Ex-Lovers and Wedding Guest List
by Frank Kermit
During my couples coaching sessions,
one of the topics of discussion that tends to come up
is the wedding list of guests.
One of the questions I ask is:
Have either one of you had an intimate relationship with any guests,
that your partner (the one who is marrying you)
does not know about?
I think the majority of couples would be surprised by just
how often it turns out that some of the wedding guests
turn out to be secret past lovers of either member of the couple
getting married, that the other partner did not know.
What turns out to be worse, is when that secret lover,
actually made it to the actual wedding party
(either a bridesmaid, or an usher/groomsman)
Sometimes, having someone who has a sexual past
with a wedding partner attend your wedding as a guest
can be taken as an insult to the other wedding partner.
Usually, the invitation of a past lover
to a wedding can be handled,
but it is the secretive nature of the information
that causes the bigger issue.
The other partner starts to wonder
what other information has not been volunteered
that will continued to be "hidden" until the correct
direction question is asked.
That is no way to start a wedding guest list.
As a general rule, ex-lovers and weddings do not mix.
And in the event one of your secret ex-lovers
has been invited to your wedding
make sure you TELL YOUR PARTNER
The worst thing that can happen,
is that the information is reveal
at the wedding, when everyone is celebrating
and secrets come out unintentionally.
It is a time people become emotionally,
and sometimes intoxicated,
which always spells trouble for secret-keeping.
I have seen this happen from direct experience
and those of my client base.
Plan for your wedding to be spectacular, not a spectacle.