Still loves ex...

Dear Frank,

About a year in a half ago I started dating a co worker. It ended because he went back to his ex. I was heart broken but eventually moved on myself, with his roommate/best friend. I don't know exactly how it happneded. But now we are engaged and getting married in December. I still have doubts and I think I still have feelings for my ex. What should I do??

-Torn Between Two


Dear Torn,

Show your fiance this email, and if he does not break up with you, then you must end the engagement.

-Frank

Frank on Radio TODAY Sun July 25th!

I am going to be on The Art of Love Radio Show

This will be my 2nd appearance on the show. Apparently I am one of only 2 people to ever be on this show twice.


The Show will air 3pm PT/6pm EST on Sunday July 25th, 2010.



The Art of Love show will be heard live at

http://www.latalkradio.com

Sunday July 25, 2010

at 3pm PT/6pm ET. You can hear the show by clicking on:"Click to Listen Live"


Topic: The Emotional Needs of Women, and book The Emotional Needs Analysis Workbook vol 1.



The show is hosted by Lucia.
Lucia is a dating/relationship expert specializing in Cougar relationships. She hosts “The Art of Love” on L.A. Talk Radio, is the author of “Lucia's Lessons of Love”, a keynote speaker and syndicated columnist. She hosted “The Art of Love” TV show for 3 years in Los Angeles.
She has been on over 100 national and international radio and TV Shows as an expert, including , “The CBS Early Show”, “60 Minutes Australia”, “The Tyra Banks Show”, "E! Entertainment", "The KTLA Morning Show", "Fox 5 News", “Playboy Radio" and “Cosmo Radio”. and most famously for “Dr. Phil”
She is the Cougar Expert on Videojug.com and was Miss UrbanCougar December 2005. She taught the worlds’ first Cougar class for The Learning Annex in 2007 titled, "How To Date Younger Men/How To Date Older Women".


-Frank

Does Love at First Sight Exist?

Does Love at First Sight Exist?
by Frank Kermit

People seem to think so.

I am not so convinced.

I beleive people feel SOMETHING they call love at first site, and that SOMETHING can have love grow from it...but I highly doubt in love at first site.

LUST at first site however, I do beleive in. And I think THAT is what people are actually experiencing.

Here is why....

At first sight, there is nothing about the other person that you could know that would address emotional needs other than those that are based on visual intake.

for women, this falls under Emotional Need # 9, High Quality Sperm
for men, this falls under Emotional Need # 10, Femininity

This is strictly LUST, what a person finds visually appealing, and desirous of.

But what makes it seem like LOVE?

I have been thinking about this for quite some time.

I think the idea of Love at first sight, instead of Lust at first sight, is a Romantic Notion.

One of the key factors of Romance is Escapism (part of my Frank Romance Formula, program to come one day)

Escapism in this context refers to seeking something not of reality, but in fantasy.

So what fantasy/escapism is going on, and what emotional needs does that entail in men and women?

Here is my theory:

In men, the other emotional need that is at play in Love At First Sight is Emotional Need # 8: Sex
In Love at First Sight, he has only her appearance to go on, that is his EN # 10, femininity
So for it to be more than just a physical attraction, he needs to input more of his own wanting and project them on to her.
At this point, he confuses his desire to get the sex he wants, and projects them on to her as the woman that can give him the sex that he responds to, based on his interpretation of what she looks like.


In women, the other emotion need that is at play in Love at First Sight is Emotional Need # 2: Emotional Range-Drama
In love at First Sight, she has only his appearance to go on, that is her EN # 9, High Quality Sperm
So for it to be more than just a physical attraction, she needs to input more of his own wanting and project them on to him.
At this point, she confuses her desire to get the emotional range she wants, and projects them on to him as the man that can give her the drama that he responds, based on her interpretation of what he looks like.


For an honorable mention, for women, emotional need # 3, Cater tot he Little Girl in Her could also be addressed by the Romantic Notion of Love at First Sight. It is closely linked to Emotional Need # 2. However, this may have more to do with how women are raised, especially in countries where little girls are raised on Happy Ever After fairy tales.

However, in cases where intense child fueling fantasies do not exist, there can still be a belief in Love at First Sight, and in those cases, Women's emotional Need # 3 would less influential than Emotional Need # 2.

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From Lust to Love

Can this happen? Of course. In this context, think of lust as the initial interaction. The push that brings two people together.

Once together, it may turn out that beyond the physical attraction that brought them together, that the couple may in fact have the capacity to address each others primary emotional needs, and as a result love can develop between a couple that started with feelings of lust.

If the couple does not have the capacity to address each others primary emotional needs, an emotional healthy couple will end the relationship

An emotionally unhealthy couple would likely desperately try to continue the relationship, insisting that their fantasy interpretations that they super-imposed on each other were accurate, and resist the reality that they are with the wrong person.

Part of reaching a level of mastery in your own development is to know and feel the difference between Love and Lust.

-Frank

Frank Interviews Lucia, the Cougar Expert

This is for those guys who are into Cougars (older women that date younger men)

To listen to this interview, go to

www.franktalks.com/radio

It is Episode # 1010

Lucia is a Dating and Relationship Expert whose intent is to entertain, educate and enlighten. Known throughout major media as a "Cougar Expert", Lucia defends and coaches older women who are dating and in relationships with younger men. In addition to her Cougar expertise she also produces an internet podcast radio show, writes a weekly column, has authored a book and has appeared regularly on multiple talk shows including The Tyra Banks Show and The Dr. Phil Show.

a review of I'm a Man, That's My Job

This has to be the best inner game book out there. For a long time, I was stuck in the community idea of "it's all inner game" and I sought out many different products to find MY way. None of them were particularly effective. "I'm A Man, That's My Job" is VERY effective because it uses writing exercises that really make you think about who you are and what you want for your own life. Many of the writing exercises are not comfortable either... Part of learning and growing is going through pain. That is what makes this inner game book rise above the rest. It is also presented in Frank's very "frank" writing style. Direct, to the point, without jargon or superfluous material. You get the book, and it is 270+ pages. Lots of material in the community is this length, but it is filled with material that has little value. I believe every page of what Frank writes is there for a reason.

Here is what I learned in "I'm a Man, That's My Job":
-Life must be cherished, taken advantage of, and milked for all its worth (in a positive way) because death is inevitable, and in reality could happen at any second. High value men know what it means to be living.
-High value men know who they are, have their own ideas of how the world works, have their own ideas of how relationships work, and know exactly what they want from the women they interact with.
-The transition from "Loser to Seducer" or "low value to high value" or "boy to man" is one that will significantly change your life, the way you look at the world, the friends you have, and the relationships you experience. Many of the things that you found enjoyment in as a low value male lose their appeal. This is not a bad thing. If you want something (to be respected and valued as a person) you have to accept the changes that come with that.

Only read this book if you're ready to make the jump.

BJones

The community matrix of valuing "hot" chicks

One of the things that most community guys can not grasp is that their attraction mechanism is broken.

This is about what the guys are attracted to, and not about how the guys can or can not attract women.

What most guys find attractive is what they are TOLD to find attractive. Familiarity breads control.

Women who today are considered "ugly" were at one point in history considered highly desirable ("hot" by todays standards).

Rubinesque women (large and fat) were at one time considered what "every man wants" for the time period (Renaissance).

"Twingy" women (thin and petite) were at one time considered what "every man wants" for that time period.

At some point in the last 15 years, a cosmetic company was portraying women that looked like heroin addicts as what "every man wants" for that time period

Now an entire generation of young men raised with full internet porn access have been programmed to find surgically enhanced porn stars what "every man wants" for that time period.

Meanwhile, the girls that the same guy could actually get (girl down the street that is nice, but not a hottie) who is more than willing to fuck for fun, is unable to entice the guy because he can not get an erection...and he blames it on the girl not being hot enough...

when the real issue is HE is the one that is fucked up.

I talk about this in my Adult Male Virgin program. This youtube video is one of my most popular and it talks about exactly this issue:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiK73O63LGA

Every time period has its own reasons to program men as to what to be attracted to...it is a means of CONTROLLING THEM.

The community talks so much about "seeing beyond the matrix" and the community guys do not get that being told that the "hot" women being the best, not taking into consideration the healing power of sex, nor the importance of how a woman treats a man, is....JUST AS MUCH A PART OF THE MATRIX THAT THESE GUYS ARE TRYING TO BREAK AWAY FROM.

If a man takes away all his programming about what he is to find attractive, he will be like an animal...willing to fuck provided it is female he is fucking.

In animal groups where one male will breed with all the females, that male does not pick and chose the females he thinks are "hot". He fucks them all. THAT is being beyond the matrix.

-Frank

How to spot and de-bullshitize manipulative women

Based on a comment of my advice to another person. The comment was:

Damn! This is where Frank excels. Frank can spot and de-bullshitize manipulative women like no other expert I've seen.

This is not a gift from God. It is a skill that can be developed by any man who wants to learn it.

It comes down to two basic principles that I teach in my book, "I'm A Man, That's My Job"

Those principles are

1-It is better to be respected than it is to be liked (Frank Rule of Relationships # 6)

2-The MOST important thing is how a woman treats you (Frank Rule of Relationships # 5)


A man must learn to seek respect more than being liked in life. It removes his approval seeking behaviors that cause him to fear abandonment and act needy. Little known secret...women will glad have sex with a man they do not like, but feel respect for (the boyfriend she hates but keeps going back too). A woman will not have sex with a man that she likes but does not respect as a man (the male best friend).

The two most dangerous emotional needs of men, that men can be manipulated through are #8 his need for sex and #10 his need for femininity. These emotional needs, when not kept in check will make even the most dominant male turn into a submissive around the woman that fuels those needs. This is why how a woman treats a man MUST be the most important detail that he must judge her for his commitment. A man who is blinded by the way a woman looks or how good she fucks, will ALWAYS be taken advantage of by these kinds of women, and allow himself to be emotionally manipulated by damaged women.

I have a lot more to say on those rules of relationships, but this above covers enough to get the point across about what it takes to be able to spot and de-bullshitize manipulative women.

For those of you interested, read the book and write a study review of the rules of relationships.

-Frank