valentine’s Day, go outside, or to an event. It is a great time to meet new people that are also single on Valentine’s Day who may be in the same situation you are. Staying at home to avoid people, will only keep you alone. 10-Do be happy for people that enjoy celebrating Valentine’s If you know people that are excited about celebrating Valentine’s, be happy for them. Just because it may not be your thing, does not mean you should ruin it for anyone else. The Top 10 Don’ts 1-Do NOT Confess your undying love for your best friend This only works if your friend already likes you back, or if your friend is open minded enough to give you a chance. Otherwise, all this does is put way too much pressure on your friend, and might creep out the person you are trying to win over. It is best to invite that person out on a date, rather than confess long drawn out feelings. 2-Do NOT try to make your partner feel guilty Just because it is Valentine’s Day and you want something specific to happen, do not try to guilt your partner into doing something your partner is not really interested in doing. There is no saying: “If you really love me you will.” In fact, if you really love your partner, you would let it go, and not try to guilt the person. 3-Do NOT break up with someone just because it is Valentine’s Valentine’s day is a day of reflection for many people, and lots of people break up with their partners on V-day. If you are planning to break up with someone, do it BEFORE Valentine’s day to give you both a chance to meet someone new. Do NOT break up ON Valentine’s Day. 4-Do NOT ignore Valentine’s Day It does happen when you may not be able to celebrate Valentine’s Day with someone you like. If you and your partner end up missing each other on the actual date (work schedules, travel, etc…) be sure to celebrate the sentiment of the day on another day before or after the fact. It is one thing to ignore the specific date; it is another thing to ignore your partner’s needs 5-Do NOT limit yourself to celebrating Valentine’s for only romantic connections Although Valentine’s day is USUALLY associated with romantic love, be sure to also think about those people who are important to you that you love, in non-romantic ways, and to remind those people that they are important to you. (For example, buying flowers for your mother is perfectly acceptable on Valentine’s Day). 6- Do NOT go above the agreed upon budget As sweet as it might be to overspend on your sweetie, this could backfire in lots of ways. First, it may create resentment or feelings of unease for the person who spent less because of the pressure to make up the difference in other ways. Not a good place to be emotionally. Second, it sets a bad precedent for next year if you are still together. 7- Do Not Act Bitter If you are Bitter about how your love life is going, acting bitter about it on Valentine’s is NOT going to solve the problem. If you are unhappy, have a look at the choices you have made that landed you in the situation you are in. Then consider your options and make better choices so that you can plan for a better Valentine’s next year. 8- Do NOT Bash what you hate about dating and relationships Some people like to list everything they hate about dating and relationships to feel better about being single. There are some positive and negatives in all things, in all situations. Even if there are some trade offs in dating and relationships, that does not make being single “better”. They are just different. If you are happy being single, then focus on what is positive about being single, not what you think is negative about not dating and relationships. See the difference? 9- Do NOT get caught up in the marketing How you celebrate Valentine’s is between you and your partner, and neither of you needs to feel that you have to keep up with anyone else you know. If the two of you feel fine to spend it quietly and inexpensively, that is OK. If you both want to go all out, that is OK too. Just do it because you want to do it, not because you feel pressured to keep up with the marketing. 10. Do NOT have unreasonable expectations Unreasonable expectations of you, of your partner, and of what Valentine’s can be for you as a couple is the kiss of death to some relationships. Valentine’s day will do no more and no less than what you are both capable of as a couple. Do not assume that amazing things will happen JUST because it is Valentine’s Day, especially if you haven’t taken any actions ahead of time to ensure that something special happens. Check out Frank's Ebooks: 25 RULES FOR EVERYONE- HOW TO ACT ON A FIRST DATE and 101 GREAT FIRST DATES - WHAT TO SAY A Message From Leonard Irwin
Hello My name is Leonard Irwin. I am a State Of Mind Specialist and a Spiritual Medium. On the Spiritual Medium side of my business. I connect with spirit to convey messages of hope love and forgiveness. This gives people closure from past hurt and pain that holds them in a grip of agony. Before working with me in the capacity of a Spiritual Medium some people have years of pain. Mainly around things left unsaid. In my role as a medium I get to help people find the healing they so desperately want and release many negative feelings emotions and memories. This allows former clients to more forward and either begin and travel further along the healing process. As a State of Mind Specialist it is my role to point people towards an understanding of how the human mind really works. I simply remind them of the innate healthy, security clarity, resilience that lies always within them. They get pointed towards the way life really happens to all of us. From the inside out. With this understanding people start to turn themselves around very quickly. They see results happen in different areas of their lives faster than before learning about this understanding. Finally, my role as a husband son brother uncle neighbor, friend and human being are my greatest enjoyments. I get to use my abilities to really see how blessed I am having these different roles to step into at any time and assist people to whatever capacity the require in the moment. I am available to travel for medium-ship events and give talks on the inside-out nature of life. Both help me to grow and bring healing and help to our world. Check Out Leonard previous article on As A Medium And A Human Being Visit Leonard at www.LeonardIrwin.com The Story Behind The Tale of Bunny The Frog By M. J. Di Rocco Everything is white. The screeching noise envelops me in its cocoon of chaos. Pain. Noise. Chaos. My legs are convulsing uncontrollably. Shock. Faces come into focus through the veil of white. Through the noise I hear voices. I don't understand. What's happened? I don't understand. "This is ambulance," one voice says, finally something I understand. "Ambulance. We go hospital." Everything is still white. I still feel nothing except the convulsing of my legs. "Calm down," I keep repeating to myself. Calm down. I will my legs to stop, they don't. I'm moving now, they're carrying me. The white light is mixed with other colours, more voices. One saying something I recognize. "You're at the hospital. You have been in an accident. Do you remember?" I mutter something inaudible about my legs and how they won't stop. I am given a needle, I fall asleep. Blissful and quiet sleep. Waking up in the friendly confines of a Japanese hospital it all came back to me. I was hit by a car while cycling. My shoulder was dislocated and broken in several places, requiring surgery and, my lifelong souvenir from Japan, a titanium plate bolted to my left shoulder. When one is confined to the hospital and heavily medicated on painkillers one's brain seems to work on overtime. Once I was done annoying the young nurses with my lousy flirtations I began seriously think of my future. Of my son. Of my students. As a father and as a teacher for all the good I want to instill in kids, I always feel the world is stronger than me. Once upon a time, in my young, ambitious days, I was a filmmaker. I was bent on winning an Oscar and changing the medium of cinema forever. I was young, ambitious and stupid. I didn't necessarily make bad films, but my films didn't resonate the way I hoped they would because I made them for all the wrong reasons. I gave it a lot of thought while in the hospital. I got reacquainted with my soul. Certainly as we age, we come to terms with our mortality. We start to wonder what we've done and what's left for us to do. Was this me? A kindergarten teacher knocking on 40, with a couple of films nobody has seen to his name? Wow. What the hell happened? Life happened. Nothing bad, but not as I'd planned. Not even close. Then again, for whom does life happen exactly as planned? Taking a deeper look, life has not been bad to me. It's been a fun, unexpected adventure and it's not over yet. There is still so much for me to do, but now I know why I do things (I'm a little less stupid, you see) I do things for my son, for my students, for others. The only way my work and life have meaning is if I do it with the intention of helping others. I'd been toying with the idea of a children's book for some time. Being a kindergarten teacher I read a lot of books to kids. So many times, while reading books, I began to wonder what the heck the stories were about and thought to myself some of these books make no sense. I knew I could do better. Stories are an effective teaching tool when it comes to children. And I think a writer has a responsibility to the world's youngest minds. I knew the basic message I wanted to communicate, but really it caught fire after my accident. I felt an urgency to do better, to be better. Fast-forward two years: The book is finally published and available globally. Not without a long quest to find the perfect artist to illustrate. My vision for this book was very specific and I feel it's been achieved. Purchase This Book through: Amazon Canada A tiny story, about a frog that tries to make himself look like a rabbit so he will be accepted by his new friends, has traveled a long road to publication. But it's a message that I feel is important to communicate to our youngest minds. Accept others; accept yourself, simple but sometimes difficult. I chose to write a book because some of the most precious and effective time I spend with children is through stories. Spend any given amount of time reading with a child and you'll discover how ready they are willing and to communicate after they've absorbed a good story. Children learn quickly and when you least expect it, stories are a big part of that. I'm knocking on 40 years of life. I had planned to win several Oscars by now. How I ended up as a kindergarten teacher in Japan is irrelevant because it's what I am. It's who I am. My stories will never change the history of cinema. But my little story about the frog who wants to be a bunny did make my son smile, it made my students smile, it made children I've never met smile. It made them think, it made them feel, it made them learn. And I'd like to think that it made the world a teeny-tiny but better. For that I am grateful. I am blessed that I could share a moment with families. I'm grateful and blessed because I realized that life isn't about what I want, it's about how I can help others. The future, this planet, they belong to our children and we have an immense responsibility to them. They are the ones who will make the world a better place. Our kids don't care about how many likes we get on Facebook, how many followers we have on Instagram, how many calories we eat per day or who we voted for. Our kids care about us, simply being with us. They need us. And the world needs them. Read to them, share stories with them and watch as they grow to be spectacular. After all, the only meaningful thing we can leave behind is beautiful memories. MJ Di Rocco is an author and filmmaker. He has produced and directed three feature films and a dozen music videos and has previously published one book of poetry. He lives in Japan where he stumbled upon teaching and has chosen to teach kindergarten and lecture at university. The Tale of Bunny The Frog is his first children's book and is a story about self-acceptance and accepting others. He can be reached at mjdirocco1@gmail.com Click To Buy The Tale of Bunny The Frog M. J. Di Rocco wrote the introduction to The Frank StoryTelling Program For Dating Workbook |
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