Blog of Frank Kermit of Frank Talks

Helping a Depressed Spouse

7/23/2024

Before we dive into this article on how to help a depressed spouse, I want to reach out and say that you have as much support out there for you as a partner of a depressed spouse as well.It is not easy to be a caregiver even if you're not full time caring for a partner. And you may be working full time and they may even be working full time, but being in a position where you are supporting somebody with depression is hard and that should be acknowledged.

As the partner, you'll want to do what you can to help the person that you love, and that's both admirable and part of the unwritten rule of a relationship. When one of you needs to fall, the other one catches and holds them up until they can stand again. Unfortunately, with depression, that's much harder to do because the person falling generally tends to stay there. As depression isn't something that is easy to manage for them, it's also not going to be easy to manage for you. But we've put together a list of things that you can do to help to support your depressed spouse.

Speak To Your Partner From A Place Of Love Not Judgement

Pay attention to behavioral changes.

As you may already know, depression is quite the rollercoaster. There are ups and there are downs, and the downs can be terrifying. If you're noticing the behavioral changes, you'll be more alert to the signs and symptoms of the depression getting worse or moving into a harder stage.If you don't accept your partner's not taking their medication, that can be particularly difficult. But sometimes partners on medication for depression don't just feel like the depression is gone, but that all their feelings are gone, that their libido is gone, that their ability to hold an erection or to or to want to have sex is gone. ED pills can help, but it doesn't help their ego. Paying attention to any changes that are occurring is going to help you to know what the triggers are and whether or not they are slumping back into a phase again.
Start the conversation.

If you notice things start to slip, then you need to open the discussion about your concerns and what you've noticed. Unfortunately, with depression, the person who's suffering with it is likely going to take that on as theirs and blame themselves. And that's going to make you want to apologize for how you feel and box it back in. But you shouldn't. You need to speak out of love rather than in a harsh and critical or judgmental tone, and you need to make sure that you are not engendering defensiveness. If you notice depression symptoms of scaling up, take yourself for some counseling as well so that you have support.
Empathize.

This can be very difficult if you're with somebody for a long time and they suffer from depression. Empathy is hard because at some stage you feel like this should be better now.It's unfortunate to hear that society has stigmatized mental health so much that your partner may not want to seek any help. But your empathy is going to make a big difference. Many who struggle with depression will often feel ashamed of their depression or embarrassed about it or guilty for it, so making sure that you are there to listen and support can help.
Acknowledge how they're feeling for you.

The things that they're upset about, all the things that help them spiral into depression, won't feel like they matter very much. But that's not the case for somebody with depression. For them, it's the worst thing in the world, and acknowledging their perspective is going to help them to feel like you actually do support them. If they deny that there is a problem or blame it on something like stress at work, or rationalize it because of circumstances, be patient, but be persistent in expressing your concern out of your love.
You cannot fix it.

One of the best ways to help a depressed spouse is to realize that you are not going to fix their depression. Do you know why? Because depression cannot be fixed. There is no simple fix for depression because healing is a process and even then the depression stays forever. You can love and support them, you can seek to understand them, but it's not your issue to fix. Ultimately, they have to want to get better and they have to do the work, and that means medication and therapy and finding the right balance. If they're not willing to do that work, that's when you'll have a moral question to ask yourself.

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How to Stay Fully Present on Your Wedding Day

7/23/2024

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Needless to say, your wedding day is meant to be special, one of the greatest days of your life. At the same time, though, your wedding day is a whirlwind of emotions, events, and excitement. It’s easy to get caught up in the chaos and miss out on the small, meaningful moments. Just so much is happening, and it’s all going to fly by! So, that’s why staying mentally present on your big day ensures you soak in every precious second. But how can you do this? Where do you even start? Well, here’s how to keep your head in the moment and truly enjoy your wedding day.

Enjoy The Special Moments Of Your Wedding Day

Start Your Day with Intention

So, you’ll need to begin your wedding day with a clear and calm mind. Take a few moments in the morning for yourself. Whether it's meditating, journaling, or simply taking a few deep breaths, set an intention for the day. But overall, you need to just remind yourself of the love and joy that brought you to this moment. It’s really going to help if you just start your day with a clear intention, which helps you stay grounded and focused on what truly matters.

Delegate and Trust Your Team

You’ve spent months, maybe even years, planning this day. Now, it’s time to trust in that planning. You need to enjoy this day; you can’t do everything on your own. So, that’s why you need to delegate responsibilities to your wedding party, family, and vendors.

It’s best to just surround yourself with people you trust and let them handle the logistics. But overall, knowing that everything is taken care of allows you to relax and be present. So, just trust that your team has everything under control so you can focus on enjoying your day.

Try and Keep a Close Circle

This might sound a little weird, but there’s a lot of truth to this. So, you need to spend your wedding morning with a small group of people who bring you calm and happiness. For most, it’s their bridesmaids and groomsmen.

These are the people who will keep you grounded and remind you to savor each moment. Their presence can help you stay relaxed and centered. Whether it's your closest friends or family, having a supportive and loving circle around you sets a positive tone for the day.

Take It One Moment at a Time

Hands down, you have to keep this in mind: your wedding day is a series of beautiful moments. They’re so beautiful that the best way to truly let these little candid moments shine would have to be through documentary style wedding photography. Basically, only a good photographer can shoot these special moments, but only you can truly enjoy these special moments- it’s your day.

So, you need to try to experience each one fully. Seriously, you don’t want to rush from one thing to the next- this is a massive mistake that couples keep making. You don’t want to look back on this day and barely remember anything!

Steal a Few Private Moments

Your wedding day is about you and your partner, but most couples don’t even get to interact that much! So, amidst the festivities, find time to steal away together. These intimate moments can be some of the most memorable parts of your day.

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