5 Tips For A First Date
By Frank Kermit
First dates can be the beginning of a new wonderful relationship. First dates can also be a way to end things before they ever get started, depending on how you conduct yourself. Here are some tips to observe if you would like your first date to be the first of many with the same person.
1-Do not share areas of your past that are not relevant to your first date experience. Your history of abuse, dark family secrets, or your recent near death experiences is not fodder for first dates. Those topics are best reserved for when the person you are seeing has earned a certain level of your trust. It is a red flag when people share too much detail before a deeper level of sharing has been reached.
Do not turn your first date into a therapy session. If you are looking for a sounding board to talk about your problems too, contact me as that is my job, and I do it well.
2-Do share your absolutes that affect your day-to-day lifestyle. An absolute is a particular boundary, limitation, or issue that you have that will affect your date. If possible, try to share your absolute before the actual date if you believe it would affect his or her decision to go out with you.
For example, telling someone that you are a recovering alcoholic and that dating you means there will never be an outing that would involve alcohol (no going out to bars on dates) is a very honorable thing to let him or her know. It is also a good weeding out process, as if someone runs from you, it means they would not be able to handle it down the road. If someone sticks around for the first date, or second date after they know the truth, you know that you may have found a keeper.
3-Do not let your hopes cloud your judgment. It is very normal and human of you to hope that your next date might be with that one special person to build a future with.
However, hope can turn into unreasonable expectations and cause you to get into a relationship with the wrong person. Take the person as-is, and not what you hope that person will change into just to avoid the pain of your hopes being trashed when your date does not meet up with your dream
4-Give your date the same kind of chance you would want someone to give you. It is very possible that your first impression of someone may not be a great one, and that you are not totally attracted to someone at first. Give that person a chance to sweep you off your feet. Feelings of attraction can develop over time, especially when you open to giving it a chance.
5-Keep in mind that commitment must be earned. Chances are the person you are dating is likely seeing other people. One date, no matter how far you may end up going, does not equal any sort of commitment. Pretending it does can lead to heartache and hurt feelings.
Unless you both make some kind of public declaration that you are seeing each other exclusively, it is best to assume that you are both seeing other people.
FRANK KERMIT MA
EXPERT RELATIONSHIP COACH
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